Second Thoughts

by Jade Winters

  “And why would I want to do that?” she asked her, feigning innocence.

  “Oh I dunno. How about the fact that you’re only twenty-five and you’ve still got a lot of living to do.”

  “You mean hanging out in bars, getting drunk kind of living?”

  Faye made a face. “Yeah. Nothing wrong with that. You know, once that ring goes on your finger, it’s lockdown for you.”

  Melissa’s jaw dropped open. She would have liked to have taken a deep breath to calm her racing pulse but she didn’t want to inhale the pungent chemical fumes that hung in the air. Instead she tut-tutted to show her disapproval. “Don’t be so silly. Nothing’s going to drastically change just because I said ‘I do’.”

  “Oh no. Chrissy was just saying yesterday we hardly see you anymore and when we do you’re always rushing off home.”

  “Oh come on, Faye. That’s so not true.”

  Faye snorted. “It so is. When was the last time we all went for a piss up when you weren’t checking your watch every hour?”

  “Three weeks ago actually. And the only reason I was watching the time was because I had to go into work early the next morning.”

  Faye shook her head in utter disbelief. “Melissa, you’re your own boss for God’s sake. You could have had someone else open up for you.”

  Melissa looked up towards the ceiling as she recalled the incident. “I had a meeting with one of my suppliers so, no, I couldn’t have palmed it off onto someone else,” she said defensively.

  In the back of her mind she had to admit there was some truth to what Faye was saying. She had been guilty of letting their friendship slide a bit, but wasn’t that what happened when you met someone? She had grown tired of being the third wheel in Faye and Chrissy’s relationship. Not that they’d ever made her feel that way, but it was nice to have a partner of her own now. Faye made it clear to her on more than one occasion that she thought she was boring now that she had entered coupledom – but the reality was Melissa liked nothing more than a night in watching movies or just cuddling up together with Bettina. She didn’t need to be out on the town every night just so she had pictures to post on her Facebook page to show the world she had an interesting life. If doing what made you happy was boring, so be it.

  Faye crossed her legs. “If you say so. All I’m saying is, you should have waited a while before saying yes to Bettina’s proposal. You were living as flatmates for three and a half years, then out the blue you’re in a relationship and now you’re tying the knot.”

  Melissa cocked her head. “Despite what you think Faye, I’m marrying Bettina because I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

  “Ahhh, that’s so romantic,” Cheryl piped up.

  Faye ignored Cheryl’s interjection. “Yeah, well she’s all wrong for you as far as I’m concerned. She treats you like a child.” Faye reached over to a table full of magazines and picked one up. Snapping the pages open, she quickly flicked through it.

  “No, she doesn’t.”

  “Yes, she does.” She looked up at Melissa. “The worst thing is, I think you actually like her mothering you.”

  Melissa drained her glass. Immediately a woman appeared at her side to refill it. She looked up at the woman gratefully whilst thinking she could do with a valium instead. She loved Faye to death and there was no way on earth she would ever do anything to jeopardise their friendship but, and it was a big but, when Faye got on to the subject of Bettina she never let it go. She knew jealousy wasn’t an issue. Faye’s partner Chrissy was one of the nicest women she had ever met. Melissa didn’t know what Faye’s problem was half the time. Melissa herself would never pass judgement on anyone else’s relationship, even if she did think something was amiss. She respected people’s boundaries, unlike Faye, who trampled over them as if they didn’t exist.

  Melissa looked around at the other customers in the shop, who sat quietly whilst the technicians painted their nails. She was relieved they didn’t seem to be listening in on their conversation. “You know, I wanted to enjoy a stress-free afternoon with you. I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t bothered.”

  “Oh don’t start getting your knickers in a twist. I’m just telling you how I see it. Someone has to.”

  Melissa blinked, surprised by her cold tone. She could see Faye was in one of her “putting the world to rights” moods.

  “You’re entitled to your opinion but that’s all it is, an opinion.”

