Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon, Vol. 2

by Hirukuma

  The bear cats run straight by, and as the hugehogs cross my path a few moments later—juice-splash attack!

  I use Force Field and eject the cans of juice outside it. They fly at considerable speed, with three of them striking two of the pig people. It doesn’t look like it did any damage at all, but the cans that missed are scattered around, making it hard to move, and now they’re looking at me.

  Then I deactivate the camouflage and say “Get one free with a winner” several times in succession.

  “What’s that, oink?”

  “A labyrinth trap, oink!”

  Oh, they actually end their sentences by saying “oink.” How easy to understand. That means these monsters have enough intelligence to speak. Director Bear and the bear cats do, too, so maybe bipedal mammalian creatures have high intelligence.

  “Do you remember a trap here, oink?”

  While the hugehogs are focused on me, the bear cats gain quite a bit of distance. Now to activate my next trap. Pigs are omnivores, right? I’ve heard they’ll eat just about anything.

  I change to the vegetable machine—which just got used earlier—and after releasing the glass display, I push all the veggies out of my Force Field.

  “Oink! Food came out, oink, oink!”

  “Food, food, oink!”

  Without a second thought, they pick it up and start chomping down on them raw. They must have been pretty hungry.

  Their backs are turned as they delightedly engorge themselves. They seem to have lost interest in the bear cats, and no sooner do they snatch up the greens in their frenzy than they throw them into their mouths.

  Meanwhile, I change into a short vending machine from a children’s theme park and make my color scheme the same as the wall.

  After observing them for a while, they finish eating everything. Seeming satisfied, they smack their bellies and stolidly stand up.

  “I’m full, oink.”

  “Hey, the box that made the vegetables is gone, oink.”

  They look all about, and even when their eyes land on me, they find nothing, since my color is the same as the wall before them.

  They’re confused, but with their bellies full they seem to have lost their sense of caution, so they go back along the path.

  I managed to let the bear cats escape, but they went away, too. Crap. I wanted to observe them some more. I’m satisfied with saving them, though, so I guess that’s enough.

  Those bear cats sure were cute. They were about child-size, too. But what were they doing out here? For monsters that live in the labyrinth, I didn’t detect any bloodlust or fear from them.

  They seemed to be enemies of those hugehog fiends, too. They seem like one of the friendly races that live with humans, like Director Bear. They could speak, too, so they might have been good customers as well. What a shame.

  Still, despite this being an alternate world, the beast people and monsters all seem like they’re based on Earth creatures. But what were those bear cats? I get the feeling I saw them once when I was little, but…what were they called?

  It was a really cool-sounding name. I remember it drawing my attention when I was in middle school…

  “Are we really going back…?”

  “The monsters get stronger the deeper we go…”

  “The trap might still be active…”

  Oh, I hear the bear cats from before talking.

  I’d been watching the direction in which the hugehogs disappeared this whole time, so I didn’t notice, but they’ve gotten close.

  I turn my gaze to see the four bear cats, paying close attention to their surroundings as they walk.

  Now, what should I do? I can pretend to be the wall, and they might not notice me. But first, I return to my usual vending machine color scheme. This one is about the right size for children to use, so for the bear cats’ height, this would be easier to access.

  Ahhh, their arms and legs are so short and cute!

  “What’s that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Isn’t it the trap the hugehogs got caught in before?”

  The flappy-eared, wounded one is staring intently at me from a distance. The plump bear cat seems to be waiting in the back, too. The other two seem quite interested. They creep toward me, then easily reach their front legs—er, hands—toward me and poke me.

  They’re probably just trying to figure me out, the same as I’m doing for them. Just as curious as I’d expect, given their catlike appearances. They surround me and start to sniff me.

  I am in heaven right now. I’d love to savor this moment of bliss, surrounded by bear cats, but I can’t do that, either. It’s such a darn shame.

  “Welcome.”

  “Vooohhh?!”

