Second Thoughts

by Jade Winters

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Melissa was at work by eight am. She’d had a restless night and the thought of having to face Bettina again after last night’s argument filled her with dread. What could she possibly say about the accusations Bettina threw at her? She made herself a cup of coffee and drank it at the counter before going into her office. Taking a small step ladder, she reached up and brought down a wooden box she had kept hidden on the top shelf in her office and placed it on her desk. She hadn’t looked at it in years, which was why she was finding it so difficult to open now. Inside the seemingly innocent box lay reminders of the three happy years she had shared with Sara. Lifting the lid she fished inside and withdrew a pile of photographs of the two of them taken throughout their university years. We were so happy.

  Startled by a gentle tap on the door she quickly snapped the lid shut and hid the box in her desk draw.

  “Come in.”

  The door slowly opened and Bettina popped her hand around the door waving a white hanky, before her body appeared.

  Bettina eyed her curiously. “Can I come in?”

  Melissa nodded. I am such a bitch. Her heart was heavy with guilt that Bettina was seeking her out to make up, like she was the one who had been sneaking around. She realised she’d been so distracted with thoughts of Sara that she’d lost sight of the dream life she had nearly accomplished with Bettina. She hadn’t asked her anything about the wedding nor had they sorted out the baby’s name. If anything, she was the one who should be apologising to Bettina for being such a lousy partner.

  “Of course you can.” She gestured for her to sit down.

  Bettina walked around the desk and sat on the edge. “I’m really sorry, Melissa. I don’t know what got into me last night. I think I had too much to drink.”

  “I think we all did.”

  “I shouldn’t have told them we were trying for a baby especially as I’d asked you not to tell anyone.” She clasped her hands together. “And I didn’t mean it when I said you were still in love with her.”

  Melissa turned her eyes to look through the window, up towards the blue cloudless sky. Something needed to give; she couldn’t keep punishing Bettina, when it was her own behaviour that was deplorable. “Honestly, it’s okay. I’ve got to admit I’ve been behaving a little crazy these past few days.”

  Bettina raised her eyebrows. “A little?”

  Melissa laughed. “Okay a lot. It’s just that Sara turning up out the blue the way she did then finding out…”

  “That I lied to you.”

  Melissa nodded.

  “I truly am sorry about that. I guess I’m too pig-headed to admit when I’m in the wrong. And I was in the wrong.”

  “Me too. It was a bit of a weird set-up having dinner with my ex anyway. I should have insisted we left straight away.”

  “Nah, it was a good night, until the end that is. Though you might not have any feelings for Sara, I do think she still has a bit of a thing for you.”

  Bettina sounded more amused than threatened, which surprised Melissa. “You don’t seem to be that bothered.”

  “Why should I be? Like you said, you’re walking down the aisle with me in four days. At the end of the day if you were meant to be together you would have been, regardless of past mishaps. Anyway who could blame her for still having the hots for you?” She leaned over and kissed her on the lips.

  Melissa grinned. “That’s one thing I love about you – your confidence.”

  “Confidence grows with age, that’s one benefit of aging I suppose. Plus I know you too well. You wouldn’t have agreed to marry me if you were still in love with her.”

  Melissa forced a smile as shame washed over her. Maybe if I never laid eyes on her again I would agree. “I wish you hadn’t asked her to come to the wedding though.”

  “Why not? She seems harmless enough. It’s not as if she’s going to stand up at the last minute and declare that we shouldn’t be married.”

  “I know. You’re right,” she said resolutely. “Nothing is going to come in the way of our happiness.”

  “So I take it everything’s sorted between us now?”

  Melissa nodded.

  “Good. I’ll let you get on with your work. I’ve got a few calls to make at home, I’ll see you later.”

  “Okay.”

  “I love you Ms Carter soon to be Mrs Hajredini.”

  “You too.”

  Bettina stood and walked out of the room, blowing Melissa kisses before closing the door behind her.

  Just one last time, she promised herself, just to explain about the baby and then I’ll never see her again.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  For the first time in days, Bettina felt at ease again. She should have buried the hatchet with Melissa days ago instead of letting things fester for so long. Though she hadn’t wanted to share their news about the baby with anyone she had thought it important to nip whatever notions Sara had about Melissa, in the bud. Without Sara even opening her mouth, her love for Melissa oozed from every pore. She supposed she should have felt some guilt towards keeping them apart but she didn’t. She was not a lovesick fool – she believed all was fair in love and war. As far as she was concerned, Sara still had time to meet someone else and make a good life for herself.

  She opened her iPad and flicked to the “to do” calendar. Everything was ticked as done. If there was one thing that she marvelled at, it was her efficiency. All that was left to do now was to find a baby name. She shook her head. Finch. What a name to try and give a child. God knows what Melissa would have called her child in the sixties.

  When she heard the cab she’d ordered blowing its horn, she grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. Eli had promised to bring the photo albums but had been a no show, so she was going over to her place. She should have shown Eli more consideration. It hadn’t crossed her mind that Eli might have found going through the belongings of her parents hard to do.

