Crushed
Page 7
“No,” he said forcefully. “Just…no.”
She didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to argue and she didn’t trust her voice.
“About my dad,” he began.
She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” But the truth was, she couldn’t talk about it. She was a master at keeping tears away but there was a limit, even for her.
“Good,” he said, “because what he thinks means less than nothing to me. Other than that, there really isn’t much to say. Except I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
She let him pull her into his arms then. She let his kisses wash away the hurt of his father’s words.
If she hadn’t overheard him say he loved her, if his actions hadn’t proved it every single day, she would’ve had the sense to walk away then.
She should’ve walked away then.
But she’d had no idea how low Landon would be willing to go.
And waiting had only made it so much worse.
Chapter 8
Mr. Jessen was going off on a rant about the “phenomenal volunteer opportunities” he had managed to scrounge up for them this year. Surprisingly, or maybe not, everyone was listening pretty intently.
Reece had a phenomenal desire to not have the opportunity to volunteer at the animal shelter. Or on the crew that cleaned up the garbage in the ditches. So yes, Mr. Jessen seemed to have their absolute attention. As Reece looked around the room, he could see people making mental notes of what the worst of these opportunities were. The worst part? There were two other sections of this class. Apparently he had the volunteer options evenly doled out on a roster. One roster for each hour. Limited slots available on each.
He was giving them a rundown of what each assignment would entail. Their assignments would last a month each. Then they would switch so everyone would get a ‘well rounded’ experience over the course of the school year. The good thing about that, Reece realized, was that if you got stuck with a crap-assignment, at least you knew there was an end to it. The bad thing was that you were bound to be stuck with a crap-assignment at least once.
Also, each assignment was under the supervision of someone in the organization that they would be working under. Mr. Jessen would get periodic updates as well as drop in on them at random.
At first Reece was glad that they weren’t working in partners just yet. He had told himself he wasn’t going to even look Cleo’s way. But his eyes betrayed him as they drifted on over to her. His lips twitched when her nose crinkled in distaste at the mention of the soup kitchen. Reece thought, Note to self: Add the soup kitchen to the list of places not to get stuck with.
No surprise there. Cleo had an aversion to cooking. Why? Because she couldn’t cook, Reece knew. Her words, not his. He thought she could cook just fine. Well, decent enough… most of the time. If the recipe was simple. And if she remembered to set the timer. And if she didn’t try to substitute ingredients. But otherwise, her cooking wasn’t bad.
Thoughts of Cleo’s culinary questionability were shoved aside when Mr. Jessen mentioned raking leaves and other yard work, winterizing for the elderly. Reece was instantly interested in that, being outside, not in some stuffy building. He had a feeling a lot of people were going to want that assignment. Before Mr. Jessen was done explaining it, Cleo had tossed a glance Reece’s way. He was caught. He was staring. She didn’t seem to care.
Or did she?
She raised her eyebrows at him, questioning. He wasn’t sure if it was a Can we do yard work? question or a Dude, why are you staring at me like you’re a lovesick loser? question.
He hoped for the best and assumed it was about the yard work. He managed to nod in agreement. He got a pleased smile that was so intense it even made her eyes sparkle. It was enough to cause his heart to misbehave again. It started thrashing around like it wasn’t supposed to do anymore.
“Last of all,” Mr. Jessen announced as he skimmed the list once again, apparently double checking to be sure he didn’t miss anything, “there are limited slots available at the elementary school. We only have one opening for each class period.”
Cleo shot up in her chair and her eyes were immediately on Reece’s again. She was silently pleading with the cutest smile. He rolled his eyes because he wasn’t sure what else to do besides that, smile back and nod to let her know he would do whatever she wanted. Her grin nearly knocked him senseless.
It was hard to miss that Natalie was glaring at him. But really, he knew he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Everyone had been sharing looks with their partners. They were all trying to send out silent signals in regard to what they did or did not want to be doing. Even Eli was trying to catch Natalie’s attention. But she was too busy shooting daggers at Reece to notice her partner.
He made a face at her as he shrugged.
This was about an assignment. That was all.
Natalie finally let out an annoyed huff as she turned away.
Cleo raised her eyebrows at him. She’d seen the exchange with Natalie. She gave him an apologetic look but her smile stayed in place.
Reece smiled back. They could be friends, at least. Couldn’t they? He thought they should be able to be. It made more sense to be friends with someone you’d given a year of your life to than it did to pretend they didn’t exist at all.
Even if they weren’t together, he still wanted her to be happy.
He realized then how long it had been since he had seen Cleo actually smile. He had seen her a few times that week outside of this class. Twice in the mornings while they were walking in the halls. And a few times after school. Even when she was with Emma, she never looked all that happy.
Reece wondered if maybe she and Ethan were having problems. For a nanosecond he was surprised that he felt bad about that; that he felt bad at the thought of Cleo feeling bad. Regardless of the reason. Then he realized it should be a relief for him. So he kicked the whole thought right out of his head and tuned back in to Mr. Jessen.
