Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon, Vol. 2

by Hirukuma

  “Okay. Suco, you’re hurt, so the three of us will carry it!”

  Mikenne, Pell, and Short go around me and put all their strength into trying to move me. However, they only manage to scrape me maybe an inch across the ground. Every time I run into a situation like this, it reminds me of how amazing Lammis is for carrying me by herself.

  “Hhhnnn!”

  “Ugaaahhh, vaaahhh!”

  “I…I can’t do it!”

  All three of them fall up against me, breathing raggedly. They may be physically powerful despite their size, but not enough to carry me.

  If I go with them, they won’t need to secure food, and if it comes to it, I can protect them with Force Field. More importantly, I’d be a little worried if they abandoned me or left me here.

  Which means I need to turn into something easier to carry. If I became the cardboard vending machine again, they could probably carry me comfortably. But my restriction won’t let me change types for more than two hours. I should save that for when I really need it.

  I suppose this here is the only method left. I choose one of the features that appeared after I ranked up, and four wheels appear underneath me.

  “Huh? Did it just get a little taller?”

  “Look, look!” cries Suco. “Wheels came out underneath the box!”

  You noticed? I think it should be possible to move me now, right?

  Once again, the members, minus Suco, go around to my side and push, and though it’s slowgoing, they begin to move me more smoothly than I thought. It looks like it’s a good thing the path here is flat, without any ascents or descents.

  “It’s moving!”

  “We’re going to be rich!”

  “Will we be able to eat to our heart’s content whenever we want?”

  “I mean, look at how convenient it is. We could sell it to the Chains Restaurant and be rolling in cash.”

  I’m sorry to butt in while you’re all overjoyed, but I have no intention of being sold. Also, I firmly reject having anything to do with the Chains Restaurant.

  Hmm. I bet when they meet Lammis and the others, we’re going to have trouble on our hands. It’s a distressing thought, but I want to get as close to the entrance as I can, so I’ll just push that thought aside for now.

  The Four Critters and the Machine

  Despite growing wheels and becoming mobile, I still weigh just as much. Pushing me around saps their energy a fair bit, and after an hour of pushing, they take a break.

  When that happens, everyone chooses a drink for themselves, clearly thirsty from the effort.

  I’d be in just as much of a bind as them if their stamina and motivation ran out, so I provide my products at a cheap price, but it doesn’t seem like they need that much in the way of hydration. Compared to how much meat they eat, they only drink as much as a regular person.

  They take several breaks over the day, but I feel like we’re not really making any progress. I can’t see the end of the path, and the scenery around us changes so rarely that I worry we’re not actually getting anywhere.

  Side paths appear every once in a while, but I know they lead to fairly complicated areas. After all, I have the entire maze recorded on my surveillance camera.

  When evening comes, they begin setting up camp early. Karios the gatekeeper has told me before about how monsters get more violent at night, so they must be guarding against that.

  That night, I sell just as many products as I did during the day. My morbid astonishment at their appetites has gone into the realm of genuine admiration now. If they had an eating contest with the archer girl, Shui, from the Menagerie of Fools, it could be interesting.

  “How much longer until we get to the entrance?”

  “About a week at least, I think. It’s been two weeks since we came to the maze stratum.”

  “Well, we got lost for a few days, too. I think that’s about right.”

  “The main road is straight, so I don’t think we’ll get lost, but we’ll run into more monsters. We should be careful.”

  I haven’t seen anything but those hugehog fiends, but I suppose it’s only natural that several different monsters live in the maze stratum. Based on what I saw from above, there are giant boulder-puppet things. In regular fantasy works, they’d be magical life-forms created from rocks and boulders—golems.

  Also, I spotted something wriggling in the distance, though it was too far away for me to get a good look at it.

  “A little farther, and we’ll get to where those hugehogs showed up.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. They suddenly jumped out from a side path, and I don’t remember much else since they hurt my foot.”