  As she stared out the window at the world going by, she wondered if Sara would come to the wedding now she knew they were going to have a baby. If she did, she was a glutton for punishment. How much more could the woman take? She had been truly surprised that Sara didn’t breakdown in the restaurant when she had shared their news. Faye’s face had been priceless. She must have known her days with Melissa were numbered.

  The cab pulled up outside Eli’s house, Bettina paid the fare and got out. She stood on the pavement looking up at the large detached Edwardian house and wondered if Eli and Scott got lonely in such a big place. Maybe she’d talk to Melissa about a house swap once the baby came along, they were going to need as much space as possible.

  She rang the bell several times before Eli finally answered it in her night gown.

  Shit. She looks dreadful! She had never seen Eli looking so rough, not even when she contracted swine flu.

  “Eli, if I’d have known you were under the weather, I wouldn’t have bothered you.”

  “It’s okay, I have the photo albums ready for you. Come in.”

  “Do you need anything from the chemist?”

  “No.”

  A ball of fear tightened in Bettina’s chest. “Has something else happened with Scott?” she couldn’t imagine anything worse than what he’d already done but it was worth checking anyway.

  Eli led her into the living room. “We’ve broken up.”

  “Oh, Eli. I’m so sorry.”

  “I really don’t want to talk about it, Bettina.” She sounded bone weary with exhaustion as she tugged the top of her nightgown together.

  “Why don’t you come and stay with us for a while. I hate to think of you being here by yourself.”

  “I’m fine. I just want you to do one thing for me.”

  Eli looked up at her suddenly with the ferocity of a wild animal. Instinctively Bettina leaned back. “Anything, just ask.”

  She bared her teeth. “Make sure that bastard doesn’t get anywhere near Melissa again!”

 
Chapter Thirty-Four

  Melissa’s hand trembled as she reached up and knocked on the door. She didn’t mind admitting she was scared. Would Sara even see her? Or would she slam the door in her face? She wouldn’t have blamed her if she did. Though she had spoken to Faye since the night out at the restaurant, the reception she’d given her had been cool to say the least.

  “Hello?” Sara’s voice called from the other side of the door.

  For one moment Melissa considered turning around and sprinting down the hall, but relented. It wasn’t as if she was going to be seeing her again after her wedding. She had to say goodbye to her now once and for all.

  “Sara. It’s Melissa.”

  When the door didn’t open immediately she thought Sara wasn’t going to let her in. She leaned her forehead against the door.

  “Please, Sara. I need to see you.”

  “What for?” the muffled reply came through the door.

  “I’ve come to say sorry. Please let me in.”

  Melissa looked down as the door handle slowly turned and then opened a crack.

  “You shouldn’t have come here, Melissa.”

  That wasn’t a good sign – she was no longer calling her by her nickname.

  Sara opened the door wider. “Are you coming in or standing out there all day?”

  “Sara.” Melissa stepped into the room as Sara turned away and sat on the bed, legs crossed.

  “You’ve got two minutes, Melissa. You’re lucky I’m even giving you that.”

  “I know and I appreciate it.” She remained by the door. Sara obviously didn’t realise what a captivating picture she made, sitting there wearing a white vest and ripped faded jeans and nothing else, not even a bra. Melissa drew in a deep breath as she forced herself to keep her gaze above Sara’s neck. But even then she had trouble meeting Sara’s eyes without feeling like she was being sucked into a vacuum.

  Nervously, Melissa moistened her dry lips. “Look, before you say anything, I want to apologise for not telling you about the baby.”

  A muscle quivered on Sara’s jaw, her blue eyes piercing the distance between them. “Don’t worry about it. You aren’t under any obligation to tell me anything. What goes on between you and Bettina is your business.”

  “I know, but all the same...Faye’s pretty pissed off with me.”

  Sara’s brows drew downwards in a frown. “I think hurt would be a better word to describe it. She cares about you so much.”

  “I know she does and I know she wants what she thinks is best for me–”

  “But?”

  Melissa cocked her head in response.

  Sara narrowed her eyes. “There’s always a ‘but’ with you isn’t there? I’m surprised Faye even bothers with you if I’m honest.”

  “That’s a bit harsh, Sara. I’m in a relationship with–”

  “Say it Melissa, say you’re in love with Bettina.” Sara edged her way to the end of the bed.

  She shrugged, saying off-handed. “What do you mean? Of course I love her otherwise–”

  Sara jumped to her feet, moving towards her like a cat about to leap on its prey. Her eyes scrutinising her as she got closer. “Tell me you’re in love with her.” Sara’s eyes clouded over in anger. “Say it!”

  Melissa opened her mouth. “I...” The words were stuck. She tried again. “I…” Just bloody say it! A voice screamed at the back of her mind. Say it and put this to bed once and for all. Tell her the truth!

  She took a step back towards the door, bumping forward when she hit it. Her mouth opened and from a distance she heard a voice that sounded very much like her own say loud and clear. “I... I’m not in love with her!” There it was, finally released from a hidden corner in her mind and out in the open. “There, are you happy now? Yes, you were right. Faye’s right. Do you think that changes anything for me? ’Cause if you do, you’re a bigger fool than me.”

