Second Thoughts

by Jade Winters

  When she was out of sight, Melissa leaned in to Sara. “I thought you’d be on your way home by now,” she whispered.

  Sara wrapped both hands around her cup. She didn’t answer straight away, just looked up at her innocently. “Don’t worry; I’m not here to cause you any aggro. Faye asked me to join her for a coffee, that’s all. I respect your decision.”

  Melissa stared back at her, suddenly feeling vulnerable. She fought hard to keep the emotion out of her voice. “It’s not because I don’t have feelings for you, Sara, I do. But I also have commitments I made and I can’t break, even if I wanted to.”

  Sara lifted the drink to her mouth, took a slow sip, and then replaced the cup on its saucer. Not a hint of tension or annoyance, just an easy fluid movement. That was typical Sara behaviour. Nothing unnerved her. That was one of the many things she had found so appealing about her.

  Sara ran the tip of her finger lightly over Melissa’s knuckles and gave her a look that made her breath leave her body.

  “I only want you to be happy. I’m just sorry I didn’t come back sooner. I should have never let you go.”

  Melissa tried to fight the sensations Sara’s touch was eliciting in her body. “Well there’s nothing we can do to change that?” she said, her voice breaking.

  “Unfortunately.” Sara smiled and leaned backwards. “I still can’t bear the thought of someone else having the privilege of loving you. But you know that already right?”

  Before Melissa could reply, Faye returned to the table. “So what have I missed? Have you both seen common-sense and decided to elope together.”

  Melissa looked up at Faye as she brushed past her to take a seat. “Give it a rest, Faye.”

  “Okay. That was a bit tactless,” Faye replied before slapping her palms on the table. “So what do we say ladies, quit this joint and head to a bar and play some pool?”

  Sara gave a thumbs up and looked towards Melissa. “Sounds good to me.”

  Melissa glanced at the oversize clock on the wall. “You two go and have fun. I have some things to do here,” she said apologetically. “I’ll catch up with you during the week, Faye.”

  She could feel her heart pounding against her chest as she stood and looked down at Sara. “I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay, Sara. Have a safe journey home.”

  Sara looked up at her with a predatory glint in her eyes. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you before I go back.”

  Melissa stuffed her trembling hands into her jacket pockets. Not if I can help it, you won’t!

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Bettina stopped typing a business report midsentence when she heard the doorbell ring, interrupting her train of thought. That was the one thing she hated about working from home – the interruptions. But for now it was a necessary evil as she balanced work with arranging the final touches to their wedding. She wasn’t a Bridezilla, where the wedding had consumed her every thought. Most of the hard work was so that for these last few weeks she could go into cruise mode, taking it easy.

  Reluctantly, she saved her work and went to open the door. Without a word, Eli rushed past her and headed straight to the kitchen, pulled out a chair and dropped onto it. Bettina quickly followed with a frown on her face. She had never seen Eli look so stressed before. Eli was the type of person that always had a cheerful look on her face whatever the circumstances.

  “Eli, what’s wrong?” Bettina enquired as she entered the kitchen.

  Eli let out a deep breath, her red-rimmed eyes looking up at Bettina as she moved in front of her. “Is Melissa around?”

  Bettina knelt down and took her trembling hand in her own. “No, she’s at work. I can always call her and get her to come home.”

  Eli quickly shook her head. “No, no I don’t want her to hear this. But I need to tell someone. Promise me you won’t tell her what I’m about to tell you.”

  “Eli, I promise, I won’t.”

  “If she finds out, it’ll destroy her.”

  Fear flooded her. She prayed there was nothing wrong with Eli. That’s the last thing Melissa could cope with at the moment. She dreaded hearing the answer to her next question. “Are you ill?”

  “No. It’s about my dad.”

  She silently thanked God; whatever was stressing her wasn’t life-threatening. “What about him?”

  “He’s not Melissa’s biological father.”

  Bettina released Eli’s hand and gasped. “What are you talking about? Of course he is. Who else could it be?”

