Amanda_A Contemporary Retelling of Emma

by Debra White Smith

  By the time Haley settled on the pew, her spine was stiff. Roger’s parents had to know she’d turned down his proposal. And if they knew, she feared their resentment. But their kind glances revealed nothing but acceptance. Roger’s sister offered the same as she discreetly turned and grinned at Haley.

  Her back relaxed. She smiled into Roger’s eyes as he took her hand. Her fingers trembled next to his, and Haley placed her other hand along his forearm. Roger wore a simple plaid shirt, a new pair of jeans, and a clean pair of work boots. Haley had dressed in a denim skirt and loafers and a sweater she bought on last year’s clearance rack. While the outfit was far from sophisticated, Haley felt much more comfortable than if she’d been wearing spike heels and a chic dress. Furthermore, she fit Roger and his world, and the fit felt good.

  Haley knew beyond all doubt that this was where she belonged—in Roger’s life, in his church, in his family pew. She belonged in his tiny one-bedroom house where she could hang her drawings and make the home hers.

  Oh, God, please, she prayed, please let him ask me again.

  “Amanda,” Nate repeated and moved closer. She sat on the edge of the cliff like a hunched-up monkey. Her eyes were red, swollen, and full of sorrow. Trying to fathom how she could have such a strong reaction to Haley’s news, Nate wondered where to start.

  “Your dad and I couldn’t find you,” he explained. “He suggested I check out here.”

  She rubbed her cheeks with the tissue, stroked her disheveled hair, and stood. Haley had been right. Amanda was having a bad hair day. But she was so beautiful to Nate, he couldn’t have cared less.

  “This is where I come when I need to think,” she said and walked toward him. Amanda stopped fifteen feet away. She looked down and nudged at a rock with the toe of her sneaker.

  “Haley told me everything,” Amanda choked out. “I . . . I’m glad for her.”

  “Me too,” Nate replied.

  “She deserves the best.”

  “I agree. Haley’s a wonderful lady.”

  Her face straining, Amanda pressed her lips together.

  Nate looked toward the ocean and prayed for divine guidance. Just tell her, Gordon’s words reverberated through his mind. The seagull’s shrill calls took on the rhythm of the words, Just tell her. Just tell her. Just tell her.

  “Amanda,” Nate said and stepped toward her, “there’s something I’ve got to tell you.”

  For every centimeter he neared her, she moved back.

  “Amanda,” he began again. “I—I need to tell you . . . uh . . .” Nate zipped and unzipped the hoodie. On a whim, he’d placed something in his vehicle that he’d considered clever when he left home. By the time he arrived, Nate decided the idea had been too sappy. But now he was beginning to think he needed the item to communicate his love. He didn’t seem to be doing a good job on his own.

  Given the fact that Amanda’s arms were crossed, her face was stiff, and she stepped back every time he stepped forward, Nate didn’t know if he even should declare his love. The fear of being rejected nearly sent him running back in the way he came. Nate’s heart thrashed his ribs. He broke out in a film of cold sweat. His mouth went so dry he could barely swallow.

  This was the same woman he’d flippantly flirted with for years. But now Nate could find no glib remarks, no light teasing, no humorous quips.

  “Before I left for Brisbane, you said you wanted to see my mystery woman,” Nate managed to say.

  “I . . . I . . .” Amanda hugged herself and shook her head.

  “I’ve got a . . . um . . . picture of her in the car,” Nate said and pointed over his shoulder.

  “I don’t need a picture,” Amanda replied. “I already know.”

  “Y-you do?” Nate stammered. If she did know, then her posture and expression were not good indicators of his success.

  “Yes. Haley told me.”

  His body flashed hot while all his blood felt as if it drained to his feet. “She—she told you? Already?”

  Amanda’s nod was fierce and sure. “So you don’t have to show me her picture. I already know what she looks like!”

  “Haley told you?” Nate repeated. He shook his head and couldn’t believe she had so swiftly broken her vow of silence. Furthermore, he couldn’t move to Paris soon enough.

  “Yes! She told me!” Amanda cried and ran past him. “Just—just go!” she demanded as she trotted toward the villa.

