Amanda_A Contemporary Retelling of Emma

by Debra White Smith

  “Of course. I won’t say a word. Yes, the same to you, Nate,” Haley finished. When she pulled the receiver away from her ear, she went stone still for a full five seconds. Then she cast a furtive glance toward Amanda before placing the receiver in its cradle. Never had a glance held so much mortification.

  Amanda observed her friend’s profile while a new series of issues presented themselves. “Was that Nate?” she asked.

  Haley nodded.

  “Did he know I’m here?” Amanda scooted to the edge of the couch.

  “Well, he, uh . . .” She studied her thumbnail.

  “He’s still in Brisbane, right?”

  “Um . . .”

  “Is he back in town?” Amanda stood and tossed the pillow back onto the sofa.

  “Actually, he is,” Haley replied with a quick nod. “Yes, he’s back in Highland.”

  “But he hasn’t called me.” Amanda shook as Nate’s departing statement rotated through her mind like a mantra of pain: Sometimes the death of one relationship has to happen so another can be born.

  “Well, he’s . . . you know,” Haley shrugged and mumbled, “busy, I guess.” She walked toward the hallway that led to the kitchen and sunroom. “Still want some tea?”

  Amanda didn’t know if she nodded yes or no and didn’t care. She watched Haley disappear into the short hallway. Soon the sounds of tea-making clinked and clattered from her small kitchen. And Amanda began to put together a series of clues that had been so blatant she couldn’t believe she had missed them.

  The night Haley met Mason at O’Brien’s, Nate had been highly impressed with Haley’s makeover.

  At the villa dinner party, Nate had been furious over Amanda’s trying to pair Haley with Mason. He said it had been on Roger’s behalf, but was it?

  During Janet’s “Welcome to Highland” party, Nate had insisted on jumping to Haley’s rescue when she spilled the ice. He’d spent much of that party basking in Haley’s presence.

  The day Haley was late from lunch weeks ago, she mentioned she’d run into Nate Knighton. Nate had also canceled lunch with Amanda that day because he had an “important meeting.”

  When Mason and Sonja were hateful to Haley, Nate had whisked her away to her office. Upon Amanda’s entering the room, he’d been kneeling in front of Haley.

  That same evening, Nate had repeatedly frowned at Franklyn when he paid Haley any attention. He’d also said that Haley was so pretty these days she’d look good with anyone.

  “Now he’s in town and calling Haley, and Haley’s trying to hide it,” Amanda whispered. How long has he been in town? she wondered. Did he even leave town at all? Maybe the whole story was just a cover to give him time to get closer to Haley and avoid me! The fact that Haley had been the epitome of happy this whole week validated every thought.

  As the facts and worries and suppositions slammed into Amanda, her concerns over Haley being involved with Roger seemed like child’s play.

  Haley isn’t involved with Roger! Amanda thought. She’s Nate’s mystery woman! She’s the one in the dream! Amanda closed her eyes and relived that sickening scene, and the ethereal figure sitting in the passenger seat finally materialized.

  “Haley Schmitz!” Amanda whispered. She opened her eyes, only to discover the room was spinning. “It’s Haley!” she mumbled and swallowed against the nausea creeping up her throat.

  My best friend! She balled her fists. My two best friends! I’ve lost them both! She covered her face and groaned.

  “Here you are!” Haley said.

  Amanda lifted her face. Haley was breezing into the living room wearing a cheerful although strained smile.

  “Are you okay?” Haley asked and halted six feet away.

  Shaking her head, Amanda gargled out some inane sound.

  “Amanda?” Haley gasped and sat the tea mugs on the coffee table. “Are you choking?” She hurried forward.

  Holding her throat, Amanda stumbled away from Haley. “Don’t touch me!” she gasped.

  “Amanda?” Haley stopped.

  “You were trying to hide Nate on the phone,” Amanda squeezed out.

  “Yes.” Haley looked at the floor.

  “Be honest with me, Haley!” Amanda wheezed. “I’ve got to know. . . . Do you . . . Are you . . . Has there ever been a time when you—you were attracted to—to Nate?”