  At first Eli didn’t respond, instead she sat there looking through Bettina as if she wasn’t there.

  “Who’s her father, Eli?” she probed gently.

  An uneasy expression crossed her face. “Scott.”

  “What about him?”

  “He’s Melissa’s father.”

  She turned back to face Eli. She instinctively knew Melissa would never hear this salacious information from her lips. “But how...?”

  Eli glanced down at her hands. “Well obviously he slept with my mum.”

  “Are you serious?” Bettina asked her eyes widening.

  Eli’s shoulders slumped. “Do you think I’d joke about something like that?”

  “No, of course not. Oh my God. Why is he telling you this now?”

  “Because he didn’t have a choice. Either he told me or his wife was going to.”

  Bettina’s mouth shaped into an o, but no sound came out. She walked over to the window and stared out at the large oak tree at the foot of the garden. She couldn’t believe what Eli was telling her. Scott was Melissa’s father. The thought repulsed her. How could he sleep with the child of a woman he’d had an affair with? Her moral radar was definitely on the blink. She had always thought of Scott as an upstanding kind of guy. She had been moved by his obvious affection for Melissa. Now she knew why. What a dirty filthy bastard! How could he do that to Eli? The only positive side to it, if there was such a thing, was that Eli hadn’t married the loser.

  “Now do you see why she must never know?”

  “I’m so sorry, Eli. Where is Scott now?”

  She sat up straighter in her chair. “At work. It makes me feel sick to think that him and my...mum, in that house. Oh my God.” The tears began to fall freely from her eyes.

  Bettina crossed the room and pulled her into an embrace. “You poor thing. I can’t imagine how tough this must be for you.” She rubbed Eli’s back with her hand.

  Eli’s voice sounded muffled as she said between sobs, “I can’t believe my mum would do such a thing. But it all makes sense now. My mum suddenly getting pregnant when she’d always told me she only ever wanted one child. The age gap. The way she was so overprotective about Melissa when she was born. My poor dad.”

  “Do you think he knew about it?”

  She sniffed. “I don’t know. I really don’t. For his sake I hope he didn’t. It would have killed him. He loved Melissa more than life itself.”

  “So what are you going to do about Scott?”

  Eli leaned back and closed her eyes briefly. “What can I do? He’s the only man that’s ever accepted me, knowing I can’t have children.”

  Bettina’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh Eli, I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

  She gave a resigned shrug of her shoulders. “It’s not something I want to shout from the roof tops.”

  “I just thought you didn’t want children.”

  She gave a bitter laugh. “That couldn’t be further than the truth. I just make it seem that way so people don’t pry.”

  “Have you thought of adopting?”

  She shrugged matter-of-factly. “No, it’s too late now. To be honest, I don’t think I’d have the energy to raise a child at my age.”

  Bettina patted her stomach. “I hope that doesn’t include our little one.”

  “Of course not. I can’t wait.” Eli stroked her chin thoughtfully. “I can’t get over the fact Scott lied to me.”

  Bettina was about to tear into Scott fo
r being untruthful when her own conscience knocked on her mind’s door. Who was she to judge? Was she any better than him for hiding secrets?

  Bettina arched her eyebrow. “Do you think it’s a good idea to let him walk Melissa down the aisle still?”

  “Yes,” she said glumly “It would break Melissa’s heart if he pulled out. And his. Be honest, do you think I should have kicked him out when he told me?”

  Bettina thought about it. She couldn’t be that hypocritical. Melissa hadn’t left her when she found out the truth about her dishonesty. Could she really encourage Eli to leave Scott? She didn’t think so. No, he’d made a mistake just like she had and there was no point in punishing him for something they couldn’t change. “No. Let’s look at this logically. He had an affair –”

  She gave her a slightly puzzled smile. “–Apparently it was only one night, a drunken mistake.”

  “Okay, so let’s say he’s telling the truth, it was twenty-five years ago and unfortunately things like drunken one night stands happen.”

