Second Thoughts

by Jade Winters

  She dug her nails into her palm as she looked at him with the disgust she felt inside. “Father! You’re a rapist. I only had one father and he’s dead now – you killed my parents! He found out on the day they died, didn’t he? He was on his way to confront you! You’re nothing to me and never will be.”

  “Don’t say that Melissa,” he said, with an imperceptible note of pleading on his face. “We’re blood. I thought you’d be happy that your real dad gave you away at your wedding. You know you’ve always felt a bond between us.”

  Stupefied she blinked at him. “My real dad? Have you lost your mind? You repulse me. I don’t want to ever see you again,” she said as she passed him. “I hope you fucking rot in hell.”

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Melissa had been sitting at the gravestone of her parents for what seemed like hours. She wept for her mother and what that bastard had put her through. Wherever her dad was, she prayed he knew how much she loved him and that he was the only dad she ever had or needed. Melissa wept for the pain and hurt she had caused Bettina by not being truthful with her from the beginning. If anything, she was the selfish one. Her fear had bound her to the first anchor she encountered. Finally, she wept for Eli for trusting and believing in a chameleon. She deserved so much better.

  Melissa didn’t even want to think about what her true parentage meant for her. That she was the product of a rape. She had to keep fighting the urge to give into the voice that was telling her that she was the reason her mum and dad had died. It wasn’t her fault, she told herself, she had done nothing wrong and neither had her parents. It was Scott that was the sick one, the one who had blood on his hands – no one else. It was his shame and she was not going to carry it for him. At this moment in time she needed to be there for Eli, to support her through this terrible period. She leant over and kissed the granite headstone before walking back to her car and driving home.

  She faltered in the doorway when she heard voices in the kitchen. Eli’s and Bettina’s. She took a deep breath. If Bettina had come round to talk about them getting back together she couldn’t have picked a worse moment. Bracing herself she walked into the kitchen.

  Eli immediately went to her and hugged her. Tears welled in her red rimmed eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Melissa.”

  “You’ve got nothing to apologise for, Eli, you’ve done nothing wrong. How did you know I knew?”

  “Scott called me, said I’ve ruined his life and his chance to have a proper relationship with you.”

  Bettina shook her head angrily. “I can’t believe what a sick deluded animal he is.”

  Melissa looked over at her. “Hi, Bettina,” she said wearily.

  “How’re you holding up? This must have been such a shock to both of you. I still can’t believe it,” she said pouring another glass of wine.

  “He fooled us all,” Eli said as she leaned against the worktop.

  “I can’t make sense out of all this.” Melissa buried her face in her hands. “What a fucking bastard,” she cried.

  Eli went to her, pulling her into a hug. “I know, Melissa, we’ll get through this together. We won’t let him beat us.”

  “Can’t we go to the police or something?” she said hopefully. “We can’t let him get away with it. He’s got to pay.”

  Eli released her and took a step back. “I’ve already contacted the police. There’s nothing they can do. I think the fact that you know is more punishment than anything the law could do to him.”

  “Here, drink this,” Bettina said handing Melissa a glass. “Do you want another one, Eli?”

  Eli shook her head. “No thanks. I’ll let you two have some time to yourselves,” Eli said squeezing Melissa’s shoulder as she walked out the door.

  Melissa turned to Bettina. “Melissa, I’ve been thinking–”

  “–I’m not coming back, Bettina.”

  “I know. You don’t think I’d come at a time like this to try and win you back. I came round to see how you were and to apologise.”

  Melissa frowned. “For what? It’s me that should be apologising.”

  “No, you shouldn’t. All the things you said last night were true. I wasn’t fair to you. I was so busy trying to tie up the ends of my own life that I lost sight of you. I wanted the whole wedding and baby thing before it was too late, but I realise two people have to want it to make it work.”

  Melissa slipped onto her seat and rested her elbows on the table. “I really tried, Bettina, I really did.”

  Bettina reached out and stroked her cheek. “I know you did. Maybe if Sara hadn’t come back–”

  Melissa caught her hand and gently released it. “–It still wouldn’t have worked. I would have woken up one day and realised we weren’t meant to be together. Sara just brought it to my attention a lot quicker.”

  “So what now? Are you and Sara getting together?”

  Melissa took a mouthful of wine. “For now all I can think about is being there for Eli. I don’t think this is the end of hearing from Scott.”

  “I hope I can be there for her too. I’d like it to be how it used to be when the three of us hung out together.”

  “I’d like that?”

  “Good.” Bettina smiled as she held her own glass up in the air before taking a sip.

  Both women looked towards the door when they heard the doorbell ring.

  Melissa jumped to her feet, her heart pounding. “Oh God, I hope that’s not Scott.” She hurried towards the kitchen door and out into the hallway.

