Dying to Love (An FBI Romance Thriller Book 18)

by Morgan Kelley

  The anger won.

  It bubbled up.

  This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

  He’d been betrayed.

  Grabbing her bag, he headed into the hospital. Ethan was three days past angry. He was filled with so much rage.

  Heading toward the hospital room, he tried to calm himself down, but it wasn’t working.

  He was hurt.

  He was angry.

  He was furious.

  His wife had betrayed him with lies, and with someone they welcomed into their family.

  And Callen…he had to know.

  There was no way he didn’t. That was why they’d all been acting odd.

  He could hear them talking as he approached her room. There was Callen trying to cheer her up. There was Chris trying to make her laugh.

  When he entered, she was sitting in the center of that bed. She looked like hell, and he didn’t care.

  He just didn’t give a shit.

  Ethan was too far gone.

  He was too angry.

  “I see you’re awake,” he stated. Ethan could feel the rage running the show. It was like he was watching himself from outside his body.

  He couldn’t stop the anger.

  It was controlling him.

  They all looked over. The chill in his voice was clear. He wasn’t happy.

  “I am.”

  Ethan dropped her bag on the floor and walked toward the bed. Chris was standing there, his hand on her shoulder. Callen was holding her hand that was casted.

  “You lied to me.”

  She didn’t blink.

  Here it came.

  Elizabeth knew this was coming. The storm was here, and she was in the eye of it. Here’s where their family was decimated by Hurricane Ethan’s temper.

  Once more, here were repercussions because of Ethan’s abduction. The black rage was there, and it was now in control. This was anyone’s game.

  “I did.”

  “Why?” he asked, dropping the note onto the bed and her legs.

  “I…”

  He cut her off.

  “You know what? I don’t care. It’s over. We’re over. You lied to me, and that’s a horrible foundation to a marriage.”

  Tears filled her eyes.

  Callen stood. “Ethan, cut her a break. She’s been hurt. You have to…”

  He pointed at his brother and cut him off. “You knew! You let this ambush me when I’m at my weakest. You knew they had a relationship, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I knew.”

  Ethan erupted. “I’ll never forgive either of you for this. You both betrayed me! You’ve betrayed my heart! You both made me look like a fool! This has destroyed the trust we’ve built over the last six years!”

  She didn’t say a word.

  Elizabeth took it.

  Each word he hurled at her stung, hurt, damaged, but she knew she deserved it.

  “I don’t think I can even look at you right now! I’m so angry with you, Elizabeth.”

  Chris cleared his throat. “Stop! Just stop! She just had surgery, and she’s not up for this. Cut her a damn break.”

  He spun and focused on Chris.

  “I invited you into our circle, and you kept this from me. You’re not my brother. You’re not my friend. You, Chris, are dead to me.”

  Chris was over it. “I’m sorry I lied. I did it to keep you from hurting. I didn’t want this.”

  Ethan exploded again.

  “You’re to take your child and get out of my home! Take her and my brother with you!”

  Chris reached for his belt and pulled off his badge. This response wasn’t shocking. For the last week, he suspected this was going to be the end result.

  He was going to lose his family.

  Bethe was going to lose hers now too.

  It sucked.

  Chris didn’t flinch. Instead, he tossed his ID to Ethan. “I quit. Now I can say this. You’re an asshole for treating her this way. She deserves better. I never would have done this to her. Not here, and certainly not as a man.”

  Ethan lunged at him.

  Callen stopped him. “Leave, Ethan. You need to head out and calm down. Take a day. Get your bearings. Don’t say anything else right now. You’re going to…”

  Leave?

  Oh, he was done being the weak one. It was time to show them how angry he was.

  Ethan focused on the woman in the hospital bed. A part of him noticed she was pale, battered, bruised, and the rage didn’t care. It didn’t mind adding to her war wounds.

  He was going to make her bleed like he was in that moment.

  “Choose between us. It’s your past or your future.”

  The room went silent.

  The only sound was Elizabeth as she sobbed in bed.

  She watched him with tear filled eyes, and the cold hard reality of her lies became crystal clear.

  It had cost her everything.

  This was exactly what she saw coming.

  “Choose, Elizabeth!”

  “Don’t do it, Ethan,” Callen warned. “You can’t take this back.”

  He didn’t care.

  He needed to know where she stood.

  With her good hand, she reached for her badge. With her thumb, she rubbed the gold of the emblem, memorizing it. This was it. It had been all she ever wanted.

  It was her identity.

  She’d bled for it.

  She’d killed for it.

  Now she was dying inside because of it.

  Her choice was made.

  She tossed it to Ethan. In that one moment, she knew what she needed to say to him. It was time to give him what he’d asked for after all. She couldn’t fight anymore.

  She couldn’t pretend she didn’t hurt.

  He wanted to watch her bleed, and she was.

  Her heart was torn in two.

  “You made me choose once before, Ethan, and I’m done choosing. You made the choice for me. I quit.”