  “I know that, but he was my dad’s best friend.”

  “Affairs happen all the time, Eli. I’m not saying they’re right, but it’s a reality I’m afraid.”

  Eli broke eye contact with her. “I wish he’d never told me.”

  “Sometimes it’s best when the truth is out in the open, then you know what you’re dealing with. Though the truth seems to be running havoc in both our lives at the moment.”

  “Why, what’s happening with you?”

  “Oh, something I did years ago has come back to haunt me. Much like Scott in fact.”

  Eli rested her elbows on the table and put her head in her hands. “Please don’t tell me you slept with someone’s parent.”

  Bettina smiled. “No, but I may have hurt Melissa in the worst possible way. We’ve sorted it for now, but I fear it’s going to be a constant stumbling block in our relationship.”

  Eli altered the position of her head so she could look up at her. “You’d never do anything that would make Melissa stop loving you.”

  Her brow creased with worry. “Let’s see if you still believe that after I tell you what I did.”

  Half an hour later, Eli was sipping on a glass of wine, looking thoughtfully at Bettina.

  “From what you’ve told me, it sounds worse than it actually is. You were trying to protect Melissa when she was at a vulnerable moment in her life. I think I might have done the same thing given the circumstances.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. The fact that Melissa hasn’t ended your relationship can only be a good sign. Besides look at it like this. At least you know for certain that she doesn’t want to be with Sara. She’s back here in the flesh, if Melissa had any type of feelings for her I’m sure you’d have noticed by now.”

  “Yeah I suppose. Your train of thought does make sense.”

  “What a sorry pair of fools we are,” Eli said refilling their glasses. “We should be celebrating the fact that we’ve managed to find love. You’re getting married soon. Keep your mind on that from now on. Forget the past. She knows the truth now and you can get married with a clean slate.”

  “Yes, you’re right. By the way have you managed to find the photo albums of Melissa? I want to start making the collage this week.”

  “I’m sorry, with everything that’s been going on it totally slipped my mind. As soon as I get home I’ll find them.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Melissa sat behind the desk in her small but comfortable office slash store room. Large coffee containers and boxes filled with paper cups, neatly lined one side of the wall, whilst her desk and filing cabinet took up the other. The air, as always, was filled with the mouth-watering aroma of freshly ground coffee beans. The walls, painted in neutral colours, had a soothing effect on her mood, which she needed more than ever today. Faye sat on the window ledge overlooking a paved courtyard overrun with weeds.

  Faye turned away from the window and looked at her with sorrowful eyes. “Time’s running out, Mel.”

  Melissa looked up from the paperwork she was pretending to be engrossed in. “For what?”

  “Before Sara returns to the States.”

  Melissa dropped her pen onto the desk and pushed back in her seat. “What’s that got to do with me?”

  “Don’t be silly, Mel, you and I both know you love Sara and would be with her in a flash if it wasn’t for Bettina.”

  “I could say the same thing to you about Chrissy. Surely if you weren’t with her you’d be with someone else. It’s just life isn’t it?”

  Faye stretched her arms above her head and yawned. “Now you’re being pedantic. You know what I mean.”

  Melissa pressed her lips together, gathering her thoughts before she spoke. “Faye.” She began slowly with a firmness in her voice. “I don’t know why you think you know how I feel better than I do, but I can assure you, Bettina means the world to me. You need to butt out of my life from now on. You’re way too invested in it.”

  Faye flinched as if Melissa had slapped her. “It’s only because I care about you and don’t want you to make a mistake that you’re going to live to regret.”

  She slid off the ledge and walked to the desk, hovering over her. “Sara told me what happened, with Bettina lying to her about you. Is that really the type of woman you think you can trust?”

  Rubbing her twitching eye with her knuckle Melissa said, “Bettina has apologised. She knows she was in the wrong. I’m not going to punish her for something that happened four years ago.”

  “Really? And what about the next time she decides to do what’s best for you? Is this going to be a regular thing with her now?”