  “That was really surprising. Just thinking about it is making me hungry.”

  “Have a little self-control, Pell.”

  Is this an area where the hugehog fiends wander? Suco’s foot has gotten a lot better, so they should be able to run away at full speed if they get chased again.

  The Voracious Devils don’t know about my Force Field. I know I should tell them about it now, but would they even understand it if I showed them?

  If the alternative is hesitating and making a mistake at the last moment, I should show them while I have the chance. All right, let’s go for it.

  “Welcome.”

  “Vaaahhh?!” cries Suco. “What? Why did this box just talk?!” As always, the cry they give when they’re surprised and their super-threatening faces scare the crap out of me.

  Everyone’s eyes are on me. Okay, let’s turn it on for a bit.

  “Huh? Huh? What’s this clear blue wall?”

  “Wh-what’s going on? Is everyone all right?!”

  Mikenne and Suko aren’t currently pushing me, so they’re a bit farther off, outside the Force Field. The two pushing me realize they’re inside the field and panic, trying to get out by hitting their heads on the wall.

  “W-we can’t get out! Mikenne, Suco, heeelp!”

  “Pell, don’t lose your head. Stay calm.”

  Pell, one of the ones trapped in here, has completely lost his composure, but Short is calmly trying to settle him down.

  “Vaaahhh!”

  Mikenne and Suco open their big mouths and snarl, then swing their sharp claws at the Force Field.

  But their claws are unable to pierce the barrier, and they simply bounce off.

  “Is this box doing all this? Then I’ll…!”

  This time, Short opens his mouth and tries to bite me. But I decide Short isn’t allowed inside the field!

  Short is ejected while in his biting position. He slides across the ground on all fours, glaring at me. He reacts aggressively, totally different from his earlier behavior. I’d thought of them more like the Voracious Therapy Animals, but it seems like their race can get pretty violent if they need to.

  “Vaaahhh! What’s the big idea, magic item?! Release our friend!” snarls Mikenne, his expression deadly. The name Devils isn’t for nothing.

  This turned into something a little unexpected, but in order to clear up the misunderstanding, I decide to release Pell, too.

  “P-please just let me out— Oh, I’m out.”

  “Are you okay, Pell? What on earth was that blue stuff…? And did this magic item do it?”

  “Welcome,” I say, answering with my usual stand-in for yes.

  “Are you making fun of us?! What was that ‘welcome’ for?!” howls Short, enraged, baring his fangs.

  Is that how he took it? I guess I can’t blame them for thinking I’m making fun of them by saying welcome at a time like that. This won’t work. I’m too accustomed to talking with Lammis and the others.

  In order to communicate with them, I’ll need to search for a new solution.

  Now I’m frustrated for not having chosen Telepathy, but there’s no point dwelling on the past. I’ll just have to test and find the best method I can use right now.

  I acquire a feature I’ve been hesitating over called Electronic Billboard. The hesitation
comes from its obviously high point consumption. Ideally, it would make it possible for me to display letters to communicate. I’ll never know unless I try. Time to turn it on.

  A long black sign appears on the upper part where my products are lined up. And then I focus, trying to get letters to scroll across it.

  “Welcome. Insert coins. Thank you. Please come again.”

  I knew it! Just the canned phrases! That was the biggest reason I’d been hesitating. I had a bad feeling that I’d only be able to display what I could physically say. It was so predictable it makes me want to cry.

  “Huh? What’s that? Weird pictures? Lines? They’re going across.”

  “Are those letters? I’ve never seen them before.”

  Oh, right. Plus, they display in Japanese. Well, I knew that part. I knew it would end like this way back when I realized the letters on the cans and my body were indecipherable to others!

  I gambled on the last ray of hope, but all this is going to do is display unknown characters to people. Can I get a refund?

  Ah, crap. Now what? I’m totally out of options. How am I supposed to make them understand that my Force Field will protect them, not hurt them?

