Crushed

by Amity Hope

  “Reece,” she whined, “is this about Cleo? About what I said yesterday? Because I’m kind of getting tired of you defending her.”

  “I wouldn’t have to defend her if you didn’t always go off on her,” he bluntly pointed out. It had happened a lot over the summer and Cleo hadn’t even been around. And he sure wasn’t the one to ever bring her up. The scene she’d made yesterday was uncalled for.

  “Are you forgetting the way she humiliated you?” she demanded.

  “How could I?” he asked. “You don’t ever stop reminding me.”

  No way was he discussing Cleo with her. Not now. Not ever. She had to know this by now but she never stopped pressing.

  “You know,” she said as she finally backed away, “I could have any guy here.” It came out as a threat.

  An exasperated sigh rushed out of his mouth. “Then maybe that’s what you should do.”

  For a fraction of a second, he expected a hurt look. Instead, her generic blue eyes—so different from Cleo’s amazing cornflower blue ones—narrowed. Probably in annoyance. Then that look slammed into something else entirely.

  “I don’t want anyone else but you,” she simpered.

  He’d accidentally issued her a challenge and she was ready to accept. Her arms looped around his neck as she pressed herself close. He should want this. And he was so frustrated with himself that he didn’t. When it came to Mia, he never had. All he wanted was to get away. He put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back. Her look turned furious.

  “I don’t think either one of us are happy right now. We need to talk,” he tried again as he raked a hand through his hair. “I think—”

  “No!” she snapped as she jumped up off the bed where they had been sitting. “I’m mad at you. I don’t want to talk.”

  “Mia!”

  She rushed out of the door and disappeared into the crowded hallway.

  “Are you kidding me?!” he grumbled to himself.

  He followed and got a few curious looks but mostly, he thought people were used to Mia’s tantrums so no one paid much attention.

  He had no idea where she went. He went outside and tossed himself down on the front steps. He knew he should just go home. But he wanted to take care of this mess he’d created. He needed to end things. He was pretty sure she realized that. He was just as sure that’s why she bolted.

  “Hey,” someone said from beside him. He glanced up and Emma was standing there, holding a beer and swaying slightly. She must’ve followed him out.

  “Hey,” he said back as she slumped down on the steps next to him. They were so close their thighs were touching because she’d nearly landed in his lap.

  There were a few things he knew about Emma Donavon. She was a lightweight. Alcohol plus Emma equaled: happy, chatty, affectionate girl.

  “Why are you out here?” she asked. She was working hard at enunciating every word.

  “I’m just taking a break. How ’bout you?”

  “I’m just…” she looked around like he’d just asked her a very good question. Then she flung her arm around him, accidentally whacking him in the head with her hand. “Taking a break,” she decided as she grinned at him.

  “You okay, Em? Do you need a ride home?”

  She shook her head to tell him no.

  “Is someone driving you?”

  “Lauren.” Then she said something he couldn’t decipher. Partly because she was slurring her words. But also what he thought she said didn’t make sense. He asked her to repeat it and she very slowly told him, “You are soooo sweet. No wonder Cleo loves you.”

  That’s what he thought she’d said. So he had to remind her, “Except she doesn’t. Not anymore.”

  She leaned back from him and squinted. Reece thought it was maybe because she forgot who she was talking to. Then she came back in for a tight sideways hug. She was quiet for a while, as her thoughts seemed to swim around in her head.

  “Don’t be mad at her. ’Kay? This isn’t her fault.”

  He couldn’t help it. A contemptuous laugh escaped. “Really? Whose fault is it? Ethan’s?” He thought maybe he shouldn’t have said that, Ethan being Emma’s brother and all but he couldn’t help it. He’d been pissed about Ethan from the second Cleo had said his name.

  “Things between Ethan and Cleo are…” It was obvious she was choosing her words carefully, and they came out slow and clear. “Complicated. Things with my brother and Cleo are very complicated.”

  Reece just shrugged because he wanted to not care. And even if he did care, he could pretend he didn’t.

  “You should be with Cleo.”

  Her words surprised him. When he looked over at her, she was staring off into the trees. He wondered if she even knew what she had said. Or maybe she didn’t like having her best friend dating her brother. There was always that.

  “So where is she tonight?” Stupid question because she’s watching Luci for sure he decided. Or…she’s out with Ethan. He really, really hoped she was home with Luci. “Watching Luci?”

  Emma shook her head. “Luci is at a sleepover,” she said. She carefully pushed the words from her mouth so that he would understand her.

  “Why didn’t she come?” It would be the perfect, rare, night for her to get out.

  Emma’s face crinkled up and she awkwardly patted him on the head. “Because she knew you would be here.”

  Right. And Cleo would do just about anything to avoid him.

  “With Mia,” Emma continued. “She can’t stand seeing you with Mia.”

  He shook his head. Either he was confused or Emma was confused and his bet? Was on Emma. “Why would she care if she sees me with Mia?”

  “Why do you think?” She leaned in and slobbered a kiss onto his cheek. “Don’t give up on her, okay?” Then she got to her feet and shuffled back into the house.