  The bear cats all jump back at once to distance themselves. I told you, your cries and faces are scary! I’m sorry, it’s my fault for startling you.

  “Vaaahhh!”

  The dark-brown one seems strong-willed, and he opens his mouth wide to snarl at me.

  The other two are backing slowly away. At this rate, they’ll run away from me. I’ll change my form, heat up some karaage, and drop it into my compartment. Thanks to my speed increase, they finish warming in a heartbeat.

  “It lit up and grew!”

  “B-be careful, everyone!”

  “Shouldn’t we run away? Hey, shouldn’t we run away?”

  The three in the back are even more scared.

  The thinner one must be their leader—he’s the one urging caution. The chubby one seems the shyest, backing off behind the others.

  Crap, they’re even cute when they’re scared!

  “Wait, is that meat I smell?”

  The dark-brown one’s nose perks up as he notices the scent.

  You usually think of cats as liking fish, but they actually like chicken more. The cat I was raising in my home has a criminal record of swiping both raw and fried chicken. And even if they’re bears, they’ll like the meat.

  They seem to be making sure that this isn’t a trap, but their curiosity and appetites lock them in place.

  “Welcome. Insert coins.”

  “Vaaahhh… Ah? Is this box selling things?”

  Oh, the flap-eared one noticed!

  “Don’t be fooled, Suco. It could be the kind that lures you in with items.”

  The thin one seems the prudent type. Even though the fluffy one is wandering slowly toward me, drawn by the meat.

  “Pell, don’t get close. Short, you keep your distance, too.”

  “All right, Mikenne.”

  Oh, they’ve revealed all the names of the bear cats. The thin one, their leader, is Mikenne, and the flap-eared female-sounding one is Suco. The chubby one is Pell, and the strong-willed dark-brown one is Short.

  Somehow, I have to lure the bear cats into buying something.

  The Voracious Devils

  They haven’t let down their guards yet, but they seem to like the karaage. I’d be in a bind if I provided everything for free, and driven by greed, they didn’t try to buy anything and simply took the contents out instead.

  “Let’s just eat them. We don’t have any provisions left, and I’m hungry.”

  Yes, bear cat named Pell, give in to the temptation. Are you the heavy eater character like your appearance suggests?

  “Don’t be dumb, Pell. Have you forgotten your pride as a pouch-panda-fiend member of the Voracious Devils?”

  Mikenne, was it? It’s fine that he’s puffing out his chest all leader-like, but Voracious Devils? Also, pouch-panda fiend is a long name.

  According to their name, they have pouches, so I guess they’re marsupials with characteristics of bears and cats. Come to think of it, isn’t bear cat an old Japanese way to say panda? And the Voracious Devils… Ahhh! I figured out what animal they’re based on! An endangered animal whose cool name caught my middle school self’s attention. I think they’re Tasmanian devils!

  They’re cute on the surface, but they have a devilish cry and a whi
te crescent pattern on their chest. I remember now. They’re definitely Tasmanian devils. Of course, this is an alternate world, so they could be different, but the haze of confusion in my mind is clear now.

  I think I remember Tasmanian devils being carnivores with fairly large appetites. If I can get them to be my customers, I can expect good sales.

  “Welcome. Insert coins.”

  “Do we run, or…?”

  “I can’t take it anymore!”

  Pell pushes Mikenne out of the way and jumps at the fried chicken–filled boxes. He tears into it before the others can stop him, plucks out a piece of meat from inside with steam billowing from it with a sharp claw, and throws it into his mouth.

  “Om, nom, gulp. It’s…it’s amazing! What is this?!”

  He devours all five pieces in the blink of an eye, then licks the grease off his lips.

  “Huh? Is it good? Huh? If you put coins in, you can buy the things on these pictures? Is that it?”

  “H-hey, what about ours?! We might as well break open the box… No, I guess we just need to put in a coin, then break the box and get the coin out later. I’m digging in, too!”

