Scarred by Love

by C. A. Harms

  She pulled her hand back and I missed it instantly.

  “What’s your name?”

  Maybe I didn’t bomb as bad as I had thought.

  “Zander…What’s yours?”

  She brushed her hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. Son of a bitch I was acting like such a pussy. She was so fuckin’ beautiful. She had me forgetting how to breathe.

  “I’m Riley and Zander it was really nice to meet you. Thanks for the laugh.”

  She handed me a full bottle of beer and walked away. That’s right, she fucking walked away. I watched her disappear into the crowd of people. I watched until I could no longer see her before I hung my head and turned back toward to Beth.

  When I looked up she was laughing so hard she literally fell sideways into Mark’s lap. I walked in their direction and flopped down next to her, “Fuck off Beth. Seriously just fuck off.”

  She patted my back, “What’s wrong Z…wasn’t she impressed?”

  I shook her off, “I panicked.” I hung my head in defeat.

  Her laughter broke out once more and I couldn’t help it, I laughed too. What the hell was wrong with me? I know how to charm a girl. I had done it a million times. For some reason Riley had me stumbling at every turn. She wasn’t a girl that fell for the everyday charm…she was tougher.

  Chapter Four

  ~Riley~

  I pushed through the door and the cooler night air hit my face. The house had become a little too stuffy and I was pretty positive it had a little to do with Zander. I blew out a deep breath and let my head fall back. I had those familiar chills rolling over me just saying his name. My god he was hot, he filled out my “Hot Guy Checklist” to a “T”. He was broad, thick and muscular, with dark eyes and hair. Tattoo’s peeking out from under the snug shirt he wore. Oh and those damn thighs…strong sexy thighs.

  I shook my head lightly from side to side attempting to cool the fire burning inside of me.

  Bad boys…off limits; I needed to focus. Damn if I wasn’t having the hardest time remembering that right now. The way he looked into my eyes when he spouted out that cheesy pickup line almost had me convinced he meant it.

  I heard someone singing lightly from the side of the house. It was in perfect rhythm with the music spilling from the windows. I walked slowly to the end of the porch and peeked around the corner. I was a little shocked when I realized that the voice belonged to Zander. What surprised me even more was the blond girl he had his arms wrapped around. I watched as he spun her around and she laughed.

  They slow danced and smiled at each other while he sang “Whata’ya Want from Me” by Adam Lambert. My stomach instantly dropped. Just ten minutes ago he was hitting on me, now he was with her. Was she his girlfriend? I couldn’t believe the nerve of him, that poor girl.

  I slowly inched back so I wouldn’t draw their attention. I was more than ready to get out of here. When I found Carson it was obvious I would have to find another way home. He was so all over Kate, it actually looked as if they were one person. I reminded myself to sleep with my iPod playing loudly tonight.

  “What’s wrong Ry? Everything, okay?”

  I turned around finding Pearce standing just behind me. I tried to smile when I really just felt like screaming. “I was hoping they’d be ready to leave.”

  He laughed, “Well honestly I’m pretty sure they don’t care where they are, as long as they’re together.” He was probably right.

  I nudged Carson’s leg and he turned to look at me with his lips still connected to my best friend. I closed my eyes because it was too much.

  “Hey lover boy, you two ready to get outta here? I’ll drive and you can keep suckin’ her face. Sound good?”

  Carson pulled his keys from his pocket and I turned toward the door. I made it to his truck and climbed in watching as Kate and Carson slowly emerged from the porch. I rolled the window down and hollered toward them. “Word of advice…if you get your tongues out of one another’s mouths, you’ll get to the truck faster.”

  After what felt like forever the passenger door came open and Kate was hoisted up into the truck. She giggled as Carson groped her from behind. “Enough already... damn I just wanna go home. Do you think you two can just get the hell on with it so we can leave?”

  Two sets of eyes narrowed and stared directly at me. Neither of them said a word as they put their seatbelts on and I pulled away from the house. I knew I was beginning to act like a bitch but I just wanted to go home.

  At one point I actually thought maybe I was a little too hard on Zander and considered going back inside to find him. Then I find him with his…whatever she was. Now I just felt like such an idiot. What the hell did I have to do to find a good, decent guy? What about a guy that didn’t abuse their girlfriend or cheat and lie?

  When I got home I said nothing to Carson or Kate. I took a quick shower and crawled into bed. I plugged my ear buds into my ears and turned up the music. I had just begun to fall asleep when I saw the light shine into my room from the hallway. I turned to find my brother standing in my doorway.

  I pulled out the ear buds quickly sitting up.

  “What?”

  He stepped into the room and sat down next to me on the bed.

  “Ry, are you mad at me? Did something happen?”

  “No Carson, I’m not mad. I just hate life sometimes. It just seems unfair. I’m tired of the good people always being the ones that get hurt in the end.”

  We sat silently for a few minutes before he spoke.

  “I like her Ry. I promise I do. I just suck at showing it ya know. I’m a guy…and I suck at the relationship thing but I wanna try. I like Kate enough to try.” He looked me in the eyes, “I can’t promise you that I won’t hurt her. I can promise you that I’ll try really hard not to.”

