Again

by Brandy Jeffus

  ***

  "Hey dude is that a picture of your girl?” Eli looked over at his new friend and roommate.

  He shrugged, “Not exactly, she used to be.”

  Johnson walked over and peered at the picture Eli was holding, “She’s pretty.”

  “She is. More than anyone I know,” Eli felt a lump growing in his throat, Great just what I need, to pansy out in front of this dude, he thought. He put the picture back in his drawer and lay down.

  Part of him wished he would die out here. If he died, then he wouldn’t have to worry about coming back to the real world, the one where he and Bonnie no longer existed. If he died then he wouldn’t have to wonder how she was on the road with that loser rocker. His Bonnie would never be okay with constant travel, and no place to call home. The old Bonnie liked stability and consistency. The Bonnie who took off with some guy she hardly knew wasn’t the Bonnie he grew up with. Eli often thought that maybe that part of her was gone, killed off by Eli’s betrayal. Was he responsible for killing her in a sense?

  Another part of him wished that when he went home, Bonnie would be waiting at the airport gate, ready to welcome him with open arms and take him back. He wanted to hold her slim, petite body in his arms. He wanted to feel her, smell her and kiss her. Everything about her he had taken for granted. He wanted her back so bad.

  The days were long and hard. Eli kept to himself mainly because he didn’t care about getting to know anyone that might end up dead after all this. He didn’t do death well, losing Bonnie was like death and it still haunted him.

  He thought of her all the time. He would be in the middle of cleaning his weapon, roll call or physical training and a memory would come flooding back out of nowhere. They hurt so badly sometimes, making his heart literally ache. He would curl his hands into fist and bite his lip to keep from crying.

  Eventually, he did develop a brotherly comrade with the rest of the guys stationed with him. These were good guys mostly, a couple of bad seeds mixed in, but good nonetheless. Eli put his heart and soul into his work, rather it be helping clean up or standing guard at night. He found that if he put just the right amount of concentration he could go hours without thinking about Bonnie.

  One day, while the desert air threatened to suffocate him and the rest of his troop, he received a surprise letter from Tatum. He recognized her small, neat handwriting before he looked at the return address. He went inside his barracks to read it:

  Dear Eli, I pray for you every day while you are overseas. What do you do over there? Is it really hot? Have you been in any battles?

  I really don't know why I'm writing you this letter. I know you're not my friend anymore because of you and Bonnie. But I miss you and I think I'll always think of you as an older brother. It's lonely here with just my mom. My dad married some chick that I barely know. And we hardly hear from Bonnie. I miss her so much. I miss you too.

  I pray all the time for things to go back to the way they were. I miss those times. Even though you and Bonnie were obsessed with each other and kissed way too much in front of me. I still miss being a part of that family.

  But now you're gone and Bonnie's gone. And I just have my lousy friends.

  This letter has turned kind of depressing, huh? Sorry about that. I know you are busy with really important Marine stuff so I'll let you go. My mom said to tell you that if you need anything let us know and we'll send you a care package. TTYL -- Tatum

  Eli smiled. Tatum was always so random. He missed the little girl that he had known for forever. She had been as much part of his life as Bonnie had been. Bonnie never excluded Tatum and was always a great big sister. The chain reaction that had taken place after his betrayal had involved more than just him and Bonnie.

  He decided right then and there to keep his bond with Tatum alive. He wouldn’t disappoint her; she needed a brotherly figure in her life.

  He rummaged through his chest and got a pen and paper and proceeded to write her back.

  Chapter Eight

  The next few days are one big blur. I spend most of my time parked on the couch in front of the TV. Mick's arrest made national entertainment news and he checked himself into a rehab after posting bond.

  Our breakup is being blamed as the cause of Mick's downward spiral. Even though I know the truth it still hurts being blamed by the media. They don’t know a damn thing, yet their opinions are broadcast as facts.

  I haven't heard from Eli at all. I texted him late that first night and never got a response. I’ve driven myself crazy with worry, guilt, regret and pain. What is wrong with me? All I’ve ever wanted was to be Eli’s again.

