Second Thoughts

by Jade Winters

  His mouth twisted into a vile sneer, his blue eyes now black, as he pushed his fist up against her face. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your fucking mouth shut,” he spat at her. “Do you hear me?”

  Tears fell from her eyes as she tried to nod her head, but she couldn’t move. She remained pinned to the wall, blinking rapidly trying to signal her compliance.

  With one swift movement he sank his nails into her throat and threw her to the floor as if she were a rag doll. He moved to stand over her. His eyes bulging, his face distorted making him look deranged.

  She gulped for air; panic and fear overwhelming her senses. This is it. He’s going to kill me.

  He leaned down and grabbed a bunch of her hair and yanked at it causing her to scream. “I swear to God, if you come between me and my daughter I will fucking kill you.” His expression changed into a smirk when pale liquid formed around his shoe. He released her hair and simultaneously forced her head back towards the floor. “Go and clean yourself up. I thought you had more pride in yourself, you filthy bitch.” He threw the bunch of keys in the air and caught them. “And I think I’ll be keeping these if you don’t mind. Let’s just say for insurance purposes.”

  He eyed her with disdain as she lay in her own urine. “Right. I’ll see you at the wedding then,” he said chirpily as he walked away like he’d just kissed her goodbye on his way to work.

  When she was sure the coast was clear, Eli used the wall to get on to her feet. Dazed, she walked slowly to the bathroom and stripped off her clothes. All this time he’d hidden his true character. She’d been too stupid and loved up to take heed from his wife when she had tried to warn her about his Jekyll and Hyde nature.

  Eli stepped into the bath and turned on the shower. She didn’t care that the scalding hot water burned her skin; all she could think about was how she was going to make him pay.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Sara knocked back another drink and looked down at the half empty bottle of Vodka. She couldn’t believe the alcohol seemed to be having zero effect on the pain that dwelt in her heart. The memory of her last meeting with Melissa was thoroughly depressing. This wasn’t the Victorian era where Melissa had no choice but to marry her beau. But she had insisted she was going through with it regardless of how she truly felt. Sara had been watching her phone religiously praying that Melissa would either text or phone telling her that she’d realised she was making a big mistake. But there had been nothing and it seemed it was too late now. She had finally faced up to the fact, Melissa would be getting married tomorrow and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.

  Standing up to stretch her legs, she looked around the room. Her eyes stopped at the door where she replayed the scene in her head. It was doing her no good dwelling in her misery alone. She needed to be in a different environment, somewhere she could stop thinking.

  Half an hour later, Sara sat at a bar in Soho, looking down into an empty tumbler. She was the only customer which was surprising considering it was after six on a Friday night, but she didn’t mind, she wasn’t there to converse with anyone she was there to get blindingly drunk.

  “Same again?” The bar woman with an Elvis-style coif asked, flashing her a flirtatious smile. “I’m Sandi by the way.”

  “Sure. Why not, Sandi?” Sara slid her glass towards her and watched as she put it behind the bar and poured a measure of brandy into a clean glass, then handed it to her.

  Sara held it up in the air. “To the institution of marriage,” she said before downing the liquid in one go, gritting her teeth as the heat spread throughout her body.

  “You getting cold feet?” Sandi asked, with a smirk. “Not that I don’t blame you. Anyone who gets married these days is a mug.”

  Sara’s shoulders sunk. “Nah, I disagree. If I could marry the woman I love, I’d do it in a flash. But it seems I’ve missed the boat and now she’s marrying someone else.”

  Sandi shook her head. “More fool her.”

  “I thought we’d be together forever.” She pushed the glass over to her again. “A double this time please.”

  “So what happened? Why’d you break up?” Sandi asked as she poured the drink.

  “’Cause I was a fool. I thought other things were more important than love.”

  Sandi turned and placed the glass in front of Sara. “Me personally, I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe you just weren’t meant to be together. Your soul mate might still be out there somewhere, even in this bar.”

  “Nah, my soul mate is getting married.”

  “Like I said, if she doesn’t want a woman like you, more fool her. Plenty of people would snap you up in a shot.”

  “Thanks.” She leant forward with squinting eyes as she tried to make out her features through her blurred vision. “What about you, you seeing anyone?”

  Sandi flicked the cloth she had in her hand and wiped down the bar. “Me? I’m footloose and fancy-free.”

  “Best way to be, best way to be.”

  Sandi placed her elbows on the bar and rested her chin on her open palm. “Look, I get off at ten. You can come back to my place for a drink if you want. No strings attached kind of thing.”

  Sara glanced up at her. She found the woman kind of cute. If she could get Melissa’s face out of her mind for even ten minutes she would have taken her up on the offer. But as it was, thoughts of Melissa consumed her like a woman on a desert island searching for water.

  “Sorry, but I’d be doing you a disservice.”

  “Let me know if you change your mind.” Sandi walked off to serve another customer who had just entered. A minute later she was back.

  “Here you go, a drink on the house.” She put the glass down in front of her.

  Sara looked up at her, then glanced at the drink. This pity party she was throwing for herself wasn’t doing her any good. She’d just end up feeling like crap in the morning and nothing else. She pushed the drink away and stood unsteadily on her feet.