  The room went silent.

  Callen remembered his promise to his brother. Ethan had asked him to follow her no matter what had happened. He asked his brother to stick by her if he couldn’t.

  This was his dream, and it was coming true.

  Whitefox still believed Ethan would pull out of this, but until he did…

  He tossed him his badge and gave him his gun. “I resign, Ethan. I stand with my wife and family. You crossed a line. I won’t join you. I told you once before I wasn’t bailing your ass out. I’m sorry. You’re my blood, but she’s my life.”

  Ethan stared at them.

  It hurt.

  He was alone.

  He wanted to put his fist through the wall.

  Instead, he turned and walked out of the room.

  Alone.

  She rolled onto her side and began sobbing in the bed. Callen crawled beside her to hold her. She wept a storm of tears. Chris knelt in front of the bed, holding her hand.

  “We have you.”

  She cried harder.

  She’d lost the first man she’d ever loved. She’d lost Ethan, and she knew she’d never get him back.

  “Chris, get me out of here,” she whispered. “Please. I need to get out of here. Get me released. Check me out. Save me!”

  Callen nodded toward the man when he glanced over at him. “Spring her. I’ll take care of her.”

  Chris went off to handle it.

  “Angel.”

  “Oh, Callen.”

  He held her, saying nothing. Honestly, he was too shocked. Their threesome was pretty much over. Ethan was gone, and they were on their own.

  He was horrified that his brother had let it come to this. Their wife was a good mother, a sweet person, and she’d never hurt anyone on purpose.

  Her past wasn’t some sin.

  It made her.

  Now Ethan would have to fight the world alone.

  Still…

  He was worried about his brother. Who was going to keep him safe?
/>
  Who would love him through the storm?

  Time would only tell.

  The Blackhawks had exploded apart under the pressure.

  He also had one more question.

  Who the hell had betrayed them and written that note?

  When Callen found out, there would be hell to pay. Someone was going to bleed.

  That was the real betrayal, and they would pay.

  If it was the last thing he ever did.

  Ethan hopped into his ride and ignored the security detail. He wanted to get out of there, and fast.

  He had to get back to work. He had a job to do. It would help him calm down and forget.

  Ethan Blackhawk needed a break.

  He was buried under it all.

  Later he’d be rational.

  Now…

  He wanted to kill.

  He was never so far gone.

  * * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *

  Broderick and Johanna

  Seatons’ Home

  The phone call came without warning. He never expected it. A part of Brody was shocked.

  “What do you mean he’s sick?” he asked.

  He thought back to the call his father had made a few months ago telling him he was ill.

  He’d laughed it off.

  He hung up on his father, thinking it was a joke. Apparently, it hadn’t been.

  He was dying.

  “I’ll be on the next flight,” Brody said, hanging up the phone. His wife was staring at him.

  “Brody, are you okay?” she asked.

  “My father…he’s dying. That was the hospital.”

  She gasped.

  “I have to go.”

  She grabbed her things. “I’m going with you.”

  “Our jobs…”

  “We’ll take a leave. I’ll call Ginny.”

  He tried to focus.

  It was damn hard.

  “I can’t believe this…”

  Johanna helped him pack, and she made the calls. They had a flight booked.

  “We’ll get there, Brody. I promise.”

  He clung to his wife.

  Broderick Seaton had one major regret in his life. He and his father had a shitty relationship.

  Now, it looked like it was coming to an end.

  “Joey,” he said, his eyes filling with tears.

  “I have you, Brody. I have you.”

  And she would.

  No matter what.

  * * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *

  Fort Whitefox-Blackhawk

  Eight Hours Later

  When he got home, Wyler was waiting for him. Ethan wasn’t surprised. He fully expected his father to tear him six new ones over what he’d done.

  He’d lost it.

  After heading back to work, he raised some major hell. In fact, everyone avoided him. When Gabe called, he growled and went back to work.

  Only when he was calmer, more rational, and willing to discuss it, did he come home. It was late, and honestly, he was hoping everyone would be asleep.

  The house was silent as he strolled in.

  It looked like he’d lucked out. His gut was raw, he was brokenhearted, and he couldn’t fight anymore.

  Ethan had nothing left but pain.

  When he entered the living room, his father was sitting on the couch waiting for him.

  “Ethan.”

  “Go ahead. Let me have it.”

  He walked toward his son and hugged him. “I love you. I’m sorry you’re hurt.”

  He wasn’t expecting that.

  “Where is she? I called the hospital to see if she was okay. She checked herself out.” Truth be told, he called to make sure she was still there. He had a feeling…

  The dream was haunting him.

  “She’s gone, son.”

  His heart skipped.

  “What?” He didn’t want to hear this, but he realized this was part of the reality of what he’d done. His temper had done him in and this time, he was screwed.

  “She’s not here. I don’t know what you did, but Elizabeth packed up the kids, Callen took his kids, and Chris and Bethe left. They’re all gone. I’m the only one left.”

