Tears of a Clown

by MB Mulhall

  “It’s cool,” he said again. “We can change the subject.”

  “No. No. It’s okay. I’m just being stupid about it,” she explained. “Ever heard of a group called the Insane Clown Posse?”

  Chaz slowed to a stop at a red light and looked over at her to see if she was being serious. From the look on her face, it was obvious she was.

  “Can’t say that I have.”

  “They’re a hip hop group from back home in Detroit. After my folks separated, I had a lot of anger and depression issues. A friend got me a fake ID and snuck me into a local bar where they were playing. The songs really spoke to me and helped me get through that time in my life.”

  “That’s cool. Not that your folks split or that you were upset, but that you found something to help. I don’t really get the makeup part though. Is it because of their name?”

  “Kind of…fans of the group and the record label are called Juggalos and in the nineties they started going to concerts in full makeup and having yearly fan gatherings and whatnot. A bunch of my friends back home decided they were going to show their fandom by wearing the makeup on a daily basis. I guess I just followed suit one day and it stuck.”

  “So you have friends back home who do it too?” he asked. Darcy took her turn to lapse into silence. “Darcy?”

  “No… not anymore. When we got into high school, they all decided ICP sucked and they weren’t going to be fans anymore. They stopped listening to the music and wearing the makeup because it wasn’t cool.”

  “I see…but it didn’t stop you?”

  “To wear the makeup makes me feel like I’m a part of something, a part of a family again, even if the family is spread out around the world.” Chaz smiled.

  “It feels good to belong,” he said. Darcy nodded her head.

  “It’s up there on the left,” she told him pointing to the gray and blue colonial on the corner, thankful to change the subject.

  Chaz swung into the driveway and put the car in park. Clutching her bag to her chest, she turned slightly to thank him for the ride and found him very close. Surprised, she jerked back, slamming her head into the window.

  “Owwwwww.” She leaned forward and rubbed the back of her head. Chaz frowned and joined in rubbing her head.

  “You’re going to give yourself brain damage if you don’t stop being so skittish,” he teased. He brought his other hand up to the side of her head, so her head was held captive. Tugging her forward gently, he leaned in and gave her a kiss on the top of her head.

  “Better?” he asked, pulling back to look her in the face. Dumbfounded, Darcy nodded. He released her and opened his door to get out. Before Darcy could twist to open her own door, Chaz was there, opening it for her.

  “You should have the white knight title,” she said, not realizing she had spoken aloud until Chaz started laughing.

  “Perhaps, but we’ve all got a bit of a dark side to us, don’t we?” he said giving her a sexy little wink. Darcy felt tongue tied and cotton-mouthed at the implication he was giving. What was with guys in Georgia? Darcy had never had that kind of effect on boys before.

  “Th-thanks for the ride,” she stammered, sure he could see her blush through the thick white face makeup.

  “Anytime,” Chaz said, a seriously sexy look replacing the typical jovial smile she had already gotten used to seeing on him. If her life had been a Harlequin romance novel Darcy would have called the look smoldering, but who smolders in real life?

  For the first time since the move, Darcy began to think maybe being in Georgia was going to be a good thing. Possibly even a great thing.

  Sleep evaded Darcy for most of the evening. If she wasn’t replaying the kissing scene with Judd, she was thinking of Chaz and his swoon inducing gaze. The incident with Judd, she could almost understand. He was a bad boy. He went against the norm. He seemed like the type to have made the rounds, so to speak, with girls in and out of the school.

  Darcy may be different by wearing odd makeup, but she knew she had a decent body and that guys seemed to enjoy her chest. It was another reason to wear the makeup really. It kept most guys from making a pass at her. She figured she could walk the halls stark naked, face painted and 95% of the boys would still ignore her. Judd seemed to be the type that would solve the problem by putting a bag over a girl’s head if the body was hot enough. The question was, did she go along with it for the experience (of which she was sorely lacking) or avoid him all together? Darcy decided to play it by ear.

