Marriage Ever After

by King Ellie

  Graham tilted his head; it was weird to see him in sweats and a tee-shirt. What the fuck was going on with him, before I could ask him, he continued the conversation.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

  “When Mila gave me the most precious gift in the world, Jordy, I was so in love. I thought just maybe that once dad saw her, he could love her too. That he could put aside all the bullshit and reputation nonsense because he had a grandchild from his only son. That he could just be there for once, fuck.” I looked at Graham as he watched me crumble. “I just wanted my father for once to be proud of me getting married, finding a good woman and having a beautiful little girl that looked at me as if I was her superman. It hurts, uncle Graham, that till this day, this fucking bastard can’t see past his ego. What more do I have to do to just…”

  I gave up on talking and for the first time in my life, my uncle got up from his chair, he pulled me up and hugged me. I felt like the little boy again whose dad never liked any of his accomplishments whether it was the highest score in the class or winning the science fair. Nothing made him happy. I held on to my uncle for dear life.

  “Know this, you don’t need him. You don’t need a selfish bastard like that. Brother or not, he is not your father, he’s just a man that raised you and did poorly at it. You don’t need to seek recognition from him. You raised yourself to be better, you told yourself that this was right, and this was wrong. If you’ve never heard anyone say this to you, well I’m saying it, I am proud of the man you are today. You are a great husband, although you’re not flawless, you love Mila in a way that a husband should. You are an amazing father. Jordy looks at you like you hold the world in your hands and have all the answers. I know that for your future baby, you will be such a wonderful father for him or her too. I love you, Kash. You are my pride and joy. I may not be old enough to be your father but as your uncle, I will always be proud of you. I love you, neph.”

  Mila

  Going back to therapy the next day put me in a weird mood. I knew that Kash wasn’t bringing up the issue of the abortion clinic or what happened with Manny and then his dad. I wanted to engage him in a conversation about it, but I never felt that it was the right timing to do so. After I made him and Graham grilled cheese sandwiches, Jordan had come back with Cherise and she spent the whole day with her daddy. Before the meds, it used to pain me to see Jordan gravitating towards her father more and I was afraid that this new baby would do the same as they got older. I felt like I would have no one and would be alone but with speaking to Dr. Harrison about these fears then taking the meds, it felt like I was sane again. It felt like I could think for myself without feeling like my emotions were going to go everywhere but where I wanted them to go.

  I was thankful that this was a decision not just made for my well-being but for my family’s sake. Words that Dr. Harrison told me stuck with me. This disorder is not just you going through it, your family is going through it with you whether you notice it or not.

  I looked down at Kash’s right hand in both of mine resting on my lap while he drove with his left. The silence wasn’t deafening like before but this time, it was peaceful. As if some sort of tranquility had settled over me, over the turmoil going on within me. When I first felt discouraged saying that I wouldn’t beat this disorder, I felt hopeless and lonely but now, I know that I may never beat this, but I can overcome feeling helpless. I can face day to day things with my family and not by myself. I squeezed Kash’s hand, pulling it up to my lips and kissing it. Something about the clarity of seeing my husband again put him in the priority that he never should’ve been knocked down from.

  Kash faced me when he stopped at a red light, he smiled at me causing my breath to hitch.

  “You know what you just reminded me of?” I smiled at him.

  He wiggled his brows.

  “What?”

  I shook my head, laughing.

  “You’re such a mess, Kash…” I admitted to him. “Anyways, you remember that one time during my mom’s trial when you gave me your good luck charm? Even though you weren’t supposed to talk to me, and I wasn’t all that friendly?”

  Kash scoffed.

  “All that friendly?” He repeated. “You told me to go fuck myself and that you didn’t need my fucking pity. You told me to take my good luck charm and shove it up my ass.”

  I couldn’t help it as I laughed so hard, tears came out of my eyes.

  “Baby, stop, that’s not true. I don’t even remember me saying something like that to you.”

  As the light turned green, Kash began driving again but quickly side-eyed me.

  “Don’t be a liar, bunny. You were so mean to me for no reason and that wasn’t the only time I tried to reach out. All I wanted was for you to stop crying every time I caught you doing just that. I’ve never told you this, but I was the one who begged Unc to help you out. I wanted you to be happy and get what you needed. Your mom didn’t deserve the sentencing that she got because she was trying to protect herself from her boyfriend.”

  I sighed, staring out the window.

  “There’s something you should know about that. My mother never wanted me to say anything, but I feel like you should know. After she died, I never wanted to bring it up ever again. I wanted to bury it so far down that it would never resurface but I feel like you should know this.”

  I looked at Kash as his face formed a confused expression.

  “What is it, bunny?”

  “ You know how sometimes I have nightmares but then after our whole falling out, they got really intense. Like really bad. I know you heard them because every time I’d come out to get a glass of water, I’d find it at my door with you sleeping right next to it.”

  Kash gave me a small smile.

  “And I know you’re the one who always put my head on a pillow and covered me with a blanket even if you never admitted it.” He winked at me. “Now, speak to me.”

