Young Annabelle Series: Young Annabelle, The Truth About James, What My Heart Wants

by Sarah Tork

  It was a brotherhood.

  And judging….from my unfortunate scene in the cafeteria today, I wasn’t going to be invited back in. That’s if I was even a part of it to begin with.

  “Yeah, well, she wasn’t feeling good so she decided to go home instead.” Tina informed, shaking her head. “You made her sad Annabelle, you broke her heart. How could you do that to your best friend? How could you do that to the team?”

  But I’m not on the team! I wanted to yell that out loud, but I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because Dana beat me to the punch with another accusation.

  “How could you Annabelle?” Dana shook her head, looking at me like I was the most disgusting thing ever. “We’re supposed to stick together.”

  I took a deep breath before answering. “Dana, he forced me to sit with him.” I pleaded, eyeing the both of them. Tina raised an eyebrow, it made me feel like she didn’t believe a word I’d just said.

  Dana snorted, eyeing Tina, incredulous. “That’s bullshit. How can he force you to do anything, we’re at school, there are rules here.”

  Excuse me?

  Who was she and why did I have to prove anything to her. WE…weren’t best friends. We were barely friends and that was only because she hung out with Jenna so much.

  I was beginning to hate the Swim team members for life thing. It was like, because I was friends with Jenna I had to follow the same rules as them.

  “Excuse me? You want to know how, the same way Roy ‘dragged’ you outside yesterday during lunch for that special talk you guys had. And didn’t you guys get back together after it?” I put my hands to my waist, and became firm in my stance. It looked like it was going to be two on one…for now.

  Let’s hope no more members of the Swim team come out, ready to fight for the ‘honor’ of one of their own again. I know how much they ‘love’ to do that.

  Dana’s jaw dropped. “I’m smart enough to know when to put a stop to a situation that’s making me look like a fool.”

  I snorted. I could totally take the two of them…I hoped. “You weren’t going anywhere, the entire Swim team had to talk you out of not going back to Roy all of last night and this morning too.”

  Why was she looking at me like I was talking a bunch of crap? Jenna had just told me Dana was still grieving over her oh so recent break up with Roy.

  Dana’s eyes practically popped out. She glanced at Tina like she couldn’t believe it. “That’s a lie, it wasn’t like that. I made up my mind as soon as I saw the video. Right Tina?”

  Tina nodded. “That’s totally right. She got over that douche in a snap Annabelle. So you can stop trying to deflect the subject. You’re the one on trial here.”

  I jerked my chin back. Who the hell did these girls think they were? They were not the judges of me! “Trial for what? I’m not a part of the Swim team. I’m not in the brotherhood!” I yelled at them.

  The door to the change room opened, and out walked Latisha.

  Dana sneered at the sight of her. “Not anymore at least, you can go join Latisha, I mean shouldn’t traitors stick together?”

  “Let’s go.” Tina smirked, pulling Dana away before I could answer. I eyed the terrible duo as they speed walked down the hallway. How dare they.

  “You see,” Latisha murmured, right beside me. I turned and faced her.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked her, a bit bewildered that she was talking to me. These last few days have held more conversations between Latisha and I, then the last few years of high school. Heck, I think the last time I spoke to her before this week was in the eighth grade. Back then she had braces and wore huge glasses, and her blonde hair frizzed all the time, plus her face had been filled with acne. Then the summer before the ninth grade she left for the entire break, only to return for the first day of high school as a brand new person.

  A ‘hot’ girl.

  The braces were gone, her hair had some treatment thing in it that she paid a thousand dollars for at a salon, her acne was cleared and she got contacts.

  She was not the same person internally either. Besides her looks changing, her personality also changed into more of a ‘hot girl’ persona a la valley girl-esque.

  I however, stayed the same from the eighth grade to the beginning of ninth. My social standing stayed where it had always been, behind the shadow of Jenna and her friends on the Swim team.

  “I’m talking about their true colors.” Latisha pointed at the back of the duo as they exited the hallway.