  "Well looks like Eli Stone is done with me," I mutter as Mama walks into the kitchen. It’s been four days. Four miserable days.

  She looks over at me and shakes her head, "If love was easy, Bonnie, your dad and I would still be together. Love is hard and sometimes you lose at it. But if you want to win, child, you never give up."

  She hugs me tight. I know she’s right, she's always right when it comes to important life problems. I have to fight for Eli if I want him back.

  "Well I guess I better quit stalling. Mind if I borrow your car?" Mama shakes her head no and smiles. I grab the keys from the counter top and kiss her goodbye.

  I drive the now-familiar route to the lake house, but realize I have no clue if Eli is working or not.

  "Shoot!" The gas light flicks on as the warning bell dings. I pull into a gas station is two blocks away.

  My heart nearly flutters out of my chest when I see Eli's truck in the parking lot. I hurriedly park near one of the gas pumps and rush from the car to the store. I barely hear the cashier's greeting. All my focus is on Eli. The extreme need to see him is overwhelming.

  I spot him near the coffee machine, his back facing me. He’s wearing jeans and a tank top. His hair is wet and slicked back. The butterflies that always engulf me at the sight of Eli come over me again. I hold back from pummeling him with a bear hug and instead whisper his name. He turns around and I grin.

  "Hey B," he whispers softly and smiles. The dam inside me breaks and tears start spilling from my eyes as I close the distance between us. His strong arms wrap around me.

  I hear him sigh and take a deep breath, "I'm sorry, Bonnie. I really am." He takes my face in his hand and wipes my tears away with his thumbs, "Let's get out of here okay?" I nod, unable to use my voice. All I want is to be in his arms. Eli pays for his coffee and we walk outside.

  "Oh shoot, I forgot to pay for gas. That's why I stopped in the first place," I remember. Eli hands me his coffee and makes a gesture telling me to stay put. He walks inside and up to the cashier. I watch him as he makes light conversation and gives his easy grin, his dimples showing.

  This man, he’s mine. He has always been mine.

  He leaves the store and reaches for his coffee. With his other hand he reaches for mine pulling me along, "Come on, hon."

  "So you're not working today?" I ask while

  "Nope, I was actually coming to see you. I wanted to talk," Eli gives an apologetic grin. I step closer to him and grab his free hand.

  "And I was coming to see you," I reply. Eli shakes his head and laughs. We stand there, staring at each other.

  As soon as the pump clicks off, we hear a gunshot. Eli's face changes in an instant. My heart stands still. He puts his hand on my back and pushes me down. Fear thunders throughout my body, goose bumps spread across my skin. Eli draws out his pistol from his side holster he’s wearing and my heart plummets.

  Eli could get hurt. This is serious, not some stupid TV show. This is real life and my boyfriend going to put his life on the line.

  I’m terrified.

  "Stay here, Bonnie, okay? Everything's going to be okay baby. Just call 911." Eli gives me a tight smile and kisses my forehead. "Do not go in there okay? No matter what." Fear crosses his eyes for a split second, but he quickly gains composure. Right before he takes off across the parking lot, he winks at me.


  Time stands still as I watch him run to the front and crouch behind a trash can right outside the door. Two more gun shots go off and make me jump out of my skin. I squat farther to the ground. The loud pops bring me back to reality and I quickly pull my cell phone out of my pocket.

  "Hello, 911 what is your emergency?" a calm lady answers. I lift my head to peer through the car window. Eli’s not by the trash can anymore.

  "Yes, there's been gun fire at the Quickie Mart, on the corner of Washington and Bellaire. There's an off- duty officer here, Eli Stone. Please send back up for him. Please."

  I’m still on the phone when I hear yelling coming from the store. I look around; there are two other cars at the pumps. Both drivers are in the same position I am, hunkered down on the concrete.

  "Ma'am, how close are the police? My boyfriend is Eli Stone and he's the only officer here. I don't know what's going on inside." I lean against the car door and crane my neck to see out the window again.

  All of a sudden, a guy dressed all in black runs out holding a duffel bag. He heads off to the right but drops the bag. Eli comes running out of the convenience store with his gun drawn.

