Crushed

by Amity Hope

  The bed wasn’t made that day either. Sometimes she couldn’t stop herself from wondering if her mom had known that Cleo would be the one to find her…Would it have changed things? Would she have changed her mind? If she would have known how permanently the sight of her had imbedded itself into Cleo’s memory? Into her subconscious? Into her dreams?

  For weeks after, the memory of finding her replayed itself vividly. Over and over behind the darkened screen of her closed eyelids. It was better now. But Cleo had found that when her mind was humming with anxiety, it seemed to latch onto that memory and bring it to the forefront.

  It had been doing that a lot over the last few months.

  She tiptoed down the hall, to the door next to hers. Luci never closed her door. Cleo silently made her way across the room and lifted Luci’s covers. Luci always slept on the inside of her bed, closest to the wall. They’d never talked about it, but she thought it was Luci’s way of saying that she didn’t mind. And Cleo always realized the irony. Her baby sister should be crawling into bed with her to seek comfort.

  Not the other way around.

  The bed dipped under Cleo’s weight. Luci let out a sleepy sigh.

  Cleo carefully tugged the covers up around them. She tried to let Luci’s light, steady breathing calm her. It worked.

  But not enough.

  She shoved the memories of her mom out of her head. Only to find it made enough room to let thoughts of Reece tumble in. She’d hated lying to him. And she had lied yesterday. She’d lied about how things were going with her and Ethan. Up until that miserable day last year, the last day of school, she’d only ever lied to Reece once. And that lie, too, had gnawed away at her. But it wasn’t as if she’d had a choice then either.

  If he’d known how she really got the split lip last year, he wouldn’t have let it go. It could’ve cost her Luci. And she couldn’t have that. If someone started snooping around in Cleo’s business, she had a hunch they could take both her and Luci away. And there would be no guarantee they would be together.

  So she tolerated what she had to, grateful that Paul’s outbursts were infrequent.

  Luci murmured something in her sleep and flung an arm around Cleo, probably only aware of her on a subconscious level.

  Cleo squirmed a little closer to her as she closed her eyes. More thoughts of Reece sifted in. She thought about the day she’d flown out of school, accidentally catapulting herself into his arms. He’d insisted on taking her to his house. She hadn’t had the ambition to argue. It was the first time in weeks, maybe even months or longer, that someone had offered to take care of her. And while the fact that it was a boy she barely knew should’ve made her resist, she couldn’t. She’d latched onto the little bit of kindness he’d shown. She’d let him pull her out of the deepest depths of her desolation.

  She’d been horrified when she woke up to find herself draped across him. He was Reece Hildenbrandt for heaven’s sake. She knew who he was. Sheridan High was small enough that everyone knew everyone. At least by name, if not as an actual acquaintance. But more importantly, she knew who his father was. And though for the life of her she couldn’t ever remember having a single conversation with him before, she did know that he seemed like a nice guy.

  The kind of guy everyone liked and that everyone got along with. But not the kind of guy someone like her just randomly woke up snuggling with.

  Instead of making things awkward, he made her a grilled cheese sandwich and a hot fudge sundae. He didn’t even give her a chance to let herself be mortified over everything that had happened; flying into him, sobbing on his shoulder, spilling her heart out all over him, and last of all, making herself cozy half on top of him.

  They’d spent that gloomy, dreary, stormy afternoon on his couch. They’d shared a blanket, talked and pretended to watch movies. He had driven her home after school had gotten out for the day. She had thought that would be the end of it.

  The next morning she found him waiting for her at her locker. She hadn’t realized at the time that it was just the beginning.

  ***

  She was a nervous mess as she waited for Reece to get to her house. Paul was already gone and she’d told Luci that Emma was on the way. Cleo had then been treated to a full-blown pout session. She hurried her along to get her out of the door on time. Cleo was sure Luci purposefully ate her breakfast in slow motion. Trying to make an excuse to miss the bus. Luci couldn’t understand why Emma couldn’t drive her to school, too.