  When her alarm rang, she had estimated she had gotten four hours of sleep, tops. She threw the offending piece of electronics across her room. Designed for such a thing, the clock rolled and rocked back and forth before coming back to a standing position, like a Japanese Daruma Doll. Stupid thing always got back up. It should be a metaphor by which she lived her life, but really, who does that anymore? She was no Buddhist Monk or whatever.

  Sighing, she rolled out of bed and scratched her head. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she cringed. Darcy didn’t wear her makeup around the house, but she wasn’t a fan of seeing her clean face in the mirror. Her father always said she was beautiful, but Darcy didn’t really see it. It was a face free of acne and other marks, but she felt her nose was too small and her eyes too big, like everything was disproportioned. With makeup she could make her lips bigger, draw attention away from the eyes. It was an art form to her.

  A quiet knock sounded on her door before her dad opened it.

  “Just making sure you were up Darcy.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’m up,” she mumbled. He stood there, leaning against the door jam, his arms crossed over his chest.

  “You look tired.”

  “I am,” she said rummaging through her drawer for something to wear.

  “You didn’t say much about your first day last night. Did it go all right?” She stopped what she was doing to give him the look. He sighed.

  “Have you considered going without the war paint?”

  She slammed the drawer shut, catching her finger. Swearing under her breath, she stuck it in her mouth, as if that would make the pain go away.

  “Do we have to keep having this discussion?”

  “I just want you to be happy,” he said, frowning a little.

  “Then you should have left me in Detroit, away from the Stepford Wife and Barbie wanna be step sister,” she snapped. Darcy watched her father’s face grow stormy.

  “You wanted to stay with your mother? Who couldn’t even be bothered to say goodbye to you? Who brings home a different guy every night? Who would steal your boyfriends if you ever got one? Who thinks money is the key to making everything better? I brought you here so you could have a better life than that Darcy. So you wouldn’t turn out like your mother.”

  “Oh sure, because the guys just flock to me. Don’t you know I had a whole harem back home? The boys go buck wild for the black and white. I would have been the one stealing the guys from Mom soon enough.” She rolled her eyes. “And you’re one to talk about money. The only reason you brought me here was so she had to pay you child support.”

  The slap resonated loudly in the stark bedroom. Darcy, eyes wide, held her hand to her cheek. The pulsing hot pain was the only thing that brought her to the reality that her dad had actually hit her. She stared at him, watching the anger drain from his face and be replaced by horror. He reached a hand out to her and she quickly backed away, bumping into the post of her footboard.

  “I’m sorr-” he started.

  “Get out,” she said in barely a whisper. He took another tentative step toward her.

  “Get out!” He stood for a moment, looking sad, before turning and leaving the room.

  Darcy was fuming. She knew she had pushed him with the crack about money, but she never thought he’d hit her. Her dad was always the calm, laid back one while her mother did the spanking and slapping and grabbing. With his new spineless wife, he must have figured he had to be the one to step up and wear the pants for a
change. Shame he chose the damn tight cranky pants. He should ditch them and go back to the relaxed fit to go with a relaxed attitude.

  She pushed the thoughts out of her head and quickly ducked into the shower. She got ready in record time but lingered in her room so when Mandy honked, she could run right out without having to face her father or anyone else who might be lingering in the kitchen.

  True to form, Mandy laid on the horn long and loud. Darcy grabbed her bag and dashed through the kitchen, ignoring her father and step-mother’s goodbyes. Sliding into the seat, she slammed the door behind her.

  “Dent my door and I’ll dent your head,” Mandy growled, scowling at her step-sister.

  “And risk breaking a nail? I’ll believe it when I see it,” Darcy returned, not bothering to look in Mandy’s direction.

  They drove towards the school in silence. Darcy reached for the radio, but Mandy slapped her hand away.

  “I’m not listening to your shit music this early in the morning.”

  “Silence is so much more appealing,” Darcy said her voice thick with sarcasm.

  “Whatever. What’s in the bag?” Mandy asked. Darcy looked down.

