Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon, Vol. 2

by Hirukuma

  “They have their fingers in the transfer circle business, too. They’re blatantly starting to drive up prices, which is strangling the circulation of food. We’re trapped like rats at the moment.”

  “Damn it all! Is waiting for them to trample us all we can do?”

  “I have two adorable children at home. How are we supposed to last the winter?!”

  Fists pound on the table. The store owners are visibly frustrated by all this. It’s especially clear from how they keep glancing over in my direction.

  This extended farce has allowed me figure out the reason they called me here. They expect me to come up with a way to turn this situation around.

  To be honest, as a vending machine, it doesn’t really matter to me if a big chain moves into town. I can operate twenty-four hours a day, and I have several products the Chains Restaurant can’t imitate. I don’t think the residents of this world could use the freeze-dry manufacturing method for cup ramen, for instance.

  But I like the people living here, and I have Lammis to think about, too. It’s of no cost to me to show them favor. I’d like to secure a home for when I break down one day and become unusable.

  I also have a bitter memory of a favorite shop of mine in my school days, run by an old couple, that was squashed by big business. It wouldn’t be so bad to have my revenge in this world.

  “So, Mr. Boxxo, will you cooperate with us?! …If you do, we’ll halve Lammis’s inn fees when we finish rebuilding it.”

  Munami leans in close as she whispers the Lammis part to me; if I had a physical body, I’m sure I would have reacted. Hmm… I planned to help out even without her negotiations, but if this will benefit Lammis, any reason I might have to refuse has been eliminated.

  “Welcome.”

  “Thank you so much, Mr. Boxxo!”

  “Ohhh! If Boxxo helps us, we’ll have the strength of one hundred men…one hundred boxes!”

  “With Boxxo, we might just be able to pull through!”

  I’m fine with them making a big deal out of it, but this is all going to be my responsibility, isn’t it? They’re excited, thinking they’ve already won. What would they do if I can’t help them at all?

  I want to heave a sigh, but it would only produce a canned phrase, so I endure.

  “So this is the Chains Restaurant, huh? I’ve heard the rumors, but wow, it’s big!”

  “Looks like this place has finally made it to our stratum, eh?”

  I’ve come with Lammis and Hulemy to spy on the enemy. We’re in front of the store now. It’s definitely not the size of a shopping mall, but it’s probably the second largest building I’ve seen in this world, next to the Hunters Association building.

  The ceiling is domed, and it looks like it has one story. A circular store made of warped wooden panels fitted into one another. The design stands out prominently in the settlement.

  The entrance is large, and in front of it are employees in almost-pure-yellow jackets calling out to attract customers.

  “Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the Chains Restaurant, your friendly neighborhood store with delicious foods at low prices! Chains Restaurant, at your service! And as a store-opening celebration, all products are half price—that’s right, folks, half price!”

  I’m starting to feel nostalgic. You see this kind of thing all the time in Japan, but it seems like a foreign element in this world. An endless stream of people step inside, attracted by how unusual it is.

  They’re flourishing. Are their name and accolades lending to their success? I can understand those new to this settlement wanting to choose this store over the smaller shops.

  “Oh, oh my. Well, well, well. Come to scout out the enemy, perhaps?”

  A slender man calling for customers walks over to us, rubbing his hands together. The businesslike smile on his face gives me the creeps.

  “H-how did you know what we were doing?”

  “Lammis… Behind you,” says Hulemy, putting a hand to her forehead, shaking it tiredly.

  I mean, I think anyone would figure it out if you’re carrying me on your back. Does she not realize how much we stand out?

  “That must be Boxxo, the magic item with a mind I’ve heard so much about. Our president is interested in you, too. Are you interested in working for us? I can guarantee that you will be treated well.”

  I didn’t expect a recruitment offer. He doesn’t seem like he’s joking. His eyes aren’t smiling.

  From the other side’s perspective, I’m the biggest obstacle here. Is their intention to rope me into their business instead?

