Family Secrets

by Zina Abbott

  “I love you, son,” said Gerald, in a tone of voice that left Jennie feeling puzzled. Where was the warmth toward their son she remembered from previous homecomings?

  “Welcome home, Gerald,” Alice said, her voice brimming with emotion as she hugged her son. “It’s so good to see you again. We have missed you so much. Oh, how I love you!”

  “I love you, too, Mom,” said Gerald, as he turned to his mother. “It’s good to be home again.”

  Then Jennie sensed that Gerald was ready to turn in her direction. She reached over and affectionately placed her hand on his arm. She stretched her face in a wide smile of welcome, hoping the fear of rejection she felt didn’t show in her eyes.

  This would be the moment of truth. Now that they were standing and facing each other in the flesh, would he hug her? Would he remember that he once told her that he loved her?

  Jennie watched as Gerald’s eyes met hers. Her peripheral vision caught the look of concern on Alice’s face as she watched the coming exchange in anticipation. Expressionless, Gerald gave her a nod as he quietly pulled his arm away from her hand.

  “Jennie,” Gerald acknowledged her, his tone neutral, flat and lifeless. “Thank you for bringing my son to me.”

  Then Gerald turned away and once again focused his attention on Garrett. He began to walk toward the exit in the direction of where the cars were parked, leaving Jennie only the view of his fatigues-clad back.

  Alice glanced back at Jennie. Concern and uneasiness flashed across her face for a moment before she resumed her cheerful and adoring expression for Gerald’s benefit. Alice moved to Gerald’s side and began to nervously chatter about the latest happenings in her household. Gerald’s one syllable responses didn’t amount to much more than an occasional grunt. Silently, Jennie followed behind.

  So distant, Jennie thought. It’s like he’s a shell of the man he used to be. There was no doubt in her mind; there was not going to be a miracle between her and Gerald. Not today.

  When the four of them reached the parking lot, Alice launched into the role of a gracious hostess, a role Jennie had witnessed often.

  “I have a lovely luncheon waiting for us back at the house. It’s a shame that Jennie has to return to work and cannot stay for Thanksgiving, but I don’t want to send her on her way without a nice meal…”

  Gerald cut his mother short.

  “Mom, I appreciate it, but I would rather eat lunch at a restaurant here in town. I have a place lined up where Jennie and I can talk in private.”

  “Are you sure, Gerald?” Alice asked hesitantly. She was obviously uncomfortable with the disruption to her plans. “I mean, it’s not that far to the house, and you and Jennie can talk in the back yard or in one of the bedrooms after we eat.”

  “I’m sure, Mom.” Gerald flashed a smile designed to reassure her. “We can have your meal for dinner. I’ll give you directions to the restaurant once we get in the car. Jennie can follow us over.”

  “Garrett will need to come with me,” Jennie said, her voice firm. She reached out to reclaim her son. “I have the car seat in my car.”

  “We can get the car seat and his things and transfer them over to Mom’s car first, then,” Gerald retorted. “We will need the car seat while Garrett is with us, anyway.”

  “Oh, you won’t need to do that,” Alice interrupted helpfully. “I brought my car seat. I keep it on hand for grandchildren. With Maria and her little ones, it has come in handy…”

  Alice stopped with her mouth open, looking between Gerald and Jennie, as she realized that instead of being helpful, she was aiding her son in his attempt to push Jennie away.

  “There you go,” Gerald said, smiling in triumph as he turned from Jennie, Garrett still seated on his arm. “We’ve got Garrett covered as far as the restaurant. We’ll get the rest of his things when we get parked over there.”

  Jennie felt her shoulders slump and her hands droop at her sides as she watched the trio walk across the parking lot. Only after they were several yards away from Jennie did Gerald put Garrett down and offer his son’s hand to Alice so he could get a better grip on his bag. They continued to their car. Gerald never turned once to look back at her. Jennie turned away and hurried to her own car, fuming.