  She had lost. That was the truth of the matter. She had lost Melissa to a woman that had sabotaged their chance of ever getting back together again. Well so be it. It was Melissa’s loss.

  An hour later she was in her hotel room eating a Chinese take-away. Drinking on an empty stomach hadn’t done her any favours.

  Her mobile bleeped with a message. She was going to ignore it but a sixth sense told her to view it. It was from Melissa. The message was simple and to the point. “I will always love you.”

  How could words that were meant to heal the world cause so much pain? She threw herself down against her pillow and wept – she didn’t know how much more her heart could take.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  The day of the wedding had arrived. The Green Acres plush hotel suite was filled with people making the spacious, high-ceilinged rooms feel small and claustrophobic. Melody, the hairdresser, tugged and fawned over Melissa’s hair, while Stella helped her into her white suit, making sure it looked pristine. Flower girls and page boys ran amok up and down the hallway. Through it all Melissa felt as if she was looking from the outside in. This feels so wrong. Her inner voice was screaming, but her outside facade smiled pleasantly at whoever told her she looked a beautiful bride, or gave congratulations.

  “I won’t be a minute,” she said to the makeup artist as she slipped out of the chair and headed for the door. She walked quickly along the lavish carpet in the hallway and down the stairs. Once she was outside, she filled her lungs with air, releasing her breath slowly then scanned the vast landscaped gardens. Catching sight of the wrought iron gates in the distance that led onto the motorway, she stared at them for a long while. It would be so easy to make this all go away. All I’d have to do is get in my car and keep driving. Never looking back.

  She heard footsteps behind her and turned.

  “Ah, I found you at last. I’ve been looking all over for you.” Scott handed her the glass of champagne he held in his hand. “You look like yo
u need this.”

  “Scott.” She smiled and took it gratefully from him. “What are you doing here? Eli said you couldn’t make it.”

  He smiled at her. “Eli was wrong. Just because things didn’t work out between us, doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you.” He reached out and stroked her cheek. “So what are you doing out here all by yourself? Is everything okay?”

  “Yes, fine,” she replied staring down into her drink.

  He tilted her chin up with his fingertips. “If you don’t mind me saying you don’t look fine.”

  “I...” Tears prickled the back of her eyes. “No, Scott. I’m not.” She couldn’t hold it in any longer, pretending everything was okay. Because it wasn’t. Every cell in her body was telling her the same thing.

  “Come here and tell me what’s wrong.” He pulled her into his arms.

  She buried her face against his broad chest, not caring if her make-up spoiled as the tears fell onto his crisp white shirt. “I can’t, I’m too ashamed.” How could she tell him that she was selfishly trying to hold on to the past instead of embracing the future with Bettina?

  Scott drew back. “Melissa, I’ve done stuff in my past that would make your head spin. Nothing you could tell me would shock me, believe me. Are you getting cold feet?”

  Melissa sniffed and nodded.

  “Well it’s only natural. You’re taking a big step. But you know what – the love you and Bettina–”

  “I’m in love with someone else,” she blurted out.

  “Someone else?” he said quietly.

  “Sara. My ex from university.”

  “It’s not important who it is. What matters now is what are you going to do about it?”

  She pulled away from him and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry, Scott, I shouldn’t have said anything. Look, just forget it.”

  He smiled at her. “No, I won’t. You’re like a daughter to me. If you can’t confide in me who can you?”

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Do you want to marry Bettina?”

  “Yes, no, oh I don’t know. I need time to figure this all out.”

  Scott glanced down at his watch. “I’m afraid that’s one thing you don’t have.”

  “But what if I go ahead and it’s a mistake? Then what do I do?”

  “But what if it isn’t? Melissa, that’s the problem with old flames, they remind us of a time when things were different, you were different. You have to understand that the past has no bearing on us now. It’s gone. Over. There’s a reason why you’re getting married to Bettina and not Sara.”

  Melissa threw her hands in the air. “Only because we were young and foolish at the time.”

  “So what’s different now? What can Sara offer you now?”

  Melissa’s expression stilled and grew serious. “Love.”

  Scott gave a small shake of her head. “And how far do you think love alone is going to take you. Melissa, take it from me, love is more than the butterflies and fantastic sex. It’s about commitment, being there through thick and thin, sharing dreams and aspirations. Pretty much what you’ve got with Bettina.”

  “But–”

  “There are no buts, Melissa. Tell me, what kind of a life has Sara put on the table? If the offer is half as good as what you have with Bettina, I’ll drive you away from here right now.”

  That it itself was the crux of the matter. Sara hadn’t offered her anything. All she had said was that she loved her. She hadn’t really spoken of any plans for their future. Was that worth throwing her future with Bettina away for?

  “What are you doing here? I told you to stay away?” Eli’s voice was harsh with bitterness.

  Both heads snapped towards her.

  Scott casually took a sip off his drink and looked down at Melissa. “I think that’s Melissa’s choice, don’t you? Do you want me to leave Melissa?” he asked.

