Perfect Imperfections

by Unknown

  The trip to Athens was the beginning of the many short work vacations Kim enjoyed with Dave. She couldn’t say when they had begun to plan trips together, but they had already seen Venice, Istanbul, Brussels, São Paulo and she had grown to enjoy going to these new places more in Dave’s company. Things were always planned and everything taken care of. The feeling of not being in charge and letting go was a refreshing change she was enjoying more and more. Not taking care of details and relying on someone else was a feeling she couldn’t remember, and that often made her feel a little bitter towards Judith. She couldn’t say either when two room bookings became one room booking. It was something that had happened just as naturally as everything else.

  “Kim, are you and Dave serious?” Beth shrieked over the phone.

  “So Bill told you,” said Kim. “Would it be that bad if I said I am?”

  “No!”

  “Why?”

  “No! No! No! No! No!”

  “Why?” A hint of annoyance was seeping in. It was none of her or anybody’s business whom she was dating.

  “Kim? You can’t…” said Beth.

  “Why not, Beth?”

  “Ah, for starters, he is older than you.”

  “And?”

  “Well, and….” Beth huffed out a breath.

  “Kim, I like the man, I really do. He is a gem of a person. But… he is way older than you. You know that and don’t tell me you haven’t noticed it. You may find things nice today and may have things in common today but what about… in five, ten years from now, when you will still want the same things but he will not.”

  “Do you mean that couples of the same age never grow apart?”

  “No, well, yes, they do but that is different.”

  “How is it different?”

  “Kim…” Beth started but Kim cut her off.

  “Aren’t you much younger than Bill? How is this any different from your situation? For anything it makes more sense for us than it made for you when you started dating Bill. And not that I want to be nasty but what was Bill when you started dating him?”

  “Kim!” Beth whispered before the line went silent as sheer shock of the words hit Beth and Kim struggled with her temper. That wasn’t fair, she realized. These things are not thought of practically or planned. And well that’s exactly what the point was. But she knew she had crossed a line. You can’t dig on friends.

  “Beth,” Kim began, “I didn’t mean it like that but that’s what my point was. You agree that Dave is a nice guy, he loves me and cares for me and shouldn’t that be enough? And you, of all people, should understand that.”

  “I know.” Beth’s thin voice finally broke the silence on the other side of the line.

  “But.”

  “But?”

  “Are you really happy?”

  “More than I have been in a long, long time, Beth, and you know I haven’t been happy with everything that has been happening over the past year. I don’t know since when, and that should tell you something. I don’t know what it is that I feel for Dave other than that I am at peace when I am with him. And for now that is all that makes me happy. Can’t I leave it at just that for now?”

  “Well, then I am happy if Dave makes you happy.”

  A smile escaped her lips as Kim thought of Dave. “He does. He just fills me up. And you know it’s not just about the trips to fancy places or dinners and shopping. I mean I do enjoy all of that, but it’s the smaller things, the everyday things that make me happy.”

  Kim walked to the window of the room and peeked through the curtains. “You know, Beth, it feels so nice not to be in charge of everything all the time? That is really what makes me want to be with him more and more. I can just let go and be in the moment and enjoy without worrying about details.”

  “You deserve to be taken care of, given everything that’s happening.” Beth felt happy for her friend but somewhere deep down, she also knew her friend. Kim may enjoy this change of not being in-charge for now, but she knew that when one is wired to be a certain way, a change is refreshing only for a small amount of time. Yet, knowing her friend, if she dared to point that out to her now, it would only incite Kim further and she didn’t want to be on the receiving side of the brunt that would follow. She also knew that she needed to be by Kim’s side when the difficult time came, and she knew it would. Was she an evil person to think that her friend would have a failed relationship? No, she was being practical. She loved Kim to bits to see her get hurt.

  “Oh, that must be Bill.” said Beth as the doorbell rang, and she started walking towards the door. “Kim, don’t be mad at me, okay?”

  “I am not. I can’t afford to be mad at you. We’ll talk later?”

  “Yes. Take care, okay?”

  “You too. Say hello to Bill.”

  “Yes, I will.”

  Kim clicked the phone off and placed it at the table by the window, and continued to look out. Dave is the best thing that could happen to me and I am not going to let anyone take that away from me.

  “You are awfully quiet today? Is everything okay?” said Dave as he watched Kim read the menu card in perfect silence as if it had some secrets codes written all over it.

  “No, why do you say that?” asked Kim, still not looking up from the menu.

  “It’s just that usually you are all excited to see what a restaurant has to offer and don’t really restrain your opinions about their menu, their interiors, their music. But today…” he gestured towards her, “…quiet.”

  “Yes, I am trying this new thing out,” she said, finally placing the menu down and looking up straight into Dave’s eyes. She knew that was something he just loved about her, the confidence that just radiated out of her. “Today, I am trying to be all sophisticated…” she said and then paused, sat up straight in the chair as if to prove a point, “…like you.”

  “Nah, you should go back to the previous version of yourself.” Dave picked up the menu trying hard to mask his amusement. He had fought the attraction he felt towards Kim from the get-go. He couldn’t have allowed himself to be distracted by a relationship and that too with someone much younger to him. But all his restraints went out the window every time she was in front of him.

