Complete Works of L. Frank Baum
Page 885
cancelled.
Dorothy
Must I stay forever in this awful country?
Wizard
How can you call anything awful after
Topeka?
Dorothy
I’m so mad, I could cry.
(Goes C. and cries)
Tin-man
(Going to her)
Don’t cry, Dottie. Look at what he did for
me.
(Showing heart - drops it)
Don’t step on it.
(Bus. and exit Dottie R.L)
Oh! Broke my brand new heart!
(Exits R.L.)
Scarecrow
(Coming down)
How’s this for stampeding a Convention?
“The time has come to cripple the money
octopus. We’ll pull his leg. No, we’ll clip
his wings, and you’ll all be happy when
you vote for me.”
(Exits R.)
(Enter Chorus)
Wizard
(Proudly)
There go the most successful miracles I
ever performed, and I’m going to give a
ball to-night in honor of my triumph. The
last one I attended was in Topeka.
THE DANCE OF ALL NATIONS:
WIZARD - SCARECROW - Tin-man -
DOROTHY - AND CHORUS.
(Exeunt)
(Bardo enters, followed by Pastoria,
Tryxie, Cow and Lion. Bus)
Bardo
Where is your license for this company?
Tryxie
We had a dramatic license, but we lost it.
We’re only a moral one ring circus.
Bardo
Is there all there is of you?
Tryxie
We had a stage-struck pig when we
started.
Bardo
What happened to the stagestruck pig?
Tryxie
He was cured in the last town.
Pastoria
And we had a happy family, too, -- that
lion and a lamb.
Bardo
Lost the lamb.
Pastoria
No. The lamb is still with us, - but
beneath the surface.
(Lion pats his stomach appreciatively)
Bardo
I’ll report your arrest to his wizziness.
(Exits)
Tryxie
(To Pastoria)
And if His Wizziness recognizes you, it’s
into the cart with Du Barry!
Pastoria
Ugh! Stop putting ice down my back.
Tryxie
Where is your army? Where is your
revolution?
Pastoria
Be patient, my Empress of Biscuit
Shooters. Feast your eyes upon that
throne whereon you and I will sit together
as soon as we get a chance to prove Oz a
humbug.
Tryxie
But is Oz a humbug?
Pastoria
Is he? Well, I should say he issie, Ozzie,
izzie. On the earth you came from his
feats of magic were chestnuts at all the
church fairs fifty years ago.
(Scarecrow and Tin-man enter R.3)
Tin-man
Say, Hay, is this the place?
Scarecrow
That’s where we’re at.
(To Pastoria and Tryxie)
Why so sad, comrades?
Tryxie
Why do our faces look pinched?
Tin-man
Yes. Who did it?
Pastoria
The myrmidons of the usurper. Even the
show business isn’t safe in this pea-green
town.
Scarecrow
What show business?
Pastoria
Signor Gonzabo’s only original one ring
circus.
Tin-man
Where is it?
Pastoria and Tryxie
WE are it! Ta, ta.
(They strike pose, Lion and Cow also.
Chord. Bus of Cow nibbling at
Scarecrow)
Scarecrow
(Bus)
Have the animals been fed lately?
Pastoria
Why?
Scarecrow
(Pointing to Cow)
Because if that beast remains hungry I’m
liable to join the menagerie against my
will.
(Bus. feeling cow’s side)
Oh, yes, she’s been fed.
Tryxie
Why, she’s perfectly amiable.
(Xing to Cow - bus)
Come here, and I’ll introduce you.
Scarecrow
Thanks, we’ve met before.
Cynthia
(Enters L.1 carry an axe)
Hold! Stand all apart.
(All spread arms and legs)
(She points to Pastoria)
I would speak with yonder wicked giant.
It is my pleasure to think I am Jack-the-
Giant-Killer. Come with me to yonder
bean stalk, ‘Tis but a mile high and when
thou hast reached the top I will cut it
down. I fain would see thee tumble.
(Bus for Lion at throne)
Pastoria
Excuse me, I’m not good at tumbling.
Cynthia
Now that I look upon thee again I can
believe that.
Tryxie
Will the Lady Lunatic kindly cut it short?
Cynthia
What are thou?
Tryxie
Oh, back to the padded cell with you.
Cynthia
(To Pastoria)
Have you brought home a new cook? I
prithee wash the potatoes.
Tryxie
(Starting towards Pastoria)
Now, Pasty---
(Cynthia seizes Tryxie by arm, pulls her
L. then pushes Pastoria who falls R. near
throne. Tryxie exits L.1.)
Cynthia
(Starting towards Pastoria)
Abide thee there awhile
(Turns, sees Scarecrow)
Thou cream-faced loon!
