Scarred by Love

by C. A. Harms

  The lustful gaze they were sharing was beginning to get a little uncomfortable. I groaned out loud, “Hello, I’m still here…stop undressing one another with your eyes. Wow! Damn Freaks!” I pushed past Carson and out the front door.

  I had to get out of there. They looked like they were about to eat one another and I had no desire to witness their lustful encounter. Carson normally doesn’t do the long term relationship thing. He enjoys his freedom too much. I knew Kate enjoyed hers just as much as he did so the random hookup thing would be perfect for them. I just wasn’t sure that the walls were thick enough between our rooms and that is the last thing I needed to hear.

  “Pearce, can you and Reid carry up this stuff? Carson and Kate are too busy eye-fucking one another and I can’t wait all day.”

  Pearce was leaning against the tailgate of Carson’s truck smoking his cigarette. If I hadn’t grown up with him being around every day just like one of my brother’s, I may have found him hot.

  Reid was a newer friend of Carson’s though. The fact that I had a bigger waist than him deterred my attraction to him. He was so sweet but so not my type. I liked my guys thick, built and broad.

  When they carried my things upstairs we found Carson and Kate in the kitchen. From the look of Kate’s hair and the fact that her lips were still red from being kissed, I knew we interrupted something. I shivered involuntarily at the thought.

  Carson eventually started helping and before long everything was piled throughout our apartment. We decided to order pizza and sat around drinking beers for the next couple of hours before the guys took off.

  ***

  Kate appeared in the doorway as I was hanging clothes up in my closet.

  “Hey Ry…can I ask you something?”

  “Sure what’s up?”

  She let out a steadying breath. “Carson kinda asked me out. I told him that I needed to talk to you first.” She paused when I turned to face her. “Um…if you’re not comfortable with it then I’ll tell him I can’t.”

  I giggled, “Kate, it’s okay really. Go for it.” Her shoulders relaxed and she smiled. “Hey, just one thing, promise me no sex with my brother in our living room. Or any other surfaces in the apartment. Stick to your room only please. I just don’t think I could stomach that.” I shivered and wrinkled up my nose, causing her to laugh harder.

  “You sure you’re okay with it?”

  I nodded at her with a smile. She ran off quickly. I assumed to call Carson and agree to the date.

  I sat down on my bed holding a hanger in my hands. I couldn’t help letting my mind wonder back to Parker. He wasn’t always a bad guy. I met him the summer after my senior year in high school. He was working at Brody’s Body shop when I took my car in for repairs. He fixed the latch in my door and I could still remember watching him as he worked. His big sexy hands had my mind racing. When he smiled at me and winked I was a goner.

  He was so sweet and patient with me. It took eight months before I finally gave in and slept with him. He was my first and after that first time we barely kept our hands off one another.

  Parker is two years older than me and he rented the house right behind the shop he worked at. I spent most of my time with him there. We had some really good times. My parents tolerated him but I always knew they hoped he was a phase. My brothers were nice when he came around but that was for my benefit more than his.

  The first time Parker hit me he was drunk. Actually every time Parker hit me he had been drunk. It was always just a smack or a shove when I frustrated him. It didn’t start until the last couple months. He started drinking more and his aggressive forcefulness was getting more frequent.

  “Okay, so tomorrow night there’s this party and…” Kate stopped when I looked up into her eyes. “Oh Ry…are you okay?” She rushed into my room and sat next to me wrapping me in her arms. I just let my head rest onto her shoulder. My eyes were full of tears but I was fighting against them. That bastard had gotten enough of my tears over the last few months and I refused to let him have anymore.

  “I’m good. I was just thinking and that always seems to get me into trouble.” I laughed and tried to brush it off.

  “So what about this party?”

  After she watched my eyes for the tears she thought would fall, she continued. “Carson said there’s a party just off campus and he wants us to go with him.”

  “Wow, leave it to my brother to take you out on your first date to a Keg party. How romantic,” I rolled my eyes in her direction.