  Bettina followed, just steps behind her. “If it is he’s got the three of us to contend with.”

  Eli had already reached the door and was in the process of opening it. Melissa and Bettina stood behind her. The three women let out a collective gasp as they saw two police officers standing there. Melissa wanted to be sick. It was like history repeating itself. What had happened? Her stomach filled with dread.

  “Ms Carter?” the officer said to Eli.

  Eli nodded. “Yes. How can I help you?”

  “This is the address we have for Scott Peterson. Is he your husband?”

  “No. He’s my ex. Why?”

  The officer took a step towards her. “Can we step inside for a moment? I think you need to sit down.”

  Eli remained rooted to the spot. “No, that won’t be necessary, you can tell me here,” she said bluntly.

  The officer glanced down briefly, before finally meeting her eyes. “Ms Carter, there’s no easy way of saying this. At three-thirty this afternoon, Mr Peterson was found dead in his office. It appears to be suicide.”

  ***

  Ten minutes later Eli thanked the officers and closed the door with trembling hands. He’s dead. The news had come as such a shock she could scarcely believe it. He’s dead. The words kept repeating themselves over and over again in her head. Was she responsible? Confusion swept over her. Why did she feel so guilty? Like she had given him the loaded gun. She looked at Melissa and Bettina. “This is my fault, I killed him.” Not for one second did she think that he’d actually kill himself. When she had “accidently” left behind her mother’s diary in Melissa’s car that afternoon she had wanted to give him his comeuppance – his daughter to know the truth and see him for what he really was.

  “Don’t you dare say such a thing,” Melissa said angrily as she took Eli by the shoulders, forcing her to look at her. “Don’t you dare! Whatever he chose to do was his own doing. This is nothing to do with you do you hear me?”

  Eli nodded mutely.

  “He didn’t care about you, or me or mum. All he cared about was himself. Well now he’s gone and I’m glad because I know he can’t hurt anyone again.”

  “But…”

  “There are no buts, Eli. Every time you want to feel sorry for him think of Mum and what she went through at his hands. He effectively killed them, don’t let him do the same to your soul.”

  “She’s right you know,” Bettina interjected. “He really isn’t worth it.�
�

  “If only I hadn’t…”

  “What? Found the diary? Is that what you would have wanted? To live a lie with a rapist. Think of all the things Belinda tried to tell you,” Bettina said taking hold of her hand. “She was obviously telling the truth when she said he was a nasty piece of work.”

  Eli took a deep breath. She knew what they were saying was right. Maybe it was just the initial shock that had made her feel guilty. Perhaps her making sure Melissa found out the truth came with an unexpected bonus. His death meant they would get justice after all.

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Three months had passed since Sara had arrived back in the US. She hadn’t heard a word from Melissa. She had being trying to train her mind not to think about her as soon as she awoke, or when she was lying in bed at night. Faye had kept in touch via email and was coming over for a visit with Chrissy soon. Sara was happy about that. She had asked Faye not to tell her anything about Melissa and how she was getting on – no reminders of what she’d left behind. She still had no regrets. Melissa would make a great mum and who knew, some day she might get to meet the kid.

  She glanced down at the time on her computer. Sara had arranged to meet Serena for a drink but the thought filled her with dread. For the past few weeks Serena’s mission in life had been to try and fix Sara up with as many women as possible. Like that was ever going to fix the gaping wound in her heart.

  She moved the cursor to switch the computer off just as an email icon popped up. She did a double take. It was from Melissa – the subject line read – Invitation.

  Should she open it? Could she bear to hear Melissa’s happy news – it was no doubt going to be about the baby and how deliriously happy they were. She swallowed the lump that seemed to be a permanent presence in her throat since she’d arrived home without Melissa.

  Oh what the hell. She clicked to open the message. Her eyes widened. The email contained one line – a link to “Around the world dreams.”

  She was still looking at the screen perplexed when the doorbell rang. Serena was early. Why was that not a surprise?

  She ran to the door, pulled it open and turned towards her room.

  “I won’t be a minute. Get yourself a drink,” she called out as she ran back.

  Sara wanted to be near her computer in case Melissa sent another email. Just as she reached the entrance to her bedroom door, she stopped in her tracks when she recognised the voice.

  “I would if I knew where the kitchen was.”

  Was she imagining things? Was that...? She spun round. “Please tell me you’re not a mirage and I’m not imagining this,” she said taking small steps towards her.

  Melissa laughed. “I’m not and you aren’t,” Melissa said. “Can I come in?”

  Sara stared at her. “Can you...are you kidding me? Get in here!”

  Melissa laughed as she dragged her suitcase in and shut the door behind her.

  “Is Bettina here with you?”

