Sweet Tea and Sass

by Tegan Maher

  "Cori! Chaos!" A familiar voice rang through the air just as a near duplicate of my familiar darted between legs and around brass posts to bump shoulders with Chaos. Destiny, sun kissed and looking amazing as always, was grinning to beat the band as she rushed forward and pulled me into a hug that about crushed my ribs.

  "I can't believe you actually came!" Her green eyes sparkled and her hand shot toward Alex. "Destiny Maganti. I've heard so much about you!"

  I laughed. Destiny had always been both the ray of sunshine and the barrel of monkeys of the three of us, though Mila wasn't far behind her. We'd spent more time in trouble than out of it.

  "It's a pleasure to meet you, Destiny," Alex said. "I've heard great things about you, too."

  "And this is my sister, Tempest," Chaos said. The two definitely looked similar, though Tempest, or Tempe for short, had sapphire eyes and was carrying a bit less junk in the trunk than Chaos.

  "You're right, sister," Tempe said, leaning back on her haunches and examining him. "He is hot."

  "I told you so." Chaos looked smug. "And he likes onion rings better than fries."

  Tempe licked her lips. "My kind of man!"

  Alex cocked a brow. "You know I'm standing right here, right?"

  Destiny scowled at her familiar. "Seriously. Don't be rude right out of the gate."

  "Yeah," I said, "at least let us step away from the portal before you two gang up on him, so escape isn't such an easy option."

  Alex looked around at the casino and all the restaurants surrounding us, then out the front doors toward the sandy beach visible in the distance. "It's gonna take more than a couple of lewd foxes to scare me away from this place." He draped his arm over my shoulder. "This is our first vacation, and we're gonna enjoy it."

  "C'mon, you guys," Destiny said as she led us toward a bank of elevators flanked by two small, squat palm trees decorated with lights. "Let's get you settled. I scored you one of the suites since my place it too tiny to hold us all."

  "You didn't have to do that," I said. "We'd have been fine on an air mattress."

  She shrugged a tanned shoulder. "I'd love to take full credit, but all I did was upgrade you. Your friend Sean had already booked you into a beach-front room." She tilted her head and cast me a sideways glance. "What's his story, anyway? When he popped up on the reservations list, a VIP notice went out."

  I smiled. "That doesn't surprise me. I'm pretty sure the man has connections everywhere and more money than God. You'd never know it to meet him though. He's a good egg. A little odd, but good."

  The elevator doors slid open with a whoosh and, after what I guessed to be two leprechauns stepped out, we stepped in. I tried not to stare, but as soon as the door whispered closed, I turned to Destiny.

  "Yep," she said before I could even ask the question. "And don't gamble with 'em. As a matter of fact, avoid them altogether if you can. Tricksy bastards, and they'll con you right out of your last dollar if you give 'em half a chance."

  "Okayyy," Alex said. "Good to know, considering I'm planning to spend some time in the casino. Anybody else I should keep an eye out for?"

  Destiny pursed her lips, thinking. "Not really. Since the casino's bespelled to null magic, you don't have to worry about any kind of cheating other than the garden-variety bluffing. One of the tooth fairies is here right now, and she's been on a bit of a bender, though I have no idea why." She sighed. "Last summer, it was Cupid, now the tooth fairy. I don't get it—they have the best job security ever, yet they fall into these existential crises. Let 'em try my job for a week—they'll never complain again."

  "Yeah," I said, "and if that doesn't do it, they can come do mine for another week."

  Chaos snorted. “No way would they be able to deal with that. One good round listenin' to Mrs. Wilson complain about everything under the sun, and they'd be screaming to trade back."

  Mrs. Wilson was our neighborhood busybody and tattletale, and she complained about everything under the sun. We had to deal with her at least once a week, and I had no doubt she was one of the main reasons Sam had refused to take over as sheriff.

  "Before we get out," Destiny said as the elevator slid to a stop, "I wanted to give you a heads up. There's only one suite up here besides yours, and I took some serious flak for putting you here."

  Tempest scowled. "How were you supposed to know who Mr. and Mrs. Pelznickel are, though? I mean, for cryin' out loud. Somebody that high-profile, they should have blacked out the floor."