  After she was gone, Cleo used the few extra minutes to check her hair again. Then she let out an exasperated sigh because she realized that really, at this point… What did her hair, of all things matter? She decided it didn’t. Since they were going to be outside, and you never knew what the wind was going to do, she pulled it back into a ponytail. She dabbed another layer of concealer under her eyes, brushed some powder over her face and basically caved to the whole make-up routine.

  She grabbed her bag as she heard a vehicle pull up. As she walked down the sidewalk she tried not to think about how right it felt. Because it wasn’t right. There was Mia to think about now. And the whole Ethan fiasco. It shouldn’t feel familiar. It should feel wrong. She tried to tell herself this as she got into the passenger seat.

  “What’s that?” she demanded. She narrowed her eyes and inhaled.

  “What do you think?” Reece asked as he waited for her to buckle up.

  “Butterscotch hot chocolate with a shot of espresso?” He nodded and she was already reaching for the cup that she knew she shouldn’t take. But the shot of espresso? She needed it. She almost blurted out the words ‘Oh, I love you,’ in gratitude but she stopped herself. Butterscotch hot chocolate was her favorite drink. One day last year, Reece had decided to throw in a shot of espresso. When he thought she needed the caffeine. She’d decided it was the perfect mix.

  “There’s a caramel roll in the bag by your feet,” he said.

  He kept his eyes on the road. For a ridiculous minute she was frustrated that he didn’t look at her at all. Then she reminded herself that he wasn’t supposed to look at her. That would only cause problems.

  “You didn’t need to do that,” she said as she scooped the white paper bag off of the floor. “But thanks.”

  He just shrugged.

  “And thanks for picking me up. I know it’s kind of out of your way,” she said as she carefully pulled the sticky roll out of the bag.

  “Not a problem.” After a pause, he continued. “I almost had to cancel. My dad took my keys away a few days ago. Luckily Mom intervened. Pointed out I needed my vehicle for this assignment.”

  “What did you do this time?” she asked in a voice dripping with light sarcasm. She assumed that as usual, Reece hadn’t really done anything.

  He shrugged again. “Same old, same old.”

  She took a bite and chewed slowly. She was honestly surprised that there was still that much tension between Reece and his dad. Considering she assumed she was the cause of most of their tension. She had thought things would be better now.

  “My parents separated over the summer,” he finally blurted out.

  “I’m sorry,” she told him. “I had no idea.”

  He flicked a glance her way. It was full of annoyance. “Yeah, I know,” he said.

  “What happened?” She set her caramel roll down and turned so she was facing him. She knew his parents’ marriage had been rocky for a while. For as long as she’d known him and probably even longer than that. And while his home life wasn’t the same kind of mess that hers was, it wasn’t all neat and tidy either.

  “Do you care?” he asked. His voice had a harshness to it that she didn’t recognize.

  “Of course I care.” His tone hurt but as far as she was concerned, he had every right to use it with her.

  He kept his eyes on the road. She watched as he clenched and unclenched his jaw.

  “Well,” he finally said, “basically my dad is an ass. Mom’s put up with him for years. S
he finally had enough. He moved out. They went to marriage counseling over the summer. I guess things are better now because a few weeks ago, he moved back in.” He shrugged. “Sometimes I don’t know how they ever ended up together in the first place. But Mom says that the stress of the business is wearing on him. And I’m supposed to want to take that over someday?” he scoffed. “Then again, it’s probably my fault that he’s stressed. Because I don’t want to take over.”

  She knew exactly how Reece felt about taking over the family business. “It’s not your fault your dad is the way he is. You should be able to choose your own future.”

  He sighed and looked at her. “How about you? What’s going on with you? And don’t tell me ‘nothing’ because I can see that’s not true.”

  So much for my concealer, she thought.