  He sat there for a minute. Wondering what to do. Mia was staying the night at Mel’s so he didn’t need to worry about getting her home.

  He had no reason for going to Cleo’s. None.

  Except that he wanted to see her. Especially after talking to Emma. And especially after the way Cleo reacted today when he’d put his arms around her. She had said they were over. But that sure didn’t feel like it to him.

  Less than twenty minutes later, he found himself standing on her doorstep.

  Knocking.

  Before he could reevaluate how stupid he was being, the door swung open and Cleo’s gorgeous blue eyes were staring out at him.

  “Reece.”

  He couldn’t detect a trace of how she was feeling when she said his name. Not annoyance, not happiness, not even surprise.

  “Hi,” he said, because he had nothing more logical to say. “You shouldn’t just open the door before checking who it is, you know,” he added on when she didn’t say anything.

  “What are you doing here?” she finally asked. Her eyes swung out past him, checking to see if he was alone? He didn’t know who she would be looking for. Emma, maybe?

  “Can I come in?” he asked. He hated how his heart was thrashing and his palms were sweating.

  “Um,” she said as she glanced over her shoulder. For a second, he was worried that Ethan was there and Emma just didn’t know. “I need to get Luci to bed.”

  “So is lying to me a new thing? Or have you always done it and I just didn’t know?” he asked.

  Her shoulders slumped. She was smart enough to not pretend. “Look, Reece, it’s just not a good time.”

  “It’s never a good time! Can’t I come in for a while? Just…I don’t know, ten minutes,” he pressed.

  She shook her head. She looked nervous as her eyes darted out toward the street again. She made no move to let him in. She was just standing in the doorway, blocking his way. “Paul might come home.”

  “So?”

  But she actually looked a little freaked out over this. He wasn’t sure when Paul became a problem. But he was the last thing Reece wanted to talk about rig
ht now. “Let’s go for a drive then.”

  “Reece, I can’t,” she said, sounding miserable.

  “Please. Or am I not even worth a few minutes of your time anymore?” His tone was desperate and he hated himself for it.

  She hesitated for a minute. “Okay. Let me get my keys and my jacket. Would you mind waiting out here?”

  He couldn’t believe she actually agreed to come with him. And he wanted to say no, he wouldn’t wait outside. Because a part of him was afraid she was going to lock the door behind him and call it a night.

  “Just in case Paul comes home, please?”

  “Paul’s never cared whether or not I’m here,” he reminded her. Something in her expression made him back down. “Okay. But I’m going to sit in the driveway until you come out. If you’re thinking about staying inside, I want you to know that.”

  She cracked the smallest of smiles as she shut the door. He was only in his truck a matter of minutes and she was making her way down the sidewalk.

  When she got in, he caught a hint of a fruity scent. It was probably body spray. Or lotion. Or a combination of the two. Either way, it smelled familiar. It smelled like her. And completely delectable. His whole body reacted to it.

  She gave him a nervous glance as they pulled away from her house.

  Now that he had her alone, he was having trouble saying what he wanted to say. He drove to the lake and parked in the huge lot used for the boat access. This late in the year, and especially this late at night, it was empty.

  He was frustrated that he hadn’t been able to end things with Mia tonight. It didn’t feel right having that hanging over his head when he was alone with Cleo. Not that he expected anything to happen, but still. Most likely, he still had a girlfriend and he was sitting in the dark with his ex.

  “I tried to break up with Mia tonight,” he finally said, breaking the silence.

  She was quiet for longer than he expected her to be before finally asking, “Why?”

  “Because it’s not fair that I’m with her when I can’t stop thinking about someone else.”

  The words hung in the air. The streetlight in the middle of the parking lot cast just enough of a glow that he could see her expression. It was painfully impassive.

  “But you didn’t?” she finally asked. The words sounded slow, careful.

  He shook his head. “I think she knew what I was going to do. She disappeared on me.”

  Cleo was chewing her bottom lip. Still not saying anything. When she finally did talk, it wasn’t what he was expecting this time, either. “Do you think Mia really cares? I mean, do you think it would matter to her if you’re still thinking of someone else? I mean, other than a blow to her ego? We were together all of last year. That didn’t stop her. She never let up. She flirted with you all the time. She was always finding a reason to touch you, to talk to you. I don’t think you should break up with her.”

  “I don’t want to be with her.” He steeled himself for the consequences of his next words, but thought really, they weren’t exactly a secret. “I want to be with you.”

  “That just…that’s not an option. We were getting too serious. I’m not ready for that,” she said quietly. “You need to move on. I mean, if you really need to break up with Mia, do it. But you need to find someone else.”

  “I don’t want to!” he argued. He knew he was being stubborn. Stupid, really. Even still, he couldn’t accept the fact that they were over. Really and completely over. “Tell me you don’t want to be with me. Tell me you don’t love me.”

  She flinched and she looked away. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. He knew he shouldn’t be shoving her into a corner but he did it anyway.

  “Tell me!” he insisted. “You want me to believe we don’t have a chance? Then prove it! Then I’ll leave you alone. I’ll stop pushing you. If you can look at me and tell me that you don’t love me anymore…I’ll stop pushing.”