  The guy has already turned back to grab the bag, but now he has a gun drawn too. Sweat is glistening off both of their faces. Eli's tendons pop out as he holds his pistol in a deathly grip. His chest is heaving hard.

  My world turns silent. Everything fades away except Eli and the robber. Eli is screaming at the guy and he’s yelling back at Eli. But the only thing I hear are the loud jackrabbit beats of my heart.

  This is a dream. It has to be.

  Eli yells again, moving his stance slightly. The guy in black starts backing up and Eli takes a few more steps.

  My heart freezes as I see the robber's finger squeeze the trigger. The silence is broken by the deafening pop that follows. I drop the phone and scream.

  Eli's right shoulder jerks back by the force. A surprise look crosses his face. He looks over at me screaming. Its okay, he mouths. He looks back to the gunman who is still as a statue.

  Quicker than I’ve ever seen him move, Eli whips his arm back in front of him and lowers his gun, pointing towards the guy's legs. He squints and pops two gun shots. The guy lets out a high-pitched squeal and drops to the ground.

  Keeping his arms in front of him, Eli walks slowly to the guy. He bites his bottom lip, but still has a look of determination on his face. Pride swells in my chest. It flows throughout my body, making me tingle with adoration.

  I furiously wipe the tears off my face as the loud whoops of three police cars fill the air. They come from different directions, circling the gas station. Police officers jump out as soon as they park, their guns drawn. They start shouting at both Eli and the gunman.

  Eli doesn’t look up but identifies himself as a cop. His left hand flicks to his waist and pulls out his badge. He holds it up in the air for a second then lowers it. His black tank top clings to him.

  The saying, in a blink of an eye, has always been so foreign to me. How can something happen so fast that nobody even suspected? Surely at least one person would have an inkling as to what was about to happen. Nothing can happen that quickly.

  Except it did. The gunman raises his gun when Eli is about 5 feet away. He fires off a shot aimed at the center of Eli's body. As soon as the gun goes off, the police officers around the gas station start firing. The noise is deafening, like fireworks at a fourth of July celebration. Everything is so loud.

  They shoot him multiple times. The gunman’s body jump with each shot, and then my Eli falls to the ground too.

  I scream again, my heart threatening to give out on me at any moment. This isn’t right. This isn’t fair. I run to him, oblivious to anything else going on. All the yelling and noise just becomes static. I trip and fall right before I get to him and crawl the rest of the way, ignoring the pain in both my knees and hands. Blood has already pooled out around his body.

  “No, Eli, no, no, no, no!” I gently take his head in my hands and lift it on my lap. His eyes are closed, his mouth slightly open. I put my head down to see if I can hear him breathing. He was, thank God. “Baby, please wake up. You’ve got to wake up for me,” I’m choking on my own tears. I can’t find my breath; it feels like my airways are frozen. He has two bullets in him.

  The bullet had to have hit his heart.

  Eli's eyes flutter open and he coughs, his hand coming up to cup my cheek, "Bonnie, it’s okay. It's okay."

  "I love you so much, Eli. Please don't leave me okay? Stay here with me."

  "I love you too, baby. I always have and always will. Don't worry okay?" He pulls my head down to him. Our lips crash together in a fearful kiss. I hear ambulance sirens and I feel hands around my arms. Someone lifts me off of Eli. He reaches out to me as I’m carried farther away.

  "Eli, please! Dear God in Heaven, please!" The EMTs come to his side. There’s a flurry of movements as they cut his shirt and load him onto the stretcher.

  "ELIJAH, DON'T LEAVE ME!!!" I scream. My heart is ripping in two again. I can’t lose him again. I won’t be able to live through it.

  Then everything turns black.

  ***

  As soon as he walked in, he immediately regretted it. There was a reason why he never became a bar hopper. They sucked. He spotted Eddie at the main bar. He waved him over with a big smile on his face. Eli could tell he was already smashed.

  This should be interesting, Eli thought sarcastically. He walked over to Eddie and shook hands. Eddie attempted to pull him into a man hug but lost his balance.

  “Whoa there buddy. Started a little early, huh?” Eli laughed trying to keep things light.