  She shrugged. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

  “You know, you can still talk to me. We were friends. Before we were anything else.” Cleo had nothing to say to this. No words that would suffice. Or make sense. Or explain why she couldn’t. “But you won’t,” he guessed.

  “I can’t, Reece,” she said as she fidgeted with her cup. She’d already abandoned the caramel roll.

  “You can’t talk to me?” he asked. Anger, surprise and sadness mingled in his tone.

  She shook her head.

  “Why?”

  “Because, it’s just too hard.”

  He scoffed in disbelief. “Hard for you? You broke up with me. Remember?”

  “I wish I didn’t.” The words flew from her mouth, bypassing any filter.

  Reece pulled up to the curb of the address he’d memorized. Then he stared at her for a moment, incredulous.

  “Didn’t what?” he finally demanded.

  She knew what he was asking. She wished she didn’t…what? Didn’t break up with him? Or didn’t remember how awful that day had been?

  The answer to that was both. But she could hardly say that.

  She shook her head, grateful they were stopped. She could jump out before she said things she couldn’t take back. A few people had gotten there before them. They already had rakes in their hands. She waved to a girl named Janna. Janna was giving Cleo a look that clearly questioned why she was in Reece’s vehicle. “Let’s just go. We’re going to be late.”

  “So what?” he demanded as he grabbed her arm. His hand slid down it until his fingers tangled with hers. She didn’t mean to squeeze his hand but she did and he forced a smile. “So what if we’re a few minutes late. Just talk to me. That’s all I want.”

  What she wanted was to ask him… Why Mia? That girl had always been horrible to her. She was sure that it was because Mia had always had a thing for Reece. She’d berated Cleo over everything from her clothes to her hair to the shadows under her eyes. Once she went so far as to childishly say, “Oh, Cleo, you look dreadful. Like the walking dead. You must take after your mother.” She’d never told Reece about that one. Some things were just too hard—too degrading—to repeat.

  She didn’t want him with Mia. Almost anyone but Mia. But with him having a girlfriend, it was one of the few things that helped her to keep herself in check. It wasn’t as though she could say, Hey Reece, I don’t like your current girlfriend. Could you pick out one I feel more comfortable with?

  She decided it was safer to not ask the question. What was the point? Besides, she was sure Mia had been right there, waiting. Cleo had practically handed Reece over to her, tied up in a bow, ready to be snatched up. It made it easier to stay away from him knowing that he was involved with someone else. She just wished it was anyone but her.

  “Talk to me about anything. We can do that, can’t we? Just talk? There’s no reason we can’t at least be friends.” When Cleo hesitated he questioned it. He looked defeated and his tone was resigned. “Or is that not okay, either?”

  “We can be friends,” Cleo agreed. Though she couldn’t imagine how that would ever work. Not with the way he sent her heart fluttering and her stomach aching with missing him so much.

  “Good,” he said with obvious relief. “So tell me about Luci. How is she?”

  “She’s good.” Cleo told him about her two new friends.

  “Twins. I bet Luci just loves that,” Reece said with a smile. “So is she liking middle school?”

  “She’s loving the library,” Cleo admitted, smiling back.

  She jumped when there was a tapping on the window behind her. She turned to see an elderly gentleman wrapping on the glass with his cane. She buzzed her window down.

  “Are you two going to sit in there canoodling when there’s work to be done?” he asked.

  Cleo wasn’t sure exactly what canoodling entailed. She was pretty sure it was more than what she and Reece were doing at that moment.

  “No sir,” she said as her fingers slipped from Reece’s hand. “We’re ready to get to work.” She hopped out, not looking back at Reece. She couldn’t bear to see the look he’d had on his face when he’d asked her to talk to him.

  “Grab a rake!” Janna cheerfully called.

  She pointed to where they were and Cleo snatched one up. Then she made her way over to a man she assumed was “Alan”, the person in charge that they were to sign in with. As soon as she had that taken care of, she worked as close to Janna as possible so that they could chat.

