Finding My Faith

by Carly Fall

  She looked down at the phone, picked it up, dialed, and hoped that the conversation would go better than she imagined.

  Chapter 29

  As Rayner sped down Interstate 10 toward downtown Phoenix, he thought of the conversation between Faith and her father.

  It hadn't gone well.

  Chevey had made it very clear that he wanted his little girl home ASAP, and his little girl had made it very clear that she would be home in two days. The standoff began.

  Rayner heard Chevey beg, yell, and threaten, and he had to admire Faith. She stood her ground. Rayner watched her as she talked. She closed her eyes every now and then, but throughout the conversation she rubbed on the silver claw at her neck. He watched her curl in on herself, then snap her back up straight and open her eyes, which shone with a stubbornness and conviction he had never seen before. He supposed it would be easier to stand up to her father on the phone than in person. He imagined Chevey could be pretty intimidating when he wanted to be.

  In the end, Faith had emerged victorious and assured Chevey that she was fine, but she just needed some time to herself before coming home.

  “I promise, Dad, two days. That's it.”

  A moment later she said, exasperated, “Of course I'm not being held against my will, Daddy!” and topped it off with an eye roll. Her robe split, revealing part of a very toned, very lovely leg. He tore his eyes away from it and put them back on her face.

  “Okay. I love you both, too. I'll see you in two days. I promise.”

  She hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment. “He's never going to let me leave Flagstaff again,” she murmured, looking exhausted.

  She met his eyes. “I need some clothes, but I’m…afraid to leave here.”

  Rayner nodded as if he understood. “I'll go for you. You aren't going back to Phoenix quite yet.”

  Hence his drive into town.

  When he had left the silo, Faith was in front of the T.V. with Cohen watching an old Clint Eastwood western. It didn't sit well to leave her alone with Cohen and Hudson, but he knew nothing would happen to her. She was safe with them. Unless one of them tried to make a move on her. Then he would have to break some legs.

  He heard a growl make its way up his throat.

  He really needed to get over this whole protective thing he had going on with Faith. He reminded himself that he needed to let her go.

  He thought of his forest at home. One time, when he was about ten in human years, he was playing with one of his cousins. They were running along the forest floor—a definite no-no—and one of the little dinosaurs had caught their scent and began to chase them. Those things were small, but they could be vicious. Rayner's cousin was younger than him, and slower. Rayner remembered how that little rat bastard dinosaur had been snapping at his cousin’s heels, almost close enough to inhale him. He had heard his cousin cry out in panic. Rayner had felt a surge of protectiveness within, and he had stopped running, turned around, and let his cousin pass. He had then taken on the little killer because no one fucked around with his cousin.

  That was pretty much the way he was rolling about Faith.

  He had talked to Cohen about being a buffer between Faith and him.

  "You want me to what? Is this some type of if you love something set it free, etcetera deal?"

  "Just spend some time with her. I can't do it, man."

  "What do you mean you can't do it? A couple of days ago you were practically ready to throw yourself into a burning building for her, and now you don't want to even talk to her?"

  Rayner had paced a track in the black carpet in Cohen's quarters. The room was done in black and a copper color. Rayner wasn't sure he liked it.

  "I know, I know. It's fucked up. I get that. But I have to let her go, Cohen. There's not a way for it to work between us."

  Cohen had let out a groan and put his head in his hands. "What about Abby and Noah? Shit seems to have worked out just fine with them."

  "Yeah, but turns out that Abby is also one of us." Rayner had gone to the little bar and pulled out a airport-sized tequila and slammed it down. "See, Faith is human. Unless Hudson has been spreading his seed all over the fucking place."

  Cohen had looked up at him. "Well, have you asked him?"

  Rayner rolled his eyes. "We know chances are pretty high she's human, Cohen."

  "And so?"

  "And so, I can't be with her. I'm not going to lose my SR44 form. I'll never get home then. She can't know about us. I want to see my parents and my Goddamned forest, Cohen! Not only that, it's dangerous for me, for her, for us!"