  Eddie nodded and grinned broad. “You know me; the party's been going on since noon!”

  Eli inwardly groaned and sat down. He didn't understand why he was being so negative. He used to enjoy hanging out with Ed. He motioned for the bartender to come over and he ordered a light beer. He looked around the bar and noticed all the balding, older men gathered around a TV in the corner. Down a few spots from him was a couple, oblivious to their surroundings.

  “So man, who's all supposed to come out?” Eli asked after taking a short drink from his bottle.

  “Just some of the group. Noah, Robert, Travis. They all hit me up saying they would come out. Everybody was real excited that you were back in town. We’ve missed ya dude.”

  Eli gave a dry laugh. “I've only been gone 18 months. Feels like a lot longer.” He took another short swig and felt the liquid move throughout his body, loosening everything up. He raked his fingers through his short buzz cut. He missed his curls, mainly because Bonnie had loved them so much.

  “So how was it over there man? Were you guys ever in some major trouble or what?” Eddie took a long pull of the bottle and smacked his lips.

  “Yea, I mean it's no walk in the park dude. It sucks a lot. I’m probably going back on the next tour.” Eli took a deep breath and let it out through his teeth. These guys had no clue.

  Eddie nodded absentminded and took another pull from his bottle. Eli noticed his face was covered with sweat. He felt bad for his friend, but he couldn’t place his finger on why. It was then that a group of four men barged through the door loudly talking. Eli quickly recognized his other high school pals. They loudly approached Eli and Eddie and started giving Eli claps on the back.

  Slowly Eli felt his edge soften. He took life too seriously, more so than his buddies for sure. He felt the tensions in his shoulders melt off as his world grew hazy under the influence of alcohol.

  Tonight he wouldn’t give a care in the world. He played darts and pool. He laughed too loud and too long at stupid unfunny jokes and rooted for a team he didn’t care about. He let loose.

  But in the back of his mind, he secretly hoped that Bonnie would walk in, look at him with those heart-stopping gray eyes and tell him that he had enough to drink and it was time to come home with her. Because he knew if that happened, he wouldn’t give a second thought to
doing exactly what she said.

  She never came through the doors though, no matter how hard he wished. He ended up drinking way too much. He had to call a taxi to his parents’ house and crashed on the couch.

  Before succumbing to sleep he wondered what Bonnie was doing at that very second.

  Chapter Nine

  I wake up to the sound of my mom praying fervently. My vision is blurry so I blink repeatedly. I look over and see she’s on her knees leaning over a small couch.

  "Hey," I call out. Her head snaps up and she turns.

  "Oh baby girl! Oh my God, you've had me so worried. Are you okay?"

  "Eli, where is he? Is he alive?" Everything that happened rushes at me like an unrelenting wave. Mom reaches for my face and her eyes are pained.

  "Honey, he's in surgery. He has been for the last three hours." A stabbing pain hits my heart. I had to find him. He needed me. I need him.

  I take a breath and began to sit up, "I gotta go see him. Why am I here?" I look around at all the medical equipment in the small space.

  "They have you here for observation. They couldn't wake you up after you fainted. You've been knocked out the entire time. Nobody could wake you up. I was so scared." Mama wipes a tear that had begun falling. She grabs my hand and squeezes gently. "Eli will be okay; the bullet didn't hit his heart. So we can praise the Lord for that. He was a real hero today."

  I nod, keeping silent, as tears run down my cheeks. Mama leaves to find a nurse while I lay there praying. The scene where Eli falls to the ground keeps replaying in my head. He looked so weak, so vulnerable laying there on the ground, blood pouring out.

  Mama comes back with a nurse who then quickly takes all my vitals and gives me some water to drink. I sign release papers and finally it’s time to leave that cramped room. Mama wraps her arm around my waist and we find the waiting room for the surgery floor. Eli's parents are there.

  They inform us that the doctor had just came back and said that while it was a close one, Eli pulled through surgery and would be fine. Mrs. Stone looks at me with red rimmed, puffy eyes and holds her arms out. I am wrapped in her arms and she whispers, “You saved his life.”