(Bus)
Where getst thou that goose look?
(Swings axe in front of Scarecrow’s face)
(Scarecrow falls)
(Cynthia exits L.1.)
(Bus for Lion)
(Flourish of trumpets and enter Bardo
R.1. Crowd enters L.)
Bardo
His Majesty commands your presence at
once.
Pastoria
(Alarmed)
What for?
Bardo
You’re not to ask questions, but obey
orders.
Pastoria
If I don’t know, I don’t go.
Bardo
Your circus will give a special
performance by royal command.
Pastoria
(Aside)
Ah, I breathe again.
(Bus)
(Pastoria, Bardo, Cow and Tim-man Lion
and Scarecrow exit)
(Tryxie enters L.1)
1st Girl
(To Tryxie)
Don’t you belong to the circus?
Tryxie
No, indeed. Oh, yes, of course I do.
1st Girl
Do you have to act?
Tryxie
Oh, no, of course not. I don’t have to act,
but I love art.
2nd Girl
What is your speciality?
Tryxie
I’m a bare-faced equestrienne, and I sing
serio comics.
1st Girl
Whare are serio comics?
Tryxie
Haven’t you ever heard one?
1st Girl
Never.
Tryxie
Some people are born lucky. Here’s
where your luck ends.
SAMMY SONG (Tryxie and Chorus)
(Tryxie exits after song)
(Chorus sing refrain and exit)
(Confederate enters C. Bus. Pastoria and
Tryxie enter C. Pastoria throws a large
green cloth over Confederate’s head -
bus)
Pastoria
Quick, quick, my queen! The knock-out
drops!
(Tryxie places bottle to Confederate’s
nose, Bus. Pastoria counting)
1---- 2---- 6---- 8----- 10 ----out. The rest
is easy. Disguised in this fellow’s clothes,
I shall take his place. When the time
comes Oz will put me in the trunk, then
he will close the lid, turn the thing over
and open it, and when he tells the people
to look again they will see this trunk
empty. Then I will rise at the back and
denounce him as a fraud.
Tryxie
And they’ll make you King again.
Pastoria
(Tenderly)
Then I shall lead you to a palace.
Tryxie
I’d rather be led to a restaurant.
Pastoria
Queens don’t talk that way.
Tryxie
But I’m not a Queen. Listen, Pasty, I
dreamed last night that I was in Heaven,
eating ice cream and sauer kraut.
Pastoria
Go back to bed. But first help me carry
this man where I can secure his clothes.
(Lifts Confederate on his shoulder)
Tryxie
Is he heavy? He must have had his
dinner. I could help you lift him if I had
had mine.
(They exit L.2)
(Sir Wiley enters with Guard and several
girls)
Gyle
The coast is clear. Come in - come in.
Don’t be afraid. I’m not. Come in, and
look at his wonderful tricks. you haven’t
changed your minds? You’ll let me prove
to you that your ruler is no wizard? Then
watch me. Here’s his wonderful egg trick.
See, a pocket in the handkerchief. And
see the magic basket. Place this inside,
turn it over so, --- and behold, the false
bottom. Stupid, people, he has made a
fool of you all for years. Rebel! Drive
him from Oz. ----and make Sir Wiley
your savior - king!
Guard
It shall be done.
Others
Down with the Wizard! Down with the
Wizard!
(Exit Crowd)
(Gyle starts up stage, stops, looks
around)
Gyle
Yes, I’ll do it. His confederate has lived
long enough.
(Begins to nail up bottom of basket.)
One good turn deserved another. I will
nail it up. And tries to open it he will
have a picnic. A basket picnic. The
Wizard will wiz for the last time to-day.
(Bus. Exit)
SPECIALTY.
(Scarecrow and Tin-man)
(Pastoria and Trixie enter after
Scarecrow and Tin-man exit. Pastoria
disguised as the confederate, and wears
long cloak)
Pastoria
(Cautiously)
H’st - would you know your king?
Tryxie
No, I’m too hungry to see straight.
(Enter entire court, Sir Wiley Gyle and
Oz. Oz goes to throne)
Wizard
Welcome, my faithful subjects, to our
second daily exhibition.
Gyle
This is the last he’ll ever give.
Wizard
We will proceed as usual with our
marvelous magic basket.
Gyle
Now then Citizens, watch him. I will
prove how you have been tricked for
years by this imposter. Watch! Watch
him! Watch him!
(Ad lib scene)
Wizard
You all know that the basket contains
nothing but glimmering knives --if there’s
any doubt step forward and examine the
basket.
(Bus)
You all know that I have no confederate.
Now will some gentleman kindly step
forward and assist me. Anyone at all.
Anyone at all. I don’t give a---- I don’t
care who it is.