  I leaned against a locker and sighed with my eyes closed. “I let them down, I guess.”

  “Let who down?” Latisha exclaimed. “Anna, they’re so closed minded, it’s hilarious.”

  “They think we betrayed them.” I kept my eyes closed. I didn’t want to open them. This whole day had been a nightmare…

  “Hey – hey – look at me.” Latisha nudged my shoulder. “I’m not sorry for doing what I did.”

  My eyes snapped open. “Really?”

  “He was free Anna, they broke up. Dana doesn’t own him. And this isn’t the first time they’ve broken up. I have been respecting their relationship, but I’m sorry their break up a week ago was their third one since school started. She keeps breaking up with him for stupid reasons and everyone else is supposed to sit back and wait to see if she’s going to go back to him or move on. Nope, not anymore, last week I made a choice, and whether it was the right choice or the sanest, nothing was going to stop me.”

  “From doing what?” I asked.

  “From going after what my heart wants.” Latisha stated. “I’m crazy about him.”

  “What about Dana?” I asked her. “The way you’re going about it has made her life a living hell.”

  “All’s fair in love and war.” Latisha stated, smugly. “Roy’s single, I’m single and I’m going to give it everything I have. If I gave up and he goes back to her, she’s just going to yell and break up with him again. If he was my man, he’d know every day…how much I liked him.

  “You’d treat him like a King?” I asked.

  She gave me a look. “Duh, he deserves love. Dana thinks she’s some kind of Queen Athlete in this school. God forbid any of us try and get with a guy she used to like.”

  “This is so strange, us talking.” I said.

  “Why?” Latisha asked, puzzled.

  “Aren’t you close with Donna?” I asked.

  Latisha’s phone beeped, she checked the screen before answering me. “Donna doesn’t own me.”

  CHAPTER 44

  “Dinner’s ready.” Charles informed after knocking on my door. I’ve been on my bed for the last hour and half, wondering, deciphering, everything that’s happened today.

  My mind was going crazy.

  But my heart…it was hurting too, and not for reasons you might think. It was because of Jenna. My best friend, my ride or die, in the entire world had given me the cold shoulder. For the first time in the history of our friendship, it’s never, ever, gone there.

  The betrayal, I’m so angry at you zone.

  Her, not me. But, actually, if I was being honest with myself, I was disappointed in her too. She was supposed to be my best friend, but she was off comforting someone else.

  I thought best friends stuck with each other through anything and everything, no matter what? What the hell was the point of having a best friend, if you couldn’t even make a mistake when you were around them?

  Which I didn’t today. Just pointing that out.

  She acted like I stabbed her in the back.

  Didn’t she understand what I was going through?

  “I have your plate Annabelle.” Mom said as soon as I entered the kitchen, shocking me. We were back to her serving me meals again? I’ve controlled my dinner size/options for the last little while. Maybe yesterday’s calorie crazed dinner was a fluke, a result of too much guilt weighing on her mind, making her lose it for a brief moment in time. It was back to calorie minded meals. Not that I mind
ed. But it wasn’t going to be like the last month and half. It was going to be about eating in moderation, the healthy, body nourishing way. I sat down at the table beside Katherine, who was happily munching her bowl of Caesar Salad.

  “Did you have a good day Katherine?” I murmured to her. She murmured a ‘yes’ back, barely looking from iPhone as she stabbed salad. I smirked, she probably had a better social life than I did.

  “Here you go.” Mom pushed a plate of mashed potatoes and gravy, with a giant steak right beside it, with a large glass of Coke next to it. My jaw dropped as I slowly gazed up and faced her.

  “What’s this?” I stammered, shell shocked at the amount of food she put in front of me.

  “Dinner.” Mom said like ‘duh’. “It looks delicious doesn’t it?”

  I was feeling that control…..sink away. I blinked back at the food. “It looks like it’s full of calories. You know I can’t eat this.”

  “Just eat it, it’s good for you.” Mom ordered, barely blinking away from her tall glass of ice water, pretending like everything was fine. Which it wasn’t.