  Melissa looked up at her slowly. Faye wasn’t saying anything she hadn’t thought of herself. But she was at a crossroads. She still didn’t know what to do. She cursed herself for being stupid enough to meet Sara alone in her hotel room. All it had done was confuse things further. Sara represented all of her dreams and hopes from another time. When the reality of travelling the world was just a stone’s throw away. Ever since Sara had come back she had felt that craving for freedom again. Where she wanted to throw caution to the wind and just be in the moment. She looked down at the paperwork in front of her, dismayed that this was her life now – sorting out bills, ordering stock, serving cups of coffee. It wasn’t her dream to be stuck in a nine to six job – it was Bettina’s. She was the one who had pushed her into “putting her roots down”. Who had told her if she was ever going to be happy she needed stability. She recalled for the first time that Bettina had not once mentioned anything about being happy. “Let’s just drop it, Faye.” She suddenly snapped and immediately regretted it. She wasn’t angry with Faye. She was angry with herself. She was the one who was responsible for getting her life in a mess. “So what time is Chrissy back today?” she asked her voice softening.

  “Around five.”

  “I bet you can’t wait.”

  Faye flashed her a grin. “Nope. I’ve been going stir-crazy in that flat without her. I can’t imagine loving someone that much and not being with them.”

  Melissa drew her eyebrows together. “Would you be referring to me and Sara again by any chance?”

  Faye threw her hands in the air. “Yes, I am. Come on Melissa, please help me out here.” She dropped onto her knees beside Melissa’s chair. “Take your blinkers off and realise what you’re walking right into. I guarantee you that it will be a loveless marriage. You’re mistaking the feelings you had for a friendship with love.”

  “I’ve heard enough of this now, Faye. Please just stop,” she said with finality.

  Faye’s expression was serious. “Okay. Just answer me this truthfully and I won’t say another word.”

  Melissa rubbed her hand over her face. “You promise?”

  Faye jumped to her feet. “I promise.”

  “Go on then.”

  Faye walked around the desk and dropped into a chair. “Have you ever felt the same
intensity for Bettina as you did for Sara?”

  Melissa put her elbows on the desk and leaned forward. “That’s a ridiculous question. It’s obvious that I’d feel differently about each them.”

  “I never thought I’d see the day when you wouldn’t be truthful with me of all people,” Faye said sadly.

  Melissa ran her hands through her hair. “I’m not being dishonest, Faye. All I can tell you is that I’m marrying Bettina whether you think it’s the right decision or not.”

  Faye leaned back and breathed in deeply, her eyes clouding over. “Okay. At least I can say as your best friend I tried to make you see sense.”

  “And I’m grateful for it, honestly. Now, can we move on to something more positive?”

  “Yep. I hope you’re still coming out for dinner tonight.”

  “Of course I am.”

  Faye raised her eyebrows and flashed her a grin. “You say it like you’ve never cancelled at the last minute before.”

  “I’ve missed Chrissy. She’s the only one who can rein you in.”

  Faye stood. “So I’ll see you at eight then. And please don’t let Bettina talk you out of coming.”

  “I haven’t told her yet, but I’m sure she won’t say anything.”

  “We’ll see,” Faye murmured.

  Unless heaven itself crashed down on the earth she was going to meet them for dinner. She was sick of Bettina calling all the shots. She had always done exactly what Bettina had wanted her to do. Now it was time to start taking some of her power back whether Bettina liked it or not.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  After Eli had left, Bettina had drunk several glasses of wine as she had come to terms with the enormity of what Eli had told her. Scott being Melissa’s dad seemed unthinkable. She would be devastated if it had been her situation. This was one secret she would gladly hide and not feel any guilt about. She would be the first to admit that her family wasn’t exactly the Waltons, but she liked to think there weren’t any family secrets that could rock the foundation of her very being.

  Bettina was relaxing in a hot bubble bath reading a book. She’d been immersed in it, trying to keep her mind off the afternoon’s drama. When she heard the front door slam shut downstairs, she reluctantly closed the book.