  “Does this mean the magic-item box rejects us?”

  “Too bad.”

  “See? I knew it.”

  No, that’s not what I meant, Mikenne. I accidentally said that to mean no.

  This is such a pain. I miss Lammis and Hulemy.

  “We can’t touch it. We’ll have to leave it here.”

  “But Mikenne, if we don’t bring that back, we’ll die of starvation. We don’t have money.”

  “Pell’s right. Shouldn’t we look for a way to take it back?”

  “Yep! We should. Look, it drove us away, but it didn’t hurt us.”

  Oh, maybe there’s still hope. First then, I’ll turn the Force Field off. And then I’ll provide them food again. Here it is—your favorite karaage!

  “Hauuu, I smell the meat!”

  “Pell, don’t let it tempt you so easily!”

  “But you’re drooling, too, Short!”

  “It might be a trap. I’ll make sure there’s no poison first!”

  I was worried, but they fell for it so easily they’re beginning to look like idiots. They pounce on the fried meat, starting their bulk purchasing again. I suppose this means I’ve won for gaining control over their stomachs.

  “Nom, nom. There’s no way a box that can make such great food can be bad.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. It’s delicious.”

  “Well, it’s good. I guess it’s all right.”

  “Yeah, but only because it’s good.”

  Is that all it takes? Aren’t you going to, I don’t know, vacillate or argue a little more?

  Their caution from earlier thrown entirely to the wind, they scoop the fried meat into their mouths handfuls at a time, satisfied as they chew.

  When I look at their happy faces, it makes me feel like nothing else matters. I’ll probably be with them for a while, after all, and for better or worse, they know about my Force Field now. I’ll settle for that.

  “Oooiiink!”

  Suddenly, a hugehog’s cry echoes, tearing through the peaceful mood, followed by the thunderous clamor of footsteps heading straight for us. It’s coming from the entrance to a side route a little farther down.

  “That was a hugehog! Everyone, get ready to escape!”

  All of them stand and stoop over. Perfectly ready to flee. Oh, wait, I’ve seen this before. I’m going to be left behind again. If it means the Voracious Devils will survive, I’ll be in charge of buying time once more.

  As I watch the spot connecting this road to the side path, six hugehog fiends burst forth. Then they barrel toward us. Sweat pours from their bodies, and they’re completely unarmed as they run at full speed.

  Wait, why do they look miserable, like they’re about to cry? It’s almost like they’re being chased by something—

  As if to confirm my suspicions, the air behind the pigs trembles, and a giant bony hand appears and grabs the wall. It’s not just big, either. It’s wreathed in flames, and its intense heat melts the stone wall away, reducing it to magma.

  Then a giant skull appears, big enough to swallow one of the hugehogs whole. Just like its arms, its skull is covered in fire, and black flames burn in its eyes.

  “That’s the Flame Skeletitan! You’ve gotta be kidding me! Everyone, run!”

  The Flame Skeletitan

  The hugehog fiends seem to just be running away, without any time to attack the Voracious Devils. The Devils, for their part, have already dashed away like hares.

  The entire form of the skeleton wrapped in flames is now visible, and it is shockingly titanic. A little more, and it would be as tall as the walls. It must be almost thirty feet high.

  The intense heat coming off it is making the view hazy. Every time it takes a step, it melts a foot-shaped portion of the ground that it sinks into. Plus, the vertical vibrations are awful. If it’s that big, the bones alone must weigh a ton, considering it’s bouncing my vending machine body into the air.

  If it’s this incredible, I don’t think the cola splash we used on the king frog fiend will work. A few plastic water bottles hitting it would be akin to sprinkling water on a blazing firestorm.

  I should give up on beating it and think of a way to buy time. The hugehogs should reach me shortly…which means there’s only one thing to do.

  First, I have to change my form. I add a new feature that appeared at rank 2, a gas pump, and change into that. It’s the gas station appliance that’s always handy in the wintertime.

