Finding Carson Lee (Oh Captan, My Captain #3)

by Lindsay Paige

  She doesn’t believe me. She shouldn’t because I’m lying, but she doesn’t question me. “Um, sure, yeah. I’ll see you at the party.”

  I lean over the console, kiss her, and then head inside. Her explanation doesn’t make sense to me. Yeah, the promotion was bigger if she went with hockey, but football was her dream. Why wouldn’t she choose that and work her way up until she reached the position she wanted in the field she’s been going after for who knows how long? Surely, she didn’t choose hockey because of me.

  Kinley wouldn’t do that, right? We’re not even serious. I mean, we’re serious enough that we’re in a type of relationship that requires no lying, cheating, and trust. We are not, however, in a type of relationship that should affect our careers and the decisions we make regarding it. If something were to happen and I were traded, I wouldn’t think about the relationship at all. Career first. Everything else second. I thought Kinley was that way too, but maybe she isn’t.

  Either way, I’m not so sure about things anymore.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Kinley

  I’m sitting at my kitchen table, staring at my phone. I had texted Carson last night, and I still haven’t heard anything from him. It’s been almost a week since the dinner with my parents and I’ve barely spoken to Carson. The only time we really talked was about the campaign, but nothing personal.

  I’m not sure what really happened. I know Mama freaked him out a little, but I told him that’s how she was. On top of that, I know that I should have told him about the promotion, but I really did forget about it.

  I send him a text asking if he still wants me to come to the party, but he never answers me. I don’t know what to do. I call Cassie and tell her everything that happened.

  “Should I not go to this party?”

  “I think you should go because you already said you were going to. Plus, I know that you’re dressed and sitting at the table.”

  I look down, and she’s right. “Fine. I’ll call you later.” I hang up and head to my car.

  The gate to Carson’s is open and there are a ton of cars, but I’m able to park in my usual spot by the garage. I count to five, fluff my hair, and get out of the car. The heat is intense today so I’m wearing a strapless maxi dress and sandals.

  I walk towards the noise coming from the side of the house. When I turn the corner, there is a larger crowd than I actually imagined. Kids are splashing in the pool, and everyone is standing around in groups. I see Carson with a small group of guys, and I make my way over to him. I’m not sure what to expect when I touch his arm. He turns, giving me a small smile.

  “Hey, you made it.”

  I smile back. “Yes.”

  “Hey, guys, this is Kinley Wright. She is the campaign director of the clothing line I’m modeling for.” Carson starts rattling off their names, but I’m not listening because I keep thinking about the introduction. I’m not even a friend. He didn’t have to say girlfriend, but I figured at least a friend. I keep my smile plastered on my face as the guys ask me how Carson did in Utah.

  “He was almost pleasant.” I try to attempt a joke but it doesn’t come off that way.

  “Kinley!” I turn to my name being yelled, and Tyler hugs me. “How are you?”

  “I’m good.”

  Tyler introduces me to his girlfriend, who is a real sweet girl, and we begin chatting about all sorts of things, including growing up in Alabama. Tyler even takes us around and introduces us to the head coach, and even the owner of the Blacksmiths.

  After about an hour, Carson hasn’t even looked in my direction, and I know what that means. It’s sad to think he’s going to end it like this, but it’s his choice, I guess. I quietly walk away from the party and go back to my car. There’s no point in staying.

  When I make it back to my apartment, the first tear falls. I’m stupid. So, fucking stupid. What the hell was I thinking getting with Carson?

  Damn it. I knew how he was about relationships and girlfriends.

  I shouldn’t have taken him to my parents.

  Shit, I shouldn’t have slept with him. I shouldn’t have stayed at his house.

  Fuck.

  I fucked up again.

  My phone vibrates in my hand and I see that it’s Carson. I quickly wipe my face and cough away my tearful voice.

  “Hello.” I try to be nonchalant.

  “Hey, where are you? I went looking for you and saw your car was gone.”

