Tears of a Clown

by MB Mulhall

  “What can I say, I’m easy to please.” He stepped closer and touched her cheek

  “Ya know, this painted on frown doesn’t hide the happiness in your eyes.” She was glad, once again, that the makeup hid the blushing at least. Darcy tried to play off her embarrassment.

  “Do I need to start wearing sunglasses? Maybe those big bug eyed type.”

  “Don’t you dare. I’d be more down with you losing the makeup than covering up those beautiful eyes.” With her mouth opened in surprise, he leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss. “All right my fellow rider, let’s get a move on. This is going to be a show we won’t want to miss.”

  Darcy and Judd found Chaz, supporting Mandy, in the crowd that was building in front of the eating booth. Mandy looked pale and tired.

  “Want me to find a chair for you?” Judd asked her. She shook her head.

  “If I sit, I’ll miss half the action.” Chaz sighed.

  “I already tried to get her to sit, but she’s being stubborn.” Judd smirked.

  “Well, this is only the prelim to the main event, so if you get too tired, just let us know.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Mandy said waving a hand to dismiss them. Judd swapped places with Chaz to help support the blonde. Chaz gave Mandy a quick kiss on the cheek before telling them he’d meet them after the competition. Before he could walk away, Judd grabbed his sleeve.

  “Is the sound set?” A devilish grin spread over Chaz’s face.

  “Ready and raring to go. I hope someone tapes it too.” Darcy shoved the giant stuff bear under her arm so she could rummage through her purse. After a moment of digging, she produced a small point and shoot digital camera.

  “I’ve got us covered. This little thing takes pictures and decent video.” Chaz patted her on the shoulder, smiling widely at her.

  “Thanks Darcy. We’ll make this thing go viral before they even get home tonight. There will be no escaping the embarrassment.” Judd laughed.

  “It’ll teach them not to mess with our girls, that’s for sure.” Chaz nodded in agreement before waving goodbye as he headed off to join Jazz in handing out the brownies.

  Judd helped Mandy towards the front of the crowd, so they’d be sure to have a good view. Darcy sidled up to them, camera in hand. When the principal took the mic, she hit the red button to start recording.

  Principal Janson looked like a sweaty beast. Under his arms, dark circles of damp material bunched up as he raised the mic to his mouth, his beady little eyes roaming over the crowd of restless teens.

  “Welcome to the 35th annual Harvest Festival!” The crowd cheered loudly. “As always, the eating competition is the first in a series of games to see which extracurricular group wins this year’s grand prize.”

  “Good thing you’re not competing!” a voice called up. The principal turned his hard black eyes towards the voice, glaring into the sea of students trying to stifle their laughter. He cleared his throat and swung his massive head to face front.

  “As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, let the games begin!” He passed off the mic to Miss Meredith, the peppy, perpetually happy cheer coach.

  “Welcome everyone! As Principal Janson said, this contest has been going on for the past thirty five years. Each year a different member of the community supplies the food and we see how much your classmates can scarf down without bringing anything back up, if you know what I mean.” There was a round of fake vomit sounds from the crowd. Miss Meredith cringed and made a face. “This year’s items of consumption are scrumptious brownies made by our own Mrs. Peaches!”

  The adorable old blue haired maid climbed the steps to a rousing round of applause. Miss Meredith waited patiently for the secretary to make her way across the stage and take the microphone. As she walked, someone starting whistling the Jeopardy theme song and everyone laughed. She finally took the mic, a twinkle in her eye.

  “Hello my lovely little fruit flies. I am pleased as punch to have been chosen as this year’s baker!” She turned to address the contestants who were already seated at tables behind her, ready to stuff their faces. “I’ll have you young’ins know that all these brownies were baked with love and a whole lotta butter, just like my Georgia peach Great Grannie Bea used to make ‘em. They’ll just melt in your mouth like the wafers Pastor Bob gives out at Sunday mass. Like a piece of the great JC himself. Ooohh I bet y’all won’t want to stop chowin’ down on ‘em.” She stopped, suddenly looking very worried. “I hope I made enough for y’all. Oh dear. What if my brownies are like that drug the kids do these days? What is it called? Crick? Creek?” Miss Meredith, a wary look on her face, cleared her throat.