  The shaking started with Nate’s lips and vibrated through every joint until it stopped at his ankles. “God, help me!” he groaned and powerlessly watched Amanda dash up the balcony steps and into the villa.

  Haley smiled into Roger’s face and clung to his hand as they walked up the winding country lane that led to the Miller farm. “It’s only half a mile,” Roger had encouraged. “Let’s leave your car here and just walk. I’ll drive you back to get it after lunch.”

  She’d gladly agreed and now couldn’t have been happier. The mist had stopped. The gray skies had cleared. The sun spread its warm rays on the whole afternoon. Only the slight chill in the air attested that April was nearing, and with it, the promise of more autumn weather.

  The closer they grew to the farm, the more silent Roger became. The amiable banter they’d shared died. A tense silence cloaked them, and Haley began to wonder if she’d made a mistake in coming. She never would have driven to the church if she’d suspected Roger didn’t want her there. Now she was beginning to think exactly that.

  Haley withdrew her hand from his, tugged her sweater sleeves over her hands, and crossed her arms. Her small leather purse swung with the rhythm of her steps. Haley was tempted to remove her keys from the purse and develop some well-suited excuse for her departure.

  Roger bent, picked up a rock from the dusty road, and tossed it toward the paddock that Haley recognized as his family’s estate. He stared straight ahead, fidgeted with nothing, and finally blurted, “Haley, I’ve got to say it!” He turned toward her, gripped her upper arms, and peered into her eyes. His tormented soul lay bare before her.

  “Roger?” Haley gasped.

  “I love you, Haley,” he groaned. “Please tell me you feel the same before I die.”

  “I do!” Haley whispered. “I do love you!” she added.

  “You do?” The torment dissolved.

  “That’s why I came today—to somehow tell you. But I really didn’t know how.” Haley shook her head. “I wanted to say how sorry I was for turning down your proposal and for—” She stopped and placed both hands over her mouth. Her face warming, she lambasted herself for her unplanned admission. She’d just as good as asked Roger to ask her to marry him.

  “Haley, oh Haley,” Roger said and wrapped his arms around her. “It nearly killed me when you said no. I was so sure of you . . . of us.”

  She rested her head against his chest and slipped her arms around his torso. Haley absorbed the comfort of his embrace, the warmth of his love. “I’m sorry,” she breathed against his shirt. “Amanda . . .”

  “I know,” Roger replied. “Nate told me everything. And if you want the truth, I’ve really had to fight an attitude toward her.”

  “Please don’t.” Haley lifted her head. “She means well. She really does. She loves me like a sister and just wants what’s best for me. The problem is, her ideas of what’s best are totally different from mine . . . and God’s.”

  Roger lowered his lips to Haley’s and let her know that his idea of what was best involved her and him and a wedding march. Finally he trailed a row of kisses to her ear and whispered, “Will you marry me?”

  “I thought you’d never ask . . . again,” Haley replied and couldn’t deny a giggle.

  His laughter matched hers as Roger pulled away and said, “I’m taking that as a yes.”

  No sooner had Haley nodded than he grabbed her hand and pulled her toward a gate. “Come on,” he urged and ran across the lane. “There’s something you need to see.”

  “What?” Haley gasped for every br
eath as she tried to keep up with him. But they didn’t stop until they’d run across a paddock full of grass and cattle and oaks and come to a white cottage surrounded by a picket fence.

  Haley jostled to a stop and gazed upon the cutest house she’d ever seen. The afternoon sunshine christened it in silver while the cottage seemed to say “Welcome home.”

  “I love it,” Haley breathed, and Roger slid his arm around her waist.

  A golden retriever on the porch lifted her head, wagged her tail, and perked her ears.

  “Is that Mr. Adair’s dog?” Haley asked.

  “Yes. That’s Goldie.”

  “But I thought Nate was going to keep her.”

  “He was, but I offered to take her. Nate brought her out last night. She’s settled in nicely already.”

  “Amanda’s got a good heart,” Haley observed.

