Sweet Tea and Sass

by Tegan Maher

  "What about the sphinx you mentioned?" Alex asked. "What can she tell us?"

  "Excellent question," Destiny said, smiling a little when he mentioned it. "Let's go ask her."

  "Ask her?" Alex said. "She talks?"

  "Oh, she more than talks. She's one of my best friends," Destiny replied. At first I thought it was strange, but the more I thought about it, it really wasn't. After all, my best friends were werewolves, witches, and a talking fox. Speaking of, the furry sisters had been awfully quiet. I turned to say something to them, but they were gone.

  "Where'd Tempest and Chaos go?" I asked.

  Destiny lifted a shoulder. "Hard to tell. They snuck out when we were convincing Kris to go with Carol."

  "Probably to find food," Alex said with a wry smile, then took a deep breath and stepped out of the room. "But they're big girls. They can take care of themselves. Let's find this hat so we can save Christmas, do our part toward promoting world peace, and bring happiness to children and adults all over the world."

  I cocked a brow at him. "You sound like a beauty pageant contestant."

  Destiny laughed. "He does a little, but it's good though. You need some levity in your life, and I think you've found just the guy. Plus, he’s right."

  He slung his arm over my shoulders. "See, your cousin thinks I'm good for you."

  "Don't let it go to your head there, slugger," she said, following us. "I’ll still beat you within an inch of your life if you hurt her. Now c'mon, let's go do all those do-gooder things you just mentioned. Maybe it'll earn me some Karma points to balance out those times when I wish some of my guests would get fleas in their privates or warts on their noses."

  CHAPTER FIVE

  We went to our suite long enough to drop off our bags. Destiny gave us the nickel tour and told us to put our suits on under our clothes, and a few minutes later, we were headed back downstairs to talk to the sphinx.

  As we walked through the lobby for the second time, I was awed all over again by the grandeur of the place. The holiday spirit was still alive and well there, at least. Lights, ribbon, and wreaths graced every storefront and even the slot machines visible in the casino had garlands and bows on them. Two sparking Christmas trees flanked the front entrance, and each of them must have been twenty feet tall. All sorts of people were rushing through the lobby, playing games in the casino, or shopping at one of the boutiques. Though there were all different races and species, they all seemed to have one thing in common: their clothing, jewelry, or hairstyles all probably cost more than I made in a week.

  Though many of the guests were wearing beach attire, the staff members were all dressed in black dress slacks, white shirts, and ties, not a hair out of place. A few were sporting festive reindeer ears or flashing Christmas-bulb necklaces, but aside from that, the uniforms looked they'd suck to wear all the time.

  "I don't know how you do it, Destiny," I said. "I sling a jacket on over my jeans and tee shirt and that's about as dressy as I get. Getting dressed up like that just to go to work every day would kill me."

  She laughed. "That's why I work at the tiki bar. My uniform is pretty much whatever I decide to throw on for the day. Usually jean shorts, a resort polo, and crocs. I couldn't do it either. Though raking in the tips they do probably helps."

  I stopped and took a look at a menu framed on a wall outside the crowded restaurant situated right beside the massive glass front doors, and my jaw about hit the ground. "Dang, with these prices, even if somebody only tips 15 percent, they still have to be making a couple hundred a day."

  She nodded. "On a slow day. And there's no such thing as a tip that low. There's a 20 percent tip added to every check, and then a lot of times, people leave extra on top of it."

  I snorted. "With those prices, I think it's a good thing there's a kitchen in our suite. Is there a place to buy groceries here that won't break our meager piggy banks?"

  She waved a hand as she pushed through the double doors. "Sean covered all that when he booked the room, but I figured you'd want to go to Abaddon's Gate at some point to see Mila. We can do that in an afternoon after we get this settled."

  I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was also a little leery. Sean always had a plan. Sure, this may be exactly the no-strings-attached gift he claimed it to be. It was also possible he was banking goodwill for future use. Still, I'd take it for what it was—a much-needed getaway gift from a friend.