  “Oh, well, you seemed super busy, and I have a lot of work, so I just took off.”

  “It’s a party. I wasn’t busy, but I can understand that you left because of work. Thanks for stopping by at least.”

  “Yeah, thanks for the invitation. Good luck at camp. I’ll see you at the launch party in a couple of weeks.” I quickly hang up because I don’t want to hear his voice anymore.

  ~

  If there’s one thing about being single for so long, it’s that I can bounce back pretty well. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself anyway. I haven’t talked to Carson in over a week, and I know that he’s started training camp already. I’ve actually been keeping up with his schedule.

  I’m flipping through emails when someone begins to pound on my door. It scares me so badly I almost drop my wine glass.

  “Cassie?”

  She rushes past me into the apartment. “Have you watched the news?”

  “No, I haven’t even turned on the TV. Why?”

  “Where’s your laptop?” She spins until she spots it on the table.

  “What is going on?”

  Cassie ignores me and starts typing in a YouTube address.

  “Hello? I asked you a question.”

  “Shh, watch this.” She turns the screen to me and there’s an older man on it.

  “Who’s that?”

  “It’s Carson’s dad. It’s all over the place. Watch it.”

  I sit in the chair and listen to the man ramble for about five minutes to the news reporter. He tells a tale that he was a long time drug user and apparently was very mean to Carson growing up. When Carson’s mother died of an overdose and the state caught wind of his drug issues, they took Carson away, and he went to foster homes. The man states that he’s been trying to get in contact with Carson, but he can’t reach out to hm. He wants Carson to know that he’s sorry, but he won’t talk to him.

  “Did you know this?” Cassie asks me.

  “Um, no. Carson never talked about his family. I didn’t know anything.”

  “Well, is he okay? I mean the media is going nuts with this story. Carson’s not a very open person with anything but his sex life.”

  I nod. I can’t figure out why he never told me. Did he not trust me? Was he that ashamed of his life? I mean, I can plainly see the man on my laptop screen still doesn’t look like a father-of-the-year, but I don’t understand at all. I think about the day on the patio and him asking me not to ask questions. This is what he meant. His mom died of an overdose. That had to be so tragic for him, and he has no one.

  I gasp. He has no one. Carson’s always alone.

  “When did this come out?”

  “Well.” Cassie looks at the screen. “It looks like yesterday, but now it’s blasted everywhere.”

  “Oh God.” I push my hands through my hair. I want to go to Carson so badly, but I don’t know where he is right now. As if a wish was just granted for me, my phone rings. It’s Mike.

  “Hello,” I rush out.

  “If you care about him as much as he really cares about you, you’ll go to his house right now.”

  It takes exactly one second for me to realize where I need to be. “I’m on way.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Carson

  I’m sitting on my couch with my head in my hands.

  What the fuck has become of my life?

  Not only was I stupid enough to let things between Kinley and me end so fast, to so easily slip back into my ways, but on top of that, my father from hell is
back in the picture. I hadn’t heard anything about him in years and honestly, I hoped that meant he died of an overdose like my mom did. For years, I worked my ass off, kept as many mouths closed as possible, and did something good with my success and with my charity work. Five minutes is all it took to destroy it.

  The semi-good news is that I haven’t been able to miss Kinley’s snarky mouth because of this shit. My phone buzzes next to me, but I ignore it. There’s not a soul on earth that I want to talk to right now.

  A rapid knocking comes from my door. I don’t move to answer it, hoping whoever it is will go away. It stops for about five seconds before it starts again.

  “Carson Lee, answer the door! I know you’re here.”

  I lift my head at the sound of Kinley’s voice. Okay, so there may be one soul I wouldn’t mind seeing. Standing, I go open the door. Her hand is still up in the air, ready to knock.

  “Are you okay?” she asks as her hand falls back to her side.