  “Crack?”

  Mrs. Peaches’ eyes grew wide in recognition as she patted the cheer coach’s arm.

  “OH! Yes dear! The Crack. I know my brownies are heavenly treats, but I hope they’re not addictive like the Crack! Drugs are bad ya’ll, but my brownies are like gifts from the G-O-D.” Miss Meredith gently took the mic out of Mrs. Peaches’ wrinkled hands.

  “I’m sure they are delicious, Mrs. P, and there are certainly worse things to be addicted to, like,” she cleared her throat again, “Crack.”

  Darcy nudged Judd in the side to get his attention.

  “Oh geez-us. When they get sick, Mrs. P is going to think they overdosed on her Crack brownies.”

  “Well, she’ll kind of be right.” He grinned at the thought. Mandy leaned over and smacked the both of them on the arm.

  “Shoosh you two. People will hear.” Darcy and Judd gave each other guilty looks before Judd turned to Mandy and made the motion of zipping his lip. She rolled her eyes in response before turning her gaze back to the platform where the soon to be unlucky rah-rahs sat waiting.

  Miss Meredith walked over to the side of the platform to give the spectators a view of the contestants. She motioned for the volunteers to place a plate with five brownies on it in front of each person. As they started to run low, the runners would bring an additional plate of five. The judges would keep track by totaling the empty plates.

  “Are the contestants ready?” Miss Meredith waited for a nod from each person. Liberty and Melody made everyone wait on them as they pulled back their silky hair into perfect perky ponytails on top of their heads. Liberty blotted off her lip gloss with one of the many napkins that lined the table for them and moved her glass of water four times before she gave her nod.

  Darcy would have bet money that Miss Meredith would have barked orders for Libby to hurry up, had the head cheerleader taken any longer. The coach may put on airs of always being happy, but she couldn’t hide the annoyance in her eyes.

  Miss Meredith, starter gun in hand, raised her arm to aim at the sky and start her countdown.

  “On your mark!” Several contestants leaned forward, their faces practically touching their plates.

  “Get set!” Others had their hands hovering over the brownies, ready to double fist them.

  “GO!” She pulled the trigger and said the word simultaneously to start the event.

  Darcy took a step back when she saw the ferocity of the eaters. It was worse than a one year old encountering their first piece of birthday cake. Cheeks bulged like squirrels stocking up for the long winter. She didn’t know how some of them weren’t choking by now. Briefly she wondered if anyone there was educated in the Heimlich maneuver. They may have to put their skills to use before the contest was over.

  It seemed like before they could blink, Jazz, Chaz and the other runners were hauling ass to the tables with more brownies to be consumed. They would put down a full plate on top of the empty and race back for another for some other contestant. It was certainly a workout for them.

  It didn’t take long before most of the contestants started slowing down. Faces were turning green and groans of discomfort erupted from many a mouth. The guys of the football and lacrosse teams were still at it, shoveling brownie after brownie into their mouths. The cheer girls had all but given up, except for Libby
and Mellie. The two of them were going at it like Augustus Gloop when he was first set loose in Wonka’s field of candy.

  Darcy could not believe such skinny girls could eat so much. She wouldn’t be surprised if they did a team purging after the contest so they’d be “light and airy” for the show they had to do later. A grin broke out when she thought of how extreme their purging would really be. The way Darcy saw it, she was actually helping them. It would be better for them to get it out the back end then to throw it up. All that stomach acid couldn’t be good for their cheering voices.

  Finally, when it was deemed they could eat no more, their pile of plates were collected one at a time and counted. Miss Meredith recorded their tallies on a white board on the side of the platform. When she got to Libby’s pile, the three friends in the crowd exchanged amused glances as the count rose. In the end, she had eaten fifteen brownies and Mellie had consumed twelve. Darcy’s eyes were wide as she looked to Mandy and Judd.