  After a moment of silence, Cohen quietly said, "And what if we never get to go home, Rayner? What then? You already are an all work and no play guy—worse than Noah ever was. Is that how you want to spend the rest of your days?"

  Rayner got another tequila, making a mental note to thank Abby for having all the little bars on all the floors fully stocked. "I refuse to believe that we're never going home, Cohen." He had slammed down the little bottle. "It's not a fucking option. We're going, and I can't think any other way." He tossed the bottle into the trash. "So are you going to help me out or not?"

  Cohen had looked at him sadly and shaken his head. "All right. What do you want me to do?"

  "Just...be there. Talk to her. Sit by her. Just be something between the two of us so I'm not tempted, okay?"

  So yeah, he was happy for the space this little trip to Phoenix gave him from Faith, but that possessive male bullshit he had going on...yeah, that definitely needed to get put back in the bag.

  He found a parking spot around the corner from Faith's apartment. He parked the Escalade and headed toward her building. She had said that he would probably meet her roommate, Terry. She had even called Terry to say Rayner would be stopping by. Rayner hoped that Terry wasn't a talker. He wanted to get in and out.

  He whistled softly as he made his way up to the third floor. He knocked lightly on the door marked 310.

  A moment later, Rayner heard footsteps on the other side of the door, and then it opened. A tall, reed-thin male with brown hair dressed in a Diamondbacks shirt and a blue boa around his neck looked him up and down, his eyebrows taking a road trip for his hairline.

  “Well, well, well. Hello, you. You must be Rayner.”

  Rayner took a step back, surprised. The wires in his brain started firing off different thoughts. He had assumed that Terry was a female. It never occurred to him that Terry could be a male. Then the urge to wrap his paw around that scrawny neck and squeeze took over. Faith sharing living space with another male? Oh, no. It made him want to see red. As in blood. And not his own.

  Terry put his hand on his waist and threw his hip out. “Well, are you just going to stand there, or are you coming in?”

  Rayner took a deep breath and stepped into the apartment, passing Terry. “My oh my, Rayner. You wouldn't happen to have a gay brother, would you?”

  Rayer turned around sharply. “Kidding, honey, kidding,” Terry said, holding his hands up as if he were surrendering to the police. Rayner made his way to Faith's room and heard Terry say under his breath, “Not really. A man like that...tsk tsk, such a waste. What I could do with that body...”

  As he entered Faith's room, he thought about the dynamics of the situation. He had never been hit on by a guy before. But had he actually been hit on? There hadn't been any overt come on. Had there? But he definitely liked the fact that Faith's roommate was gay. Liked that a lot.

  But back to what he had come for.

  He looked around the room, not quite sure where to start. He supposed the dresser drawers was as good of place as any.

  “Rayner,” Terry called from the living room, “she likes the blue sweats. And the ASU sweatshirt.”

  Rayner rummaged through drawers, not seeing either. He went to the door where the room met the living room. “Can you help me with this, Terry?”

  “Sure, honey,” Terry said.

  He passed Rayner and pulled a su
itcase out of Faith's closet.

  Within minutes, Terry had the suitcase packed with an array of clothing. “Sometimes we swap clothes, so I know where she keeps stuff,” he said, making his way into the bathroom. “Just sweatshirts and stuff. I don't mean underwear or bras or anything.”

  He came out with four bottles from the shower. “She loves her shampoo. It helps to keep all that hair somewhat tamed, if you know what I mean.”

  Actually, Rayner had no idea what Terry meant. He just used the shit in the shower—whatever it was—and never gave any thought to taming his hair. But then he supposed his hair didn't flow down to his waist either. He could see Faith's hair needing some taming.

  Terry went back in the bathroom and grabbed a few more things. “She loves to wash her face with this,” he said, holding up a blue bottle, "and she can't live without her body wash and loofa.”

  Loofa. Rayner assumed that the green thing that looked like a bunch of nets strung together was a loofa. Even after two hundred and eleven years on Earth, he still was learning new things.