  “Well than I guess it’s a good thing that I’m low maintenance.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, “Oh, whatever. You are anything but low maintenance Kate but I’m up for it…I could use some excitement in my life. I think I’ve hibernated long enough.”

  ***

  That night my mind took me back to the dark place where I allowed Parker to overpower me. I woke up in a panicked state and looked around the room.

  Once I calmed my erratic heart rate I made a choice I would no longer allow myself to fear guys and relationships. I awoke the next morning with a new outlook. I would no longer hide from life. Parker Lewis wouldn’t take anything else from me.

  I chose to live like the twenty one year old junior in college that I was. I was going to laugh and have fun. I was going to meet new people and even if that meant opening me up to the thought of dating or flirting with a complete stranger. Every guy was not Parker and now I know the signs of an abuser. I would never allow myself to be with someone like that again.

  Chapter Two

  ~Riley~

  “Do I look okay? I mean the skirt isn’t to short?”

  Kate rolled her eyes at me and tapped her foot. I looked up at the mirror rechecking myself once more. “I just feel naked. Maybe I should put on some tights or something.”

  “Seriously Riley I’m not waiting for you to change again. You have gone through almost everything in your damn closet. Carson is gonna ditch us if he has to wait much longer. You have great legs so show them. Now move it.”

  She was right, I was being ridiculous. I had worn this skirt a million times but for some reason tonight I felt self-conscious. “Fine…let’s go.”

  I grabbed my purse and walked toward the living room.

  Carson looked up from the television and his mouth dropped open slightly. I thought for sure he was reacting to the skimpy, barley there dress Kate had on.

  “Fuck no Ry…you need to change.” He shook his head and stood up.

  I looked at Kate with a puzzled looked, “You said I looked okay.” I turned back toward my brother. “Kate said it was fine.”

  His eyes wrinkled at the edges, “I never said you look bad Riley. I just don’t feel like hearing guys run at the mouth about my sister. I want to enjoy myself tonight, not worry about watching out for you.”

  I let out a relieved laughed, “Whatever Jackass…I look hot and you’re just gonna have to deal with it. I never asked you to watch out for me. I think you need to worry about Kate here.” I jerked my thumb in her direction. “Your friends are gonna be ogling her goodies because they’re front and center with a damn flashing light. Protect her…I can take care of myself.”

  I grabbed my purse and hooked it over my head and across my shoulder. I didn’t wait for him to respond. I wasn’t gonna stand here and debate my wardrobe with my caveman brother; he was acting like I was still twelve. I could sense his aggravation as he climbed into his truck. I chose to look forward and ignore his pissy attitude.

  The first half of the ride was silent until I couldn’t take it any longer. “Carson enough already, I’ve never had to worry about you ever judging me. I don’t want to start now.” His jaw tensed and Kate looked uncomfortable sitting between us. “What Parker did was bad…It fucking sucked Carson. I can’t live my life hiding from the possibilities of being hurt again. I know I made a mistake by staying with him. I know that you all question my every move now, but damn it I’m done hiding. I deserve a life.
”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and turned toward the window watching the passing lights.

  “I’m sorry Ry…really, I’m sorry. I’m not saying hide out. I can’t help feeling like I need to protect you. You’re my little sister and what that prick did to you…I just can’t let you get hurt again.” I saw Kate rest her hand on Carson’s knee and squeeze.

  I loved my brothers for wanting to watch out for me but I also hated that everyone felt they had to.

  “Let’s just have fun tonight.” His eyes connected with mine. “I promise you that if anyone makes me feel uncomfortable I’ll let you know.”

  He nodded his head lightly and looked forward appearing more relaxed.

  The party was at a house just outside of Tempe in Chandler. Friends of friends of friends and soon it became a huge bash. Carson always seemed to know where the parties were.

