She

by HC Warner

  She looked across at Peter, who was gazing at Elodie with nothing short of awe. ‘She certainly is,’ he breathed. ‘Can I hold her?’

  ‘Of course.’ Bella gently lowered Elodie into Peter’s arms, where she lay peering up at him with a surprised look on her face.

  ‘What do you think then, Dad? Do you think she looks like me?’ Ben came over and tickled Elodie’s stomach, causing her to squirm and smile at the same time, eliciting delighted ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ from Jo.

  ‘Not really, son.’ Peter pulled his eyes away from Elodie and looked up at Ben. ‘She’s far more beautiful than you!’

  They all laughed and Jo sighed happily. It had been a long wait but now that it was over and everything was back to normal, she could tell herself that it had all been worth it.

  ‘Well, that couldn’t have gone better,’ she told Peter, as they drove away from Bella and Ben’s flat a couple of hours later. All the misery and angst she had bottled up over the past months was completely gone. Bella had been a different person to the one who visited them at Christmas and Jo concluded that it must have been her hormones affecting her personality back then. Some women just hated being pregnant and it dramatically changed the way they behaved. Bella must be one of those women, she decided, because her demeanour and friendliness towards them today could not have been lovelier or more welcoming.

  ‘No,’ Peter agreed. Already, she could see that some of the tension had drained away from his face, leaving him looking a lot more like his old self.

  ‘What did you make of Bella? I thought she was lovely.’

  Peter paused for a minute before speaking. ‘She was friendly enough.’

  ‘But?’

  Peter sighed. ‘Nothing. Ignore me.’

  ‘You’ve never been sure about her.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Why do you think that is? We know she can be tricky at times after what happened at Christmas, obviously, but you didn’t take to her from the start. What made you dislike her?’

  Peter shrugged. ‘It’s not that I dislike her, exactly. We don’t know anything about her. She always seems to deflect the conversation if you ask her any questions. Like when you asked her where she grew up and she pretended that the baby had woken up. I didn’t believe that for a second. I think she just wanted to change the subject.’

  Jo thought about it for a moment. ‘Maybe she’s ashamed or embarrassed. Maybe they didn’t have any money and she doesn’t want to admit it to us in case we think less of her. We’re not short of money and Ben was privately educated. Perhaps she just feels a little bit inferior and doesn’t want to be reminded of her past.’

  ‘Hmm. Maybe.’ Peter stole a glance at Jo. ‘Do you think Ben seems happy?’

  Jo could tell that it was a loaded question. Clearly Peter didn’t. ‘He seems a bit tentative. Like he’s walking on eggshells. But then, she is a new mother and her moods are probably a bit unpredictable. I’m sure I was the same when I had Emma.’

  Peter reached across and put his hand on Jo’s thigh. ‘Actually, you weren’t. You took motherhood completely in your stride. And you didn’t have anyone to help you. It made me love you even more.’

  Jo smiled. ‘Thank you. Oh, but it was so wonderful to see Elodie, wasn’t it? She’s the image of Bella.’

  ‘She certainly is,’ Peter said with a sigh.

  ‘She’s absolutely beautiful. I’m just relieved that we got to see her. There was a time there when I wondered if we ever would.’

  ‘Me too. It was a huge overreaction.’

  Jo shrugged. She didn’t really care why Bella had finally decided to stop treating them like pariahs. She was just glad that she had.

  Chapter Eleven

  The profile of her face was so achingly familiar and yet so strangely out of context that it caused Ben’s stomach to flip. She was sitting at a table across the restaurant, having lunch with another woman who Ben recognized as a TV presenter.

  As if she could feel him watching her, Charlotte turned and met his gaze. She frowned very slightly, as he’d seen her do so many times in the past when she was concentrating on something, before her face broke into a wide smile of recognition. She said something to the woman she was with, before standing up and walking over to Ben’s table.

  She hesitated as she reached him and he stood, the table between them acting as a barricade to any kind of embrace. In the end, he reached out and touched her arm. ‘Hello, Charlotte.’

  He thought the smile she gave him in return contained more than a hint of sadness about it. ‘Hello, Ben. This is a nice surprise. What brings you to this neck of the woods?’