  How come she got to have ice water and I had to have a large Coke? I glanced at Katherine’s plate mom had pushed in front of her after mine. It was half the size of mine. I looked at Charles’ next and mine was still bigger.

  And he was a growing boy.

  I did not need this right now. Why couldn’t she just back off for once?

  “Hello everyone.” Dad exclaimed walking inside the kitchen. “Yum, is that steak I smell?”

  “Sure is sweetheart, what size plate do you want?” Mom asked, getting up from the table and kissing him on the cheek.

  How come Dad got a choice on the size of his dinner?

  “Give me the same amount as Annabelle.” Dad said, taking a seat next to me and rubbing my shoulder. “How’s my Anna banana doing this evening?”

  “I’m okay.” I muttered, eyeing the food.

  “Looks good, you better eat it before it gets cold.” Dad said.

  I sighed and pushed my fork around the mashed potatoes unsure what I should do. I couldn’t eat all of it.

  Mom pushed Dad’s plate in front of him and sat down. “Eat Annabelle, its getting cold.” Her plate was the same size as Katherine’s.

  “I want some salad too.” I said.

  “I’m sorry, we only had a little bit left and Katherine asked for a Caesar salad when she came home from school. I promised her it. I’ll buy more lettuce tomorrow.” Mom gave me a small smile and returned to her tiny plate of food.

  This was bullshit.

  After five minutes of just sitting here, not touching my plate, Mom glanced up.

  I exhaled a deep breath and pushed my plate away, and leaned back into my chair, eyeing her defiantly. “I’m not hungry.”

  “Kids,” Mom said all of a sudden. “Go finish your dinner in the family room.”

  Charles and Katherine grabbed their plates and quickly left the room, leaving me with Mom and Dad.

  “You’ve been barely eating lately.” Mom said, trying to sound ‘motherly’. “And we’re becoming increasingly concerned.”

  “She’s right,” Dad added. “You barely eat anything, well except for salad and water and maybe a piece of actual food here and there.”

  It was bullshit!

  Complete and utter bullshit.

  If I had a problem, which I don’t, it was because of her!

  I inhaled a deep breath, feeling angry. “And whose fault is that. You’ve been drilling my head for the last few months” I snipped. “This is what you wanted.” I eyed Mom, feeling my eyes water. “All Summer, you harassed me, pried into my personal space, made me keep a food diary. I’m doing what you want.”

  Her jaw dropped.

  “This wasn’t what I wanted.” Mom shook her head. “I didn’t want you to starve yourself and just eat salad.”

  “You didn’t?” I practically yelled. I took a breath and let it out. “Last Summer…...EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU found out that I didn’t eat anything from your precious food manual you practically threw a fit.”

  Mom shook her head, eyeing Dad like she was being falsely accused. “It wasn’t like that.” She stammered.

  “It was.” I snapped. “It was like that every day.”

  “Annabelle,” Dad warned. “Mind your tone.”

  “Oh I’m sorry, didn’t hear something you liked.” I snipped again, not caring if it got my trouble.

  “Annabelle,” Dad warned again. “You will respect your mother.”

  “I am, that’s why I’m not eating bad food, just like you drilled into my head all these months.” I sneered and then pointed to myself. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

  “No it isn’t.” Mom shook her head. “I spoke on the phone with your nutritionist, she said that you’re losing weight too fast.”

  “Oh now I’m losing weight too fast, it wasn’t too fast last week when you were jumping with joy that I broke the 150 lbs. mark!” I snapped.

  “I was wrong.” Mom said.

  “You were wrong?” I repeated, incredulous.

  Mom nodded. “I was wrong.”

  “Well it is what it is.” I muttered, feeling every single ounce of energy drain out of me. “I lost another pound this morning.”

  Mom blinked. “You’re 147lbs now?”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m 145lbs now. I weighed myself again.”

  I heard mom gasp. “What?”

  “How?” Dad murmured, sounding confused. “Isn’t that too fast.”