  Because if she was talking to her, she wouldn’t be able to chat with anyone else.

  The first time she felt someone’s hand on her bottom she’d instinctively thought it was Reece’s. Janna’s wide-eyed look of surprise matched her own when she turned to find it was the elderly man with the cane. He winked and walked away. Over the next hour, he came back a few times and things just continued down the path of weirdness. Cleo was relieved when they were finally done for the morning.

  Reece’s face was a curious blend of fury and disbelief as they walked toward his vehicle. “Did that old guy keep grabbing your ass?” he asked her in a hard voice.

  “Um, yeah,” she admitted as she hoisted herself up into the passenger seat. “He did it a few times.”

  Reece clenched his jaw. She knew with certainty that if the man wasn’t nearly a century old, he wouldn’t be taking it quite so well.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s okay,” she said.

  He scrunched his face into something unpleasant. “It’s okay?”

  She had to laugh because Reece was taking this way too seriously. The guy was harmless. Well unless he decided to use his cane as a weapon, he might not be so harmless then. “No, it’s not actually okay. It’s just not worth getting all worked up over. Besides, he kept telling me not to trust the Germans. And he called me Lucille. I’m not so sure he even knows what century it is let alone whose ass he’s grabbing.”

  Reece’s frown twisted around in the other direction until he was almost smiling. Almost. Without meaning to, her hand floated up to his arm. His smile broke out all the way.

  “Don’t worry about it. ’Kay?” she asked, trying to keep the mood light.

  He grabbed her hand, holding it in place where it was resting on his elbow. “Not possible,” he said. “When it comes to you, I’ll always worry.”

  Chapter 10

  Mia had been furious that Reece had driven Cleo to their assignment. He had tried calling her a few times the night before to let her know. She never answered her phone. He had finally given up and sent her a text. It wasn’t like he was keeping it from her. A lot of the other people rode with their partners as well. But yes, he understood why she might have a reason to be mad. Still, that didn’t mean it was okay for her to go off on a verbal tirade over Cleo after they had gotten back. She had said things to Cleo that she had no business saying before she had stormed away.

  Reece had spent the rest of the day avoiding Mia and trying to put the confrontation out of his mind.

  The house smelled amazing when he walked inside. He could hear his mom working in the kitchen. He figured she must be making something Italian.<
br />
  “Reece?” she called.

  “What?” he asked as he gave up hope of sneaking downstairs. Instead, he headed toward the kitchen.

  “How is the first week of school going?” she asked as she looked up from her chopping.

  “Fine,” he admitted noncommittally.

  She raised her eyebrows in question. She was waiting for an elaboration that he wasn’t interested in giving.

  “I didn’t think you’d be home so early,” she noted. She was arranging vegetables over the top of a pile of spinach to make her salad look like a piece of art. One thing he could say about his mom was that she was a great cook. And like with much of the rest of her life, a lot of it was about the presentation.

  “I have a lot of homework.” That was always a good answer.

  “I thought maybe you’d go over to Mia’s,” Beth said as she took a break from her vegetable masterpiece. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with her. You must be getting pretty serious.”

  He had been to her house twice this week. He shrugged. It wasn’t good enough. She was looking at him with raised eyebrows, her palm full of sliced up radishes.

  “Sure,” he finally said as he tried to give her an answer.

  “Good. I’m so glad to hear that,” she said, smiling to prove it.

  “Why?” he asked. He was suddenly defensive without meaning to be. He was sure her smile about his status with Mia had something to do with Cleo.

  He was right.

  “Because you were so miserable at the start of the summer,” she carefully answered. “I’m glad to see you’re finally moving on.”

  He nodded. Right. That’s what he thought. She was glad he was putting Cleo in the past. Three months and counting….

  “I’d really like to meet Mia. Maybe you could invite her over for dinner this weekend. Sunday night?” his mom hopefully suggested.

  “No,” he said without even thinking about it. He turned to leave.