  ‘Change of direction, in lots of different ways.’ Ben motioned for her to sit down. ‘Take a seat, my guest has been held up.’

  Charlotte hesitated, glancing back towards her own lunch companion, who was chatting happily on her mobile phone. ‘OK, but I’d better not be long.’ She sat down and smiled at him again. ‘You look well.’

  ‘So do you.’ Ben thought she had lost too much weight and that it had given her a gaunt appearance but decided against saying so. ‘How are you?

  Charlotte nodded. ‘Good. Really good. I’ve just moved, actually. Lucy got so fed up with me kipping in her spare room, she was very helpful in finding me somewhere!’

  Ben laughed. ‘And are you living alone?’ He faltered slightly before adding, ‘Or are you sharing?’

  Charlotte’s eyes flickered with uncertainty. ‘I’m, er … sharing. We’ve found a nice house that’s a bit further out on the Surrey border but it’s worth the extra travel to get more space.’

  ‘Oh yes? And who are you sharing with?’

  She sighed. ‘With a guy called Luke. I work with him.’

  Ben nodded slowly, wondering why he felt so shaken by her words. He had always wondered about Luke, but hearing her actually admit that they had moved in together still gave him a pang of longing. ‘And work’s going well?’

  ‘Yes, it is. I’ve been, well, since you and I, er, well, since I’ve been single, I’ve kind of thrown myself into it and it’s paid off. I’ve been promoted and I’m looking after lots of different shows now.’

  Ben smiled. ‘That’s great, Charlie, I’m pleased for you.’

  ‘Thanks. And what about you? How are you finding married life and being a dad? Congratulations, by the way!’ There was a forced jollity to Charlotte’s words that made Ben cringe inwardly.

  ‘It’s great. Actually, it’s a good job I ran into you, as I was going to get in touch, anyway. We’re on the move too. We’ll be selling the flat, so obviously I’ll be making sure you get what’s rightfully yours from the proceeds.’

  The flat had soared in value since his mum and dad had bought it for him ten years previously and Bella was adamant that they would be able to afford something amazing if they moved out of London. She also seemed certain that his mum and dad would make up any shortfall, which he really didn’t want. They had already been incredibly generous in buying him the flat in the first place and he wanted to show them that he could stand on his own two feet now that he was a husband and father. But Bella was also agitating for him to give up work to look after Elodie, as she wanted to throw herself into her career on her return from maternity leave, so maybe they would need some more help from his parents.

  He hadn’t yet dared broach the idea with Bella that Charlotte would be entitled to half of the money from the flat, having lived with him for ten years and contributed to the upkeep and decoration.

  Charlotte looked aghast. ‘I don’t want anything, Ben. It’s your flat, not mine.’

  Ben tried not to compare Bella’s attitude that she was fully entitled to everything and more, when they had only lived together for a short time, to Charlotte’s. ‘It’s only fair. You contributed plenty over the years.’

  Charlotte’s face softened. ‘But I also walked away from it. That was my own stupid choice.’

  Ben looked up sharply, his heart flipping at her words. �
�Stupid?’

  Charlotte nodded and sighed. ‘Yep, stupid. I panicked, Ben. I needed some space and by the time I realized what a fool I was being, it was too late.’

  Ben fleetingly allowed himself a moment imagining how different things would have been, if Charlotte had come back to him before he met Bella. But then, he thought, swatting the idea away, he would never have fallen in love with Bella. Would never have had Elodie, would never have been about to embark on a new adventure. No, the way things had turned out was obviously the way it was meant to be.

  ‘I think everything happens for a reason, Charlie. You weren’t happy with me …’ He let his words hang in the air for a few seconds. ‘Or you would never have left in the first place. And now you’ve moved on with Luke.’

  ‘No!’ Charlotte shook her head vehemently. ‘No, it’s not like that with me and Luke at all! We’re just friends. He’s got a girlfriend.’

  Ben raised one eyebrow sceptically. ‘Well, whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s got nothing to do with me.’

  Charlotte’s eyes filled with tears and Ben looked away, not wanting to be drawn into any kind of an emotional connection with her. He’d spent plenty of nights crying over her but she had still been adamant that she’d needed to leave. She hadn’t seemed to give too much thought to the distress he was experiencing.