  We parked in the grass on the east side of the house. People were already scattered throughout the property. I turned around slowly looking for the nearest house but it appeared to be secluded. I wasn’t sure who the house belonged to but the music was thumping.

  I heard a screech as a girl ran in front of us clutching her shirt to her chest. She was laughing as a guy grabbed her waist and threw her over his shoulder…caveman style. She continued to laugh and wiggle as he ran off toward the darkness. I had a feeling we wouldn’t see them again for a while.

  “You ready girls?” Carson placed one arm over each of our shoulders and pulled us toward the party.

  Once we walked through the door the hollering from Carson’s buddies began.

  “About fucking time man, what took you so long?”

  He fist bumped Pearce. “Ask these two,” he said nodding his head in our direction. About five sets of eyes shot directly to us. Of course Kate perked up immediately. She craved attention. I just felt uncomfortable as they eyed both of us from head to toe. I only recognized one guy in the group as Pearce. The others, I assumed, were friends of his from school.

  “Well they both look fine as hell so I guess the time they took was worth the wait.” A tall blond guy winked from the couch. I forced myself to look back to Kate.

  “Dude quit fucking checking out my sister.”

  I had to hide my smile as Carson scolded the blond guy. Kate just rolled her eyes and nudged my shoulder. “Let’s get a drink.” I agreed and followed her to the kitchen.

  When we made our way back to the guys, they had a swarm of girls surrounding them. The brunette that was thrusting her tits against my brother’s chest glared at me as I handed a beer to Carson. I tried to brush her attitude off but when she leaned up and whispered into Carson’s ear I overheard her comment.

  “Seriously skank? I’m his sister you fuckin’ dumbass…and try calling me and my friend sluts one more time. I dare you.” I turned to face Carson. “Real smooth dickhead. You invited Kate here with you tonight…remember that. Whore!”

  I turned away from him and grabbed Kate’s elbow guiding her away from him. I could tell she was slightly hurt by Carson’s lack of manners but I also knew she would brush it off. She wouldn’t admit that she liked him but I could tell. I could see the dreamy look in her eyes. It just pissed me off that Carson couldn’t tell that.

  “Riley, I’m fine, really. It doesn’t bother me. This place is overflowing with hot guys…look around.” She swung her arm out Vana White style and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Whatever Hoochie…let’s dance.”

  And that’s exactly what we did. Before long a few girls we knew from school stumbled over and we ended up having our own little girl circle in the middle of the room. For the first time in such a long time, I felt at ease. I actually let myself forget about what had happened with Parker and just let myself enjoy being young.

  I leaned forward to whisper in Kate’s ear. “Don’t look now but Carson is watching you like a hawk. I think he’s beginning to realize he screwed up.” When her eyes lit up and her hips started shaking just a little more, I knew I was right…she really liked him. I made a mental note to myself to set his ass straight later. He wasn’t gonna play my best friend.

  When S&M Remix began flowing from the speakers both Kate and I gleamed at one another. This was so us. “Oh yeah, baby…come on sexy ass.” Kate hollered and she gripped my hands and started her hooker gig. I laughed but immediately gave in. I was here to have fun, right? Who needed alcohol when I had Kate and a great song to grind with?

  The minute I saw Carson approaching us I glared at him. I think he got the hint because his eyes softened. I leaned toward him once he was closer. “Don’t hurt her Carson…I mean it.”

  Our eyes connected once again and he smiled before placing his hands onto Kate’s hips. She looked over her shoulder and smiled up at him completely dreamy eyed. I fought the strong urge to roll mine when I saw her look over at me.

  Carson led her to the side of the room and pulled her close. He looked at her and said something just before he lowered his lips to hers. Okay…that was enough. I turned around and went to the kitchen. It was time for another beer.

  Chapter Three

  ~Zander~

  I stood across the room watching as she danced with a group of girls. I was relieved to find that she appeared to be unattached. She intrigued me, I wasn’t sure why, but she did.