  “Uhh books? Pencils? The kind of stuff one normally puts in a book bag for school.” They stopped at a red light and Mandy looked over, the annoyance clear on her face.

  “Do you play stupid just to piss me off?”

  “Do you ask stupid questions just to annoy me?” Darcy shot back. Mandy glared and jabbed a finger at Darcy’s feet.

  “That bag. What is in it?” Darcy followed the perfectly manicured neon pink nail and spotted a white plastic shopping bag on the floor.

  “OH!” Darcy exclaimed, totally forgetting she had dropped it in the car late last night so she wouldn’t forget it. “Someone let me borrow a sweatshirt while mine was being washed. I cleaned it and put it in here so I wouldn’t forget to return it today.”

  “Who?”

  “Hmm?” Darcy asked already tuning out of the conversation.

  “Who let you borrow their shirt?” Mandy repeated putting an emphasis on every word.

  “Oh, that guy Judd. I don’t know his last name. He’s tall, dark haired, kind of Adonis-lik-”

  “I know who Judd Marshall is. What I don’t get is why he would even give you the time of day.”

  “Got me,” Darcy said, annoyed with the turn of conversation. She wished Mandy would step on the gas so they could get school and separate. Her step-sister looked her over.

  “Hmm. I guess even with the stupid makeup you’ve got a kickin’ body. You could pass for the easy type.” Darcy’s head turned so fast she almost gave herself whiplash.

  “Excuse me?!”

  “Calm down Bozo, it was a compliment,” Mandy said drumming her nails on the steering wheel.

  “Calling me easy is not a compliment.” Darcy fumed.

  “Oh I didn’t mean that part. I meant the part about me saying you have a hot bod.”

  “Stop the car.” Mandy turned to look at her. “I said, Stop.The.Damn.Car.” The blonde slammed on the breaks, not bothering to check if there was a car behind them. Darcy heard the squeal of another car following suit so not to hit them. She grabbed her things, including the bag on the floor, and threw the door open.

  “School is still half a mile away,” Mandy called as Darcy threw everything she had into slamming the door. Her step-sister followed along slowly, giving Darcy a chance to get back in, but Darcy ignored her and kept walking, head straight and eyes front. Finally Mandy gave up and sped away. Darcy gave her the finger.

  “It’s not even nine o’clock and this day is getting better and better,” Darcy muttered. She trudged along, thankful that the heat hadn’t hit stifling yet. Behind her she heard the thumping of bass music. Looking over her shoulder she saw a familiar silver car speeding up the road.

  “Gah why does this guy always catch me at my worst?” She shook her head. Predictably, the car came to a screeching halt when it reached her. The passenger side window slid down to reveal his grinning face.

  “Fancy meeting you here!” She rolled her eyes.

  “Yeah…do I send out a Bat signal when I’m in trouble or something?” Chaz laughed.

  “That would be helpful, but I think it’s just good timing on my part. Hop in,” he offered.

  “What’s the worst that could happen?” Darcy mused, thinking the day was long but couldn’t possibly get any worse. Little did she know she was setting herself for a world of trouble.

  Thanks to Chaz, Darcy made it to school on time. They made pleasant conversation on the way into the building. Once they entered the door, Darcy found herself face to face with a very unhappy looking Liberty.

  “Chaz, can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked, ignoring Darcy’s presence completely. He looked over at Darcy, who shrugged her shoulders.

  “I’ve got to go to my locker anyhow. See you in class Chuck,” she said moving away before he could stop her. With the day she was already having, she figured it best to walk away from the possible volatile situation.

  She liked Chaz, but his constant attention made her nervous, like he was setting her up for some elaborate prank. She imagined him inviting her to the Spring Fling and when she got there, he’d be standing in the middle of the floor, his hot ex-girlfriend draped over his arm, pointing and laughing that she took him seriously. Darcy figured she’d snap and have to go Carrie all over their asses. While that was a somewhat satisfying ending, she didn’t want to go through the embarrassment in the first place.

