She

by HC Warner

  He finished his dinner, trying to eat as slowly as possible so as not to look too eager to get to his phone. ‘Why don’t you go and have a relaxing bath while I clear up?’ he suggested, not wanting her to overhear his conversation. ‘I’ll listen out for Elodie.’

  She hesitated, before nodding. ‘OK, that would be nice. Thanks.’

  Ben busied himself tidying up until he heard her turning off the taps and climbing into the bath.

  ‘Mum, it’s me,’ he said, as soon as Jo answered.

  ‘Oh, Ben!’ Ben could hear the tears in Jo’s voice. There was a long pause before she spoke again, having composed herself slightly. ‘Sweetheart, it is so lovely to hear from you. How are you, my darling?’

  Ben suddenly thought he might cry. He took a second to compose himself before he spoke. ‘Good, Mum. I’m really good.’

  ‘And Elodie? How is she?’ There was a nervousness in Jo’s voice that made Ben feel instantly ashamed. This was Jo’s first grandchild and she was clearly scared to even ask about her.

  ‘Well, that’s why I’m calling, actually. We wondered if you and Dad would like to come and visit this weekend? Say, Saturday.’

  There was a short pause before Jo answered. ‘We’d love to, of course we would. But is it OK with Bella? I don’t want to upset her.’

  ‘Of course! She’d love to see you too.’ Ben almost choked on the lie but there was no other answer he could give.

  ‘Oh, well, in that case we’d be delighted to come. Thank you. What sort of time?’

  Ben tried to remember the details of the routine Bella had got Elodie into but he couldn’t recall the exact times. ‘Um, about midday? We’ll do lunch.’

  ‘Oh how lovely!’ Jo sounded thrilled, causing Ben to feel even more guilty. ‘We’ll see you then.’

  Ben hung up, wishing he had suggested it to Bella much sooner. His parents were good people and it wasn’t fair to have punished them for a slip of the tongue when they were very stressed.

  ‘Midday?’ Bella’s voice cut through Ben’s thoughts and he spun around to find her watching him with a deep frown creasing her smooth forehead.

  ‘Yes. What’s wrong with that?’ Ben’s heart immediately sank again. He should have known it wouldn’t be straightforward.

  Bella rolled her eyes theatrically. ‘Oh, nothing, except that Elodie will be asleep. I thought they were coming to see her?’

  Ben sighed. ‘They are coming to see her. Surely it won’t do any harm to keep her up a little bit longer for once?’

  ‘Oh for God’s sake, Ben!’ Bella spat. ‘That’s typical of you. You aren’t the one who’s worked your backside off to get her into her routine. I’m not wrecking all my hard work just to suit you.’

  ‘Fine!’ Ben snapped. ‘Then we’ll have lunch first and they can see her when she wakes up.’

  Bella tipped her head to one side and put her hands on her hips. ‘Well, you needn’t think I’m cooking lunch. I’ve got enough to do, thank you very much, without having to entertain your parents.’

  Ben could feel his temper starting to rise. She was so bloody unreasonable sometimes. And having broken the deadlock with his parents, he was suddenly desperate to see them. He couldn’t let her ruin it. ‘I’ll do the cooking,’ he cajoled, his jaw tight with tension. ‘You can sit and chat to them.’

  ‘Oh yes, that’s a good idea, because we get on so well.’ Bella gave a haughty toss of her head.

  Ben walked over to her and pulled her into an embrace. Her body was stiff and unyielding. ‘Please, Bella, don’t turn this into a feud. They’re my parents and they’re Elodie’s grandparents. I don’t want them to become strangers.’

  He felt Bella soften slightly as he spoke and she lifted her face to look at him, reminding him just how truly beautiful she was. ‘I’m sorry, Ben. I just … feel that your mum doesn’t like me and it’s really hurtful.’

  ‘She does like you.’ Ben tried to quell the urge to tell her that her own behaviour had been far more hurtful towards his mum, especially keeping her away from her first grandchild. ‘So don’t go looking for insults and slights. Just be yourself and they will love you as much as I do.’

  Bella smiled, immediately lighting up her delicate, heart-shaped face. ‘I love you, too. I’m just so tired all the time. How about we get an early night?’