  My thoughts grew somber,

  “it’s about momma and what she did for me. Her boyfriend, the guy that I call my stepfather.” I bitterly chuckled. “I don’t even know why I call him that when he wasn’t a father to me. He wasn’t physically abusive towards me at first. It started with small shit like always yelling or getting up in my face, but I was the girl who stayed quiet. I wasn’t quiet because I was scared. I was quiet because I don’t like confrontation but when he raised a hand to my momma, I didn’t care how much money he had, the pull or the fact that he was your dad’s judge buddy. I didn’t give two fucks about how long they had become friends for, sorry your dad rambled a lot about their shitty friendship. Well, he had hit momma once and I lost my shit. I loved that woman with all my heart and now that I’m older, it makes me realize that she wasn’t all there sometimes. That she would check out. So, I did it.”

  We pulled up towards Dr. Harrison’s building and Kash parked the car. He turned off the engine and slowly turned to face me,

  “you did what you had to do to protect your momma and that’s that.”

  He stated.

  “You don’t even know what I did or didn’t do.”

  Kash nodded.

  “You’ll tell me when you’re ready and my answer won’t change either. I know you, bunny. I know who you are and what you would do to protect your loved ones just because you had a momentary lapse of judgement lately, doesn’t change your character or who you are to me.”

  I shut my eyes, nodding, letting it all sink in.

  “I was the one who killed him, Kash. I used all my weight and them some when I tackled him to the floor. I didn’t even remember where or when I had that weapon on me. All I know is the pocketknife I had, I stabbed him over and over losing myself because he was trying to take the only person that protected me. I did it for my momma, but she took the fall for me. She made me go upstairs, change and then she made it all disappear. Not once had she ever teared up through the court proceedings. I sobbed like a bi
g baby when she got her sentencing, but she told me that she was my protector and not the other way around.”

  Kash grabbed my jaw in his dominant hand, the left and squeezed. It was his way of fully getting my attention. He gazed into my eyes, his displaying that dangerous glint.

  “If I had known then, I would’ve told you, you did the right thing. You protected the one you love, and I just want to say, I’m sorry, bunny. I’m sorry for not being there for a very important birthday that involved your mother’s date when she would be getting out. I seriously have no way of ever making it up to you, but I will try, darling. She didn’t deserve the harsh sentence she got and if I could’ve I would’ve taken it away. Her case was the reason why I was a criminal defence lawyer, justice was not served in her case and I wanted to prevent that from ever happening again to an innocent woman like her. Both you and she were innocent and were victims of a disgusting man that thought verbal and physical violence was okay, it wasn’t. He doesn’t get to have the honor of you calling him a stepfather, he wasn’t even a man, you don’t need that kind of tainted man to be in your life and I promise you, darling, that I will never be him. Never.”

  I leaned in, initiating the first kiss. I knew Kash was shocked because this was the second time ever since my breakdown but lately, all I wanted was to feel him any way that I could. His shock lasted for less than a second then he groaned deeply causing that sound to shoot all the way to my core. My entire body seemed to lose focus on what or who we were here for as I deepened the kiss opening my mouth for more. I felt Kash’s right hand as it slid into my straightened hair, he grasped my hair so tight in his hand and I whimpered in pure satisfaction. Placing a hand at the nape of his neck, I showed him how much I missed this; his lips, his connection to my body, the way that he kissed like he was going to bring me to another planet, a whole nother world. Kash pulled away causing me to open my eyes and pout at him.

  He smirked, biting his bottom lip. His hair was tousled, when did I even get into that? He stared at me for a moment, the desire never disappearing, if anything it was much more intense than it’d ever been.

  “Bunny, this is the only time I’m asking you this. Are you ready for me?”

  His asking caused me to get even wetter, he was so lucky I was wearing jeans. His light fingertip touch of every curve, outline of my eyes, nose, lips then chin was driving me insane.

  “Yes…” I breathlessly whispered as I stared into his eyes.

  A devilish smirk that I missed oh so much appeared on his handsome face. Kash’s grip on my jaw bordered on painful yet so lustful as he leaned in so close that his lips were touching mine. “Good because you deserve to be punished. Will you take my punishment like a good girl, bunny?”

  I shuddered not able to control my libido.

  “Fuck, yes, Kash.”

  He cocked his brow,

  “tell me something, sweetness…” He caught me off guard as he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth. He sucked on it causing me to almost lose my mind then he stopped. His eyes never wavering as he watched me fall apart. “You sure you want my punishment? Or would you prefer for me to go easy on you? Give you my love?”

  I shook my head.

  “No,” I literally whimpered. “I want you to punish me. I don’t believe in going easy with you. I want it rough, hard and unbearably painful.”

  Kash lightly chuckled as he pecked my lips a couple of times.

  “You’ll get your punishment when you least expect it…” He reached out pinching my hardened nipple that was playing peek-a-boo hard as hell. I winced biting my lip hard because as painful as it was, the sensation flowed through my entire body. “So, be ready, bunny.”

  I was so beyond fucked but I was ready and willing for this glorious punishment that was coming my way.