  Fighting through the crowds, she slowly made her way to her locker. Honey moved faster than she was going. She growled at the loitering students but they just ignored her. When the first bell rang, they parted like the Red Sea and she had no more troubles making it to her locker. Luckily it was a quick trip to drop off Judd’s shirt and some books she wouldn’t need until the afternoon. If she hurried she could still make it to homeroom on time.

  As she walked by the stairwell to the second floor, she heard the sounds of someone whimpering and protesting. It sounded like a female. Darcy’s hackles rose. She may be small of stature and tended to let others poke fun at her instead of fighting back, but she refused to stand by while someone else got bullied. Taking a deep breath, she ducked under the stairs.

  There she found some dumb buff jock that had his back to her while he pinned some girl up against the wall. He had a hand moving up her thigh while he was trying to kiss her. Darcy saw a blonde head twisting back and forth.

  “Not here. Not like this.” The girl was protesting. “I’m going to be late for class!”

  “Please, like anyone’s going to mark you tardy. Just bat those pretty lashes and flash some of that sweet ass and they’ll let you go without even a warning,” said the guy, his voice sounding very familiar to Darcy. She watched small fists pound against the guy’s chest. He was unmoved by her attempts to break free.

  “Hey!” Darcy said loudly deciding it was time to interrupt. Two heads turned towards her: one with eyes wide in shock, the other with a murderous look.

  “Go away Freak. This doesn’t concern you,” Rich, the dumb jock from her science class, snarled. Darcy put her hands on her hips, hoping to look a little intimidating. It was hard to look scary when one’s face was painted like a clown.

  “That happens to be my sister you’re pawing at, asshole and she doesn’t seem to want your…attention,” Darcy said tartly. Mandy looked at her with surprise.

  Rich stood to his full height and turned to face Darcy head on.

  “I said, get the hell out of here you dumb clown bitch.” He took a threatening step towards her, but Darcy stood her ground.

  “Are you going to hit a girl Dick? That would be a real dick thing to do, but at least you’d be living up to your name.”

  “Darcy…” Mandy warned her with a slightly trembling voice. Darcy looked at her step-sister and tipped her head to the side, motioning for the other girl to make her escape. Mandy slowl
y started slipping out behind Rich. He caught the movement out the corner of his eye and turned to stop the blonde cheerleader from leaving. Darcy had to get his attention again.

  “Hey Dick, I’m not surprised you’ve had to resort to trying to force yourself on girls. I overheard in the locker room that the girls all call you Little Richard and I’m sure it has nothing to do with your singing ability.” Her ploy worked. Rich swung back towards her, the anger coming off him in waves. She let out a squeak as he grabbed her arms tight and pulled her close. His hot breath in her face made her stomach roll.

  “You better step off if you know what’s good for you circus weirdo or I’m gunna make your life here a living hell. You’ll be spending all your time fixing that stupid makeup since I’ll have you crying nonstop.” He squeezed her arms hard to make his point.

  Darcy felt the tears start to well in her eyes, but she wouldn’t let the jerk get the best of her. With all the power she could muster, she rammed her knee up between his legs. He gasped loud enough that Darcy was sure people down the hall would hear him. Releasing his grip on her, Rich doubled over in pain, tears running down his face. She gave him a strong shove and knocked him onto his ass. As he lay on the ground, he looked up at her, pain and surprise written all over his face.

  “Sorry to fight dirty Dick, but you didn’t leave me any choice,” Darcy said rubbing her arms. She was definitely going to have bruises. “But think of it this way, at least you’ll have a big package…at least until the swelling goes down.”

  Rich strung out a long stream of curses that would make a sailor blush. Darcy stood there, surprised by her own set of brass balls, until Mandy grabbed her wrist and pulled her away from the stairwell. Her sister dragged her down the hall, trying to get away from the livid jock as fast as they could.

  They finally stopped in front of Darcy’s homeroom. She was late again. At least it was for a good reason.