  Ben grinned, all irritation instantly forgotten and feeling a surge of love for his gorgeous wife. ‘There was a time when that would have meant something else entirely. And do you know what? Even though I know you’re only talking about going to sleep, I can’t think of anything I’d love more.’

  ‘Who says I’m only talking about going to sleep?’ Bella gave him a seductive look over her shoulder as she took his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom.

  Chapter Ten

  ‘Gosh, I’m so nervous that my hands are sweating!’ Jo shook her head and tried to laugh but found that she couldn’t. ‘It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?’

  Peter glanced in the rear-view mirror, before pulling out and overtaking an ancient campervan that was dawdling along the dual carriageway in front of them. ‘I’d say it’s perfectly understandable, given the way she’s behaved.’

  Jo shot him a grateful look. She should never have doubted it, but she was pathetically relieved that he hadn’t blamed her for the rift.

  After Bella and Ben had stormed out, she had spent the whole of Christmas Day crying. Emma had more or less passed out on the sofa, having drunk half a bottle of whisky to alleviate the shock of her accident, while Peter had finished preparing a lunch that none of them wanted, leaving Jo to sob into her wine glass.

  ‘It’ll be OK,’ Peter had reassured her, although the tiny muscle pulsating in his cheek had given the lie to his words.

  ‘It won’t!’ Jo wailed. ‘She’s won, Peter. She wanted him all to herself and now she’s got him. I can’t believe I thought we’d struck lucky with her because she wouldn’t want to take Ben away from us – how wrong could I have been! If only I hadn’t opened my big bloody mouth.’

  Peter’s own mouth had set in a hard, straight line. ‘It wouldn’t have made any difference. If it wasn’t that, it would have been something else. She was just waiting for her moment.’

  Jo burst into tears again. ‘But why? What have we done to her to make her hate us?’

  Peter shook his head. He had a look of cold fury in his eyes. ‘Who knows?’

  Jo blew her nose. ‘And you were being so extra nice to her, too.’

  ‘I was being nice to her because I knew she was waiting for us to make a wrong move. I was determined not to give her the ammunition.’

  It all made sense now, the non-alcoholic mulled wine and the over-enthusiastic welcome. ‘But then you didn’t need to give her the ammunition – I did it for you.’

  Jo covered her face with her tissue, letting it absorb the tears that refused to stop falling.

  Peter put his heavy, reassuring hands on her heaving shoulders. ‘It was bad luck, darling. She caught you at a particularly bad moment.’

  ‘You don’t blame me then?’ Jo looked up at him through her swimming eyes.

  Peter gave her a tired, worried smile. ‘Of course I don’t. I could never blame you for anything.’

  ‘What the hell are we going to do though, Peter? I can’t bear the thought of losing Ben.’

  Peter shook his head. ‘We won’t lose him. We just have to wait. She’ll come round, eventually. Mark my words, once the baby arrives everything else will be forgotten.’

  But it had taken so much longer than any of them had ever imagined. Jo had sent a card apologizing for what she said, as well as texts and calls but they all went unacknowledged. When Elodie was born, all they received from Ben was a short text telling them her name and weight and confirming that everything was OK.

  Both Peter and Jo had called his mobile number, which seemed to be no longer in use. Emma had also tried repeatedly without success, which hurt Jo far more than their refusal to have an
ything to do with her and Peter. Emma was as bewildered and perplexed as her parents but as she was travelling a lot for work, she didn’t have as much time to dwell on it as Jo did.

  Day after day, Jo clung to her phone, praying for it to ring. She felt as though someone had taken her heart and wrenched it out of her chest. The cold fingers of fear that she really might never see her darling boy again tightened their grip with every passing week.

  She thought about calling Matt, reasoning that any information, even second-hand, would be preferable to the deafening silence they were currently enduring. But as she began to dial his number, she was overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment. What if Matt knew about the row she’d had with Bella and had taken her side? She felt so fragile that she didn’t think she could take another barrage of criticism.

  So she waited, trying to distract herself with her voluntary work at the local hospice and consoling herself that while her life was something of a struggle right now, at least she had a life. These poor people were nearing the end of theirs and it did at least help to put her own problems into perspective.