  “Boxxo won’t work in a place like that. He’ll be with me forever. Right, Boxxo?”

  “Welcome.”

  “See?”

  Why is Lammis sticking out her chest and acting smug? Still, now that I’ve been reincarnated in another world, I’ve frankly no interest in a normal, stable workplace. If I worked here, I have a feeling it would be no different from being a supermarket vending machine.

  “That is unfortunate. Well, I’m sure you’ll come around in a few months. Now then, we are quite busy, so I will take my leave.”

  What are you talking about? You were the one who came to us.

  I thought Lammis and Hulemy, their enthusiasm spoiled, would turn around and leave. But we can’t go back without doing anything, so they enter the store with me behind them.

  The entrance is large enough for them to go through it with a vending machine, and inside the store, there are no partition walls, creating a big, wide-open space. To the right is where they sell food. It looks like they offer dried beef and other ingredients that will last a long time. The goods seem aimed mainly at hunters.

  Left of the center is a wide counter with a kitchen behind it—probably the kind where you order and it’s prepared for you to take on the spot. Long tables are set up as well, with chairs spaced at even intervals. It has a similar setup to a food court.

  Lammis orders meat and pasta with yellowish-green vegetables in it. Hulemy asks for bread and something that looks like a whitefish meunière. They both look delicious to me, but they’re really no different from the ordinary stuff you can get in any old cafeteria.

  “Hmm, it’s good in a normal way,” says Lammis.

  “Yeah,” agrees Hulemy. “It tastes just like you think it would.”

  As they eat their food, they don’t really show any emotion. I don’t have taste buds. Not being able to compare foods stings, but it must taste good. I don’t see any of the joy of eating coming from them, though. They both seem happy whenever they eat my stuff.

  “It’s good, but… It’s just kind of normal.”

  “Maybe we’re too used to Boxxo’s food. I’m not surprised or impressed. It’s good in a normal way.”

  I see. It’s the kind of flavor you tend to get at above-average Chains Restaurants. They don’t use any strong seasonings so everyone will like it. Rather than going for a hundred points, they aim to keep it above seventy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that—every shop has to have a unified sense of taste. They can’t use complex recipes and spices. Plus, the prices here are the selling point, so they can only spend so much on ingredients.

  To add to that, spices are valuable in this world, meaning saltiness and light flavors are commonplace.

  Maybe there’s something we can exploit in that.

  The menu seems to be sticking to the basics as well. Yes, yes—I think I’m starting to get an idea.

  Overthrow the Chains Restaurant!

  “We will now begin our second grand gathering to overthrow the Chains Restaurant!”

  “Yeeeaaahhh!”

  The female shopkeepers, unable to match the impassioned roars of the men, shyly raised fists in the air in support; a scene that was unintentionally cute.

  It looks like we have the same members as before. I guess they’ve settled on Munami as moderator.

  We’re currently inside the tent the inn mistress is operating temporarily. The table and chair
s are mostly pressed up against one wall, creating a fair amount of open space.

  “As we notified you all beforehand, today we’ll be discussing countermeasures; namely, the cultivation of new recipes. I hope you’ve come with new samples. We’ll start things off.”

  They begin arranging new recipe prototypes around the table. The shopkeepers sample them and share opinions. Eventually, they each finish submitting their own dishes, but to be honest, none of them quite hits the nail on the head.

  They’re all slight variations on preexisting recipes. I don’t know how they taste, but judging from the others’ reactions, the situation looks grim.

  “Now we turn to you, Mr. Boxxo. Thank you for attending once again. Might you have any advice? What do you think of my test recipe, for example?”

  Munami holds a plate out in front of me—pasta with a thick soup on it. It looks like pasta with a béchamel sauce, but instead of being white, it’s yellow.

  “Um, Boxxo, you seem a bit troubled. How about Hulemy and I eat it and give you our thoughts?”

  “Welcome.”

  Ah, right. Lammis and Hulemy are attending the meeting today as honorary guests. The shopkeepers must want to get opinions from a customer’s perspective as well.