  She clearly had issues but in many ways, she appeared to be an extension of himself. He could not bring out his inner self that often, but when he was with her, it happened naturally. He loved her confidence even though she didn’t know about things. Her determination to figure things out herself and her resistance to ask for help, everything about her made him ache for her when she was not around. Kim was a difficult person to be with at times and that was made clear to him in their very first meeting when they were out sightseeing in Athens. But don’t the imperfections of a person give them depth, make them who they truly are, good and bad — a whole?

  She could easily make a simple situation into a difficult one. But in all the mess that she tended to create, she seemed like a lost little kid struggling to find her way and determined to find it on her own. That energy in her was magnetic. It drew him to her every time she was in his presence. He often thought of asking Bill what the deal with Kim was, but for some reason he never did. He wanted to figure it out himself and with every layer that he peeled off, it became harder for him to understand her. But with the time they had spent together he was slowly beginning to understand that in the core of it all Kim loved her family so much so that she had given up her own future a way. Sometimes it’s harder to forgive yourself for what you cannot do for yourself and that is a heavy burden to carry. He was glad he could be there to help Kim lift that burden.

  So he sat there, reading the menu and observing Kim from the corner of his eye as she fidgeted in the chair. He tried his best not to smile.

  “Are you ready to place your order?” a waiter interrupted their moment of silence.

  “Yes, I’ll have a smoked salmon salad with crab dressing.”

  “I’ll have the same.”

 
; “All right then, two smoked salmon salads with crab dressing. Anything to drink?”

  “No. Water is good.”

  “Why won’t you ask me?” Kim asked in a hushed voice.

  “I did.”

  “Well, then ask again, because I didn’t answer.”

  “You want to be treated like a grownup. I didn’t think I needed to ask you the same question again. You’d tell me when you were ready.”

  “Humph! How long are you going to throw that in my face?” She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms across her chest.

  “Kim,” Dave finally dropped the act as he knew with experience that the humor he felt was clearly lost on Kim and if he had learned anything about Kim it was that a good moment could turn into a mindless argument in no time. “What is bothering you?” he placed his hand on the table, palms up, indicating he wanted hers in his hand.

  Kim relented, but she really wanted to tell Dave about her conversation with Beth. She wanted to ask him that if Beth wasn’t taking the news about their relationship well, how was she to break it to her parents?

  She slipped her hands into his and Dave squeezed them gently.

  “What is it?” he looked at her as she fiddled with the cutlery. “What is bothering you Kim? Is everything okay at home?”

  “Yes, at least for now. But I am not sure for how long it’ll be okay.”

  “What do you mean? Is Richard back in the hospital?”

  “No, Dad is at home. He is… well, he is fine at home.”

  “Then?”

  “Beth called.”

  “And she was not very happy to know about you and me,” said Dave unexpectedly. “And that is making you wonder how Richard and Judith will take the news?”

  Kim shot him a look; it annoyed her that Dave could read her so easily. It annoyed her that she didn’t get to explain herself. But what was she complaining about? That Dave understood her so well? That he cared enough to understand her and her situations even before she had to? Real mature of you, Kim. She huffed, knowing she was just being difficult.

  “Well, yes,” she said. “I am worried how they will react.”

  “They will react the way any parent would. And you have to allow that. You cannot control how others feel. All you can do is give them enough information about the situation and enough time to accept it.” When Kim didn’t look up or say anything Dave continued. “What were you expecting? That they would be thrilled to see their daughter in a relationship with a man much older that her? You can’t be that naïve, Kim. You knew they would never accept this easily and willingly.”

  “Yes, I didn’t. So what do you suppose we do since you have everything figured out so well?”

  The sharp tone clearly indicated Kim’s annoyance but she also knew that Dave was only helping.

  “Sorry! I am sorry, I don’t mean to take this out on you.” She placed both her hands in Dave’s and squeezed them hard. “I… I guess I didn’t think this far ahead. I didn’t think when or how to tell my parents. I was… am just enjoying our time together. I don’t know what to tell others anything about us. What do I tell people when I myself don’t know what is happening?”

  CHAPTER 6

  The flight attendant’s voice brought Kim back to the present. The time she had given herself to prepare for what was to come was over, the in-between was over. Now she had to brace herself for what was to happen next.

  “…If you require deplaning assistance, please remain in your seat until all…..” the sugary voice of the flight attendant went.

  “Are you okay?” Dave rubbed her shoulders gently. “You should have asked for a pillow. Sleeping at that angle…”

  “No, I am fine. I’ll be fine.” Kim rubbed at her sore neck.

  “Okay, let’s get off then.”

  Kim felt she was on autopilot ever since they had landed. The drive to the hotel Dave had booked was hazy. While she getting ready, Dave went to his place, changed, and drove back in his car to pick Kim, but she wasn’t yet ready. She was still struggling to put her thoughts together and that frustrated her. When Dave walked into her hotel room, she was sitting at the edge of the bed staring at the corner window.

  “Kim?”