(Bus)
Dinny!
(Bus with Pastoria. Shoving him down
towards basket. Bus of Guard offering to
assist. Ignore him)
Thank you - a little bit slow. I’ll have to
take this man. What’s the matter Dinny,
have ye been indulgin’?
(Forcing Pastoria into basket)
in the basket. Now he’s in the basket...
We immediately turn the basket over.
(Bus)
Gyle
(Chuckling)
He, he!
Wizard
We take our time in turning the basket
over.
(Bus. Turns it over with assistance)
(Laughs)
Now we secure the dangerous burnin’
acid.
(bus. Sees basket is nailed)
Gyle
Go on! Go on!
Wizard
(Aside)
Somethin’ doin’.
Gyle
Go on.
Wizard
Just a minute. I think one of the
glimmering knives is broke.
Gyle
Watch the faker.
Wizard
(At basket)
(To Pastoria inside)
Dinny, you’re late.
Gyle
Go on, don’t stop.
Wizard
As before
Dinny, we’re up against it.
Gyle
Go on, we’re just dying to see you do the
trick again.
Wizard
Yes, and Dinny will be dead if I DO do it
again.
Gyle
Watch him, it’s WONDERFUL. Go on,
pour it, pour it, pour it.
Wizard
I refuse to reign and pour at the same
time.
Guard
Do you refuse?
Wizard
Yes, I do.
Guard
Then drive him out of Oz!
Chorus
Down with him.
Gyle
Wait! Wait! He’ll do it.
(Bus)
Go on! Go on!
Wizard
(Bus with sword)
Dinny, watch yourself! Watch yourself.
(Drives sword into basket. Basket is
turned up and Pastoria falls out.
Commotion in crowd.)
Gyle
This is not the Confederate. Who is this
man?
Pastoria
I am Pastoria the Second.
Gyle
Pastoria in that dress?
Pastoria
It’s the costume of the man who guarded
that imposter’s tricks. You all know me
now. I am Pastoria II - returned to
denounce that man and claim the throne!
(Bus. Gyle.)
FINALE STAR OF MY NATIVE LAND.
Curtain
ACT III
SCENE:- Edge of the domain of Oz. Draw bridge L.U.E. Large tree R. The roo
ts of tree have turned upward and form a cage. The scene is a study in purple.
AT RISE:- SOLDIERS led by OFFICERS enter L.1 E. and X. Sentry is left at bridge Soldiers march off up R. Officer enter guard house over R. Cooks and Waitresses enter across bridge
COOKS’ AND WAITRESSES’
NUMBER.
(Officers enter from guard house R. at
end of Number)
Officer
Who are you, and where do you come
from?
1st Cook
We are cooks and waitresses and maids
of all work.
2nd Cook
And we’re looking for an intelligence
office.
Officer
In your travels have you met any
suspicious characters?
Waitress
Oh, everybody WE meet is suspicious.
1st Cook
Why the last people I worked for
wouldn’t believe that one mouse could
steal a cold boiled ham.
Officer
I’m talking of escaped prisoners -
enemies of King Pastoria. They broke out
of the jail at Oz.
Waitress
When did they escape?
Officer
Yesterday. There’s a big reward for them.
2nd Cook
What do they look like?
Officer
Read the royal proclamation over there.
(Points to Bulletin board up L.C. with
proclamation on it.)
You’ll find their full description.
(Girls rush up to bulletin board)
(Officers exit down L.
(Sentry faces up stage and watches girls)
1st Girl
(Mounting on stool beside bulletin)
Oh, girls, it’s a thousand gold pieces for
the one who catches them.
(Tin-man and Scarecrow enter down R.
Music for entrance. Tin-man is disguised
as a burlesque chaffeur. Scarecrow in
costume of various light colored articles
which might be stolen from a clothes’
line. They see the group up stage and
draw back to cover of guard house)
Tin-man
Once across that bridge and we win. Do
you think we’ve been missed at the
prison?
Scarecrow
Missed? My boy, when we left that
prison all the cells were in tiers.
1st Cook
(Studying proclamation)
From this description we ought to know
this prisoner if we meet him.
(Scarecrow and Tin-man listen)
Waitress
What does he look like?
1st cook
(Reading)
“He has folding bed knees, and a face
like a fightened buckwheat cake.”
Tin-man
(Aside to Scarecrow)
That’s you.
Scarecrow
(Aside to Tin-man)
Did you ever see a frightened buckwheat
cake?
Tin-man
Yes; while the cream was being whipped.
Scarecrow
Come, Harold, it’s over the river with us.
(They go up to bridge. Sentry halts them)
Tin-man
What’s the matter?
Sentry
Don’t you know.
Scarecrow