  “What a mistake! What a big, stupid mistake,” Jennie muttered as she walked up to the driver’s side door of her car and unlocked it. “I never should have brought Garrett down here. I never should have put myself in a position where Gerald could treat me like this, especially here on his home turf. If he wanted to see his son, I should have made him come to me.”

  Chapter 16 - Christy

  The drive from Sacramento to Auburn was beautiful. I felt closer than ever to Rob. I knew that part of it was his willingness to support me instead of brushing off my concerns as if they were of no importance. I knew then more strongly than ever before that I had made the right decision to marry him. He was all I could ever hope for.

  Auburn itself was a beautiful town, high in the foothills and crowned with pine trees. It is too far from Sacramento to be a convenient commuter community.

  I remembered filling Rob in on my father’s sister and her family, even though they and Rob had already met at family holiday dinners. Aunt Pat and Uncle Leon Givens moved to Auburn years earlier in spite of the long drive to the city each day. I remembered when we were kids, I once asked Aunt Pat why they lived so far away and drove so far to go to work. She said she and Uncle Leon both loved the mountains. They decided when they were married that, instead of waiting until they retired to move where it is pretty, they were going live there from the start. Aunt Pat was a high school English teacher, so she had easily found work locally. She was able to stay close to home while they raised their one daughter, my cousin, Amber. Uncle Leon continued to commute to Sacramento.

  Amber is a year older than I am and was in college in Colorado. Even though Aunt Pat was younger than Daddy, she had married Leon the year before she graduated from college with her teaching credentials, which was before Dad met Mom.

  I remembered hesitating about that point, once again swamped by that unsettled feeling that I didn’t really know my family situation. I had already figured out from the pictures Mom showed me that I was about two or three when Dad and Mom married. They had always talked about the day and month of their wedding anniversary, that it was just before Thanksgiving, but I could not recall being told the year they were married or how long they had been married. I had never really noticed that before, but on the drive to see Aunt Pat, I wondered.

  When did Dad marry the first time? Or, was he even married to my real mother? Mom had lied about the other thing; maybe she lied about this, too. I knew that much of society today had become nonchalant about sex outside of marriage, but it was not always that way. Yes, the sexual revolution had started to take place by the time I was born. But, Mom was raised when the societal mores dictated that it was shameful to have a child out of wedlock.

  Had she tried to cover up for Dad by saying he was married to my real mother so I wouldn’t think less of him for fooling around and having a child out of wedlock? So many questions.

  Once we arrived at the Aunt Pat’s and Uncle Leon’s house, they greeted us like we had not seen each other in years. They invited us to sit in the living room.

  Our conversation felt forced to me. I guessed that Aunt Pat was uncomfortable about the purpose of our visit, even though she had agreed to it the previous night. What had happened? Had she called my parents? Did they tell her to stonewall me?

  Rob managed to relax the atmosphere a little by comfortably entering into a conversation with Uncle Leon about baseball. After a few minutes, Pat started asking me about the details of our wedding plans. I felt myself getting more and more nervous, fearing our trip here was going to be a failure.

  After about a half-hour of pleasantries, Pat finally turned to me and grew businesslike.

  “So, Christy, you indicated to me last night that you were hoping I would ha
ve answers to some of your questions.”

  Pat left the question hanging. I nodded, cleared my throat, but nothing came out. Now that the time had come, I froze, unsure where to start.

  After a moment of silence in the room, Leon invited Rob to watch the game on television. The two men companionably continued their sports discussion as they crossed the kitchen into the family room where the television was already on and tuned to the game. I silently sighed in relief. I was alone with Aunt Pat. Without an audience, it was easier for me to speak.

  “Mom told me she’s not my birth mother. She acted like I should already have known that, but I didn’t. She told me a few things, but it was awkward.”