  I’d be happy to let you guys taste them in my stead.

  “Boxxo says it’s okay. Munami, can we try it?”

  “Yes, of course, Lammis. Go right ahead. You too, Hulemy.”

  “Not sure I have a very sophisticated palate, but all right.”

  They bring the pasta with yellow soup to their mouths. They chew it over in silence, then wipe their mouths.

  “It tastes good to me,” says Lammis. “But maybe it’s a little bland? I think it might be because the soup uses animal broth, but you thickened it with vegetables. I think the pasta would taste better if it was a little richer.”

  “Yeah, that’s what it feels like. And maybe you could cook the pasta a little less, so it’s harder. If it has time to soak in the soup, it should be easier to eat.”

  Those were pretty exact opinions. Lammis is apparently decent at cooking for herself, and it looks like Hulemy’s boasting that her food rivals first-class chefs’ was no lie. Maybe she has a more refined palate since she’s eaten that kind of food from a young age.

  “H-hold on a moment. I’ll write that down. Um, Boxxo, what about you?”

  Munami, flustered, has dropped the theatrics and speaks normally. She wants my opinion? I did think of something other than the improvements they suggested. Let’s see—if you want thick, creamy pasta, then how about this pasta with white sauce?

  I have canned soup with pasta here as well, but for them, the point is that the pasta will soak in the soup for a while, so they don’t use normal pasta. Using that as a reference might be a little strange.

  Instead, I bring out pasta sold in a specialty vending machine I found on a ferry once. The soup and the pasta are separate, and it takes longer to cut the plastic sealing on it than it does to open a regular can, but I remember it tasting particularly good.

  “Fwah, is this pasta in a bag? Hmm. This is warm, but you have to cut the seal away, right? It has a picture of scissors drawn on it, so you cut here and pour it inside… It’s white. A mixture of mushrooms and smoked meat, hmm? Let’s see how it tastes… Mmm, this is good! It has a rich flavor, and the soup is thick, too. It’s made with milk, isn’t it? Yes, yes, in that case…”

  Munami grabs her notes and heads for the kitchen, evidently having learned something.

  When the shopkeepers see her go, they immediately swarm around me, and Lammis and Hulemy end up sampling one test recipe after another.

  Karaage and french fries for those running fried-food stands.

  Pork soup, shijimi clam soup, and plain miso soup for the shopkeepers of hot soup places. Miso doesn’t appear to exist here, but the shopkeepers nod to themselves, obviously drawing inspiration from it.

  A pair of twin girls apparently provide the settlement with sweets, so I give them crepes in a clear container that I ate once in Kagoshima prefecture. The crepes in that vending machine were locally famous. There were many varieties, each one delicious.

  The ladies loved the crepes; I think those working in the shop run by the ever-voluptuous Shirley will receive them well. I feel that if nearby shops sell them, they’ll see quite a bit more business.

  In the same way, I offer food that matches the other shopkeepers’ respective repertoires. They get advice from Lammis and Hulemy, take their own notes, and then start working on all kinds of improvements right on the spot. Now it’s time for me to do some business.

  “Huh? Boxxo, you changed shape again. Are those eggs?”

  Yes. This time, I changed into an egg vending machine. Egg vending machines are surprisingly popular, and you can frequently find them all over Japan.

  They seem to be having a rough time getting ingredients, so the eggs fly off my shelves. After that, I shift into a vegetable vending machine commonly seen locally, causing the shopkeepers to fight over who gets to buy them first.

  I make sure to sell milk as well, since it’s required for the pasta sauce and the crepes. Unfortunately, I’ve never run across a vending machine that sold raw meat before, so I can’t do anything about that. I don’t think they’d have them in Japan for food hygiene reasons. We’ll have to have the hunters do that work for us. I set the products at pretty attractive prices. The shopkeepers seem to be more than happy with my marketing, so they decide to set aside a bit of time once a week for me to sell them ingredients. They plead for me to do this for at least for the duration of the winter, so I accept.