  Melissa shook her head. “Nope, I’m alone. Are you disappointed?” she teased.

  “Yeah of course I am. That’s why I can’t get this stupid grin off my face. Melissa, what are you doing here?”

  Melissa shrugged her arms out of her jacket and laid it on top of the suitcase. “Didn’t you get my email?”

  Sara stopped in her tracks. She didn’t dare go any further until she knew why Melissa had turned up out of the blue. She didn’t want to get her hopes up only for them to be shot down in flames. “I was just reading it. I’m confused.”

  “What’s there to be confused about? It’s tickets for that trip around the world we always said we were going to do.”

  “But what about Bettina and the baby?”

  “Do you think I can have a hug first? I think I’ve waited long enough for this day.”

  Sara was holding Melissa in her arms within seconds. “Are you hungry? Do you want something to drink?”

  “No. I just want you.”

  “Put me out of my misery. Tell me what happened.”

  Melissa drew back. “Bettina didn’t go through with the insemination. I left and gave it a few months to sort out my feelings. It all boiled down to me not having room in my heart for two people. It would have been cruel to stay with her knowing I could never love her the way I love you. I should never have married her in the first place.”

  “Well I did say...” Sara pressed a gentle kiss against Melissa’s lips. “So are we really going travelling?”

  Melissa draped her arms around Sara’s neck. “Yep. We can make up for lost time.”

  “Sounds good to me. We can start now if you like.”

  “Do you mind if I take a shower first? I feel all sweaty and grimy from the flight.”

  “Of course. Right this way,” Sara said, leading Melissa along the hall to a shower room.

  Sara stood in the doorway as she undressed. “Do you fancy some company?”

  Melissa stood naked with a grin. “Do you need to ask?” she said holding her hand out to her.

  Sara stepped into the room and shut the door. She’d been waiting four years to relive that fateful night. Now that she’d been given a second chance she was going to make sure the night ended in anything but tears.

  Epilogue

  Thailand. One year later.

  Melissa gazed out onto the turquoise sea and white sandy beach as her legs worked the peddles of their pedelo, taking it closer to the shore. Sara lay on the small deck, a playful smile on her lips.

  “You’re working up quite a sweat there. Do you want me to take over?”

  Melissa looked across at her. “No, I want you to save your energy for later,” she replied lifting her eyebrows.

  “I can’t wait,” Sara said suggestively.

  “Oh you’re so naughty.” Melissa laughed. “I was talking about you lugging our bags to the airport.”

  “Oh.” Sara feigned disappointment. Idly she pushed herself up into a sitting position. “I can’t believe a whole year has flown by so quickly.”

  Melissa stopped peddling, letting the pedelo bob on the small waves. “I know, but what a year it’s been.”

  They had travelled to all the countries they had once planned many years ago. Melissa was the happiest she had ever been. Just to think she nearly threw it away because she felt duty bound to live a life that wasn’t right for her. The three months she had taken out for self-discovery – after her break up with Bettina and the nightmare of Scott – had done her the world of good. She was her own woman now; in charge of her own destiny. Not that she blamed Bettina for being over protective of her. At the time she had needed her guidance and was grateful they had remained friends after all that had happened. She was looking forward to meeting Bettina’s new daughter, Nina, who she had given birth to two months earlier. She smiled at the thought. Bettina had gone through her own personal transformation in the past year and had taken the plunge to have the baby she so desperately wanted, on her own. Eli was more than happy to give Bettina the support she needed. All in all everything had turned out well for everyone.

  Melissa stood unsteadily and eased herself into the warm water. Holding her arms out, she urged Sara to join her. Sara happily slipped off the deck and into Melissa’s arms.

  “So how do you see the future panning out for us?” Sara asked as she rested her hands on Melissa’s shoulders.

  “I told you years ago.”

  A wide grin spread across Sara’s face. “You did?”

  Melissa pulled her closer wrapping her legs around Sara’s waist and her arms around her neck. “Yes, we had just done the deed and you were massaging me…” Her voice trailed off.

  Sara chuckled and leaned in to nibble Melissa’s ear. “Hmm I don’t quite remember, maybe we’d better go back to our hotel room and re-enact the shower scene first, it might jog my memory.”

  Melissa laughed before planting a full kiss on Sara’s lips, her whole body pulsated as their tongues danced in a rhythmic tango. Drawing back slightly s
he said huskily. “I can think of nothing I’d like more.”

  Sara cupped Melissa’s face and looked deeply into her eyes. “Any regrets about us?”

  “None whatsoever.”

  Sara raised her brows. “And no second thoughts about moving in together once we get back to London.”

  Melissa smoothed away Sara’s hair from her face. “Sara, second thoughts are for people who have doubts. And I’ve never had any doubts about my love for you and I never will.”