  Melissa looked at them both. “Eli, it’s only one day.” She looked at her pleadingly and took her hand. “Can’t you put your differences aside for me? Please. It would mean so much to me if Scott walked me down the aisle. He’s the last connection to Mum and Dad that we have. ”

  Eli’s mouth twitched. “If that’s what you want, Melissa.” She looked up at Scott with hate-filled eyes. “This is it! No more.”

  Melissa frowned. She’d never seen Eli look so angry. He must have really pissed her off big time.

  Scott smirked and Eli turned and walked away. “It’s show time, Melissa. Are you ready?”

  Melissa looked at Scott and knew the advice he had given was right.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said glancing back one more time at the gates to freedom.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Melissa and Scott stood at the door of the very same church her parents funeral had taken place, only this time the people in the pews were smiling and crying tears of joy. On top of everything else, she felt a deep sadness about taking one of the biggest steps in her life without her mum and dad being there to share it.

  Scott took her hand in his and stroked it. “I’m so very proud of you, Melissa. So would your mum have been.” He looked down at her, his smile wide and proud.

  “And my dad I hope.” Melissa laughed nervously. The way he stared at her gave her the odd feeling that he was holding back from saying something.

  His eyes left her face. “Yes, of course, and your dad,” he added quickly, as he released her hand.

  The organ music started and Melissa’s legs felt like they were going to give way. What am I doing? I should have left when I had the opportunity. Scott was wrong; I’m making a terrible mistake. Everything that had seemed so right two weeks ago suddenly felt so wrong. Once the doors opened, she knew there was no turning back. She would have to go through with it. She couldn’t humiliate Bettina in front of so many family and friends.

  Scott smiled boyishly. “That’s our cue.” He held out his arm for her to take. “I hope Bettina realises how lucky she is.” He led the way through the door into the flower-filled chapel.

  Nothing could have prepared her for the moment when she caught sight of Sara seated in the back row. Her heart accelerated so fast she thought she might faint. Instinctively, she clung to Scott’s arm as if it was a life-jacket.

  Sara slowly twisted her head around, a glazed look of despair giving way to a smile of approval and a small nod of her head. Melissa’s heart ached knowing the gesture was Sara’s way of letting her know she was happy for her. She swallowed the lump in her throat, fighting back her tears. Mum, Dad, if you can hear me please help me get through this. Please tell me I’m not making a mistake.

  As if sensing her apprehension Scott squeezed her hand reassuringly. As they passed the back row, she fought the urge to look back at Sara one last time. Instead, she swallowed hard, boldly lifted her chin and moved forward with purpose.

  Bettina turned as they neared the altar; the beginning of a smile tipping the corner of her mouth. Scott released Melissa’s arm and she took a step forward to join Bettina.

  Bettina reached out and took her hand in her own. A sense of strength came to Melissa and her previous despair lessened in its ferocity.

  The priest smiled at the women. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here today in the sight of God...”

  Melissa took a breath and looked into Bettina’s eyes as the priest continued; she had never seen her look so radiant. She bit her lip to stifle a grin as tears welled in Bettina’s eyes. It was a private joke between them as Bettina had sworn blind she wouldn’t cry on the day.

  The priest cleared his throat. “If any person can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let them now speak, or else hereafter forever hold their peace.”

  The church was silent for a few seconds. As the priest said the final words, Melissa turned her head and glanced up the aisle, briefly catching sight of Sara as she slipped through the door.

  ***

  This is meant to be the happie
st day of your life, Melissa reminded herself as she walked hand in hand with Bettina into the oak-panelled reception room. She glanced around at all the faces smiling at them and felt like the biggest fraud known to mankind.

  In a trance-like state she kissed cheeks, exchanged hugs and nodded at the appropriate moments when people spoke to her.

  Melissa scanned the room looking for Sara but she was nowhere to be seen. She finally spotted Faye sitting alone at a table, looking totally uncomfortable in her pink bridesmaid dress.

  Faye rose to her feet and frowned down at her dress. “I can’t believe you made me wear this. I want you to Photoshop me out of any pictures you put on Facebook. I don’t want the whole world to see me looking like this.”

  Melissa laughed. “Pink suits you. In fact, I think you should wear dresses more often. The feminine side of you looks great.”

  Faye groaned. “Yeah, whatever. I bet Bettina chose this dress just to spite me.”

  “Faye, you’ve got to let go of this conspiracy theory that Bettina’s out to get you.”

  “I know what I know.”

  Melissa rolled her eyes. She wasn’t about to have another sparring match with Faye at her wedding reception. “Okay, whatever you say.” She raised her eyebrows inquiringly. “Where’s Chrissy and Sara?”

  “Chrissy’s in the loo and Sara...” She shrugged. “It was too much for her so she left. I’m driving her up to her parents’ on Monday then she’s going back to the States on Tuesday.”

  Melissa made a noncommittal sound. “It’s for the best.”

  “Yeah, if you say so.” She raised her glass and spoke in a low detached voice. “I hope you’ll be happy forever and a day.”

  “Don’t get drunk, Faye.”

  “Don’t worry I’m not going to spoil your big day.”

  “I didn’t mean...”

  “I know you didn’t. I don’t think Bettina will look too kindly on me if I show myself up.”