  Jesus!

  When he said choose…

  Yeah, he’d crossed the line.

  He couldn’t believe it.

  “They really left?”

  When he’d been losing it, he never thought they’d leave him behind. Yes, he said some shitty things, but they were out of anger. He’d been blindsided. He’d found out things he never thought he’d find out.

  He didn’t stop loving her.

  He was simply…

  An asshole.

  “I accused her of some horrible things. She and Chris had a relationship.”

  Wyler looked horrified. “When?”

  “Before we met.”

  Yeah, that sounded so lame now.

  “Oh, Ethan. What did you do?”

  He wasn’t so sure.

  It couldn’t really be over, could it?

  “Where did they go?”

  Wyler held out a folded piece of paper. “I was to give this to you before I headed out.”

  “Where are you going?” he asked.

  “I’m going to go be with my grandkids. They need me. My wife is with them.”

  He got it.

  He was the last man on the sinking ship.

  Ethan didn’t want to read the letter.

  He was scared.

  Still…

  Opening it, he braced for what would be inside.

  ‘Ethan,

  This is goodbye. Like you said, you’ll never forgive me, and I get it. I betrayed your heart, not by cheating, not by being unfaithful, but by choosing to keep part of my past to myself.

  I deserve a chance to explain. There was a reason why I couldn’t tell you. You’re not going to like it, but I fear you. I fear this part of you that explodes in a black rage. I didn’t want to tell you because I’m fed up too. Since you were abducted, you’ve come back a different man. You get angry, you explode, and you don’t care about my feelings in the process. I’ve taken it for the last year, and I can’t do it anymore. Something has to change. Something has to give.

  Today, it’s me.

  What you did in the hospital was crushing. I can’t be here now. I don’t think you honestly care if I ever come back. That’s a sad testament to our relationship.

  I see that our marriage is over. My rings are on the counter. I’ll wait for the divorce papers. I’m sure you’ll have them to me as soon as the ink is dried. I don’t doubt that you don’t love me anymore.

  I get it.

  I’ve betrayed your heart. I made you look like a fool. I destroyed the trust we’d built. It’s all me.

  Only, you’ve done the same.

  I was hurt today. I nearly died. You didn’t care. As I was fighting for my life, it was you I was thinking about. I had to get back to you. I fought so we could be together, and now we can’t. Why did I bother?

  You are filled with rage.

  It is all about your anger. Your feelings. Your pain. You shouted at me, so loudly, the entire hospital floor heard. The media is already singing of our divorce. I’ll let you handle that.

  I’m sure we’ll work out a custody agreement. Until then, I’m heading home. It’s the only place I feel safe. It used to be in your arms. I ran to you, and now I’m running from you.

  I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my past. I really am. I’m sorry about so many things in my life.

  I did date Chris. I did for a long time. Before this moment, I never regretted finding someone who helped me feel alive when the world was dying around me. Now I do. You stole that too.

  You tainted it like it was some illegal act.

  Love is love, Ethan. He did come first, but I chose you. I could have chosen him. I didn’t. I was waiting for you.

  And you broke me.

  I’ll never be repaired again. You pu
t a hole in my heart so big that it’s time we parted ways. You’re right. I can’t be trusted. After two children, countless doors I’ve followed you through, and never once cheating on you, you’ve decided to judge me by a time before we ever existed. You are crucifying me for a relationship that came before you.

  You hate me because I found someone to be with so I wouldn’t be alone. Without Chris, I wouldn’t have made it to you. Still, you hate me for it.

  I don’t understand.

  Years ago, I tracked down the flight attendant, Ethan. She told me the truth. You weren’t exactly honest either, but you know what? I won’t hate you for that. I choose to see the good in our pasts. She prepared you for me. Because of her, you found me. She was your crutch.

  As Chris was mine.

  I can’t say my goodbye in person. You told me you didn’t want to ever see me again.

  I won’ tell the kids.

  I can’t. I don’t think I can tell them daddy stopped loving mommy because she once, a long time ago, loved someone other than him. We teach them to love, not hate. We teach them to be kind, not jealous. We teach them to be strong when they want to be weak, so I will be strong for them.

  I won’t destroy them. I’ll protect my babies. They are all I have left of you. Thank you for giving me CJ and Charlie. When I look at your son, I will see you and dream about what could have been if you’d trusted me.

  If you’d really loved me.

  Now I wonder if you ever did. Did I matter, Ethan? Did I do nothing more than fill your time? I can answer those questions. You came before anyone because you were my soul mate. I came last to the job because I was a means to an end.

  Now you’re the man who broke my soul.

  I wish you well.

  I wish you peace.

  I have to try to live by your decision and words. I wish you could take them back and erase them, but you can’t. You hate me. The woman you vowed to love, protect, honor, and cherish is so vile you never want to look at me again.

  I lied, but I kept every other vow to the man I would have died loving. I never betrayed you. I simply hid something to avoid all of this. It looks like I was right.