  “Okay, Rayner-who-unfortunately-doesn't-have-a-gay-brother, everything is packed. It's all her favorite stuff, and hopefully you will turn out to be the big hero and get some tonight. You know what I mean?” He said the last line while jiggling his eyebrows.

  Rayner hauled the bag off the bed, getting tired of people doing the eyebrow dance at him. “Thanks, man,” he said, sticking out his hand. Terry shook it.

  “You're welcome, Rayner,” Terry said quietly. “You take care of my girl. She said that she’d be heading back to Flagstaff, and she’s told me stories about how she makes her daddy crazy with her wild child attitude. I kind of get the feeling she won't be coming back, especially after what happened to her. I hope they catch that douchebag who took her. She was lucky she survived.” Terry shook his head, as if that would clear what Faith had told him. “Daddy’s not going to let her go anywhere.”

  Rayner nodded. “Probably not.” Rayner felt bad for the guy. He imagined Terry was counting on Faith's rent.

  Terry nodded. “I'll miss that girl,” Terry said, tears shimmering in his eyes. “I don't know what I'm going to do without her. She's so...special. She helped me out when I didn't have a job, and we got along so well, we kept living together.” A tear slid down his face, and he quickly wiped it away. “She's a good person, Rayner. One of the few. Tell her I love her, and I hope she'll keep in touch.”

  Rayner nodded, moved by the man's emotion. Terry had loved Faith in his own way, and Rayner understood it and admired it. How could someone not love Faith?

  Rayner thought of ways he could help Terry and came up with nothing, except help with rent. He reached into his pocket and pulled out nine Benjis. He would have given Terry more if he had it.

  “Here, man. This should help until you can get a new roommate.”

  Terry stared at the wad of bills. “Take it,” Rayner said. “Faith would want you to have it. She cares about you.”

  Terry reluctantly took the bills. “I don't do charity,” he said, his blue eyes letting Rayer know he meant every word.

  “Never thought you did. Faith had to bail. Just trying to help you out, man. Rent. Utilities for a few months. Give her a month to clear out the rest of her stuff.”

  Terry nodded, then threw his arms around Rayner's neck. “Thank you. Thank you,” he said with emotion. He let loose on his grip and smiled at Rayner.

  There was a knock on the door. Rayner had the impulse to take out his knife in case he needed it, but then admonished himself for the thought.

  Terry must have noticed Rayner's uncertainty. “No worries, honey. That's our baseball crew. Faith and I were supposed to throw a party today—Boas and Baseball.” He turned toward the door, throwing the end of the blue boa over his shoulder, and opened it. Six males and two females stood on the other side, all dressed in Diamondbacks gear and boas, each carrying a six-pack. Rayner watched as they filed in, high fives all around, excitement for the upcoming game almost palpable.

  "You want to stay, honey?" Terry said.

  For a brief moment, as he watched them all file in, he had felt the freeness of it all. He missed it. The adventure of looking forward to something, the surprises of the day, the company, the excitement the game might hold.

  It all seemed like a distant dream now. He no longer had that free spirit. If he did, it was buried deep, so deep it didn't come out much, if fully at all.

  Rayner could see a former vision of himself hanging out for the afternoon, downing a few beers, enjoying the day. But reality came first. He was not that person who could allow enjoyment. These people, who were looking forward to the game, could be the next victim of his Colonist. He looked at the rowdy crowd, beer already flowing, anticipation of the game and good times. He imagined the guilt of one of these people dying from a Colonist. The youth, the energy taken away in a flash. A spirit never to see another beloved Diamondbacks game. He was there to stop the Colonists, not hang out and drink beer with humans.

  "Nah. But thanks for the invite. You guys have a good time."

  Terry nodded. "Watch Mrs. Makowski on your way out. She's going to be really pissed at the noise that's going to come from our place, and she'll let you know about it."