  The heat that slammed me in the face when we stepped outside was a surprise, but a pleasant one considering we'd come from twenty-degree weather. Whoever planned the layout of the resort had put some forethought into it because the only thing that obstructed the view of the ocean was a ginormous statue decorated around the base with ribbons, garland, lights, and bows. It took me until we were in front of it to realize it was the sphinx. I furrowed my brow when I looked up—and up—at her face, wondering how we were supposed to communicate with her.

  "Hey Margo," Destiny said. "How are you doin' today?"

  I skittered backwards instinctively when the sphinx's giant stone head shifted down and her lips lifted in a smile.

  "Hey Destiny," she replied. "I'm doing well. And you? Is this your cousin and her boyfriend you were telling me about?"

  Destiny nodded and made the introductions.

  "I'm happy to meet you," Margo said, her stone eyes strangely expressive, "but I sense you're not here just for pleasantries."

  My cousin heaved a sigh. "Unfortunately, no. We've had a theft. Santa's hat was stolen."

  A trouble look settled onto Margo's face. "That's not good at all. Did he tell you what the hat's power is?"

  Destiny nodded. "He did. And we're hoping you sensed somebody with bad intentions so we have a place to start."

  She wrinkled her brow and I shielded my face as sand slid from her face. "Nothing that would weigh a person down like that. I've picked up on some mischief makers and angry feelings, but nothing that would indicate they'd stolen one of the most powerful magical artifacts in this realm."

  Wow. Hearing a sphinx place that much importance on it brought home just how big a deal this whole thing was.

  "Is it really as bad as that?" I asked, speaking up for the first time.

  "It is," she responded. "Especially this close to Christmas. Right now, it should be shining light into the hearts of even the most hardcore pessimists and draining anger from the bitterest of hearts. If it's not found quickly, the balance will be disrupted. The gods help us if that happens." She paused. "You know, I did pick up on an oddity, now that I think about it. There's an elf here that's wearing a glamour."

  "A glamour," Alex said, his tone flat.

  Margo turned toward him, more sand falling from her as she did. "It's not as unusual as you may think. We get many famous people here, and since I'm stuck in this position, I don't exactly watch much of that moving-picture device you all call a television. I don't recognize many faces, but that's not my job. My job is to recognize intentions, and his were all over the place. Anger, sadness, grief. I assumed he'd lost somebody, but since we're talking about Santa, a disgruntled elf is probably relevant."

  "What's his glamour?" I asked. If he were wearing a magical disguise, we could be looking for anything from a human to a centaur.

  "Nothing too complicated. He's still an elf, just wearing a different visage." She raised a brow. "Though I don't know why he bothers; the faint scent of peppermint mixed with cocoa is a dead giveaway that he’s from the North Pole, at least if you have a supernatural nose. He just passed here a bit ago," she said. "He was wandering in the direction of the tiki, so he may be there now."

  "Thanks, Margo," Destiny said, already striding off. "Maybe we'll come hang out with you for the sunset tonight."

  She smiled. "That would be lovely, dear. I do miss our evening chats." With that, she shifted her head back into the standard, watchful position and the emotion faded from her face. I was a little surprised to see that she was a statue once again.

&nb
sp; CHAPTER SIX

  Destiny skipped down the massive staircase that led to a sidewalk, and we followed. Within just a few feet, the sidewalk turned to a wooden walkway that meandered toward what was obviously the tiki bar, judging by the palm-frond roof.

  "Now you're going to get to see the fun part of the resort—my own little slice of workspace,” she said. “Though to be truthful, I don't consider it work most of the time. Sure, I get an overworked troll every once in a while, but I've learned there's not much I can do for them. I keep their drinks full and let them brood."

  "You mean like a bridge troll?" Alex asked, a tinge of disbelief in his tone.

  She laughed. "Yes. Though I get a few folks that just fit the generic description of troll sometimes, too. There's always a handful of people who obviously never learned their manners, but I write them off as miserable and let it go. You can't fix stupid or mean, so I don't even try. Oh, and speaking of, we get gargoyles in sometimes, too. They're the worst. I've never met a polite one. They're always rude and demanding, and they tip like crap if I forget to add it to the check."