  Faye looked over at her and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”

  Melissa was relieved when a smile spread across Faye’s face as she stood and moved to the back of her chair. For now it seemed the sermon was over.

  Faye leaned down and wrapped her arms around her. “Go on, be a runaway bride, and do what you’ve always wanted to do; travel the world. It’ll be fun.”

  Melissa patted Faye’s hand. “Give me a break, Faye. I’m not running away and a wedding will be taking place in two weeks. It would take death itself to stop me marrying Bettina. I would never back out.”

  “You know what they say... never say never,” Faye sang out cheerily as she drew herself up and walked back to her seat.

  Melissa took a sip of her drink. “Yeah, but they have never met Bettina.”

  Chapter Four

  The air-conditioning was a welcome relief as Sara made her way through the bar. Despite having spent four years in San Diego at UCSD, she still wasn’t used to the hot summers. Passing a group of women playing pool, she noticed Serena sitting alone at a table at the back, boldly eyeing every woman who walked past – whether they were alone or not.

  “You’re going to get into a cat fight if you carry on like that,” Sara said, leaning in to give her a hug.

  Serena feigned innocence. “Just looking honey, nothing wrong with looking.”

  Sara threw her bag on an empty seat and pulled her shirt away from her body. “I need a drink.”

  “Me too.” Serena grinned, displaying a set of even white teeth.

  “No, I mean I really need one.” Sara raised her arms to show Serena her still trembling hands.

  Serena’s brown eyes widened. “What happened?”

  “I’ll tell you after I get a drink,” she said patting her jeans until she located some money.

  As she walked over to the bar the message from Faye assaulted her mind. Melissa is getting married. An emptiness swirled in the pit of her stomach. She reached the bar and was served straight away. The place was unusually quiet for a Friday night and this only added to her sense of loneliness. Sara loved the place but the familiar olive green walls adorned with pop art and the wooden panelled bar were doing nothing to ease her mood.

  She grabbed the beer and made her way back to the table, taking a long gulp as she sat down. Almost immediately she could feel her nerves begin to relax.

  Serena propped herself up in the seat, her gleaming eyes fixed on Sara’s. “Come on then, out with it.”

  Sara pulled at the collar of her shirt. “I received an email from an old friend today.”

  Serena’s eyes narrowed. “And?”

  “And...” She put her fingers to her lips. “My ex is getting married.”

  Serena let out a long whistle, a pensive expression covering her face. “I see.”

  “Is that it? I see?” Sara’s shoulders sagged as she took another sip of her drink.

  Serena hesitated before finally saying. “Sweetie, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “Anything but I see, would be a good start.”

  “Okay then, you asked for it.”

  Sara watched as Serena tugged at her neatly trimmed dreadlocks, took a sip of her cocktail then clasped her hands in front of her on the table. “If I remember rightly,” she began, her tone raising a notch. “Your break up was all your own doing. What did you think she was going to do, sit around while you got on with your life? Come on, Sara. I thought you were an intelligent woman. How long did you think she’d be alone before she hooked up with some
one else?”

  No, Sara wasn’t that naive to think Melissa wouldn’t meet anyone else. Even she’d had a few flings over the years but they had meant nothing to her. The women had been passing ships in the night. No one could replace Melissa. Not then and not now. Although it had been years since she’d last seen her, at no time had it ever entered her mind that Melissa would actually get married to someone else. The gravity of what she stood to lose only hit her when she’d received the email from Faye telling her the “good news”.

  Sara twisted her lips. “It just feels, I dunno, strange. I always thought we’d get back together–”

  “Was your ex a party to this fantasy of yours?”

  Sara gave a weak laugh. “Well no, not exactly. I stupidly thought by the time I was where I wanted to be with my career and ready to settle down, we’d pick up from where we left off.” Her voice sounded as flat as she felt.

  “Do you want another drink?” Serena asked, standing.

  “Please. But make it stronger this time. Beer just isn’t doing it for me.”