  “Well . . .” Haley hedged and toyed with her robe’s tie. “I guess . . .” She lifted her head, stammered over several more attempts to communicate, then finally said, “At first, of course. But what single woman wouldn’t be?”

  “Are you involved with—with someone now?” Amanda couldn’t even bring herself to say Nate’s name this time.

  “Amanda, I was going to tell you!” Haley said. “I feel so bad and so sneaky. But it’s just that I knew you wouldn’t be happy. So I—Nate even agreed it was best to keep it quiet this time.” She shrugged. “Is there any way you can forgive me?”

  “I’ve got to go,” Amanda said. She snatched up her purse from the coffee table and struggled to the door. “I won’t be at church today.”

  “I’m sorry, Amanda!” Haley called.

  As hot tears blurred her vision, Amanda slammed the door and ran for her car.

  Thirty-Four

  Standing at the window, Haley watched Amanda whiz from the drive. She stroked her face, shook her head, and strained for some means to deal with Amanda’s reaction. She’d suspected Amanda would be upset over her relationship with Roger, but she never imagined her friend would be so broken.

  “She’s not even going to church this morning,” Haley whispered. “This is bad.”

  Maybe Nate will know what to do! she thought and swiveled for the phone. When he told her the issues involved Amanda and to keep the conversation confidential, Haley had marveled at the irony of having Amanda sitting in her living room.

  Finally Nate detected her awkward responses and said, “Is Amanda there by chance?” Haley had swiftly affirmed his supposition, and Nate said he’d call back later.

  “I’ll just call him,” Haley mumbled as she picked up the phone and returned Nate’s call.

  While Haley awaited Nate’s answer, she pondered Amanda’s question about her ever being attracted to Nate. The unexpected query had nearly struck Haley dumb. She’d never planned to tell Amanda of her initial attraction to the Knighton heir. But Haley had made it clear that her attraction had been at the first of her acquaintance with Nate. Then she had shifted to Roger.

  “Hello,” Nate’s weary voice floated over the line.

  “Nate, this is Haley,” she explained, her voice tight. “Amanda’s gone.”

  “You don’t sound very good,” Nate replied.

  “I’m not. She just found out about Roger and me, and she’s taking it really hard.” Haley picked at her terrycloth housecoat.

  “What do you mean by ‘hard’?” Nate questioned.

  “Well, she told me not to touch her.” Haley squinted. “Then she ran out of here like somebody had died.”

  “That’s odd,” Nate said.

  “Very.” Haley reached for the mug of tea. Cradling the phone between her ear and shoulder, she picked up the tea bag string and stirred the liquid with the bag.

  “Maybe she’s having a bad hair day,” Nate said with no humor.

  “Well, she was, actually,” Haley replied and considered her own hair. “I think we all are, for that matter.”

  “This is really odd,” Nate repeated. “But then, I’m not sure I can predict Amanda at all these days. That’s part of the reason I was calling earlier.”

  “Oh?” Haley sipped the black tea laced with honey.

  “You know I’ve been visiting my brother.”

  “Yes . . .”

  “But you don’t know why.” He hesitated and sighed. “Or do you?”

  Haley settled onto the love seat and snuggled into the corner. “No, I don’t.”

  “Good,” Nate replied. “I was hoping nobody knew. If you don
’t, then I’ve done a good job of keeping everything undercover.”

  “What’s going on?” Frowning, Haley attempted to understand Nate’s cryptic comments.

  “Like I already said, Haley, this is confidential.”

  “Right.” She nodded and sipped her tea.

  “I’m in love with Amanda,” he blurted.

  Haley jumped forward and sloshed tea all over her housecoat. By the time she placed the mug on the coffee table, she marveled at her own surprise. Nate had been Amanda’s constant companion ever since Haley started working for Wood-Priebe International. And now that he’d admitted his love, Haley’s mind replayed scene after scene in which Nate had come within a breath of flirting with her boss.

  No, she amended, he did flirt with Amanda. All the time, as a matter of fact.

  “Haley?” Nate prompted.

  “You meant it at the steakhouse when you said we all love her to pieces. You really meant it!”