  Roger sighed. “Maybe you’re right,” he mumbled. “I just wish she’d cared a little less in our case.”

  “Nate said something like that,” Haley replied and squeezed Roger’s hand. “But maybe if the two of you give each other a chance, you’ll learn to care about each other.”

  “I guess I’m willing to give it a try,” Roger agreed.

  “I have a feeling Amanda will, too. She’s notorious for doing the right thing when all is settled.”

  “So you do like the house?” He waved toward the cottage.

  She rubbed her fingers across the top of the gate post and relished the slick feel of new paint. “Like it?” she exclaimed and didn’t dare to hope for what she suspected. “I love it!” she repeated. “I think it’s the prettiest cottage I’ve ever seen!”

  “Do you recognize it?”

  “It’s your old place, but I’d have never recognized it . . . except it’s in the same place.”

  “I had it all remodeled and expanded—just for you!”

  “For me?”

  “Yes. Remember when I was out of town before—before—” He stopped and Haley was humiliated to once again be reminded of his initial proposal. She focused on the steppingstones that led to the cozy front porch and wished she’d never even considered turning him down.

  “I was out of town for a few days. But then I came back home and was working to finish it, especially for you.”

  “And I turned you down. Oh Roger!” Haley’s eyes stung. “I’m so, so sorry!” she repeated, then leaned closer and kissed his cheek. “I didn’t deserve all this in the first place. And now a second chance! Is there any way you can ever forgive me?”

  Roger’s face fell into lines of doubt, and he rubbed his chin before a sly smile claimed his features. “Before I can forgive you, you’ll need to kiss this side, too.” He turned his face so she could reach the other cheek.

  “If you insist,” Haley said and wasted no time fulfilling his request.

  “Then you’ll have to promise to marry me this week.”

  “This week?” Haley exclaimed.

  “Yes.” He crossed his arms, and even though his stance appeared confident, his eyes remained uncertain. “I figure we would have been married by now. We need to make up for lost time.”

  “This week?” Haley repeated.

  “I believe that’s what I said.” Roger wrapped his arms around her and rested his forehead on hers. “If I have to, I’ll beg,” he said. “I can even promise a honeymoon in New Zealand.”

  “You don’t have to beg,” Haley said, her heart hammering. “I’ll be glad to marry you this week—New Zealand or not.”

  Not since before she’d received the awful news of her parents’ fatal boat crash had Haley felt as if she belonged. Now, basking in the warmth of Roger’s love and acceptance, Haley once again belonged—really belonged—to someone who loved her more than life.

  Thirty-Six

  Even though Amanda told her breaking heart it was best to lock herself in her room and not watch Nate leave, she stood at the front door window. Amanda hung on to the curtain rod and watched as Nate dejectedly trudged toward his vehicle. With his shoulders sagging and his head low, Nate looked like a thinning old man rather than the young, virile male that he was.

  He’s lost some weight, Amanda thought and attributed it to being in love and losing his appetite. Haley is the luckiest woman in the world! She wondered how she could have been with Nate all these years without seeing the force of her own love.

  “I’ve been a blind idiot,” she whispered as Nate reached his Mercedes. She clutched the curtain rod and told herself not to give in to the urge to run after him. She didn’t want to let him go, and especially not like this. When the vehicle rolled forward, Amanda couldn’t stay inside another second.

  “Nate!” she hollered and flung open the front door. “Nate, wait!” Amanda wildly waved her arms and careened down the yard’s pathway. When she emerged onto the circular drive, the vehicle was pulling from the driveway. Winded, Amanda stopped and groped for her next breath.

  I waited too long! she thought. Amanda rubbed her upper arms and nursed her wounded emotions. All the while, she gazed after Nate with the longing of a heart captured by love.

  When his brake lights flashed and the car backed up, Amanda realized her mission hadn’t been in vain. Nate had seen her. He was returning. And now that he’d seen her, Amanda didn’t quite know what she should do with him. At the window, she’d thought she should wish him the best in a polite and civilized manner. But now she didn’t trust herself not to entrench her body on the hood of his car and beg him not to marry Haley.