  “Just so you know, Christy, I called your mom after we finished talking last night. From what you said, it sounded like your parents had decided it was time to tell you about your beginnings. But, then I started thinking that maybe I might be opening a can of worms by agreeing to talk to you. I decided to check with your mom first.”

  I felt ambushed. Maybe my aunt had decided that she wasn’t going to tell anything that I didn’t already know. But, if that was the case, why was she the one to bring up the subject a few minutes earlier?

  “She was upset, and asked my advice about how to handle the situation of you finding out she is not your biological mother,” Pat continued. “We talked quite awhile. She doesn’t really want to hide anything from you. But, I think she is afraid she will lose you. She does love you very much. You do know that, don’t you?”

  “I know.”

  At that point, I realized I really did know that Mom loved me very much.

  “I love Mom, too. But I feel there are too many gray areas about my past, Aunt Pat, questions I need answers to. Mom would not tell me much because of Dad. In fact, she really does not want Dad to know she told me as much as she did. I didn’t dare to ask him any questions, or even let on to him that I know.”

  “Ah, yes, my dear brother is the sticking point,” Pat said as she leaned back into the couch. “He always has been. Jan is not willing to cause problems in the family. Meaning, of course, she doesn’t want to upset your father and send him into a tailspin. There are a lot of incidents from his past, like this one, that he has trouble letting go. Because of them, he has ordered the family to not discuss them. As his sister, I have an obligation to honor his wishes.”

  Disappointment engulfed me. And fear. What was there about me as a little baby that would send my father into a tailspin? I couldn’t keep the whine out of my voice.

  “Does that mean you have decided to not tell me anything? I mean, there are just little things I want to know. Things, like, who do I look like? I remember looking at our family portraits when I was younger, Aunt Pat, and wondering why I am the only one with blonde hair and blue eyes. I didn’t inherit these traits from Mom. Did they come from someone on Dad’s and your side of the family way back? Or, could they have come from my birth mother?”

  Birth mother. I decided then I liked the sound of that. It sounded better to me than “real mother” or “biological mother.”

  Pat looked away and tapped her lips with her fingertips.

  “Mom says you have some pictures of me when I was a baby,” I pressed. “I saw the one you gave her when I was in high school. I was hoping you would show the rest of them to me.”

  Pat thought about what I said for a few moments.

  “Sure, Christy,” she finally said quietly. “Give me a few minutes to get the pictures.”

  I stayed glued to my seat on the couch listening to Aunt Pat rummage around in one of the bedrooms. I thought of offering to help, but decided against it. Since there seemed to be so many secrets about me that I was not allowed to be privy to, she might think of my offer as an unwelcome intrusion.

  Aunt Pat brought back a hatbox on her first trip. On the second trip she brought back two photograph albums.

  Pat turned to me as she placed her hand on the top photo album. She studied my eyes for a moment.

  “Because of your father, I don’t feel at liberty to tell you much,” she started carefully, “But, at the risk of being duplicitous about this, I am going to show you a few things. You glean from them what you can.”

  Duplicitous. Leave it to Aunt Pat, the English teacher, to come up with a word like that.

  Chapter 17 – Jennie

  Jennie drove close to the exit and waited for Alice’s car, then followed it out the gate.

  The place Gerald chose for their lunch was not far away. Jennie immediately recognized it. The dingy chain restaurant was next to a cheap, two-story motel where, early in their marriage, she and Gerald had stayed occasionally in order to have a night by themselves before they drove to Gerald’s parents’ house. She had not minded it when they were newly married. Seeing it as she drove up to the restaurant, Jennie realized how rundown it looked.

  Jennie pulled in a parking space facing Alice’s car. Gerald immediately strode over to her vehicle. At first, Jennie thought he was planning to open the door for her, finally showing some semblance of courtesy. She soon realized that was not the case. He reached down and pulled the release lever for the trunk.

  “When did you get this car, Jennie?” Gerald asked.

  Jennie blinked. Why was he asking that?

  “We bought this for me right before you left. Don’t you remember?”