  “Actually, I said that before I thought,” Nate replied. “I assumed you thought I love her like you love her.”

  “Well, I did.” Haley brushed at the droplets of tea dotting her housecoat.

  “But I didn’t mean it like that.” Nate’s voice had never been more serious or more distraught. “That’s the reason I wanted to talk to you. I’ve been in Brisbane asking my brother’s advice. I needed to get away and decide what to do. I promise, Haley, I’m in so much torment, I’m thinking about just relocating—maybe to the Paris store, even. They need a manager, and—”

  “But that would be a huge demotion,” Haley said.

  “I don’t care. I’ve got to get away from her, or I am going to die.”

  “Why don’t you just tell her how you feel?” Haley stood and padded toward the kitchen.

  “That’s what Gordon says I should do. But I promise, if she rejects me, I think it would kill me.”

  Haley retrieved a towel from the kitchen counter and stroked at the spill. She tried to imagine Nate Knighton, strong, sophisticated, self-assured, as vulnerable as he sounded.

  Shaking her head, Haley said, “Nate, get a grip on yourself. Listen to what you’re saying! You’re thinking about moving to another continent without even telling her. What if you told her and she loved the idea . . . maybe she’d even say she loves you, too.”

  “That’s why I’m calling you, Haley,” Nate’s voice took on an eager edge. “Has she said anything that would make you think I might have a chance?”

  “Uh . . .” Haley leaned against the kitchen counter, covered her face with her hand, and desperately tried to recall anything that might encourage the man.

  “There’s not anything, is there?” Nate asked, his voice flat.

  “There might be,” Haley said, “but my brain just won’t cooperate. She’s been really grouchy all week, if that helps,” she said. “It might have been because you were gone.”

  Nate sighed. “I can only hope.”

  “I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful,” Haley said. “But if it’s any consolation, I’ve wondered over and over again why Amanda took you for granted. Maybe it’s time for her to wake up.” Haley nodded and straightened her shoulders. “I do think you should just tell her, Nate. I agree with Gordon.”

  “All right then, Haley,” Nate said. “But if she laughs in my face, I want you to know I’m going to need a psychiatrist. And you’ll be it.”

  Haley laughed. “Oh, Nate,” she said, “what woman in her right mind would turn you down?”

  “You would, wouldn’t you?”

  “In a heartbeat,” Haley quipped and laughed. “But then I’m in love with Roger.”

  “Aha! You said it.”

  “Yes.” Haley sighed and walked back toward the living room. “You’re right. I said it. But don’t tell Roger.”

  “Oh, I won’t,” Nate replied. “That’s your job.”

  “Right,” Haley said and brainstormed ways she could tell Roger she really did love him.

  By the time she hung up with Nate, Haley decided she needed to do something that would really get Roger’s attention. During their whole courtship, she had always allowed Roger to make the first move.

  Maybe if I made a move, he’d get the hint, she thought and wondered what Roger would think if she just showed up at his country church. To keep up the secrecy, she’d been attending church with Amanda. But now that all was in the open, Haley decided a surprise was in order. And maybe if she hinted of her love strongly enough, Roger would propose again.

  The very idea swept aside all her worries about Amanda. Her friend had obviously endured a hard week. She was probably just under stress. When people are under stress, they always overreact. Haley decided to call Amanda later this evening.

  Amanda sat on the edge of the cliff behind the villa and blindly stared at the ocean pounding the shore. She’d cried until she could cry no more. Her eyes were swollen, her heart shattered. Somewhere between Haley’s apartment and her villa, Amanda had realized that Nate was much more to her than a friend or older brother—he was the man she loved.

  The cold mist barely lingered, but Amanda was so numb she barely registered the moisture that beaded on her lashes. She pulled the hood of her jacket onto her head, hugged her knees, and rested her forehead on them. She closed her eyes and began to pray as she’d never prayed before.

  “Oh God,” she whimpered, “it was because of me that Mason hurt Haley. I know it was. Is this some kind of punishment? Mason fell for me instead of Haley. Now Nate has fallen for Haley instead of me. Oh, Jesus,” Amanda groaned and tightly closed her eyes. “Please tell me this is some nightmare. I just don’t think I can live if it’s for real.”