  If anything, Peter took the estrangement even harder than she did. He and Ben had always been extremely close and he seemed to be finding it almost impossible to process why his only son would cut them off so abruptly. He wasn’t sleeping, he had lost weight and his blood pressure had shot up. Jo knew it was all stress-related and yet she was utterly helpless to do anything about it. Only a call from Ben would put things right.

  By the time the invitation to visit came, she had almost given up hope. She was at home one evening, staring unseeingly at a drama on the television that she was only vaguely following, when her mobile rang. She glanced at the screen and did a double-take as his home number flashed up. Once upon a time it was a mundane, sometimes even unwelcome sight. Now, it was as if she had won the lottery. Almost not daring to believe it, she answered the call. Hearing his voice after so long brought instant tears to her eyes, especially as he sounded so normal, as if everything was just as it ever was.

  And now here they were, on their way to visit them for the very first time since Elodie was born. Jo ran her hands over her jeans, hoping they wouldn’t still be sweating when she held her. It was so daft, to worry about how to hold a baby when she had managed to bring up two children of her own quite happily. But she knew her every move would be under scrutiny and she couldn’t afford to make any more slip-ups.

  They pulled up outside the red brick Victorian block that housed Ben’s flat. Peter turned off the ignition and turned towards Jo. ‘Well, here goes …’

  Jo nodded, not trusting herself to speak, reassured that Peter was obviously as nervous as she was. She gathered the flowers and presents from the boot before making their way to the front door. Just as Peter was about to ring the bell, the door swung open and Ben was in front of them.

  ‘Hi, Mum, hi, Dad.’ He hesitated before reaching out to give Peter a hug. ‘You’ve lost weight, Dad, are you OK?’

  Peter smiled, although it didn’t reach his eyes, and nodded. ‘I am now.’

  It always made Jo feel emotional when she saw her husband and son embrace and today even more so, as it seemed to hold so much more meaning. ‘Hello, darling, these are for Bella – and Elodie.’ Jo thrust the bag of presents and flowers towards Ben, feeling awkward and shy.

  Ben grinned. ‘Thanks, Mum, come on in!’

  They followed him into the flat, nervously looking around for Bella. ‘Bella’s just put Elodie down for her lunchtime nap,’ Ben said, pre-empting the question. ‘She’ll be out in a minute.’

  Jo exhaled as she sat down gingerly on the soft taupe sofa. Peter joined her. ‘So … cup of tea?’ Ben offered. They both nodded gratefully.

  As he retreated to the kitchen, Jo looked up at Peter questioningly. He threw his hands in the air with a ‘don’t ask me’ expression. She didn’t dare speak, in case Bella overheard her. Eventually, Ben returned with two mugs of tea and placed them on the coffee table, before sitting down in the armchair. ‘So … how have you been?’ His voice was slightly higher than usual.

  ‘Fine …’ Jo began, but Peter interrupted her.

  ‘Not great – we’ve been wondering when we’d finally get to meet Elodie.’ His words came out in a torrent, as if he had been waiting a long time for them to spill out.

  ‘Peter …’ Jo reached out and touched his leg but he silenced her with his hand.

  ‘No, Jo.’ He fixed Ben with his steely gaze. ‘I want to know why you haven’t been in touch. Have you any idea how upset your mother’s been? How upset I’ve been, for that matter?’ His voice caught as he finished speaking and for a horrible moment, Jo thought he might actually cry. She had never seen him like this before, almost shaking with pent-up emotion.

  Ben’s face reddened and he swallowed hard. ‘I’m sorry.’ He looked down as he composed himself. ‘We’ve been so busy with the baby. Time ran away from me.’

  ‘Rubbish!’ Peter spat. ‘You forget that we’ve had two children ourselves and yes, it’s hard work, but it’s also possible to find time to make a bloody phone-call! How could you have left it for so long? Do you have any idea how hurtful that was?’

  His face by now almost puce, Ben opened his mouth to reply.

  ‘It was because of me,’ said Bella, who had appeared silently at the door.

  Jo and Peter both swung around to look at her in surprise. Over the distance of the past few months, Jo had re-imagined her daughter-in-law as some kind of monster, with evil eyes and a snarling mouth. Yet here she was, looking serene and pretty, her slim figure showing no sign of a recent pregnancy in her skinny jeans and fitted shirt.