  My happiness at seeing her takes a nosedive. Of course, that’s why she’s here. The story has been on every local station since it first aired yesterday. I let that affect me for half a second before I push it aside, nod, and step back so she can come inside. Once I close the door, I turn to her. She’s not more than an arm’s length away from me, so I reach out and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her.

  “It’s good to see you, sweetheart,” I whisper when her arms return my hug.

  “Cassie showed me the video and I wanted to come, but didn’t know where you were exactly. Then Mike called and told me you were home, so here I am,” she explains. “Carson, I-”

  Kinley is interrupted by someone else knocking at my door. I make another stupid mistake and open the door.

  “What the fuck do you want?” I ask my father. He looks like hell from years of abusing drugs. I have no clue how he’s still alive.

  He pushes his way into the house, openly gaping at what I built with my success. “I see you’re living extremely well, son.” Dad looks at Kinley. “And you even have a beautiful woman too. One of many, apparently. That’s how I was able to find you. One of those nice girls gave me your address and then I followed in after her to get passed the gate. I’m proud of you,” he adds, looking around again.

  I grab his arm, tugging him backwards. “Get out and go die in the hole you crawled out of.”

  “You know, I’m surprised you made it this far in your career. Mike has been good to you.”

  “Keep him out of it,” I snap. Mike was my coach when I first started playing. When I moved up and was put into the state’s care, he couldn’t care for me himself, but he got me to practice and made sure that I still had hockey. Long story short, he ended up being my agent and has been with me ever since. He’s probably the best paid person in the field because I make sure that I repay him somehow for all he did and continues to do for me. “What the fuck do you even want from me? Why are you coming after me now?”

  He stands across from me with a grin. He shouldn’t with how his teeth look. “Didn’t you see the news? I’m so sorry for what happened when you were growing up.” He sounds anything but. Kind of hard when he’s smiling about it. He suddenly loses his smile and attempts to look sincere. “I am sorry, Carson. Your mother and I didn’t do our best and the way she died was terrible.

  “It opened my eyes that I shouldn’t be this way.” Ha, yeah, if that’s the tale he’s spinning, he should do a better job. His hands are shaking, even after he stuffs them in his pockets. “I’ve been fighting tooth and nail to get clean. I-”

  I roll my eyes. Before he can go further, I interrupt him, “Cut the bullshit. What do you really want? You didn’t come all this way after all this time to make amends. Say it already, so you can get the fuck out.”

  My father watches me for a moment before dropping his act. “Your old man has hit tough times and needs a little help. I know you are more than capable of providing that.”

  “Money? You want my money?” I scoff. “The money I got without any help from you? The money I worked my ass off for so I could do whatever the fuck I wanted without anybody holding me back and so I wouldn’t have to ask for help. There’s not a chance in hell.”

  Dad laughs and shakes his head like I’m funny. “You’re stingy just like your mother was.”

  Before he can say anymore, I throw my arm back and punch him in the jaw. Mom had a problem, she knew she did, and she was close to the point of seeking help. She was nice and she cared. He was the opposite, especially when he was high. Dad liked to persuade her into shooting up with him and one day, she overdosed from needing too much.

  “Carson!” Kinley screams from behind me as Dad stumbles backwards.

  “Get the fuck off my property,” I growl at him.

  “This isn’t over. I need your help,” he mumbles through the blood spilling from his mouth.

  “You need help, but not from me. Not now, not ever. If you come back here, or do anything else publicly, there will be charges.”

  With that, I shove him out the door and slam it closed, releasing a line of cuss words, and turning to see Kinley. Her eyes are wide, but she steps forward to place a hand on my arm. I shrug away from her. “Not now.” Walking around her, my plan is to leave the room.

  “Carson,” she starts.