  The smell of saltwater and earth, the cry of seagulls, the cold, autumn wind whipping at her hood did nothing to reassure her. Nothing. And Amanda sank deeper in the mire of despair. She imagined herself in the next few weeks watching Nate and Haley grow more in love as they planned their wedding.

  “I can’t do it,” Amanda pleaded. “Oh, God, please don’t make me. Please, please forgive me for ever thinking I could help someone fall in love. Nate was right. I was trying to play God. I should have just let Haley marry Roger! Then I wouldn’t be in all this pain!”

  If Roger really loved Haley, I wonder if this is how he felt? The hard reality of that question made Amanda pity Roger for the first time. Oh, God, she pleaded again, help Roger forgive me.

  Amanda lifted her head and gazed into the gray morning. The water stretched to the horizon, changing from aqua, to dark green, to infinite blue. She could identify with the ocean. That’s how large her love stretched for Nate. She felt as if she’d opened a door within her heart where years of adoration had been stored. Now the love rushed through, filling her heart to a depth she never dreamed possible.

  She recalled all the years she’d known Nate, all the times she’d depended upon him to be there. He had been like a light switch in her life she’d taken for granted. Amanda had simply flipped him on when she needed his presence and never questioned that he’d be there for her. She’d relied upon him for even the smallest details of her life like Mr. Adair and his dog.

  Nate always comes through, even when I’m trying to help someone else, Amanda concluded.

  Fresh pain zipped through her heart as she recalled telling him there could never be a romance between them. The pain increased as she relived the hug he’d bestowed after her party. He’d even kissed her. Amanda stroked her forehead. She’d been so confused that night, not fully understanding his meaning.

  Now his meaning was clear—painfully clear. He was allowing the friendship with her to die so the romance with Haley could flourish. That kiss had been his good-bye kiss, so chaste and simple. The hug had been his way of saying their relationship was forever over.

  Even though Amanda thought she couldn’t cry any more, new tears filled her eyes. She covered her face with her hands and heaved, standing just outside the villa. She had no intention of returning inside until she had fully
regained composure.

  At this rate, she thought and pulled a damp wad of tissue from her jacket’s pocket, I’ll be out here all day!

  “Amanda?” The soft male voice floated on the breeze, mingled with the swish and rush of the ocean. At first Amanda thought she had imagined the voice. After all, it sounded like Nate. The second time the “Amanda?” resonated with the waves, she swiveled toward it.

  Nate Knighton stood twenty feet away, hovering on the edge of the rocks like a shy schoolboy afraid to move. Dark circles marred his eyes. His face was haggard. The wind rumpled his hair. He wore a hesitant smile and the gray hoodie Amanda had given him a few years back.

  “Nate?” Amanda said and rubbed at her tears with the wet tissue.

  Thirty-Five

  Haley stepped into the canopy of traditional music that filled the steepled church. The organ wheezed out the melody of “Amazing Grace” while a crowd of sixty Sunday worshipers faithfully sang in sequence with the minister of music. Haley spotted Roger sitting behind his family near the back row. His mother and father, sister and her husband claimed the two rows in front of him. Roger sat all alone.

  Her heart pounding, Haley eased down the aisle and relished the scents of old wood and well-used hymnals. She knew she’d always think of this day every time she smelled a hymnal. This was a pivotal day in the life of Haley Schmitz. Today she had reached into the bottom of herself and found some bravery. When Roger pursued Haley before, she would have never dreamed of just showing up at his church without his invitation. Last week, either, for that matter.

  But what Nate said had given her the courage to drive to the country and somehow let Roger know that she loved him—that she’d never stopped loving him. If only she could wipe the pain from his eyes and win his trust once more, Haley was certain he would propose. And she was equally certain she would say yes.

  She stopped at Roger’s side and was about to touch his shoulder when he looked up at her. He jerked his head back, gaped a full five seconds, and began juggling his hymnal until he dropped it. His father and mother both looked over their shoulders while Roger scooted over and made room for Haley.