  We followed the path around a curve and all of a sudden, a sweet scent I associated with the carnival wafted over us. "Y'all serve cotton candy?" I asked.

  "No," she said, "Why?"

  "Because we smell it," Alex said.

  A look of dawning crossed her face. "Oh, that's because we're almost to the unicorn rest area. They obviously can't use the standard facilities, so we provide something more spacious." She shuddered. "The pastel colors take some of the gross factor out of cleaning it up, but the damned glitter they fart is a nightmare. Almost impossible to get off your shoes."

  Though we were on a serious mission, I couldn't help but giggle. "You're not serious."

  "Oh, I'm dead serious,” she said, nodding her head. “Wait—you'll see in just a minute."

  Sure enough, we took another turn and two large, covered sheds came into view. Even though they were shaded, the glint off the glitter nearly blinded me, and a few pink, blue, and yellow road biscuits stood out against the sand. I just shook my head.

  "Write that up to something I never thought I'd see," I said as we stepped off the wooden path and onto a brick patio.

  "I have a feeling that list is going to grow exponentially the longer we're here, Dorothy," Alex said. "We're definitely not in Kansas ... err, Georgia, anymore."

  The tiki wasn't particularly full right then, but Kris and Carol were there. Besides them, there was a table occupied by a young faerie couple, another by what had to be sealies judging from the fur coats hanging from the backs of their chairs, and three mermaids were sunning themselves on the shallow bathing deck that ran along the entire edge of the pool. Their fins remained in the water, waving a little, and the sun glinted off their red, blue, and green iridescent scales.

  "Hey, Destiny!" one of them called. "Is that the fam you've been talking about for a week?"

  "Hey, Skye," Destiny replied, waving. "Sure is. We'll be over in a bit."

  I was doing my best not to stare at the fins, so I just smiled, waved, and turned toward the bar. Then found a whole other person who captured my attention. Destiny had told me about her buddy and coworker, Bob, but seeing an actual Bigfoot with gelled hair and Christmas lights woven into his beard was still a shocker. When he glanced up from wiping down the bar, he grinned and tossed the bar towel into a bucket of sanitizer, then came around and scooping me into bear hug.

  He set me back on my feet and pushed back from me, his baseball mitt-sized hands on my shoulders. "You must be Cori," he said, smiling widely. "I've heard a ton about you. I can see the family resemblance."

  He held out his hand to Alex, who took it. "And you must be Alex. You two come on up here and pop a squat. First round is on me."

  I glanced at Alex, then Destiny. "Go ahead," she said. "You are on vacation, after all."

  I grinned, the mood of the place temporarily pushing the hat incident to the side. "Then I'll have a rumrunner, please. I've heard from a good source they're the best to be had," I said, and Alex held up two fingers.

  As we climbed onto the stools, she turned to Bob. "Have you seen an elf today? In the last hour or so?"

  He nodded as he poured two different rums and some juice into a shaker. "Sure did. He was here a little bit ago, but shucked out of here pretty quick, muttering something about taking a walk on the beach," he said, pouring our drinks into two coconut shells. He picked up the 151 rum to add a floater, but I held up a hand to stop him.

  "We're sort of on a case, so I should probably keep enough sense about me to stay vertical," I said.

  He drew his brows together. "What do you mean, you're on a case?" he asked. "I thought you were here on vacation to get away from working. From what Destiny says, you're about to work yourselves to the bone.” Still, he slid the rum back into the well and pushed our drinks across the bar to us after garnishing them with a cherry and a pineapple wedge, and pushing a paper straw into them.

  I took a sip and almost groaned. Okay, I actually did groan. It was probably the best drink I'd ever had. I took another long pull and Destiny bumped me with her elbow. "Take it easy there. Those things are lethal because they taste so good. I can tell you they don't taste nearly so well coming back up after you've had three too many of them. Even one is gonna make you a little fuzzy around the edges, so pace yourself if you want to make it to dinner."