  Chaos gave a little gasp at the name. "No! You're not serious. Here? Now? But ... it's almost Christmas Eve!"

  "I'm dead serious." Tempe nodded, her eyes big and earnest. "They got everything wrapped up early, pardon the pun, and decided to take a few days of vacay before the big night."

  Now she'd piqued my curiosity. "Pelznickel? They must not be too famous because I've never heard of them."

  Destiny rolled her eyes as we walked out of the elevator. "Yeah, it's an alias. Well, not so much an alias as an alternate—"

  A large bearded man with plenty of padding around the middle, wearing a tropical shirt and bright blue board shorts, rushed toward us. "Great candy canes, young lady," he said with so much vigor his white man bun vibrated. "You have to help me—somebody's stolen my hat!"

  An elegant yet pudgy gray-haired woman wearing a green and white sarong and a floppy hat strode down the hall behind him. "Kris," she called, a little out of breath as she caught up to him. "Get ahold of yourself. Are you sure you didn't put it somewhere else?"

  "Of course I didn't put it somewhere else, Carol," he snapped, his blue eyes snapping with irritation behind his round spectacles. "I may be almost two millennia old, but I'm still sharp as a tack. And I would have never put the hat anywhere but in the safe."

  The woman glared at him. "I told you not to bring it to begin with." She wrung her hands. "Oh, this just won't do at all."

  I did a double take; surely my eyes were deceiving me. I mean, Destiny had said we'd encounter faeries, mermaids, and even unicorns. Shoot, she'd even mentioned Cupid and the tooth fairy, but this was just too much. Even though humans falsely believed all paranormal creatures were a myth, there were some that just ... were.

  I chanced a glance at Alex to see if he was having as much trouble processing as I was. His gaze was darting back and forth between the man and the woman in disbelief, then Destiny confirmed exactly what I was struggling to believe, even though the magical beings were standing right in front of me.

  "Tempest, go tell Blake to lock down the resort. We can't let Santa’s hat leave this property," my cousin said. Tempe nodded and grabbed Chaos's paw, then they both disappeared into thin air. Within seconds, I felt a wave of magic wash over me and my ears popped.

  "What was that?" I asked, rubbing my ears with my knuckles.

  "That was the security field coming down," Destiny said. "Now nobody can come or go until we lift it." She put her hand on the man's pale, hairy arm. "Don't worry, Santa," she said. "We'll find it."

  "We better," he said, a worried frown marring his not-so-merry face. "Or else the Spirit of Christmas is lost."

  I pulled in a deep breath and released it as my brain automatically switched back into cop mode. I wasn't sure what was going on, but if that was the risk, this just turned into a working vacation.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Destiny led the couple back to the end of the hall with us trailing behind, then stopped before a set of opulent doors. Using a keycard hooked to her belt loop via a retractable cord, she unlocked the doors.

  "Is it okay if my cousin and her friend come in?" she asked. "She's a police officer and a gifted witch, as well as a wolf shifter with a humdinger of a nose. So's he, for that matter," she added, tilting her head toward Alex.

  For the first time, the man and woman gave us more than a cursory glance.

  "Oh yeah," he said, tilting his head sideways and examining us. "Cori Sloane and Alexander Dixon. Of course. Come on in. We need all hands on deck if we'
re going to save Christmas."

  Startled that he knew our names, I just stood there.

  He smiled. "Of course I know your names. I know everybody's names. At least everybody's in this realm."

  Alex stepped forward. "What do you mean, this realm?"

  Chaos huffed. "That's the problem with most people. Shame on you, Alex. I never took you as the close-minded type. We're just one of many planes. You have us, then you have the faerie realm, the dragon realm, the upside-down realm ... we're not the only people in existence by a long shot. Then you have to consider the possibilities of a multiverse—"

  Destiny held up a hand and smiled. "Go easy on him, girlfriend," she said. "It's not like he's used to this. After all, backwoods Georgia isn't exactly a premier vacation destination for famous people or creatures who have a hard time fitting in."