  Charlotte wiped her eyes cursorily with the back of her hand and stood up. ‘I’d better be getting back to my table …’

  ‘Yes,’ Ben stood up and faced her. ‘Well, ’bye then, Charlie.’

  Charlotte gazed at him for a split second too long. ‘’Bye Ben. Good luck with everything.’

  Ben watched her walk back to her table, wondering what would happen if he ran after her and told her to run away with him. He had no doubt she would do it and it gave him a small sense of victory. But just then, his guest arrived and all thoughts of Charlie were firmly consigned to history.

  Chapter Twelve

  Matt rang the familiar doorbell and looked down at Freya nervously. ‘Ridiculous to be this nervous with one of my oldest mates.’

  Freya nodded and bit her lip. ‘I feel the same. Not sure what sort of welcome we’re going to get, that’s why.’

  Eventually, the door swung open and Ben stood in front of them, looking harassed.

  ‘Hey, mate!’ Matt tried to ignore Ben’s flustered demeanour and held up a carrier bag full of beer, wine and crisps. ‘Good to see you. I’ve brought the usual supplies!

  Ben smiled but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. ‘Uh, yeah. Look I’m really sorry, guys, it’s not a great time …’

  Matt and Freya exchanged glances. ‘Oh! Sorry, mate, I must have got the date wrong.’ Matt frowned. ‘I thought we’d arranged today.’

  ‘We did,’ Freya cut in, fixing Ben with what Matt called her ‘uh-oh’ stare. He always knew he was in trouble when he saw it. ‘What’s the problem, Ben?’ There was a steely edge to her voice that made Matt shudder inwardly.

  Ben glanced over his shoulder nervously, before closing the door a fraction more. ‘Bella’s not feeling too good.’ His eyes flickered away from them as he spoke and he pursed his lips slightly.

  ‘What’s the matter with her?’ Freya’s tone suggested she didn’t believe for a second that Bella was ill.

  ‘Um,’ Ben swallowed hard and looked up, as if hoping for inspiration from the sky. ‘She’s … er, she’s just …’

  ‘She’s refusing to see us, isn’t she?’ Freya sounded furious.

  ‘Freya!’ Matt shuffled from foot to foot, feeling a mixture of embarrassment for his friend and sadness that he was allowing Bella to remove them from his life so effectively. A sudden wave of emotion passed over him. He loved Ben like a brother and it felt like a bereavement to lose him like this. In some ways it was worse than a bereavement because the person he’d lost was alive and well and standing in front of him, apparently happy to cut Matt out of his life for ever.

  ‘I’m right, aren’t I, Ben?’ Freya’s voice pierced Matt’s thoughts.

  Ben sighed and ran his hand through his hair. ‘No, Freya, you’re not right,’ he said, in a weary, sing-song voice. ‘She’s just not very well.’

  ‘How very convenient!’

  Matt put a warning hand on Freya’s arm but she shook him off crossly. ‘Ever since you met her, Ben, she’s been trying to cut you off from us. And your family …’

  ‘She’s fine with my family, actually,’ Ben interrupted.

  ‘Is she?’ Freya stormed. ‘Because that’s not what you told me when we had lunch.’

  Suddenly, Bella stepped into view behind Ben, glaring at the back of his head. ‘Ben! Can you close the door, please, you’re letting in a draught.’

  ‘Hi, Bella, you look well?’ Freya snapped, her voice sharp with sarcasm.

  There was a tense silence, during which it seemed as if time stood still. Matt thought he could actually hear his own heart thumping, as he watched Bella’s fine, delicate features harden. Her eyes narrowed and her chin jutted out slightly further as she moved from behind Ben. ‘Actually, I’m not well,’ she said defiantly, her expression challenging them to dispute her. ‘Ben, close the door, please.’

  Ben hesitated, before throwing a pleading glance in Matt and Freya’s direction. ‘I’m really sorry, guys. Let’s rearrange for another time, eh?’

  Matt nodded unhappily and began to turn away but Freya wasn’t giving up without a fight. ‘There won’t be another time, Ben! Don’t you see what she’s doing? For Christ’s sake, why don’t you grow a pair? Matt is your oldest friend and you’re treating him like shit! Shame on you!’ She reached for Matt’s hand and together they walked away, leaving Ben watching their retreating backs. As they reached the end of the path, the front door slammed with what sounded to Matt like a sickening finality.