  She was right; I could already feel the heat from the booze infusing my face, so I pushed it back a little and asked for a glass of water to go with it. The last thing I needed was to be hammered while the world as we knew it drew closer to an end. Plus, I did want to make it to dinner. And afterward. I was excited about spending some quality alone time with Alex.

  "Back to the elf, then," I said, glancing at Destiny. She glanced around, then nodded when she saw we were the only ones at the bar to let me know it was okay to fill Bob in. I did, then he looked thoughtful.

  "Can't honestly say I got a whiff of him, but it's possible. I'd just eaten a bowl of Jolene's spaghetti and a huge chunk of garlic bread I'd brought from home. I doubt I could have smelled dead trout at that point, let alone faint scents."

  "What was the name on the room card?" I asked.

  He took the three strides to the computer, tapped the screen a couple times, then opened a check. "Mike Snow."

  "Mike?" I asked. I'd expected something like Aithlin or Belgin or something.

  "Yup," Bob said, pointing at the screen. "Michael Snow. He said to call him Mike."

  Good enough for me, then. "Destiny, we should probably ask Kris if he knows the guy. If he does, he may know whether or not the he’s got it out for Christmas."

  "Say," Bob said, frowning. "There's not any real chance we won't catch this guy, is there?"

  I heaved a sigh. "I sure hope not. I mean, it's not like the entire planet's counting on us or anything."

  Once again, I found myself in the middle of some secret plot, but this time it was personal. This time, somebody was screwing with Christmas, and that just wouldn't do.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Alex and I picked up our half-empty drinks and carried them over to where Kris and Carol were sitting at an umbrella table on the patio.

  "Hey, guys," Kris said, pushing his sunglasses up onto his head. "Any luck?"

  Carol sighed. "He hasn't relaxed since we got here."

  That made me feel bad because, well, he did a lot of good in the world, and I wanted him to have a good time. Even if it meant I spent my vacay working. Still, looking around, I figured just being there beat being back in Georgia in the snow and twenty-degree weather. It's not like we didn't have any crime there, too. If I had to work, I’d take the tropics over the slush and mud any day.

  "We're sorry, guys,” I said, “but we just have a quick question. Do you happen to know an elf by the name of Mike Snow?"

  They looked at each other and something passed between them, though I had no idea what. Between his ever-merry
eyes and rosy cheeks, and her calm, soothing presence, it was impossible to tell.

  "Look," Alex said. "If you do, we need to know anything about him that may help. Does he have a reason to steal it? Would he know anybody who would?"

  Kris took a long drink of his rumrunner and wrinkled his nose a little. "I knew I should have stuck with my chocolate peppermint martini," he said, not answering the question. "All these new-fangled froufrou drinks all taste the same to me."

  Destiny cringed and glanced toward the bar. She’d told me how much thought she and Bob had put into the drink specials, but the rumrunner was Bob’s specialty. She looked relieved when she saw that the Bigfoot was chatting up another customer, a fierce-looking brunette with strange, arrow-like tattoos.

  The woman was wearing a gold bikini and a red-and-white striped Santa hat, and for a second, I was glad it obviously wasn't the real one. I'm tough, but I didn't think I could take her even on a good day. I swear, the woman must have been some type of goddess or something. Destiny said angels showed up occasionally, so why not? I'd given up any preconceptions since I'd met Santa Claus straight out of the elevator.

  An impatient sigh brought my attention back to the table. A look I recognized well from when we were kids crossed my cousin's face. She was about to lose her cool. This was her party, though, and if she wanted to land herself on the naughty list for yelling at Santa, then that was her prerogative. Besides, I had no doubt that ship had sailed long ago anyway, so I just waited. Never let it be said that the women in our family were cowed by prestige or power.

  She placed her palms on the table and leaned toward him. When he fiddled with his straw rather than meet her eyes, I knew he was gonna get both barrels.