  “The explosion from those asses is going to be so loud, people in the next five counties will hear it.” Judd let out a loud chortle. “But seriously, I didn’t expect them to eat so many. Are they going to be hospital worthy sick?”

  Darcy was surprised to find, after all they put her through, she didn’t want to see them have to be rushed off and rehydrated by IV. Mandy turned to address her.

  “Not to worry Darcy, I talked to Chaz about that this morning. We had decided once they got past eight brownies, he and Jazz would feed them normal ones. I just hope they didn’t notice a taste difference.” Judd shook his head.

  “I wouldn’t worry about that. They were eating so fast I’m sure they barely noticed the taste. Good thought on the two of you though. We don’t need to be heading off to jail for attempted murder or something.”

  A loud laugh burst free of Darcy’s lips. Two sets of eyes looked at her curiously.

  “Could you imagine? ‘Hey new girl! What are you in for?’ Murder. ‘Oh? How’d ya do it?’ I made them crap themselves to death.” Judd and Mandy laughed along with her. “Better yet, what do they put on the death certificate? Death by diarrhea?”

  Judd was laughing so hard tears were glistening in his eyes. He took a breath before joining in the game.

  “Here lies Libby, when she died she sure didn’t smell pretty.” Mandy had to join in the fun.

  “Here lies Melody. She tooted and pooted her way to an early grave.” Darcy doubled over, the tears running freely now. She waved her hand at them.

  “Stop. Oh God, please stop before I pee my pants.” The other two laughed even harder at more bathroom humor. The three of them were gasping for air when Jazz and Chaz came to stand in front of them. The new arrivals exchanged somewhat worried glances. Chaz helped Mandy back to a more upright position.

  “Come on you guys, we’ve got to head to the field to make sure we get good seats for the next part of the show.” Jazz nodded her head in agreement.

  “After seeing them go to town on those brownies, I can assure you, they’re going to be feeling the burn very shortly. We don’t want to miss it.”

  Darcy, Judd and Mandy composed themselves, wiping eyes and taking deep calming breaths before the Riders, plus one, headed over to their prime seats for the main event.

  The bleachers were pretty empty when they arrived. It was going to be another forty minutes or so before the field show started, but they didn’t want to risk not getting good seats. As they settled in on the uncomfortable metal benches, Judd threw an arm around Darcy’s shoulder. She leaned in and rested on him. He turned and planted a sweet kiss on the top of her head. She hugged her bear, happy to be there with Judd, with friends. It wasn’t a scenario she had pictured when she moved there a few short months ago.

  The friends chatted about a variety of topics, trying to kill time. It was obvious they were all very aware of what was coming. Jazz kept making nervous bathroom jokes which made them all cringe. As the time of the show drew near and the bleachers started to fill with loud rambunctious friends and family members, they all clammed up and turned their gazes towards the group of costumed girls waiting at the tunnel leading from the school locker rooms to the stadium. Darcy could see some of them were fidgeting and holding their stomachs. She didn’t know if it was the brownies at work or nerves before they came out.

  Keeping an eye on them, she saw Libby yelling, or giving a pep talk. It was hard for Darcy to tell which. There was a lot of head bobbing and cringing faces. A thrill of satisfaction ran through her as she saw Libby stop short and clutch her own stomach.

  Judd turned to whisper in her ear.

  “See that?” Darcy nodded her head. “I’d say our plan is working. Let’s hope the timing stays on our side.” He reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. She returned the gesture.

  There was a sudden loud static sound that made the whole audience jump. A garbled voice came over the PA system. The friends looked to Chaz who just shrugged his shoulders. The static came and went again before they could hear the sound of a clearing throat.

  “Welcome ladies and gents to the Harvest Festival pep rally!”

  Claps and cheering erupted. Darcy was surprised to see how into it the townspeople were. Back in Detroit, school sports and functions were very poorly attended. Nobody seemed to give a shit. It was a totally different story in the little backwater Georgia town. Darcy thought it was kind of nice though. Too bad she and her friends were probably going to ruin it for everyone.

