Perfect Imperfections

by Unknown

  Kim didn’t know what happened as she watched her mother fight for composure.

  “I mean, we can’t afford to send you to college. Not this year.” Judith added quickly. She sat down across from Kim, still visibly shaking, fighting to keep her composure.

  “What?” Kim’s soft voice barely audible over Judith’s sniffles.

  Judith straightened her back bracing herself for a heated argument to follow as she continued, “I mean, with your dad’s health, my two jobs are barely covering the medical expenses and Sam’s tuition fee and boarding cost. And you can see, we have cut down on everything here to basics.” She exhaled a shaky breath. “Instead of college, I want you to get a job. Help me with the expenses, Kim.”

  A long pause stretched into several minutes as Kim looked down at the forms and brochures spread on the table in front of her. Her face slowly began losing its color, but there was no expression that Judith could read or understand. She was oblivious to what was going on in her daughter’s head.

  “Kim,” Judith continued, “we can work something out. Maybe, plan a schedule so that you can continue with your studies in a few months.”

  Judith knew this meant little to Kim. She wanted to hug her baby girl comfort her, tell her something, even though she didn’t know what she could say to make this easier.

  Finally Kim said, “I’ll find a job.”

  And then, Judith broke down. What made the situation worse was that she had broken down in front of her little girl for the first time in life. Kim did not react or respond. She just sat there in front of her, with a pale face and no expression whatsoever. Judith waited for several minutes for Kim to say something, to give some reaction, but there was nothing. Kim just sat there, listening to all that her mother had to say and then got up and went into her room. The next morning Kim went about doing things like they had never had the conversation the night before.

  ***

  A month from then, Kim had applied with a couple of airlines for a job as cabin crew and, to her surprise, she got through three of them. This gave her the opportunity to choose the airline of her choice. She based her decision on the base location and salary she was offered. Kim didn’t think twice before choosing the one that would take her away from all the chaos that her life in Dubai constituted.

  So here she was, packing up to move to Abu Dhabi, where she would get accommodation, a salary that would be more than sufficient to cover her expenses, provide for the family, and a chance to see the world, and at the same time be close enough to her Dad to visit him when she chose.

  Once Judith was done saying her piece — as always, Kim hadn’t said much of anything — she looked around at the room one last time and went about getting the dinner ready.

  Kim sat there, staring at her suitcase with so much running through her head. Her eyes finally settled at the corner of the room on the dustbin next to her suitcase, with the brochure and the letter of acceptance from the college she had been so focused on getting through. Her eyes stung with the unshed tears that threatened to escape. She couldn’t bear to look at the torn pieces of what could have been her future and forced her gaze to find another object to look at, to concentrate on.

  She had so many questions to ask her mother but she also knew she didn’t want to hear the answers to them. How old is old enough to understand why your parents have begun to dislike each other? Or why, in spite of the dislike, they still choose to be together and take care of each other in their times of need? At nineteen, Kim felt burdened enough knowing she was to shoulder the family financially. From the little she had understood about the relationship of her parents, she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle knowing any more. But how long could she pretend not knowing what she had known since a long time?

  Kim got up, looked around her room, taking in every detail. Life as she had known had shifted, and she couldn’t decide how she would deal with all the changes. She was excited about the job and all that was to come with it but knowing what she was leaving behind would never really leave her and that weighed heavy on her. So she decided she would not think about that not now at least. Really, what was the point? She huffed and flicked the lights off to the room and on the life that she was leaving behind.

  CHAPTER 3

  “Judith, did Kim cancel her visit home again?” Richard asked as Judith went about fluffing the pillow behind him. It was certainly not the best stalling technique, as Richard had already caught her wrist and drawn her closer.

  Even this simple gesture seemed to have drained his energy and he lay his head back on the pillow. Judith didn’t know what to say. She knew that the truth would be hard on him, but there was nothing she could think of. Truth! It’s best to tell him the truth, she decided.

  “Richard,” she exhaled. “Kim, well…” she paused. “I mean…”

  The otherwise white noise of the hospital became almost deafening in that little pause. The hissing of the oxygen tank, the beeping of the various machines Richard was clipped to, the clattering of the trolleys, the hushed voices and the faint footsteps in the lobby — all became too much to bear.

  “You are scaring me Judith… please… tell me, will you? Is she all right?” Richard’s words were barely audible.

  “Ah yes… no, don’t worry… she is all right,” said Judith. She couldn’t bear to tell Richard but she knew not telling him would hurt him more. “Kim doesn’t want to come home. Not until we are ready to accept her relationship with Dave.”

  Richard just lay there in silence, his eyes closed but it wasn’t long before a few tears trickled down the corner of his eyes.

  At fifty-five, Richard looked like a seventy-year old. Maybe a terminal illness can do that to a person of any age — make them look old and sometimes unrecognizable. The man who had always been more on the portlier side had now been reduced to skin over bones. The face that had always been round and pudgy now had two hollows in place of eyes and harsh bones jutting out at the angles of the face. The oxygen tubes ran across his face into his nostrils and had been there for so long that seeing Richard without them felt odd.