  “Yeah! I know… I’ll be done in a bit. Just… just give me some time,” she managed to finish.

  “Kim.” He walked towards her and got down on his haunches so that he was at eye level with her. “Look at me, Kim.” He turned her face to his. “You trust me, right?” Kim just nodded and looked down at her hands as Dave took them in his. “Okay then… you know what we are doing, right?”

  “No. I mean yes… I mean… I don’t know, Dave. That’s the problem I guess. I don’t know what I am doing.” She wanted to say I don’t know what I am doing with you, but she couldn’t bring herself to say that she didn’t know if that was even true. But that moment made her wonder if that was the problem. She pulled herself up and walked to the window looking out at the skyline of Dubai from the twenty-second floor. The setting sun had splashed a dusky mauve and pale orange hue across the evening sky, a time of the day Kim had disliked ever since she could remember. She pulled down the window blinds and turned the lamp on.

  “What are we going to tell my parents, Dave?” She stood by the lamp and looked at Dave who was still kneeling by the bed.

  He got up and walked to Kim and stood in front of her with his hands in his pocket. He checked the urge to tuck the stray strand of her behind her ear and hug her, as he knew that would only raise her hackles. “We’ll tell them that you and I are in a relationship, which is true, that we are not fooling around which is also true and that we want to see where this goes — true again. We respect them, and don’t want to hide anything from them. I think that should cover the basics. And then…” He shrugged. “…and then, we will just answer whatever questions they have to the best of our ability.” He couldn’t resist any longer and tucked the stray strand of hair behind Kim’s ears and touched her cheeks lightly with his thumb and that instantly calmed her. She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath.

  “Yes, okay, yes.”

  “Kim, you know that they love you, and that’s the only reason they are concerned.” He walked to her and wrapped her in a side hug. “Wouldn’t you react this very way if you heard Sam was dating someone much older than her? Or how would you feel if she was dating at all?”

  “She is too young to date.” The words came out instantly without Kim thinking about it and pause before saying, “No! Well, yes.” She quickly changed her answer as soon as she saw the grin on his face and smiled back. “Yes, I wouldn’t take it too well and that’s only because she is too young.”

  “You are right. You are entitled to react that way just as your parents are entitled to react the way they are. You are also entitled to feel all these emotions that you are feeling right now. It’s nobody’s fault, Kim. People are not all good or all bad.”

  He sat her down on the bed and tilted her face up a little. “You have to stop slotting people as black or white. Sometimes, it’s not even them and it’s just a bad situation.”

  Dave had a faraway look in his eyes and Kim wondered if she had seen this look on him ever before. The hurt in his eyes radiated pain so strongly that she forgot all her worries for a minute and felt pulled into that pain. Dave realized the two hadn’t spoken a word for a few minutes, he looked at Kim to see her staring at him in concern.

  He quickly got back to the topic before Kim began to worry. “So we’ll do our best to make your parents comfortable and then take it from there,” he said and pressed his lips lightly on her head. He pointed to the pile of clothes on the bed. “Wear that… Richard will not be able to stay mad at you for more than a minute if he saw his girl in that.” He pointed to pair of jumpsuit that he was told, was a champagne pink color with white bows printed on them.

  The drive to Kim’s parents’ house could not have been more uncomfortable. She seemed to have a nervous tick. Her knees seemed to twitch as t
hey drove to meet Kim’s parents.

  “How many coffees have you had?”

  Kim shot him a look.

  “Ok!” He knew silence would serve them better, but he also knew if he didn’t do or say something to Kim to calm her down now, she would erupt at the slightest push. He couldn’t afford that to happen now, especially that Richard was back in the hospital and they could not visit him at home.

  “Kim,” he said and placed his hand on her knee, which effectively reduced the intensity of her jitters. “Will it help if we reschedule this?” It was a rhetorical question. He knew Kim well. He knew she would never agree to postpone this. It was a safe bet, intended to get her to calm down.

  “No,” she said with a heave and took Dave’s hand into hers. “I know I am being a handful, but... I don’t know… This is just…”

  She let the words hang there. What would she have said? I don’t want this. Or I am doing this just to make my point. But what was ‘this’? She wasn’t sure of what she was doing, let alone knowing why she was doing it.

  The rest of the drive was in silence. She almost went into some sort of emotional catalepsy and, for a change, Dave didn't know what was going through her head.

  ***

  At the hospital, Richard was under medication and was asleep when Kim and Dave walked in. Judith was sitting by his bedside with her tablet in hand. Even though she had known that Kim was coming in to see Richard, she couldn’t hide the look of surprise when she actually saw her, and that was followed with a look of relief. Maybe a part of her still didn’t believe that Kim would come after all. And if she knew her daughter at all, she knew very well that if it were not for Dave, Kim would never have come. For that, she was grateful to Dave. Perhaps, that realization made it easier for her to bring up a genuine smile when Dave greeted her.

  The conversations were superficial. They spoke mostly about Sam, Judith’s work, Kim’s work, and the weather as though they were overcautious to stay clear of anything that could and would trigger the underlying tension and accusations that Kim and Judith had for each other.