  Rayner nodded and left, feeling a sort of loss within. For a moment he allowed himself the brief vision of flying through the trees on SR44 without a care in the world. He liked cruising the trees at the top, usually around one hundred and fifty to two hundred feet. There he knew he was safe from the little carnivorous bastards who dwelled at the bottom of the forest, and free to let his spirit fly. To be uninhibited. To enjoy the moment of the next leap, the next branch, the next tree.

  He longed to have that feeling again, but he was certain it couldn't be obtained without getting his ass back on SR44.

  He walked down the hall, keeping to the left so Mrs. Makowski wouldn't hear his footsteps.

  Chapter 30

  Faith paced around her room, unable to sleep. While Rayner was getting her stuff, she had hung out with Cohen. Cohen liked to talk, and had been more than happy to answer her questions.

  Like why the hell they were living in a missile silo. When he had explained the history of the American government playing nice with the Russians, she had been floored. He hadn’t gone into the military aspect of things, but what other types of people would be living in a missile silo?

  Upon reflection, she guessed that a missile silo was an okay place to live. They had decorated it up nicely, and it was comfortable. Apartments, houses, trailers, missile silos. What did it matter?

  While talking with Cohen, it had occurred to her that perhaps Rayner was gay and maybe Cohen or Hudson was his lover, and that was why he was being so distant to her. When Faith had asked, Cohen had burst out laughing, and continued to laugh until he had tears running down his face.

  "There isn't one gay bone in that guy’s body," Cohen had said, wiping his face.

  So he wasn't gay. Therefore, he must not be interested in her.

  She paced the soft, plush-green carpet, loving the way in squeezed between her toes.

  When she had asked about Rayner being a special investigator, Cohen had remained vague, except to say that he, Rayner, and Hudson all worked together.

  When Rayner returned with her suitcase of stuff, she had been so excited and quickly changed into her favorite sweats and a t-shirt. He had told her that Terry helped him pack, and Faith realized she was missing the Boas and Baseball party.

  Dammit.

  She knew that her father wasn't going to allow her to move back to Phoenix. The best she could hope for would be an apartment to herself in Flagstaff. Tears stung her eyes as she thought about not seeing Terry again. Maybe they could visit each other or something.

  She had sat with Rayner and the others at the dining room table and talked about her ordeal. They had questioned her relentlessly. She had told them everything she could remember about her abduction, from how she felt when s
he was taken to the brief moment of lucidity she had while lying on the dirt floor of the cage.

  "He was average height and weight, with black hair cut close to his skull. Kind of like yours, Cohen, except a lot shorter. He was so normal looking that it freaked me out. Like some guy you would see mowing a lawn in any town on a Saturday afternoon. Except his eyes. His eyes were really dark and..." she hesitated for a moment.

  “And what, Faith?” Hudson had urged.

  She didn't want to sound melodramatic, but she couldn't think of another word to describe the man’s eyes. “And...evil,” she said, “pure evil.” She didn't meet any of their eyes, waiting for their scoffs and laughter.

  There was none.

  They had asked what he had said to her.

  "He said...that he had special plans for me."

  She watched Rayner's jaw clamp down and his big hands curled into fists.

  "Did he mention what those special plans were?" Hudson asked.

  She shook her head. "No. He just said that I needed to go back to sleep."

  There wasn't much to tell about her abduction that already hadn’t been said. A couple hours later, Hudson had announced that they needed to have a meeting, and it became apparent that Faith wasn't invited. Cohen brought her back down to her room and told her he would call on the house phone when the meeting was done and she could come up and join them for dinner.

  An hour later the phone rang. "Hudson's got a great meal planned,” Cohen said. “You hungry?"

  He told her he would be down to get her.

  She rode up the elevator with Cohen in silence, feeling like she had a bad case of Ebola as far as Rayner was concerned. It pained her that he found her so unattractive and unlikable.

  Dinner had consisted of a Mexican feast. Enchiladas and tacos with rice and beans, not to mention some killer margaritas, littered the dining room table. She noticed that Rayner sat across the table from her, once again obviously separating himself from her. He avoided her eyes and said very little to her.