  When Judith first learnt about Richard’s illness she felt helpless. What was thought to be a mild discomfort in breathing turned out to be the last stage of lung cancer. Judith barely remembered having any reaction to the news when the doctor had told her.

  “Judith, you might want to sit,” Dr. Shariyaz had said.

  The next moment, Dr. Shariyaz’s voice had appeared to come from down the hall and not from across the table. “Mrs. Noyes? Mrs. Noyes?” The rest of the day had been just a blur as the doctor had explained the details of the cancer that was to end her husband’s life. The cause of the disease, she had been told, was not because Richard didn’t take care of himself or because he abused his health, but it was that the cells of his body were rejoicing and doubling up their count. And while the doctor explained to her what was to be done next, and what was to come, all she could think of was who would water the plants that Richard had so lovingly planted. She couldn’t imagine that it would be the first thought that would pop up at such a moment, but then you don’t have control over what you think of at such a time. It’s not like one can practice and rehearse the reaction to the news of the certainty of their spouse’s death.

  Judith couldn’t help but feel that the rug under her feet was pulled out yet again; and this time around, she was not sure if she could find her grip back. Anne and Keith Meyer, Judith and Richard’s long time and the only friends in Dubai had been her pillars. In the days that followed, she just couldn’t look at Richard. “Judith, you need to go see Richard. The doctors want to tell him about his illness and you need to be there with him and not hiding here in your room,” Anne had told her, her voice as calm as a soothing mother’s to a fretful child. “You need to get a grip over yourself for your kids’ sake, Judith. You need to be strong.” Judith’s glassy eyes just stared ahead.

  “Did you tell Kim?”

  “No.”

&nbs
p; “No?”

  “No, because you are going to tell her and Sam. She is going to arrive by tomorrow’s flight. Keith has arranged everything and he’ll go pick Sam up from the airport.” She patted Judith’s hands and took them in hers lightly caressing them. “You are going to talk to your girls and tell them that you are here for them and that they need to be strong for their Dad.”

  “Yes, for one last time.” Judith mumbled.

  Telling Kim and Sam was not easy but they took it in. Perhaps they wanted to be strong for their mother or maybe they too just didn’t know how to react.

  Richard raised his frail hands and rubbed his palms over his face in sheer frustration. “How can I let my barely twenty-one-year-old daughter date an old man of thirty-three and be okay with it?” he said, and it took him all his strength to say it.

  It was pronouncements like these that made Judith so mad, so angry at her daughter. What was Kim thinking? Did she have the slightest inkling of what she was putting her parents — her father, her dying father — through? She struggled to clamp her temper. This is not the place, not the time to let her temper rise. No good would come of it — she told herself. She needed to make the situation light for Richard. So she said, “Sam said she emailed you. Have you checked your email today? She sounded excited about the Europe trip they had. She has sent you some pictures.”

  “Yes, yes, I saw them,” said Richard, adjusting the oxygen pipes. He took a few deep breath as though he had just climbed a few floors. “She sure is enjoying her last year at school.” Then he stopped abruptly, sounding exhausted.

  Judith sat next to him lacing her fingers with his and stroking the back of his palm with her thumb.

  “Did she tell you where she wants to go for college?” he asked.

  Judith just nodded. “She says she wants to go to India, get a Bachelors’ Degree in Management and then, maybe, Masters in Retail Management.”

  “India? Hah! She is a clever girl.”

  Richard knew it would be less expensive for her to finish her studies there, but he felt a pang in his heart nonetheless. Even though the girls had talked as if they were living their dreams, he knew how much they had sacrificed. He knew how much Judith had sacrificed.

  “Yes, she is. Very much like you.” said Judith, patting his arms and managed a smile.

  Very much like you and Kim. But Kim couldn’t pursue her dreams because I forced her not to. And now, she will see her sister achieve all that she couldn’t. How would she ever make it up to her little girl?

  “I’ll get home now. I’ll come tomorrow after office to see you.”

  Richard opened his eye as Judith got up to kiss him goodbye. “Tell Kim I want to meet Dave, will you?” he said. Then, taking in a deep breath and exhaling as if in defeat, he continued, “I want to see my girl and if this is the only way I can, then so be it.”

  Judith looked at him. His eyes were glassy and his face was merely skin over bones. Why was Kim doing this to him? Judith could feel her temper rise again. Her face felt flushed.

  Richard noticed the crimson that tinted Judith’s otherwise olive skin. “Don’t,” he huffed. “Don’t be mad at her. She has done enough for you and me and if this is how we can…” His frail voice barely audible. “Just don’t be angry with her… Judith, promise me?”

  Judith stood there with her back stiff and lips tightly pressed together. She looked at him and knew she couldn’t refuse him. So, she just nodded. She would ask Kim to bring Dave to meet him and wouldn’t say anything more.

  CHAPTER 4

  Every time Kim travelled by air, the feeling of being a guest onboard and not a host felt oddly nice. Not fretting over the flight schedules, service times, meals, and the annoying fliers was a welcome change as well. She handed the cabin bag over to Dave who settled it in the overhead cabins as she settled into her window seat. Her view out the window was that of the jet bridge, and she watched people walking through it and disappear towards the back of the plane. The non-stimulating images allowed her mind to wear off.