  They didn’t speak as they walked towards the tube station, the leaden grey sky and the indecisive drizzle that fell half-heartedly, matching their gloomy mood. They gripped each other’s hands for support, both in shock at what had just happened. Matt could feel Freya’s concerned eyes watching him and he felt a sudden surge of love for her. She was so loyal, so easy-going, so reasonable, compared to the prickliness of Bella. With Ben apparently gone from his life, he would need her more than ever. He pulled her into an embrace as they stood on the station platform. ‘I love you,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘Thank you for always being there for me.’

  He could feel her nodding, before she pulled away from him. Her eyes were glassy with tears as she gazed up at him. ‘I feel so sad for you, Matt. I know how hurt you must be.’

  Matt swallowed down the lump in his throat and nodded. ‘Part of me feels sorry for him. At least I’ve got you. He’s only got her and she’s just so … horrible.’

  ‘And the baby,’ Freya added. ‘He’s got Elodie, too, we need to remember that. Maybe having a child changes things and you just want to retreat into your own little family unit.’

  ‘Would we be like that, though? I don’t think so. We would want to share it all with our families, with our friends. She just seems to want to have him all to herself.’

  Freya smiled. ‘I don’t think we’d be like that, either. But I suppose there’s only one way to find out?’

  Matt frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

  Freya swatted him playfully. ‘Don’t be so dim, Matt! I mean, why don’t we have a baby?’

  Matt grinned as realization dawned. He hadn’t felt ready before. He’d been too preoccupied with his career, making money, enjoying himself. But looking down into Freya’s open, trusting face, he suddenly wanted nothing more than to see himself reflected back in their child’s eyes. ‘OK,’ he said. ‘Let’s get home and get started, shall we?’

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ben closed the door as Matt and Freya reached the end of the path. He paused for a split second, trying to collect his thoughts before turning around to face Bella, who he knew would be glowering at him. He could almost feel the steam co
ming off her in waves as her big, dark eyes blazed with fury.

  ‘So you had lunch with Freya, did you?’ She folded her arms. ‘You obviously forgot to mention it.’

  ‘I didn’t forget to mention it, Bella. It was just that I knew how you’d react, so I deliberately didn’t tell you. Anyway, it wasn’t arranged. I just bumped into her and we had a sandwich, that’s all. No big deal.’

  Bella almost stamped her foot. ‘No bloody big deal? You having lunch with another woman behind my back and moaning about me?’

  Ben closed his eyes momentarily, suddenly so weary of everything and still reeling from the look on Matt’s face as he sent him away. ‘For a start, Freya is not “another woman”. I have known her for so long that she’s more like a sister. And I wasn’t moaning about you.’

  Bella stuck her bottom lip out. ‘Then what did she mean about your family and me not being fine with them?’

  Ben hesitated. ‘It was just that she was a bit shocked that Mum and Dad hadn’t seen the baby at that point.’

  Bella’s defiant expression faltered slightly. ‘Why did you tell her?’

  Ben sighed. ‘Because she asked. Honestly, Bella, you’re making a mountain out of a molehill here.’

  ‘Well, I just don’t like the thought of you talking about me behind my back. Anyway,’ she continued, clearly keen to change the subject. ‘I was obviously right about Freya and Matt not liking me. You heard the way she spoke to me.’ The defiant expression was replaced by a triumphant one.

  Ben thought, but didn’t say, that Freya had been remarkably restrained by her standards. He wanted to go after them both, to apologize and to explain that seeing them just wasn’t worth the hassle, nagging and upset that would result.

  Before they arrived, Bella had thrown an enormous tantrum, screaming and crying that she was feeling ill and as usual, he was putting his mates before her and Elodie. No amount of reassurance and cajoling on his part could calm her down, as he kept one eye on the clock, knowing that they would be arriving any second and one eye on his hysterical wife. In the end he was left with no choice but to promise her that he would send them away, even though it had felt like a dagger through his heart to do it. He loved Matt. And he loved Freya, too. But Bella was determined that there wasn’t room in his life for both them and her.