  “JD on the rocks it is then.”

  An hour later, her head woozy from alcohol and her mind languid, without hope, Sara watched as Serena made out with a blonde woman in the corner of the bar. Why did it seem so easy for everyone else to move on with their lives? Melissa had obviously done it and Serena never seemed to let women get to her emotionally. If only I could be the same.

  Serena prised her lips away from the other woman’s and headed back to their table.

  “I’m sorry to have to do this to you but duty calls,” Serena said scooping up her jacket and bag. “What are you going to do for the rest of the evening? Wallow in self-pity or come back to…um.” She clicked her fingers as she looked towards the woman she was entwined with only minutes earlier. “Damn. I’ve forgotten her name already.”

  Sara rolled her eyes. “Did you ever know it?”

  Serena grinned. “Come to think of it no. Anyway, she said she has a single flatmate at home if you’re interested.”

  Sara looked past Serena towards the woman who was holding onto the bar to prop herself up, then glanced up at Serena. Was this her future? Bar-hopping and making out with women she barely knew? The mere thought of it made her feel bereft and desolate.

  There was only one thing for her to do.

  She downed the rest of her JD as she unsteadily rose to her feet.

  “You coming with us?” Serena asked excitedly.

  Sara put her empty glass on the table then reached down and grabbed her bag. “Nope, I’m going to England.”

  Serena’s forehead creased with deep lines. “What?”

  A smile lifted the corner of Sara’s lips. “You heard me. I’m going home. If I can catch a last minute flight I should be able to make it in time.”

  “Are you crazy? What about your experiment?”

  Sara didn’t respond. Could she seriously just walk away from her job right in the middle of an experiment? What if she got all the way to London and Melissa wanted nothing to do with her, then what? Come back to the States with her tail between her legs like the last time? The alcohol in her system was enticing her to do things that on a normal day she would brush off and move on. But for now, all she could think about was seeing Melissa again and nothing else mattered. She couldn’t let Melissa get married without letting her know how she still felt about her, could she? As she asked herself the question, her heart yelled out the answer – No she couldn’t. Sara decided to follow her heart’s instructions – all the way to England.

  Chapter Five

  Eli looked down at the large white cardboard box that sat on her dining table. In one swift movement she ran the tip of a kitchen knife along the centre of the parcel tape, causing the flaps of the box to flip open. A smile grew on her face as she withdrew some of the contents one at a time. Bride-to-be sashes, a pink flashing L-plate, a miniature bride-to-be hat as well an assortment of party games.

  Satisfied all the items were present for the night’s do, she absent-mindedly twisted a strand of ash brown hair around her finger and stared down at the box. It wasn’t every day your little sister got married and she was pulling out all the stops to make sure Melissa had the best hen party ever. After all, she was only going to be married once – she hoped so anyway.

  Eli’s hand fell from her hair as her eyes were drawn to a photograph taken at Melissa’s graduation four years earlier. Melissa looked so much like their mother – the quick easy smile, her eyes, the colour of river mist, the glossy blonde gelded hair that fanned her elfin features. Pangs of regret tore at her heart knowing that it had taken the loss of their parents to bring them a little closer together.

  A movement behind her caused her to let out a hysterical shriek. She didn’t know why she was so jumpy, given there was only one other person living in the house the sisters had inherited from their parents – her partner Scott. Melissa had refused to move back into the property after their parent’s death, the memories were too raw for her. Whilst Eli understood her sentiments, she would have loved nothing more than to have lived with her sister, even if it had only been for a little while.

  “Sorry to scare you, gorgeous. You looked so deep in thought I didn’t want to disturb you.” Scott encircled her small waist with his thick hairy arms.

  “It’s okay.” She drew a deep breath. “I was just thinking about my parents missing the wedding. My dad would have been so proud walking Melissa down the aisle.”