  “I said not fucking now, Kinley,” I yell at her over my shoulder. But then I stop and face her, the rage too much to keep my mouth shut. “What the fuck do you want?” I throw my hands up. “Why are you even here? I’m not ready for you, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?” With a deep breath, I calm down just a bit. “I panicked over you choosing hockey because I don’t understand why. You love football and barely know anything about hockey. I don’t get it, Kinley!” My voice rises again. “And in case you didn’t notice, my life is shit right now. I’m not ready for you, so get the hell out.”

  My feet can’t move fast enough as I turn around and head to my new workout room. I turn the treadmill on and start running. After an hour, I hop off, the words still repeating through my mind. The fucker. The anger pulses hotly through me, threatening to make me explode on the spot. I grab some weights, start doing arm curls, and realize that I’m not half as pissed over my dad as I am over what I just said to Kinley. I told her to get the hell out.

  I scream in frustration as I throw one weight and then the other across the room, breaking the two mirrors on the wall. Fuck this. Fuck it all. Storming to my room for a shower, I slowly start to relax. My shower works wonders that’s for sure. Maybe Kinley will give me a chance to apologize for letting my fury out on her. Doubt she’ll even speak to me. Why would she?

  Once I’m dressed again, I head for the living room, wanting to lay down on my couch and watch some mindless TV. I stop short when I see a head full of blonde curls in my spot. Kinley looks over from the sound of my entrance. She looks nervous.

  “You’re still here,” I say softly with surprise and a bit of relief. She nods, but doesn’t say anything as I go sit down beside her. “You’re still here?” I repeat questioningly.

  “Carson Lee, did you really think I would leave? Haven’t you learned that I’m hardheaded.” Kinley smiles.

  “Well, yeah, but I figured I pissed you off. I didn’t expect you to stay.”

  “Maybe you forgot, but I didn’t. I told you a long time ago that I’d always be your friend. And here I am. Your friend.” She pauses, making sure that I’m looking at her when she adds, “Even if you’re not ready for me.”

  “Thank you. And I’m sorry for everything. The night of the dinner, the party, and everything since then.”

  Kinley sighs. “I told you I didn’t want a title. I know who you are, Carson, and I know you don’t do relationships. Hell, at this point in my life, I’ve only had one serious relationship and that ended in flames. I wasn’t pushing you into anything. And if you want to know why I picked hockey over the football promotion, it was because of the money and control. I didn’t want to start at
the bottom all over again. I won’t lie, but you did have a small factor in there. It’s because you’re great to work with, and I know that I can make a lot of money off your abs,” she teases.

  I laugh, thankful she brightened the mood. “They are good abs. I can’t believe I’ve turned you into thinking I’m great to work with. Although, that’s better than you saying I’m almost pleasant.”

  She smiles, taking my hand before she speaks. “I miss you, Carson. I miss laughing with you. I miss talking to you. I want my friend back.”

  “I’ve missed you too, sweetheart.” I squeeze her hand. “I didn’t feel like you were pushing me into anything, either. I just…didn’t know what you were thinking and why you changed your mind. I probably should have asked instead of running from you the first chance I got. You scare the hell out of me, Kinley,” I finish quietly.

  “You have been slammed too many times into the boards,” she says with a shake of her head. “I was only thinking about sex, joking with you, more sex, and making more money. You know, I don’t make ten million dollars a year like some people.”

  Kinley makes me laugh again. “You sound like me. Sex, laughing, more money.” With a deep breath, I pull her closer, laying an arm around her shoulders. “What do you want to do now?”

  “I want you to drop the bad-boy barrier and talk to me. Do you want to talk about your family?”

  “Not really. Does it have to be today?”

  “No, and I’m not pushing. I was only wondering. But I do want to know what you want. Are we friends still?”

  Ha. Friends? “No.” And then I’m completely honest with her. “I want you and not as a simple friend. It’s going to take more adjusting to, though. You need to be patient, remember?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Really, still with the patient?”

  I grin. “Oh yeah, but I’m not worried about that because I think you have a lot of it.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Kinley

  “I should probably get home. I know you’ve had a long day.” I stand up from the couch, but Carson grabs me.