  Chapter Eight

  Kash

  Mila’s confession rocked me to my core but not because I was afraid of her but now there were bits and pieces of puzzles that fit in. I knew what she meant about her mother checking out, I’d seen her do it more than once. Mila’s mother, Ms Rayna used to sit out on the porch on a rocking chair even though she was not an old lady. She would rock her chair back and forth for hours on end especially weekends. It made sense now because her boyfriend, Judge Marc Crosby, was never there. I would go to an early swim meet and then when I got back, she would be staring off into the distance. It was always weird to me because I knew that she hadn’t really moved much. It made me watch not only Ms Rayna but Mila more.

  Mila never exhibited that kind of faraway look that her mom did. I sighed, wishing that her mother was still here with us today. I applaud her for protecting her little girl the best way she knew how. As we sat waiting for Dr. Harrison to call us in, I faced Mila.

  “I think you should tell Dr. Harrison about what you told me.”

  She looked up at me squeezing my hand,

  “you sure?”

  I shrugged.

  “I mean doctor-patient confidentiality. It’s not like she can do something about it now plus, you haven’t given her a reason to think you’re violent. Plus, I’m a lawyer baby, I’ve got you.”

  “Alright. I don’t want to keep this secret anymore. I’m tired of it.”

  “I’ll support whatever you decide to say or not say.”

  I winked at Mila right as the receptionist gave us the okay to go in.

  ****

  The first half of the session was pretty mundane but then Dr. Harrison could tell that one of us wanted to say something.

  “Is there something going on?”

  She lifted her brow looking at my healing knuckle then my face.

  I smiled but shook my head. For the first time ever, Dr. Harrison sort of smirked then she faced Mila.

  “I want to say something. I’ve told this to Kash already, so it won’t come as a surprise to him…” So, she began and went on telling Dr. Harrison everything.

  After Mila was done talking, Dr. Harrison looked at us for a moment then she spoke up.

  “Mila, was your mom ever properly diagnosed or even at all?”

  Mila shook her head.

  “No, none that I know of.”

  Dr. Harrison nodded.

  “I don’t know exactly what she could’ve been suffering or rather enduring because she isn’t here where I could speak with her but I will say all those symptoms that you said your mother was exhibiting, you aren’t so we don’t have to worry about that but Mila, have you ever thought about what made you blackout like that when it came to your stepfather? Has that ever happened again?”

  Mila shook her head.

  “No. That was the only time it happened. I’ve never blacked out after that.”

  Dr. Harrison nodded.

  “Okay, we’ll continue to observe your behavior and everything else, but I don’t think you’ll get another episode like that either since it’s been years.” Then she turned to face me, “Kash, you’re usually quiet in the majority of our sessions and on edge but you’re a bit more talkative today plus, your leg is bouncing up and down like before. What changed?”

  Did this woman ever miss a thing?

  I gave her a polite smile.

  “Well, I guess spending three days behind bars courtesy of your father helps you realign a bunch of shit in your head that was misplaced for years.”

  Dr. Harrison tilted her head,

  “you want to elaborate, or should we move on, up to you, Kash.”

  I looked at Mila for a second and she smiled at me. She squeezed my hand as she pulled it up and planted a kiss on the back of it. I took a deep breath facing Dr. Harrison again.

  “For those three days, all I could think about was that my family was falling apart. I was terrified that Mila would turn out like my mother and abandon our kids. I didn’t want our children to ever go through that. That’s why although I was very upset at her for considering the abortion, I didn’t push her or try to persuade her decision on what she could do.”

  “Wa
it,” Dr. Harrison interrupted. “Tell me, how did that make you feel? Mila mentioned to me briefly over the phone what happened. What was going through your mind?”

  I gritted my teeth thinking about that moment for a second.

  “I was disappointed, in Mila. I mean I totally got why she did what she did. I know that I didn’t really give her a chance to come to me about what she wanted to do. What made it worse was that she knew what I would’ve done had she gotten the abortion. I’ve always tried my best to be honest with her because I didn’t want her to ever question my actions or the words that I’ve said to her. Through all that, one thing I would’ve appreciated was her calling me and wanting me to be there for her. Before I’m her husband, I’m her best friend. I’m the man that vowed my life to hers. I admit I don’t listen a lot of times, but I’m trying here. I’m trying to make sure that she doesn’t feel like I would’ve abandoned her.” I turned to face Mila, “I’m so sorry baby, that I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t see the turmoil you were going through because I was so caught up in my own shit.”

  Mila’s face softened,

  “Oh, Kash. It’s not just you, it’s my fault too. I should’ve never done it without you. When I went there with Rissa, I looked around and when I got in the exam room, it felt wrong. I didn’t have you there and this isn’t just my baby, it’s yours too. We’re in this together. It’s not going to be easy for either one of us, it’s really not but we’re trying, right?”

  I smiled at Mila,

  “hell yeah!”

  Mila

  I watched as Kash continued to pour his soul out to Dr. Harrison, it made me wonder how much he was thinking about in that cell. I listened to him as he brought up his father.

  “I think it’s time I stop avoiding him and talk to him,” he looked up at Dr. Harrison.