  The year and half that she had been working as cabin crew had been an exciting, overwhelming and a humbling experience. She had visited places she had only read about in novels and travel magazines. From Bali in Indonesia to Oslo in Norway, she had seen so many places and had begun to cherish the experiences so much. She had met some really nasty people too, but most of them were just amazing. The different countries and cultures that they came from opened Kim to a new world that she didn’t quite know existed.

  On the very first flight after her two-month long training, Kim met Dave who was flying business class to Athens. There was nothing that could have drawn her to him. An average looking, slightly pudgy, slightly balding man with a serious look would have hardly caught anyone’s attention, and she would have never given him a second thought if it wasn’t for the person flying with him. Bill happened to be her best friend Beth’s boyfriend and whom Kim had known for as long as she could remember. So, on her layover, the trio decided to go sightseeing.

  For Kim it was like jumping into one of those novels she had read as a young teen. The walk through the historic triangle of Plaka, Thission, Psyri was majestic. The coexistence of different eras fascinated her.

  “You are awfully quiet?” Bill had teased Kim as they stood in front of the Parthenon. It took Kim some time to realize that both Bill and Dave had been looking at her with smirks on their faces and she became very aware of herself and that she probably had her mouth hanging down. She quickly straightened herself and tucked the loose strand of hair fluttering across her face behind her ears. Hoisting her handbag more securely over her shoulders, she walked ahead, moving with the crowd.

  “No I am not. Just soaking in the history,” she said over her shoulder. “You guys better hurry up,” she scuttled to catch up with the moving tourist, “I don’t want to miss the details the tour guide is giving.”

  “It’s all probably on Wikipedia. Even I can tell you all of that,” Bill said as he and Dave sauntered through, deliberately just to irk Kim a little and it was working.

  “Yes, and that’s the same.” Kim glared at both the men. Her look defied any argument and the men fasten their pace to join her.

  “You take things too seriously,” Dave said as they sat down at Bets Café for some snacks.

  “I just don’t want to miss anything. I just want to make the most of my visit here,” as she paused to finish the Greek yogurt glazed with honey and walnuts, and mumbled, “Not everyone can afford to fly business class and stroll through such places on a whim.”

  “Jeez, Kim.” Bill seethed.

  “I’ll get us some coffee.” Dave got up and left.

  Bill straightened in his chair. With unmasked emotion, he said, “That was so not required. What’s with you these days? You just don’t think before you talk, do you? You’d better apologize for your snootiness.” Then he cooled down a bit and added, “Dave will probably let this pass for your childishness but I know you and this is not you. So either tell me what your problem is or behave like an adult.” He too got up and left leaving Kim scowling to herself.

  Childishness? The word played on in Kim’s mind. Am I the one being childish here? How dare he? These guys are the ones who are fooling around and they think I am being childish, she fumed to herself.

  “Here is your frappe.” Dave returned with a tall glass, which he placed on a table in front of Kim. “This should douse down the fire you are breathing out on us all.” He winked at Bill and continued, “We have covered a lot today, Syntagma, Acropolis, and The Acropolis Museum. Tomorrow we have just half a day, so to speak. Would you like to go see the Pandrossou Street Market or the National Archaeological Museum?” He took a large bite of the pastry he was eating and dropped some of it all over his T-shirt.

  “You have just doused the fire or else Kim would have burnt you alive. Nothing annoys or embarrasses Kim more than clumsy people dropping food while they eat!” Bill teased.

  Kim shot hi
m her well-practiced death-stare but he had already opened the floodgates of the endless leg-pulling that went late into the night.

  Once Kim was back in her room she couldn’t help but go over the day she had just had. I am in Athens. I am in Athens! She could hug herself. The excitement of all that she had experienced so far and all the local flavor that she would get to experience the next day at the Pandrossou Street Market kept her from getting any sleep. She tossed in bed all night as her thoughts kept going back to Dave.

  She accepted she had been nasty to Dave. It wasn’t really his fault that he had all the money in the world to visit places like these whenever he chose, and do whatever he pleased on his trips. She felt awful thinking about how she had behaved with him and how Dave had come back and made the whole atmosphere light again. It wasn’t awkward at all. It could have and should have been so, but it wasn’t. And that had broken the ice.

  The evening had been so easy after that, and conversation had flown smoothly. Though she had to admit she had gotten a little bored when the conversation strayed to business, the actual reason why Dave and Bill were in town. But once they were done, they made sure she was a part of the conversation. Well, Dave had made sure she was a part of the conversation. A part of her felt nice, even special, for the way Dave spoke to her and treated her. She wondered if he was always like this or if he was nice just to her. She was surprised when she caught herself secretly hoping that it was just for her.

  She could not explain this need — why did she want a man clearly nowhere near her age to make her feel special? But Kim didn’t think much about it; in fact, the thought didn’t even cross her mind. She couldn’t wait for the sun to rise and for her to be in Dave’s company again.

  CHAPTER 5