  Maybe it was her long dark hair and the way it flowed down her back. Maybe it was those sexy as hell tanned legs that stretched out from under her short jean skirt for miles. I couldn’t help myself from watching her. She looked so delicate mixed with all the craziness that surrounded us. She wasn’t like half the girls around, drunk and stumbling. She wasn’t hanging all over the guys that definitely were staring at her.

  I continued to watch as miss sexy legs walked into the kitchen and helped herself to another beer. My chest tightened just a little when she brought the bottle to her lips to take a sip. Once she licked her lower lip snagging the drop of liquid that had escaped I felt like my knees got just a little weak.

  “Go talk to her Jackass…seriously quit being a pussy.”

  Leave it to Beth to pull me out of my obvious wet dream. I smiled in her direction and she just laughed. Beth and I have been best friends so long I don’t remember her not being a part of my life.

  I pushed off of the counter and flipped my beer cap at her. “Fine…I will.” I didn’t wait for her to respond but I heard her rambling as I walked away.

  I found sexy legs by the food table. I couldn’t let her do it…no fucking way.

  I walked up behind her and leaned forward.

  The smell of her shampoo and perfume almost made me forget what I had planned to say but I recovered fast.

  “I wouldn’t eat any of that if I were you.”

  She turned so quickly we almost bumped heads. I pulled back slightly and her lips we so close to mine as she looked up into my eyes.

  “And why’s that?”

  Fuck Zander…pull it together. “Well look around the room. Do you see all these guys here?

  “Yes.” Her voice was just above a whisper as she scanned the room before focusing back on me.

  I took just a few seconds to look at her curious eyes, when I felt my heartbeat slow just enough, I continued.

  “Well imagine that at least half of them have had their hands inside that bowl of chips.” I paused for just a second allowing her to think about it. “And then imagine that at least seventy five percent of those have used the bathroom without washing their hands after.” Her nose wrinkled up in the cutest way. I struggled with the chuckle I felt in my chest. “You see where I’m going with this?”

  Her nostrils flared and she took a deep breath. “Oh…that’s really gross.”

  I couldn’t help it; this time I laughed. “Yep, it’s honestly pretty nasty.”

  When she laughed and her eyes fluttered I almost lost it. Damn she was sexy. She wasn’t sleazy sexy…not at all. She was what my mom would have referred to as Beautiful sexy. She wasn�
��t throwing herself at me to gain my full attention. She was dressed pretty hot but yet covered up.

  “You’re staring.”

  Shit…I shook my head just a little. She had caught me. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it. It’s your lips and your eyes.”

  “Smooth.”

  “What? You want me to lie?”

  She bit her lower lip and I could see the smile pulling at the side of her mouth.

  “You’re kind of distracting.”

  Her eyebrows shot up as she stared at me.

  “Oh, really? Would you mind explaining how I’m distracting you?”

  I was mentally counting to ten. I so needed to breathe. My mind was racing. I was usually pretty relaxed around girls. I needed to climb out of my head…I was working myself up entirely too much.

  Okay, Zander time to man up. I reached out and traced my fingertip across her cheekbone just below her left eye. “You’re eyes remind me of the sky just before it storms. That hazy blue color…it’s really unique.”

  She watched me with no reaction, nothing. I let my hand fall back down and was about to say something to break the silence when she broke out in laughter. Not just a little giggle…I mean a hunched over heavy as hell laugh. Her eyes seemed to gloss over and I watched in confusion. I stood in front of this gorgeous girl watching as she continued to laugh at me.

  “What?” I had to ask because I was lost.

  Once she calmed herself enough to answer she spoke. “So does that shit really work for you? I mean that was a pretty lame ass pick up line.” She placed her hand on my cheek and took a step toward me. “Your eyes look like the sky right before the perfect storm.” Then she laughed again.

  Fuck I was really bombing…big time.

  I smiled, “I’m being serious. Have you ever fucking looked closely at your eyes? I’m not trying to spout lame pickup lines. I mean it.”