  Santa cocked a brow and huffed a breath out through his nose. "Don't I know it. I had to stop landing in wooded areas because poor Vixen almost became stew meat a hundred years ago or so. Now we stick to rooftops only. Makes it a pain because we have to house-hop, but it beats getting shot at. To be fair, though, that's pretty much all of rural America. I write it off to the popularity of eggnog and all the bourbon distilleries."

  I coughed, because I could name a dozen people right off the top of my head who'd be messed up enough on Christmas Eve to take a pot-shot at a reindeer thinking it was a big buck. That wasn't what we needed to be focusing on, though. The cop in me pulled me back to the topic at hand.

  "Okay," I said, "we can take time to bemoan bad decisions made under the influence of cheap whiskey later, after we find the hat." I turned to—I could barely bring myself to even think the name in a real-life setting, but apparently this was my new reality—Santa and Mrs. Claus. "Santa ... err ... Mr. Claus—"

  He waved a hand. "Just call me Nick. And this is Carol. You're gonna be helping us, so the least you can do is call us by our first names. Besides, we're incognito. You go throwing around our real names and we’ll be mobbed."

  The elegant woman gave me a regal nod.

  Great. I suppose if I had to pick a list of famous people to be on a first-name basis with, Santa Claus wasn't a bad start. "Okay then, Nick. First, give me the low-down on the hat. I didn't realize it had magical significance."

  "Of course it does," Carol said, looking at me like I was a few donuts shy of a dozen. "It's Santa's hat, after all. It's embodies the spirit of Christmas. Think about it. What's the number one common denominator at Christmas parties, family dinners, shopping malls, and even workplaces at this time of year? The one thing you see at least one person wearing no matter where you go?"

  "A Santa hat," Alex said in wonder. "Almost everybody wears a Santa hat at some point during the season."

  Nick touched his nose and winked, and I swear there was an actual twinkle in his eye. "Bingo. My research indicates that just seeing a Santa hat increases Christmas spirit by 30 percent, with a 60 percent immediate spike. And my hat—the original Santa hat—is the source of the cheer all other hats carry."

  "Wait a minute," I said, reaching the limits of my open-mindedness. "Are you telling me Santa hats are actually magic? I don't know if I buy that or not."

  The Christmas excitement I'd felt when we'd first exited the portal was quickly fizzling into irritation that my vacation had been interrupted by some dude who may or may not be Santa Claus. I hadn't believed in him since I was eight, and I wasn't sure why I was so willing to drink the Kool-Aid now.

  Carol looked at me, panic etching her face. "We have to hurry, Nick. It's happening already."

  "What is?" Temmpest asked.

  "The Christmas spirit is decreasing." She motioned toward me with her head. "I can see it in her face. She's already starting to lose hers."

  Startled, I realized she was right, and I gave a little shake to push away the depressing feelings I'd been having. I loved Christmas.

  "Then we need to get started," I said. "Where and when was the last time you saw that hat?"

  "In the safe," he said. "Right before we went to the tiki bar for a peppermint-mocha martini."

  Carol snorted. "He had the martini. I had a rumrunner. We're on vacation after all."

  "A woman after my own heart," Alex said, then turned to Destiny. "Who all has access to this room?"

  She pursed her lips and thought for a minute. "Not many. Me, housekeeping, maintenance. Blake, who's the head of the resort."

  "That's it?" Alex said.

  Destiny nodded. "I'm assuming you didn't give anybody access, did you, Kris?"

  "Nope," he said, reaching out and pulling Carol to him. "Nobody. We didn't even tell the crew at the North Pole where we were going. It's been decades since Carol and I have taken a vacation with just the two of us. Once she finished the list and I checked it twice, we realized we'd finished up a whole week early. This is the first year we've done it using her new database. She's been working on it for the last decade and deserves this treat."

  She gave a small half smile. "Thanks, Kris. You deserve it, too. I know bringing new tech into the workshop wasn't easy for you."

  Kris pulled in a deep breath. "Now it may all have been for nothing. If the Christmas Spirit dies, nobody will care, anyway. We'll be too busy fighting madness and mayhem." He shuddered. "We simply can't let that happen."

  "Wait," I said, thinking he was being a bit dramatic. "Madness and mayhem? Surely it's not that bad."