  Bella stepped into the room and faced them. ‘I didn’t want Ben to contact you. I’m sorry. I was just so hurt by what happened at Christmas and …’

  ‘Of course you were!’ Relief made Jo gush as she leaped to her feet. She reached out to hug Bella but thought better of it when Bella wrapped her arms defensively around her body. ‘I am so sorry for what I said, Bella, it was in the heat of the moment and I was feeling very stressed after Emma’s accident …’ Jo tailed off, unsure how to continue.

  Bella nodded and adopted a stoic expression. ‘It’s fine. Let’s forget about it.’

  Jo nodded. ‘Thank you. How are you, Bella? You look truly amazing! I can’t believe how quickly you got your figure back.’

  Bella smiled. ‘Apparently my mum was the same with me. Lucky genes, I guess. She says Elodie’s identical to me as a baby, so hopefully she’s inherited them, too.’

  Jo tried not to think about Elodie’s other grandmother having already spent lots of time with her, presumably bonding with her before Jo had even clapped eyes on her. ‘And what’s she like? Elodie, I mean? I can’t wait to see her.’

  Bella beamed, lighting up her lovely face. ‘She’s perfect. She’ll be up in a little while but you can have a peep at her if you like?’

  Bella may as well have told Jo that she had just deposited a million pounds into her bank account, she felt so elated. ‘I’d love to!’

  She tiptoed behind Bella, taking care not to make any noise as she followed her into the baby’s bedroom. Jo’s eyes took a few moments to adjust to the gloomy light as she made her way over to the white wooden cot in the corner. Elodie was lying on her back, her tiny hands clasped into fists either side of her head, as if she was cheering in her sleep. She had a shock of soft, downy dark hair and a perfect rosebud mouth that was slightly open as she breathed in and out, causing her chest to rise and fall in her snow-white babygro. Jo could feel the tears welling but she fought them back. ‘She’s so lovely,’ she told Bella. ‘And she looks so much like you.’

  Bella followed her gaze and smiled. ‘Thank you. And yes, I think she’s lovely too but I’m a bit biased.’

  ‘You’re allowed to be. You’re her mum,’ Jo whispered, greedily drinking in one last look before leaving the room.

  After the awkwardness of the first few minutes, the mood
of tension soon lifted. Ben prepared lunch while they sat at the table in the kitchen, chatting and laughing. In complete contrast to what Jo had been expecting, Bella’s demeanour could not have been more welcoming or friendly. Unlike at Christmas, she chatted easily and laughed readily.

  ‘And how has Ben been looking after you?’ Jo asked Bella, beaming with pride as he dished up a delicious-looking lasagne.

  Bella seemed to think about it for a few seconds before she answered. ‘He’s been amazing. But he works such long hours. I think we might need to rethink.’

  Ben frowned as he scooped up a forkful of lasagne. ‘Rethink what?’

  Bella smiled. ‘Your job. It’s not even as if you love it that much. A fresh start somewhere out of London might be good for all of us.’

  ‘You never mentioned it before.’ Ben had flushed slightly but his tone was still light-hearted. ‘What’s brought this on?’

  Jo stole a glance at Peter, whose eyes had narrowed.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know. Maybe hearing your mum and dad’s stories about you growing up in Suffolk. It sounds idyllic. I’d like Elodie to have that sort of upbringing.’

  ‘What was your childhood like, Bella?’ Jo put down her fork and took a sip of wine. ‘I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you talk about it.’

  ‘That’s because I don’t want to bore everyone rigid. It was as dull as ditchwater.’ Bella rolled her eyes and exhaled. ‘There’s honestly nothing to tell.’

  ‘I’m sure that’s not true,’ Jo persisted. ‘Where did you live again?’

  Bella put a hand to her ear and grinned. ‘I think I can hear a certain little someone stirring!’ She stood up and left the room, leaving Jo straining to listen. She was pretty sure she hadn’t heard anything. But her stomach started to turn butterflies, as she waited to meet her grandchild for the first time.

  Moments later, Bella padded into the room, carrying a sleepy-looking bundle. ‘Here she is!’

  Peter and Jo stood up and automatically moved to stand either side of Bella so that they could take a proper look. ‘Oh my word, she’s just perfect!’ Jo cooed. ‘Isn’t she, Peter?’