  I squeezed his hand, “Thanks Carson. She likes you too, I can tell.”

  He stood from the bed and just before he closed my door he turned back to face me. “Riley are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine…go back to your girl.”

  The smile that spread across his face was contagious. At least one of us was happy.

  Chapter Five

  ~Riley~

  Getting back into the school routine was rough but after the first couple weeks I finally had my schedule down. It felt great to have something good going on in my life…finally.

  “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to have an extra blue pen I could borrow, would you?”

  I looked up from my spot in the grass momentarily blinded by the sunlight shining from behind him. He became clear after I blinked a few times and he knelt down.

  “Um, yeah sure.”

  I dug through my bag and pulled out two blue pens. I thrust them toward him, “Here you go.”

  “Thanks, mine ran out of ink.” He took the pen and our fingers touched gently. “I’m Grant by the way.” He smiled and I realized he was waiting for my name in return.

  “Riley.”

  “Well it’s nice to meet you Riley and thanks for the pen.”

  He stood and walked over to a bench about ten feet away. He had his things spread out next to him. Until now I hadn’t noticed anyone else around me. Grant wasn’t my typical type that’s for sure. I never went for the preppy guys. I’ve always had a thing for the bad boy type, but then again that hasn’t done me any good in the relationship department.

  I watched him without trying to be too obvious. His blond hair fell just over his forehead as he bit the end of the pen I had just given him. His eyes seemed so familiar. I felt like I had seen them before. Deep dark eyes, gorgeous eyes actually. He lifted his head and caught me staring.

  I looked down at my book silently cursing myself. I know my cheeks were flushed from embarrassment. When I looked up he was still watching me. He smiled and I smiled back.

  I felt a sense of disappointment when I saw him packing up his things. I tried not to watch. I forced my eyes to focus on my essay.

  “S
o, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go get a coffee. My treat of course, ya know, to say thanks for the pen.”

  I found Grant standing in front of me once again. Those damn eyes of his making me feel like I’ve looked into them before today. He looked harmless and what would a coffee hurt?

  “Sure, that sounds nice.”

  I packed my things and when Grant extended his hand out to help me up from the ground, I accepted. He carried my bag for me even though I insisted I could carry it. He opened the doors and he waited for me to sit so he could push in my chair. It was completely opposite of what I had been used to in the past.

  “Are you a sophomore?”

  “Junior actually. And you?”

  “I’m a senior…prelaw so I’m far from done. How about you Riley, what’s your major?”

  It felt strange to sit and have a conversation with a guy that wasn’t staring at my tits. Grant looked me directly in the eyes and looked completely interested in everything I had to say.

  “Journalism.”

  It wasn’t as impressive as a lawyer but it was my passion.

  Grant and I spent the next two hours talking about everything from our favorite food to our most favorite places to visit. We shared embarrassing college moments and terrible first dates. I felt comfortable with our friendliness. It wasn’t the instant heat I felt the night Zander approached me but Grant was cute in a sweet guy kind of way.

  “Riley this was really nice.”

  I smiled back at him as we stood in front of Macy’s Café.

  “Yeah it was. Thank you.”

  He shifted his bag to his other shoulder, “Would you go to dinner with me if I asked?”

  “Well that depends, are you asking me?”

  His light chuckle made me smile even more.

  “Yeah Riley, I’m asking you to dinner. Tomorrow night?”

  I nodded my head, “Sure that sounds great.”

  We exchanged numbers and he agreed to call me tomorrow to make more solid plans. I made my way to my car and drove home feeling a little more hopeful that maybe not all guys were complete assholes.

  ***

  When I got home my mood shifted.

  “What the hell? No goddamn way guys. UNACCEPTABLE!”

  I shielded my eyes once I opened my front door. I was blindsided by my brother’s bare ass in the air and my best friend’s legs wrapped around his waist.

  “Damn it Kate. We agreed, no sex in the fuckin’ living room. How in the hell am I supposed to get that image out of my head. DAMN IT!”

  I stormed passed them and slammed my door behind me.

  Chapter Six

  ~Zander~

  “Are you gonna answer that?” Beth pointed to my phone on my bed.

  “Nope.” I continued strumming on my guitar as Beth and Mark lounged in front of the television. My apartment was tiny so everything was really just one big room.

  After my mom passed away I moved in above Beth’s garage. The only true family I had was Beth and her mom Carla. My grandparents were in Florida and could care less about me. They checked on me once a year and that was on my birthday.

  “How many fucking times is he gonna call?”

  Mark was referring to my sperm donor. He had been calling nonstop for the last hour. He was just another family member that really didn’t give a shit but felt the need to reach out to me occasionally to make himself feel better.

  “What?” I answered the phone with a clipped tone.

  “Zander, son, I left you a message last night. I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight. Can you make it?”

  “What do you think? And don’t call me

  ‘son’.”

  My dad let out a long sigh, “Zander please, Victoria has gone to a lot of trouble to prepare dinner and we would love for you to join us.”

  I couldn’t hold back my laugh, “Ya I hear ya…that bitch doesn’t like me. She’ll be happy I ain’t showing.”