  A frown momentarily wrinkled Gerald’s brow and then he shrugged. Jennie stepped out of the car and locked the door while Gerald opened the trunk and transferred all of Garrett’s clothes and the few toys she had brought for him into Alice’s trunk.

  The restaurant filled up quickly. Considering how busy the restaurant was, Jennie was surprised that they were waited on promptly once they were seated. In spite of the good service, the time dragged for Jennie. She felt like a spectator as Gerald divided his time between playing with Garrett, who sat in the wooden restaurant high chair at the end of the table, and his mother, who was sitting next to him. When Alice made an effort to include Jennie in the conversation, Gerald stopped talking and focused on Garrett.

  Since she felt more of a spectator than part of the conversation, Jennie noticed something different about Gerald. He seemed to forget several things his mother told him shortly after they were spoken. He even made the comment that they needed to get Garrett’s things out of Jennie’s car even though he had already done so before they came into the restaurant.

  When they finished eating and the waitress cleared their lunch plates away, Gerald requested refills on their drinks, indicating that he was not yet ready to leave. Jennie watched him as he fidgeted, checked his watch and focused more of his attention on the restaurant entrance. Finally he raised his hand and rose from his seat, his eyes glued to a couple standing by the hostess counter.

  Jennie turned to see who he was waving to. Walking toward their table was a couple that Jennie guessed were about the same age as her husband. The man was the other soldier who had come in on the same plane as Gerald. As he approached their table holding a plastic card in his raised hand, Jennie recognized him as someone Gerald had introduced her to in the past as a friend who had also joined the Army.

  The man’s other arm was wrapped around the waist of a short but curvy woman with shoulder-length brunette hair that curled around her face. She molded her body to his, making it awkward for her to walk. Both faces wore grins that advertised that they were besotted with love.

  “There you go, Howell, as promised,” the young soldier said to Gerald as he handed over the plastic card that Jennie recognized as a room key. “214, upstairs on the left as you enter from the front. Don’t take too long, though. We may need the room again soon. It’s been a long time, you know what I mean?”

  The couple looked at each other with knowing looks, their faces still plastered with the silly grins of the lovesick.

  “Thanks, buddy,” Gerald said as he snatched the key. “I owe you.”

  Jennie sat as immovable as a stone statue while she watche
d Gerald remove Garrett from his chair and give instructions to his mother.

  “This won’t take long, Mom. There’s a nice little park behind the motel. Don’t worry; it’s safe. Why don’t you take Garrett there and let him run around for a few minutes? I’ll come and find you after Jennie and I talk.”

  Jennie felt Alice’s unease as she slid out of the booth and followed her son out of the door. It was more than a concern over whether or not the park would be safe. Jennie sensed that her mother-in-law intensely disliked the present situation. At the same time, she was reluctant to interfere in her son’s marital affairs. Normally, Jennie would have appreciated non-interference from her mother-in-law. However, on this occasion, she felt like she was stranded and alone in the world.

  In the parking lot, Gerald helped settle his son in the car and once more gave directions to his mother. He had asked Jennie to wait under the restaurant awning, claiming it wouldn’t be far for them to walk. While she waited, Jennie felt the anger build up inside of her.

  “Gerald, how could you?” Jennie hissed at Gerald as he rejoined her and motioned her towards the opening of the motel complex. “You’re taking me to someone’s motel room to talk? How tacky!”

  “What did you expect me to do, Jennie?” Gerald shook his head as he quickened his pace, forcing her to almost run in an effort to keep up with him. “Waste a whole day’s motel room fee for a five minute talk?”

  Jennie made no reply as she slowed down to a comfortable pace. She leisurely walked up the stairs formed from concrete slabs bolted to a metal frame until she reached the walkway on the second floor. As she approached Gerald, who waited by the opened door, she fought to get her feelings under control. She would need to keep a clear head, unclouded by emotion, to deal with the issues they needed to discuss.