  Scott looked forlorn; the spotlights above gleaming off his slightly wrinkled face. For a man of sixty he still looked good for his age. Although his thick hair was mostly grey, Eli knew he was grateful it was all his own. Most of his friends were sporting a bald patch by now.

  “I know it won’t be the same,” he said quietly. “But I’ll be just as proud to do the job.”

  “I’m sorry, Scott. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  He squeezed her gently. “Shhh. I know you didn’t. The main thing is someone who loves Melissa very much is going to be there on her big day.”

  “Yes, you’re right. And I’m sure she’s going to be eternally grateful you offered to stand in to fill the void.” She wrapped her arms around his.

  Scott snuggled his face in the crook of her neck. “You’ve got to stop handling Melissa as if she’s as delicate as a piece of bone china. She’s a strong woman, give her some credit.”

  Eli turned around in his arms, staring up at him momentarily. “You always seem to sum Melissa up to a T.”

  Scott stood tall and dragged his hand through his hair. “I guess I’m just observant.”

  “And I think I’ve picked up my mum’s habit of worrying about nothing,” she said earnestly.

  Eli remembered Melissa as a quiet child who always kept matters close to her heart, worrying their mother to no end. Her mother thought having Melissa at the age of thirty-five, was a mistake, mainly because she wouldn’t grow up with a sibling nearer her own age. She had confided in Eli that she worried the reserved and insulate child would never let anyone get close to her in adulthood and for this reason, she would have difficulties with personal relationships.

  Thankfully that hadn’t happened. Melissa had met Bettina. Wonderful, kind, loving Bettina who had persisted along a rocky unstable road in order to win Melissa’s heart. Many had started with the first few steps but had fallen to the wayside when they saw how far they had to go. In the end, fate had played its part and everything was how it should be.

  “Is everything ready for tonight?” he asked jerking his head towards the table.

  “Yep, it’s all sorted.” She put her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. “Everything is going exactly to plan,” she said with a satisfied smile.

  Chapter Six

  Bettina glanced at the coffee table one more time before she would allow herself to sit down. The table was laden with wine, crisps, dips, and chocolate truffles – all the things she needed for her night in whilst Melissa
hit the town for her hen do. Thank god it’s only one night. She shuddered at the thought of Melissa’s original plan. A long weekend with Faye and a group of old university friends in Lesbos. Not that she didn’t trust Melissa; it was Faye she was wary of. She was too, what was the word, flighty and in Bettina’s opinion that was something she could do without. She liked solid people who knew where they were going in life and had purpose. Since Melissa had introduced them, Faye had moved home four times and had been through seven different jobs. Currently she was unemployed and poncing off her long suffering partner Chrissy. Bettina felt sorry for the woman. She couldn’t imagine what a successful, professional person like Chrissy saw in Faye.

  Bettina didn’t like anything that threatened to rock her stable lifestyle and if she didn’t rein Melissa in, it wouldn’t be long before she picked up some of Faye’s habits.

  Melissa entered the living room wearing tight-fitted black jeans and an off the shoulder black silk top. Bettina whistled as she eyed her from head to toe. Melissa was one sexy woman even if her opinion was biased. Though she knew there were younger, prettier women out on the scene who would have snapped Melissa up in a second, she didn’t feel insecure. She was safe in the knowledge that Melissa loved her and would never cheat on her. That’s why she’d proposed. She wasn’t getting any younger and it seemed like her biological clock was ticking like Big Ben.

  “I’m ready. How do I look?” Melissa asked, twirling round on the spot.

  Bettina reached out and pulled her close, wrapping her arms around her bum. “Absolutely gorgeous as always.”

  “Why thank you. You sure know how to make a girl feel good.” Melissa giggled and leaned down to kiss Bettina on the lips, leaving a red sticky residue behind. “Hopefully I won’t be back too late.”

  Bettina’s mood soured and she withdrew her arms. “If Faye has anything to do with it, I won’t see you until the early hours of the morning. It’s not going to look too good if you turn up to see Scott with a hangover and stinking of booze.”