  Three days later, it’s time for our all-out restaurant revolt.

  Today, I refrain from stocking foods during the eateries’ hours to support their activities. I selected a lineup of drinks that I think will go well with their new recipes.

  The bout will last for one month, while the Chains Restaurant’s grand opening sale is still going on. In that time, we will stop the outflow of customers and gain control over their stomachs.

  The Chains Restaurant is known for withdrawing immediately if they decide they’re not turning a profit, so if their grand opening sale numbers are poor, there’s a good chance they’ll stop doing business on the Clearflow Lake stratum.

  I’ve done all I can, so now I just have to wait for the results. I had them position me in a place where I could see a lot of shops at once, so for today, I’ll be a close observer.

  In the morning, all the shops are busy preparing—but right before noon, each one springs into action.

  “We’ve got a new recipe on the menu today, folks! Crisp, fried putetu, all the rage with kids! Come and try them out!”

  “One dish, packed with all the rich flavors of meat. You can only try it here!”

  “After such a rich meal, how about a light dessert that’s a feast for the eyes? You can choose any fruit you like as a filling!”

  The hawkers begin raising their voices, calling out for customers.

  It’s been two weeks since the Chains Restaurant set up shop, and the customers have just gotten a taste of their most noteworthy foods. Now, products lined the streets that they’d never seen nor heard of before.

  All of it was pretty much junk food. None of the foods fit into a well-balanced diet, and they’re all high in calories. Still, the people of this world burn way more calories in comparison to modern Japan.

  In fact, a scarcity of vegetables in the winter is normal here; it’s no use worrying about it. Anything with vegetables gets more expensive this time of year, so telling people you tried to make the food healthier by adding veggies at an extra cost would only deter customers. For stalls with hamburgers, simply adding a piece of lettuce is extravagant—and yet, burgers are lauded as inexpensive.

  Each stall has been set up so as not to overlap their unique flavors, but at the moment, the karaage is selling the best. Second is hamburgers, and then a food that looks like takoyaki. They
don’t have octopus, so they must be using some other meat. I was the one who provided the sauce for it. Vending machines sell it normally, and I bought it several times while I was alive.

  The stalls are set up in the plaza in front of the Hunters Association, giving it the added advantage of attracting hunters who’ve just turned in requests and filled their wallets, making them ripe for the spending. The Chains Restaurant requires a hefty plot of land to accommodate its size, so they built it somewhat far away. With the winter chill, some people were reluctant to travel that far.

  Steam billows from the stalls and delicious smells waft through the air, whetting the appetites of potential customers. Who could resist such temptation? Lammis and Hulemy did the taste testing, and the shopkeepers have improved their recipes considerably, puffing them up with confidence.

  “Oh? What’s this?”

  One hunter, who stood at a stall as he ate, was handed a business card–size slip of paper by the shopkeeper. He tilted his head in confusion.

  “When you buy something, you get a stamp. Basically, once all the spaces are stamped, you’ll get a one-silver-coin discount at all participating locations.”

  “Really? How neat. Wait, so it doesn’t have to be this shop?”

  “No. It will work at any shop with this card’s picture drawn on the front.”

  That is the second phase of our secret plan: introducing point cards. As for the participating locations, that refers to, of course, all the eateries managed by the shopkeepers who were part of the council.

  How did they think up the point-card system? Thanks to me, of course. These days, vending machines that allow you to insert cards to earn points aren’t unusual. Depending on the manufacturer, some vending machines give you a point card when you buy a product, so I acquired that feature and then actually gave them a card so they’d understand.

  Well, the shopkeepers didn’t know what it was for. Hulemy understood how to use it, though, and told them for me. Her powers of insight are a huge boon.

  My makeshift knowledge and Hulemy’s and Lammis’s advice had roused the Clearflow Lake eateries to action, and now we find ourselves in an advantageous position. Customers are drawn here only because of the novelty, but that’s fine for now. If we can maintain our advantage for a short time, the Chains Restaurant should withdraw.