Everyone sensed that Mr. Jessen was about to wrap things up so the room started to buzz with noise.
“Listen up!” he shouted. He stood there and waited until the room had settled back down. “We’ll do this outside.” The classroom erupted again. He made a motion for all of them to be seated. “There are a few things you should be taking into account when you make your sign up choices. One, if you choose to drive yourself to your destination you must have a signed permission slip. Two, these slots are limited so have more than one choice in mind. Three, remember that these assignments will be on a first come, first serve basis! We’ll have this side,” he motioned to Reece’s side, “sign up. And so it’s not so crowded at the sign up table, this side can proceed to the lawn,” he pointed to Cleo’s side of the room.
With that, the class rose like a tidal wave as they spilled out into the hallway. Cleo, being closest to the door, should’ve been the first person out of the room. Natalie had darted out of her desk. She dodged in front of Cleo to “accidentally” slam into her as she was walking by. A pile of papers spewed from Cleo’s folder. They cascaded down onto the floor.
Reece grinned when he noted tiny little Emma “accidentally” knock into Natalie, causing her to bounce off the hallway wall.
By the time he reached Cleo, a few of the papers had been kicked across the room. He swiped up the few that were scattered out of her immediate reach. He hoped they weren’t too important. A few had dirty footprints stamped across them now.
“Thanks,” she said as he handed them to her.
He scanned the area for any stragglers but didn’t see any. “Got ’em all?” he asked.
She shrugged as she searched the room. “I guess.”
“So,” he began as they started walking down the hall together, “you want the elementary school slot?”
She smiled and nodded. “Yes. And I don’t mean to be bossy but if you don’t hurry up, it’ll probably be gone.” She motioned to the hordes of people in front of them. He realized she was probabl
y right. “But we don’t have to try for that one,” she said. “I know kids aren’t really your thing.”
Now he grinned because he was sure she was joking. He’d never understood how she could want to be a teacher, specifically kindergarten. His oldest niece was four and he thought she was great. And he knew he even loved her. But he would hate to be in a room with twenty or thirty of her. Just the thought of it reminded him of a torture chamber. He wasn’t so sure he was convinced that extra year would make a difference. He used to tease Cleo about it all the time. She used to tease him back, asking what he had against little kids. His answer was…Nothing, as long as there wasn’t more than one or two of them at a time. But a class full of them for a couple of hours out of the week? For Cleo? He could handle that.
“I’m on it,” he said. He took off at more of a jog than was probably allowed.
It didn’t do much good. By the time he got outside, he was still toward the end of the line.
By the time it was his turn, only the least desirable slots were left. Classroom volunteer: Full. Damn, he thought. Yard work: Full. Repairing and shelving books at the public library: Full.
He kept skimming. Everything was full except…Clean-up in the kitchen at the nursing home: No, he thought. Cleaning out cages at the animal shelter: Uh, hell no, was his mental response to that.
He glanced back up at the classroom volunteer slot. He wondered if he could con someone into trading. Natalie and Eli? A spike of annoyance shot through him. He was pretty damn sure Natalie only wanted the slot so Cleo couldn’t have it. No way was he groveling to Natalie, begging her for it. He let out a defeated sigh. Classroom volunteer was definitely out.
He backed up to breakfast duty at the nursing home. It had to beat cleaning out cages at the shelter. He hoped Cleo wouldn’t be too disappointed. Even though he knew she would be, she would just pretend she wasn’t.
He should’ve been more on top of things, running ahead to make sure they got the one she wanted. But he would bet Natalie planned that; getting Eli in line before him.
He knew that everyone was probably going to get stuck doing something they didn’t want at least once. Maybe even a few times over the year. The thing was, he didn’t want his first assignment with Cleo to suck. He wanted to get her something that would make her happy.
He vowed that when the assignments changed in a month, he would be the first one in line. And he would spend a solid month pretending a classroom full of little kids didn’t grate on his nerves.
“Would you hurry up?” whoever was behind him asked.
“Almost done,” he said without looking back. He scanned the list to see where Adam ended up. Yard work. Cleo’s second choice.
He finally got out of the line. He spotted Adam walking up to his partner. Reece jogged up to him and grabbed hold of him before he had a chance to talk to her.
“What are you doing?” Adam asked. He was already giving Reece a suspicious look.
It didn’t escape Reece’s notice that Cleo was watching him with raised eyebrows. Of course it didn’t escape him, he realized. Because as always, he had his eyes stuck to her about every other minute.
He held up a hand, letting her know to wait just a second.
“Trade me!” he desperately demanded. The smile Cleo had given him earlier, over his approval of outdoor work was like a visual echo in his head. It had been a long time since she had smiled at him like that. Even if it was in regard to manual labor, he didn’t want to lose that smile.
Adam looked at him in disbelief. “No.”
He didn’t even bother to ask Reece what he had. He knew it couldn’t be good.
He turned to walk away.