  “It’s what you wanted Mom, it’s what you wanted.” A tear slipped from my eyes, but I quickly wiped it away. There was no room for crying here. “Most of my clothes are loose on me, even the new clothes you bought are going to be loose soon.”

  “I’m sorry.” Mom said.

  “Yeah, well I’m not.” I said. “I’m going to my room.”

  Dad got up in front of me. “You are going to eat.”

  “But I told you I’m not hungry.” I told him as he blocked my way out.

  He shook his head and pointed at my food. “You’re going to eat at least half of that, or else you’re not going to be going anywhere. You hear me?”

  I sat down and ate slowly. Half way through the mashed potatoes, I pushed my plate away. “Happy?” I said bitterly.

  “No,” Dad said. “Eat your steak and finish your drink.”

  My jaw dropped. “What?”

  “You heard me, now!” Dad roared.

  I did as he said and eyed mom who was staring into her ice water. If they had a problem with how I was acting, they should pat themselves on the back for that one. They did this. They created this situation by being pushy and by not staying out of my business in the first place. Maybe I would have stayed at the same weight of 175 lbs. but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t have been happy.

  “There, happy now?” I said, showing them my empty plate. “Can I go now?”

  Dad pushed his chair out of the way and I moved past him.

  I hated them!

  I ran to my room and slammed the door shut.

  I should have taken that steak, the mashed potatoes and the plate and smashed it into the walls. Mom would have had to spend the entire night cleaning that mess up!

  She deserved that.

  They needed to know that they couldn’t control me!

  I wasn’t a puppet for them to treat however they saw fit. I was a human being and I wasn’t perfect. Yeah, I have problems, but who doesn’t. Do I need to sort out my issues, hell yeah I do. But in my own time, and definitely not by them trying to make me because they’re feeling guilty all of a sudden.

  I held a hand to my heart and it was thundering at an unfamiliar pace. It scared me how fast it was beating. I slumped down on to the ground, leaning against my bed, and closing my eyes to steady my heart rate back down.

  Calm down…I needed to calm down.

  They were acting like I had a huge problem, a big problem that they needed to help
me fix. I didn’t have a problem.

  I have no problem.

  I grabbed the Twix bar from my bag and ate it without another thought.

  I did not have a problem with food. I’d eat if I wanted to, not if somebody was forcing me too. They weren’t allowed to control something like this. What I put in my body was up to me.

  I had that power.

  Damn…..

  My stomach ached and I rubbed it, hoping it would help soothe the pain. It’s been awhile since I had that much food inside of me.

  And if I was being honest…it freaked me out. Freaked me out to a point where I didn’t know what I’d do next to ease the anxiety that followed.

  “It’s going to be okay.” I told myself. Just as I was throwing the empty wrapper into the garbage bin underneath my desk, my phone beeped.

  I grabbed my phone off my side table, pulling it from its charger, and eyeing the screen.

  It was James.

  There were three other messages from him earlier during lunch. But I was going to read his last text first.

  Tiger: Baby, you know you’re the only one…

  I wish I could believe you…..

  I was going through all of this alone. My best friend was ignoring me in favor of her team. I wanted to believe his words. Right now, to have a supportive boyfriend, one that would help calm my heart rate down and tell me I wasn’t crazy for snapping at my parents, kind of sounded…amazing.

  I couldn’t think anymore. I’d read his other texts later, maybe I’d even respond, but right now, I needed to shut my eyes and brain off, and go to sleep.

  CHAPTER 45

  “My girl,” James murmured.

  “My guy,” I whispered back, squeezing his hand.

  In this moment, as his green eyes melted into mine, he was worth it.

  “I’m never letting you go baby.” He murmured, looking very serious as he led us away from English. “I’ll tell that to you a million times a day.”

  “Really?” I gushed, practically swooning.

  “Really. I don’t want to let you go,” James murmured, tightening his hold over my hand. We stood beside a row of lockers as students trafficked hurriedly to their next class. We didn’t have a lot of time. Sadly, our next classes were in separate hallways in the opposite direction of campus.