  “Wait, Suco, Short! This might be a trap!”

  Ignoring Mikenne’s attempts to stop them, the dark-brown Short removes a silver coin from his jacket pocket, and after somehow locating the coin-insert slot, puts it in there.

  “The bumps under the pictures lit up. Does that mean I should press it?”

  If he were someone from the settlement, I would respond “Welcome,” but they won’t know it means yes. That kind of exchange has become normal in my settlement life, which is why I slipped up before. It was always more natural for the meaning to fail to get across.

  Short nervously presses the button for the fried meats and the product appears in the compartment in a warmed state.

  “I thought so. It smells fragrant and whets the appetite. And it’s warm, too. I’ll try some for myself.”

  “Me too, then!”

  Everyone aside from Mikenne buys the karaage, and they chow down noisily on it. They seem to like it. Pell takes out several silver coins and puts them into the slot one after another, hitting the same button repeatedly.

  I’m glad I raised my speed stat. At this rate, they might not have been able to stand how long it took to heat them up, and they might have destroyed me.

  After dispensing a whopping six orders of karaage for Pell, Short and Suco, who were waiting behind him, do the same and buy more.

  Even Mikenne, who’s been watching me closely with his short arms folded, seems to have reached the limit of his endurance. He wanders over to me unsteadily, puts in a coin, and buys some karaage.

  “I swear. What are you all going to do if this is a trap? First, we need to taste for poison… Haah, the juices are flowing out! What is this? It’s amazing!”

  Great, they’ve all surrendered. Now you know the power of Japan’s frozen food technology. Wait, I shouldn’t act like it’s my achievement. Many thanks to you, certain company! Personally, I prefer the fried rice from this manufacturer, but I have doubts these carnivores would eat it.

  Still, Director Bear has eaten it several times, so maybe I don’t need to worry about that. As I mull it over, I watch them pleasantly…but how long are these Tasmanian devils going to eat for? They’ve eaten at least one helping each by now, and they’ve bought twenty already.

  Wait, will their stomachs be okay? There really are only four of them, right? To think I’d end up needing to replenish my karaage stock just for them—the Voracious Devils are a force to be reckoned with.

  “My stomach’s fit to burst. And I’m too tired to run away…”

  “Come on, Pell. We can’t sleep here.”

  “Can’t we take a break here, Mikenne? Suco can’t move anymore, either.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t think I can take another step.”

  “No, I apologize. I’ll stay on the lookout, so you can all rest here.”

  “Okay. I’ll change with you later, so you take the first shift, Mikenne.”

  Everyone but their thin leader, Mikenne, enters the gap between the wall and me to hide, lie down, and fall asleep within a minute. They must have been really tired.

  At this distance, I might be able to protect them with Force Field.

  From what I’ve seen so far, all the members seem to be on good terms, trusting and covering for one another. The thin Mikenne, standing watch, is leaning against me, occasionally losing consciousness. It looks like just standing is a feat for him right now.

  It’s starting to get dark around here, so you can go to sleep if you want. I’ll stand watch in your place. I know those thoughts didn’t get to him, but Mikenne, energy drained, slides to the ground and falls asleep.

  You did good today. Take a load off and have a nice nap.

  “What do we do now?”

  “Mgah, nom, nom, munch.”

  Mikenne is planning the next course of action with his comrades, but they’re all intently focused on eating, so they aren’t listening. In the end, none woke up until morning, and they seemed to be hungry as soon as they did, so they bought another mountain of karaage.

  When I took the chance to change forms, their faces hardened and they snarled at me, but once they realized they could still buy their meat, they were instantly fine with the change. Maybe their race prioritizes hunger above all else.

  “I wonder what this box is.”

  “Gulp. Phew. A magic item that you can buy food from?”

  “Getting to eat such delicious meat was a stroke of luck.”

  “You seem cheerful, Pell. You know, despite the situation.”