“How about…” Reece rummaged around in his brain. He was trying to come up with something to make Adam change his mind. Adam loved hockey. Reece had season tickets for the university’s hockey games. A few of the games were already sold out. The best games, of course. “I’ll take you with to the season opener.”
Adam eyed him up. Last year Reece had taken Cleo. This year, Adam probably expected—correctly—that Reece would take him.
His answer? “No.”
“How about the season opener and the game against the Wolverines?”
They were Sheridan’s biggest rival. The games were always intense. And also, always sold out.
“No.” But he looked like maybe he was on the verge of caving.
He didn’t want to do this, but desperate times and all…
“I’ll give you the tickets to both games and another one of your choice. You can take whoever you want.” His dad was going to kill him.
Interest bounced across Adam’s face. He almost had him.
“Lauren’s a big hockey fan, isn’t she?” Reece casually asked. Lauren and Cleo were friends. He remembered Cleo stopping to talk to Lauren at a few of the games. “Front row, center ice,” Reece prodded. “Think of how impressed Lauren will be.”
Adam made a sound like a growl. “Fine! But you owe me.”
Reece shrugged because no, he didn’t. The hockey tickets were payment enough. He wasn’t going to push it. He’d just deal with it later if it came up.
“Go switch it on the sign-up,” Reece told him.
He expected Adam to argue. To tell him to do it himself but he went.
Reece walked over to Cleo.
“I already heard the news. All of the good ones are taken. So,” she said dramatically as she gave him a big, fake grin, “hit me with it. Dirty dishes or dog poo?”
“Yard work,” he corrected. “I missed out on the classroom assignment. But at least we aren’t stuck inside.”
Her smile became real. “Seriously?”
He nodded. “Seriously.”
“How did you do that? Emma just told me she and Nicole signed up for book repair at the library. She said it was the last decent assignment. Nicole said the only two left were the nursing home and the animal shelter. You were practically the last person in line.” Her eyes narrowed as she looked at Adam. “Reece, what did you do?”
He shrugged and looked away.
Even if they were together, she wouldn’t have approved of what he’d just done. She for sure wouldn’t approve now, Reece knew.
She sighed and looked like she wanted to press him on the matter.
“Don’t worry about it. I really wanted this assignment,” he told her. It was true. He just didn’t admit to her why he had really wanted it.
Her smile was still lurking when his eyes drifted back to hers. “Thanks, I wanted it too.”
“You’re welcome. Next time I’ll be more on top of things. We’ll get the classroom assignment,” he assured her.
“Did you see who got it this time?” she wondered.
“Uh, Natalie and Eli,” he admitted.
“Of course,” she muttered.
“Now take this.” He tried to hand her the form he’d impulsively grabbed off of the sign-up table.
“What is it?” she asked without taking it.
“The permission slip. So you can ride with me.” He was still holding it out to her. He was starting to feel stupid for even trying. She was going to refuse. He could see it in her eyes. Then something shifted. She took a little breath, like she was steeling herself, and plucked the paper from his hands.
“What time are you picking me up?”
Chapter 9
Her body tingled with that horrible feeling that settled in after a nightmare. The feeling that the prickly, sweaty, heart-pounding rush of fear created. Sleep was such an elusive thing for Cleo. Like that four leaf clover that at the age of nearly eighteen, she’d still never found. Too often after winning her hard earned battle with insomnia, she would have to relinquish sleep as she clawed her way out of another discombobulated memory.
Her nightmares always revolved around her mother’s death. Around finding her the way she had. The horrible visions of that day never seemed to get buried far enough under the surface of her mind to keep them away.
Or she may not.
She flipped her covers off. With her pillow tucked under her arm she made her way across her darkened room. There was enough of a glow from the streetlights that she didn’t need to turn on a light. Besides, she had made a similar trek in the middle of the night countless times. Her door creaked open. Without that paltry barrier, she could hear Paul grinding out snores.
She wished he’d sleep with his door shut. Better yet, she wished the door to what had been the bedroom he’d shared with her mom could be permanently sealed shut. Or as long as she was wishing, she may as well go all out and say she wished she never had to step foot in this house again.
But since the reality of it was that she did, she dealt with it as best she could. When it was just her and Luci at home, she kept that door shut. Not that it blocked the memories of that day, but she liked to pretend it helped. And maybe it did help, not having to walk by and see a clear view of the bed. It didn’t matter that it was new now, that it had been replaced. And making that bed was the one bit of housework that Paul didn’t expect her to do.
She had not stepped into that room since that day.
Since there was no note, they never officially declared it a suicide. And maybe she was wrong, but Cleo was sure that’s exactly what it had been. A mixture of her anti-depressants and Paul’s liquor. They suggested maybe in a drunken stupor she’d forgotten she’d taken her pills, accidentally taking too many.
Too many? She had taken the remainder of the bottle. But there had been no note. And no prior mention of suicide. So there had been the possibility that it had been an accident. It was possible, but not likely.
Cleo didn’t believe it was an accident. Her mom didn’t drink. The fact that she did drink that day made her believe it was for a reason. That she had a clear intention.