  Crestfallen, she crumpled down to the ground. “I don’t know what to do, Sara.” Tears blinded her eyes and choked her voice as she drew her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them.

  She felt Sara kneel down beside her and pull her into her arms. Rocking her until her crying subsided.

  “How did we go so tragically wrong?” Sara asked her, holding her head against her chest.

  “I don’t know.” She looked up at her. Melissa’s vision was still blurred with unshed tears. “But I can’t leave Bettina, I just can’t.”

  “I know you can’t, Missy. I know,” she said still rocking her back and forth.

  She heard Sara gulp hard, her voice thick with tears. “I can’t believe this is the end of us.”

  Deep sobs gave way again as she put her arms around Sara’s neck and pulled her closer. “Neither can I.”

  They sat on the floor holding each other for what seemed like an age. Tears flowed but no amount of words of love could fill the gaping holes in the women’s hearts. As the day gave way to darkness, Sara drew away from Melissa and pushed herself to her feet. She held out her hand and pulled her up into her arms.

  Melissa moulded into the contours of her body. It was as if they’d never been apart. “I...”

  “It’s okay. I understand,” Sara said in a hushed tone.

  Melissa’s words came out hoarse and laboured. “How I feel about you will never change.”

  Sara drew back and cupped Melissa’s tear streaked face in her hands. “I know. I just hope you can be happy living like that,” she said as she leaned forward and kissed her.

  An over-bearing sense of sadness lodged in Melissa’s heart and reluctantly she turned her body away. She couldn’t bear to utter the words goodbye to the woman she loved. Quietly she slipped out of the door, unsure if her heart would ever forgive her for denying what it needed to make it beat.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Eli disconnected the call with Melissa. It had been tough trying to explain the sudden break-up with Scott without revealing the whole truth. She had put it down to problems with his wife. Melissa had wanted to come round to support her but she wouldn’t have been able to keep up the charade – she knew she’d crack.

  Though the TV was on, Eli’s eyes were fixed on Scott’s armchair. Was she ever going to recover from the shock? For the past few days she had been walking about like a zombie – in a trancelike state. Things had been so good between them before she found out about his true character. Was he telling the truth when he’d said that he’d only been with her so he could be close to Melissa?

  In all honesty she didn’t really care what his motives were. She hated him with a passion now she knew the truth about him and what lay behind that mask of charm and respectability. She couldn’t get her head around the thought of him touching her, knowing what he’d done to her mother. The two years they’d been together, all that time she’d spent supporting him, loving him, doing everything for him and he had been taunting her, hiding his sick secret. What kind of a monster had she let into her life? Into her bed? What worried her most was Melissa ever finding out. What was to stop Scott from telling her? She couldn’t threaten him with exposure of the despicable crime he had committed against their mother without affecting Melissa. How could she let Melissa know she was conceived through such a violent act?

  Eli picked up the bottle of brandy that seemed to be her constant companion lately. She had never been much of a drinker before but had never been in such circumstances either. Her glass was half-full when she heard a noise out in the hallway. She turned the sound of the TV down and cocked her head. Was someone breaking in? Panic filled her as she scanned the room for something she could use as a weapon. The closest thing she could see was the DVD player. By the time she untangled all the wires behind the TV she could be murdered.

  Use the bottle silly. One whack on the head with that would be enough to stun anyone. She gripped the bottle by the neck and hid behind the door. Her heart was in her mouth as the door creaked open; she lifted her arm in the air and was ready to strike as Scott wal
ked into the room. She stopped abruptly as he instinctively turned to look at her, his eyes widening in shock.

  Eli dropped her arm to her side, a cold shiver running down her spine when he looked at her with a tight smile.

  “Jesus, Eli, you could have given me brain damage if you’d have hit me with that.”

  “What are you doing here?” she snarled.

  “I came to get my stuff,” he said hesitantly.

  She looked him over with disgust. “You have five seconds to give me back my keys and get out of my house or I’m going to call the police.”

  He clasped his hands together. “I was also hoping we could talk.”

  Eli dropped her head dejectedly. She was so brow-beaten by the whole situation, she didn’t have any energy left to scream or shout. There was no point. There was no point to anything anymore. She’d seen it too many times in her lifetime – people doing bad things and getting away with it. Scott was one of those people.

  “You’re a rapist. A rapist who has no shame or–”

  “Oh sod this, I wish I hadn’t bothered coming round.” He withdrew from the room and headed towards the door.

  “You disgust me. Everything about you makes my skin crawl,” Eli called out from where she stood.

  Scott spun round, his eyes narrowing. “And you’re deluded. Believing the ramblings of a dead woman’s diary.”

  “That woman you’re referring to is my mother,” she cried.

  “Women! Crazy the whole lot of you.” He turned and continued towards the door.

  “Don’t come back here again and don’t show up at the wedding either. Melissa’s not going to want anything to do with you by the time I’ve finished telling her about you.”

  He stopped abruptly in his tracks. In a split second he was back up the hallway, his large hand shoving Eli against the wall by her throat. She whimpered and gasped for breath as she clawed at his hand, trying to dislodge its vice-like grip. I don’t want to die like this. What will this do to Melissa?