  The car whizzed to only feet away and stopped. Nate popped open the door and got out. “Were you calling me?” he asked.

  “Y-yes!” Amanda said as her vision blurred again. She chastised herself for giving in to tears yet again, but she was powerless to stop the flow. She rubbed at the tears and stumbled toward the man she loved.

  “I just wanted to—to tell you that—that—to wish you the best with—with H-H-Haley! And I wanted—I wanted—I just wanted to tell you I think she’s the luckiest woman in the world,” Amanda blurted before bolting back toward the villa.

  “Amanda!” Nate hollered. Once she arrived at the pathway through the yard, he was restraining her. “Amanda!” He repeated and stepped in front of her. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

  Amanda looked no higher than the neck of his sweatshirt.

  “You think I’m in love with Haley?” he asked through an incredulous laugh.

  “Well . . .” She rapidly blinked while fresh confusion swept away the tears. She looked in Nate’s eyes and saw a mixture of relief, victory, and the fervency of a man in love.

  “Oh, Amanda,” Nate chuckled. “How could you think . . .”

  She silently observed him, all the while realizing she had made some sort of dreadful mistake. Shafts of sunlight filtered through the thinning clouds as Nate’s expression warmed Amanda’s heart.

  “I’m not in love with Haley,” Nate said.

  “But she said—and you were on the phone this morning—and—and—she apologized and said the two of you had decided—”

  Nate shook his head. “I don’t know how you and Haley could have gotten your information so mixed. But I can promise you, it’s not Haley I’m in love with.” He took her hand. “Come on,” Nate said and urged her toward the running vehicle. “I told you I wanted to show you a picture of the woman I’m in love with.”

  Too confused to resist, Amanda followed Nate to the car. He reached inside, pulled out a brass-trimmed frame, and said, “I guess it’s not really a picture I have, but I didn’t exactly know what else to call it.” With an assured smile, Nate held up a mirror to her face.

  Amanda blinked at the swollen-eyed, pale woman whose red hair had gone flat from too much mist.

  “This is the woman I love!” Nate placed his index finger on the mirror.

  “Me?” Amanda breathed. “You love me?”

  “Yes!” Nate said. “And I’ve been eaten up with it ever since you blew me that kiss in O’
Brien’s.”

  “You love me?” Amanda whimpered and nearly collapsed with the release of all the pent-up tension. “Oh, Nate, I love you, too!” Amanda looked from the mirror to the man who held it and was overwhelmed by the power of his love. “I think I have for ages and I didn’t even know it! I couldn’t stand the thought of you even looking at another woman. And that mystery woman you talked about at Christmas—”

  “That mystery woman was you.” Nate laughed. “But I couldn’t tell you because I didn’t think you were in love with me.” He chuckled again.

  A gust of wind whipped at her hair, blue shone through the breaking clouds, and the sun heated the top of Amanda’s head.

  “This is not funny, Nate!” Amanda placed her hands on her hips. “I have suffered for months! I’ve even been having nightmares. How could you do this to me?”

  Nate dropped the mirror in the driver’s seat, grabbed her arm, pulled her next to him, and said, “I’ve been a crazy man, and I haven’t known what to do or how to handle any of this. When I first realized I was falling in love, I even put all your gifts in my closet. I think Betty Cates thought I was turning into a slob.”

  “She did.” Amanda chuckled. “She told me all about it—including the basketball that nearly hit her on the head. But I thought it was because your mystery woman made you—because she was jealous and didn’t want you having any of the things I’d given you.”

  “Oh, Amanda,” Nate said again. “I’m so sorry. I guess I should have told you sooner.”

  “I’m not sure I was ready then,” she admitted.

  “Are you ready now?” he mumbled, his gaze settling upon her lips.

  “Absolutely,” Amanda replied. “I’ve never been readier.”

  He wrapped his arms around her as a tide of magnetism drew Amanda’s lips to his for a kiss that had been simmering for ages. Amanda hung on tight and relived the years she’d known Nate Knighton. She’d gone from the hero worship of an early adolescent to the fondness of a collegiate to the friendship of an adult . . . and now the love of a woman.