  Carol looked at me over the rims of her glasses. "Honey, it's only a few days 'til Christmas. Christmas Spirit is all that's standing between every person in every mall and Walmart around the globe, keeping them from killing each other. The little old ladies that fight over the last toy that every kid just has to have? The harried mother of four who waits in line for ten minutes for a coffee, just to have somebody jump in the line ahead of her? Or how about the store employee who's been yelled at fifty times because little Johnny just has to have a toy, but the store is out. What do you think keeps those people smiling?"

  I knew the feeling well. The season carried with it a ton of extra stress, but there was also a heaping dose of cheer and good will, or Christmas Spirit I supposed, that carried most of us through the crazy.

  She must have read the understanding on my face. "Yes," she said, nodding. "If you suck the annual happiness and peace on earth goodwill out of the insanity of finding the perfect gift or just get through the day, there's nothing left but irritation, anger, and impatience. All hell will break loose."

  The reality of what she was saying sank in. We needed to find that hat.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  "Well," said Tempest. "We only have three days, but thankfully, we have three witches here right now. We'll just do a locating spell."

  Kris was shaking his head before the words were even out. "It won't work. The hat has its own magic that prevents it. Imagine if just any ole person could do such a simple spell. Or worse yet, use a summoning spell to steal it. Nope, the hat is impervious to any type of magic other than its own."

  "That's gonna make it harder," Destiny said, examining the safe, "but it's here, probably still in the hotel. We have some pretty powerful anti-theft spells, not to mention Margo."

  "Who's Margo?" I asked. I'd never heard Destiny mention her.

  "Margo's the sphinx that guards the front entrance to the hotel. Most people think she's just there for the grandeur, but she's one of our best security measures. She knows the heart of every person who walks past her."

  "Then what are we waiting for?" Carol asked, striding toward the door. "Let's go talk to this Margo."

  Alex held up a hand. "No, no. You guys worked hard to finish up early enough to take this vacation. You relax and let us find it."

  Kris glanced at Carol, helplessness and indecision on his face.

  She came back from the door and laid her hand on his arm. "They're right, honey. This isn't our forte. And I worry about you. You need the break before the madness of Christmas eve." She gave him a wist
ful smile. "We're not getting any younger, and you've been stressed more than usual lately. Let's let them do what they do."

  He kissed her on the cheek, then turned to us. "I have been stressed. The Christmas Spirit is much harder to keep going, what with families being separated by distance and silly spats and money. It doesn't help that people seem to believe that presents can replace presence."

  He put the homonyms in air quotes, and I couldn't help but think he was on to something. What did you do if you missed a date? Send flowers. What if you hurt a friend's feelings? Send a gift. What do parents do when they can't be there for their kids? Buy them video games and cell phones. It was hard to find anybody who actually gave something with no ulterior motive.

  In short, the art of giving had been commercialized and perverted to the point that the simple joy of the act itself was lost eleven months out of twelve. And now, the spirit that brought that back once a year was threatened. My resolve strengthened. "You go enjoy your vacation with Carol, Nick. We'll have that hat back to you in two shakes of Rudolph's tail."

  Mrs. Claus took his hand and led him from the room. He glanced back over his shoulder once, but otherwise went without a fuss.

  Once they were gone, I turned to Destiny, my eyes narrowed a bit. "So what about this Blake guy? Isn't he the one who cheated on you? Do you think he woulda taken the hat?"

  She shook her head even before I was done speaking. "No. You can cross him off your list. He's solid, and I trust him. Plus, if he had any more Christmas Spirit, he'd have to move to the North Pole. He loves everything about the season."

  Of course it wasn't gonna be that easy. "Then what about somebody in maintenance or housekeeping?" I asked.

  She shook her head again. "They have access to the room, but not the safes. The way it works is the safe is left unlocked, then the guest can either choose to use the preset house options—a fingerprint or pin number lock—or bespell the safe themselves, or both. Kris chose to lock his using his pin since his magic isn't the same as ours. We cautioned him against it and encouraged him to use his fingerprint, but he said he’d never given that to anybody and wasn’t about to start now." She looked thoughtful. "Still, the pin number should have been enough. Access to this floor is limited to guests only and we have so many security spells that it’s pretty much impossible for anybody to get up here by themselves."