  I think by now the asshole has given up on arguing with me about my opinions of his wife. She’s an uptight bitch who has always hated me and the feeling is mutual. She blamed me for my father’s indiscretions. Apparently it’s my fault that my sperm donor couldn’t be faithful to her. I’m the result of his cheating ways and I have spent my life paying the price.

  “Please Zander try to come. I have your check from the lawyer and I want to…”

  I cut him off, “Not this weekend, got plans.”

  I didn’t wait for his reply; I just hit end and tossed my phone to the bed. It bounced once before falling to the floor.

  I knew I was going to have to end up making an appearance soon. Everything was finally settled with my mother’s life insurance and the lawyer had dropped off all the paperwork at my father’s house; a result of my father being District Attorney, he seemed to get his way.

  He hired the attorneys to handle all my mom’s affairs. Everything was left to me and yeah we didn’t have much but it was ours. I think it just made the asshole feel like he was doing something good, for all the bad things he put us through in the past.

  I needed to get the hell out of here. I grabbed my keys and went for the door.

  “Dude, where are you going?”

  “Out,” I yelled back over my shoulder and went for my bike.

  I just needed to drive…fast. I had to escape the shit life I had been dealt just for a little bit and if the only way to do that was to jump on my bike then I would.

  My Honda CBR was my baby. All the other kids wanted fast cars with big ass tires…not me. I wanted my 1100, black and slick bad ass street bike. Lately I had to admit I was getting a little too comfortable with the speed. If my mom was still here I knew she would be kicking my stupid reckless ass.

  I sped through the outer streets of Scottsdale until I found myself heading toward Campus. I decided to hit the gym. Coach would be happy that at least my frustrations were driving me to lift.

  I really needed to get out of my head. I was going to end up driving myself insane with the anger I felt for William Richards, the prick that broke my mother’s heart on more than one occasion. I didn’t care that he wasn’t the father I needed, I could handle that. What pissed me off more than anything was that the bastard led my mother to believe he was a saint, that he could give her the happily ever after she deserved.

  When she began to believe it, her world crashed. William Richards is nothing but a lying cheating waste. His cute little family, in his big house, on rich bastard lane could go fuck themselves.

  Chapter Seven

  ~Riley~

  “Where’s tight ass rich boy taking you tonight?”

  I rolled my eyes at Carson, “Be nice.”

  It’s been weeks since I met Grant on campus. We’ve gone out a handful of times and I could see where Carson was coming from. At times Grant did seem stuffy and the complete opposite of what I would normally be attracted to. He was really sweet though and polite. He didn’t push me or make me feel cheap.

  I wanted to like him…god, did I want to. The trouble was I was having a hard time feeling more than just friendship. He hadn’t even tried to kiss me so maybe he was battling the same things.

  I felt Carson’s arm go over my shoulder. “Sorry Ry, he just doesn’t seem like he could be that much fun. I mean seriously what do you two do together anyway? I just don’t seeing you enjoying a game of golf at the country club. You’re more football and beer.”

  I couldn’t argue with him, after all he knew me well.

  “It’s just a change Carson, a nice change of pace. I know he isn’t the typical guy you imagine I would be with, but maybe that’s what I need.”

  When the doorbell rang and Kate opened the door an exhausted sigh escaped me. Who the hell was I kidding? Looking up to find Grant standing in my doorway made it jump out to me like a neon sign. I was lying to myself if I thought I could really make this work. He was just such a sweet guy and I hated to hurt his feelings.

  “Hey Riley, are you ready to go?�
�

  I smiled and walked toward the door, “Yeah, I’m ready.” I followed Grant to his BMW and he helped me into the car as he always does. I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

  When he got into the driver’s seat he completely shocked me with his next move. He leaned across the center console and kissed me. It was the sweetest, gentlest kiss and I was speechless. When he pulled back I just looked at him in shock.

  “I’m sorry Riley, but I’ve been dying to do that all week.”

  I couldn’t control the laugh that escaped me. “Um, it’s okay…you just surprised me.”

  “I hope that doesn’t mean that I can’t do it again?”

  I wanted to feel more from his kiss, I really did. I just didn’t feel the sparks and stomach flutters. I didn’t want to lead Grant on but I also didn’t want to end this before I gave it a chance either.

  “I don’t mind if you do it again.” I tried to sound convincing.

  Grant’s thumb slid lightly over my cheek as he took ahold of me, pulling us together. He allowed his lips to hover over mine for just a few seconds before once again touching mine with his.

  This time I didn’t think about it, I just let everything go. I concentrated on Grant’s kiss and when I felt his tongue slide across my lower lip I gave in. We kissed until I felt my lips start to become numb. I smiled against his mouth and giggled. “Are we going out or is this the date?”

  Grant’s hand continued to stay rested on my knee as we drove toward the restaurant. He appeared a little more relaxed and laid back. Before the kiss he was stuffy and too stiff, after the kiss it was like something changed.

  Throughout dinner he continued to touch me whenever he found the chance. Whether it was my hand or leg, my face, just light touches. I had to slow him down a little when we got back to my apartment. He had walked me backwards toward my door and pinned me against the wall. His kisses became more aggressive and completely unlike him.