  The mark of a certain gas station is depicted on my white body, and a sturdy rubber hose and levered nozzle are on my side.

  Well, even if gasoline gets on me, as long as I reject it from entering the Force Field, it’ll be expelled outside, right? Let’s dispense a little gas just to test it.

  I pull the lever… I see. As a safety precaution, the gas won’t come out when the hose is inside. I should have expected as much from Japanese manufacturing. Mission complete.

  No, I’m not a person—vending machine—who would give up so easily. Isn’t there some kind of loophole I can exploit?

  The Flame Skeletitan takes another step forward and the tremors increase, causing my gas pump body to hop involuntarily. And as I land, the nozzle comes out and falls to the ground.

  That was lucky. The tip is aimed conveniently toward the path, too. Let’s splatter some gas all over the ground.

  The gas flowing from the nozzle begins to wet the ground in front of me. The ground is stone here, too, so it doesn’t absorb the gas, instead allowing it to make a thin puddle all through the area.

  The hugehog fiends, completely oblivious to what’s underneath them in their desperation to get away, step into the gasoline region.

  “Oooiiink!” they cry, slipping and falling clumsily. Some are clutching their heads and groaning, too. A floor covered in gasoline is as slippery as a skating rink. Now that they’ve fallen, they’ll have a hard time getting back up.

  And in the meantime, the Flame Skeletitan chasing after them brings down a giant, blazing foot—and ignites the gasoline immediately, turning my surroundings into a sea of flame.

  I have my Force Field up to block the heat and flames, of course, but the hugehogs who fell and ended up coated in gas from head to toe go up in a brilliant blaze.

  Unable to even give a death cry, their corpses fall to the ground, and the Flame Skeletitan plucks them up, opens its skeletal mouth, and tosses them inside.

  It can eat even though it’s a skeleton? Those smoldering pigs are nothing but ashes now—is it okay with that?

  Seeing a giant, flaming skeleton devouring burnt corpses amid a sea of flames is more awe-inspiring than terrifying. That’s something I can only feel because I’m in a safe zone inside my Force Field. If I were human, I’d probably be paralyzed with fear.

  The Flame Skeletitan
gives me a cursory glance after eating the six hugehogs, and without coming over to bother me, it walks away.

  I’d changed my color scheme to blend in to the wall, so maybe it didn’t notice. Or maybe it was full, so it didn’t have any interest. Whatever the case, I’m saved.

  Still, it left the place in a terrible state. The ground has giant, bony footprints pressed into it, and the walls it got near have melted and resolidified into strange, distorted shapes.

  Was that a stratum lord, too? I couldn’t see it when I got my aerial view. Maybe it only appears under certain conditions.

  Anyway, my only issue now is that I’m all alone again. But I have a feeling the Voracious Devils will come back when they get hungry. Their thought processes seem incredibly lacking. They could have just saved some in their bags for later, but they just ate the food without a second thought.

  Also, holes dot the ground in every direction, warped by the heat, so it looks like it’ll be hard to push a vending machine.

  Even the carefree Devils seemed to sense that this enemy was a direct threat to their lives, and they don’t return until it gets dark. Still, as you can see, they do end up chowing down in front of me again.

  “Phew. All these surprises really make me hungry.”

  Pell, you’re always hungry.

  “I never thought we’d see the stratum lord here… I’ve heard the rumors, but that was incredible. We’ll be able to brag to the director after this.”

  “That was really, really scary.”

  “I hear you get a treasure if you beat the Flame Skeletitan, but how on earth are you even supposed to do that?”

  I agree, Short. There’s no way to beat something like that. It’s giant, for one thing, but the flames don’t let you get close. Even if you pour water on it to extinguish them, you’d need an entire pond’s worth of water for it to do anything.

  Throwing plastic water bottles at it would be pointless. I’m out of ideas, so I’ll stop thinking about it. I’ll probably never fight that thing anyway.