  As I learned from eavesdropping on their conversation during breakfast, they’re not monsters who live in this maze but, rather, hunters. They belong to a certain group, apparently called the Voracious Devils. The name might seem to be at odds with their appearance, but all it took to convince me was witnessing the way they eat.

  Anyway, is there some sort of requirement in this world that says hunter groups have to give themselves weird names? As far as I’ve heard, this maze stratum is fairly profitable but also highly dangerous. Hunters seeking stability stay away from it—which is why I haven’t met any other hunters.

  The Voracious Devils are, by their own description, “very expensive to maintain for some reason,” so they came to this stratum aiming to get rich quick and keep the group together. As for the reason… It’s obvious from an outsider’s perspective, but… Isn’t there some way they can eat less food?

  They have high physical ability, too, with their jaw strength and claw sharpness, plus an intimidating Blessing called Roar. They don’t seem incompetent as hunters, but since they’re born with small bodies, they have trouble handling larger enemies.

  But to hear them say it, if there had only been two hugehog fiends chasing them, they’re confident they could have managed to beat them without anyone getting hurt, though I don’t know if that’s true.

  After finishing everything, they rub their bellies and lie there in a daze. They’re relaxing as though full tummies protect them from any potential threats.

  “I have something to say, everyone. Please listen. About what to do now—I think we should try to get back to the entrance somehow.”

  “But we haven’t gotten any treasure.”

  “I…I agree. We should go back. It’s scary here.”

  “We won’t be able to keep the group together if we go back now. Are you okay with that?”

  I think your lives are more important, personally. You might want to return. As for the lone female— Wait, I should call her a girl. I recommend you go back once her wounds are fully healed.

  “Haven’t we already found a treasure? This magic item you can buy food from!”

  “Ahh, you’re right!”

  It gives me a tingly feeling to be called a treasure, but I’m not someone’s possession, and I already have a partner in Lammis. I’ll voice a word o
f complaint.

  “Too bad.”

  “Vaaahhh! That scared me. I didn’t know it could say things besides welcome.”

  “Get one free with a winner.”

  “Huh? It can say other things, too?”

  “Thank you. Please come again.”

  I play all my phrases to gauge their reactions.

  The pouch-panda fiends huddle up and begin whispering among themselves.

  “Did it just react to our voices?”

  “I think it was a coincidence.”

  “But it seems like it was answering our question.”

  “Do you think the box could have a mind? We’ll just have to try.”

  When they’re finished, they all take a step away from me and stare. Their black-eyed stares only serve to give me peace of mind, though.

  Mikenne, acting as the representative, takes a step forward, gathers himself, and speaks to me. “Do you actually understand what we’re saying?”

  That’s what I’ve been waiting for. My answer is obvious.

  “Welcome.”

  “Look, see? It doesn’t understand. It’s just giving random responses to our voices.”

  Huh? No, no, no, no! Come on, figure it out. I can’t say anything other than those things, and I have to make do with them.

  “Too bad.”

  “Oh, you’re right. It’s just reacting. It doesn’t mean anything. Phew, that surprised me.”

  “Yep. I’m so surprised I’m hungry again. Maybe I’ll try something other than the fried meat.”

  Whaaat?! No, just try thinking about it again, but harder! You might figure a few things out! I believe in you!

  But despite my mental cheering for them, they lose their patience and start eating again.

  Sigh… Oh, but I see. Now that I think about it calmly, that was how you’d expect someone to react. It was thanks to Lammis’s high intuition that I could communicate with everyone in the stratum, too, but the Devils’ reaction is the most natural one.

  “Okay, then we’ll take this magic item back with us, right?”

  “Yep!” “Sure.”

  The bill has been passed unanimously. I’d like to clear up this misunderstanding somehow, but it’s fine for now. I’d be more thankful if they bring me close to the entrance. Once Lammis and the others come looking for me, they’ll find me right away.