  The announcer talked a bit about how the football team was doing so far in the season and what they had yet to face. Each player was introduced to a round of applause. Finally, it was time for the cheerleaders to take the field. Darcy took out her camera and the rest of her crew was on the edge of their seats.

  The rah-rahs came bounding out of the tunnel onto the bright green football field. Some of them had very obvious fake smiles on their faces. Darcy zoomed in and could see several were shiny with a fine sheen of sweat on their faces already. She panned along until she found Liberty’s pinched and greasy profile. The head cheerleader stood in front of the squad, hands at her sides, ready to call out to the crowd.

  “READY? OK!” The team followed suit and stood ramrod straight. Overly bright and toothy smiles shone out at the crowd. Darcy zoomed out so she could get them all in one shot.

  Libby launched into some loud cheer about team spirit before thunderous upbeat dance music started blaring over the speakers. It was so loud that Darcy almost covered her ears. She could only image how blown out it was going to sound over the shitty little camera mic.

  The girls started dancing, clapping and tumbling to the music. Not even a minute into the routine, Darcy spotted one girl stop short, a look of absolute horror on her face. Her hands reached around her, in a feeble attempt to cover her backside. Another cheerleader, not expecting anyone to be standing there like a petrified tree, ran right into the girl, nearly knocking her to the ground. When she regained her balance, she ran to the side lines and whispered furiously to Miss Meredith who glanced over the girl’s shoulder and cringed at what she saw. The coach tied a spare sweater around the girl’s waist and sent her in the direction of the tunnel.

  Darcy was giddy that she had been able to capture the exchange; amazing zoom for such a little camera. Widening her view, she took in the whole crew again. She saw two girls suddenly double over, pain obvious on their faces. Libby barked out some command and the girls struggled to regain composure, their smiles looking compulsory and almost manic.

  The rest of the team started bounding toward the center of the field, tumbling and jumping to get into position. They started to build a pyramid with a group on each end ready to catch the girls who were doing the dreaded basket toss. As Libby settled at the top of the pyramid, Darcy zoomed in just in time to see a spasm cross her pretty face, making her look monstrous and foreign. Her blue eyes grew wide in absolute horror as her body began to tremble with the exertion she must have been using in order to keep f
rom exploding. With the optical zoom, Darcy could see the exact moment Libby lost her battle of the sphincter. A look of relief flashed across her face before it was replaced with one of mortification.

  Quickly zooming out, Darcy caught the expression on the faces of the girls below Libby in the pyramid, the disgust and horror when they realized what had happened.

  The whole formation started to buckle and collapse in on itself as the shit literally flowed down hill. A collective gasp came from the stands as the girls all landed in a dirty stinking heap on the grass.

  Miss Meredith hurried onto the field along with the football coach and several of the players. Some of the girls were lying on the ground looking dazed while others were scooting back from the guys, waving away any offer of help. Several of them were crying and curled in the fetal position holding their stomachs.

  The friends could see the looks of disgust on the football players faces as they caught a whiff of what brought down the tower of girls. Jazz clapped her hands, giddy like a little kid on Christmas. Darcy could hear the guys calling back to the others still on the side lines.

  “They crapped their pants!”

  “It reeks out here!”

  “We can’t play on this field! We might slip in the shit storm.”

  “Daaaaay-um, what did these girls eat?”

  The guys backed away, looking at the girls with repulsion. Miss Meredith, unsure of what was really going on, helped girls up and made sure no one was seriously injured. Another bout of stomach cramps happened upon several of the girls. They doubled over and were quick to back away from the crowd before turning to run for the tunnel. The crowd roared with laughter when they saw the brown spots and realized what had actually happened. The five friends exchanged amused glances as they heard the crowd buzzing around them.

  “Now, it’s time for the encore,” Chaz said, removing a remote looking device from his pocket. He flipped a switch and almost immediately the sound of a flushing toilet roared out of the stadium speakers. The crowd grew so quiet they probably could have heard a pin drop.