  She took a steadying breath and looked at him. She shook her head subtly. “I don’t love you anymore.”

  The words hit him with the force of a sledgehammer. Telling him they were getting too serious was one thing. Telling him she didn’t love him? That was a whole new level of pain. And he’d asked for it.

  He collapsed into his seat and scrubbed his hands across his face. She put her hand on his arm. He flung it off without looking at her.

  He couldn’t look at her. “Because of Ethan?”

  “It’s not that I love anyone else Reece. It’s just…I love my sister more than anything. I don’t have time to let anyone else in right now.”

  “Really? That doesn’t even make sense because seems to me you have time for Ethan,” he shot out. “And since when has Luci been an issue? She’s more independent now than she was when we started dating. And now that she’s older, she’s with her friends a lot. So you have time for Ethan and Luci but not me and Luci?”

  “I don’t see him that often,” she admitted.

  “So what kind of relationship is that?” he demanded.

  “The kind that’s not any of your concern,” she quietly told him. She was looking at her hands now. They were in her lap.

  He didn’t say anything. This conversation was obviously over. Instead, he started up his vehicle because finally, he’d had enough. Maybe this was what he needed to finally get it. To realize that there was nothing left.

  But Cleo wasn’t done.

  “Don’t be mad at me,” she pleaded.

  He clenched his jaw, biting off a hateful response. He felt his anger surge, drowning out the agonizing feeling of letting Cleo tear out his heart again. Not that she was to blame. He knew he’d pushed her into it.

  “Reece?” she asked in a quaking voice.

  “What?” he spat at her.

  “I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am,” she told him.

  He said nothing. He had nothing to say.

  “I don’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

  Now she was talking? After all of this time he got her talking…And he didn’t want to hear what she had to say. Not anymore. But because he couldn’t trust his voice to tell her that, she continued on.

  “Aren’t you even a little bit happy with Mia?”

  He didn’t know why her wanting him to be happy with someone else hurt so much. Maybe because that just drove home the dagger her words had become. She was so over him she didn’t even care if he was over her. No. Scratch that. She wanted him to be over her. Or maybe if he was happy with Mia, it would make her feel better about being with Ethan. That, more than anything, sent his anger spiraling. As his fury surged he decided to give her what she wanted.

  “Yeah,” he managed to grate out. “I’ve been happy with Mia.”

  She let out a little puff of air. A sigh of relief maybe? He wasn’t sure but that little puff fanned the flames of his fury.

  “Is that what you wanted to hear?” he angrily asked. “You want things to be great with me and Mia? Fine, things are great with me and Mia. I mean, why not? What do you want me to say Cleo? That Mia’s beautiful? That she’s a great kisser and even better in bed?” He was shouting now. He didn’t mean to. He’d never yelled at Cleo before. Now he couldn’t seem to stop. “Is that what you want me to say?!” He turned to her, looking for confirmation.

  Her face crumpled into a look of pain, as if all of the emotional shrapnel flying around them had finally hit her full force.

  “No,” she whispered.

  He hated the look on her face. But what did she expect? What did she want him to say? He tried to ignore the agonizing feeling that her look had caused him. He did ignore it, as they just sat there, neither of them saying anything. Then he forced himself to glance at her. She was looking away from him, out of the passenger window.

  And then he noticed something else. Dark splotches across the middle of her shirt.

  “Cleo?”

  She ignored him, of course. He could actually see the tears falling then. Not her face, but
he could see them splattering across her stomach. She leaned forward. She opened his glove box and pulled out a napkin that she knew was stored there. He was sure that little show of vulnerability was about killing her.

  “Cleo?” he said, softer this time.

  The heaviness in the car, the weight of their emotions, made it hard to breathe. They pressed in on him and he was sure they were pressing in just as hard on her. He felt hollow and empty as though he had been torn apart and the one thing… the only thing that could make him feel complete again was sitting right by his side. But she may as well have been a million miles away. Because that’s what the distance between them felt like.

  She blew her nose and shook her head and he realized she was not just crying. She was sobbing. And she was not making a sound but her whole body was shaking.

  Suddenly he remembered that Cleo was an expert at building walls around herself. He knew this about her. He knew how she kept people out. He knew how she pretended. And suddenly he was wondering just how much had been an act. He thought all of that was in the past but now he wasn’t so sure. He just didn’t know why? Or maybe he was totally wrong. She broke up with him. He begged her to take him back. He had never begged for anything in his life but he begged her. Right there on the school lawn. For everyone to see. She walked away like she didn’t care at all.

  And the worst of it was…she hadn’t walked away alone.

  As he stared at her, he was so damned confused.

  He could hear her now. Just barely. Small little gasps for air.

  “Hey,” he said as he put his hand on her knee. She pushed it off. Her fingers were wet, like she had been trying to wipe away her tears. He was instantly sick at the thought of hurting her. “I’m sorry.”

  She didn’t say anything so he tried again.

  “Cleo, please don’t cry.”

  “Just because we’re not t-together,” she managed to choke out while looking away from him, “does not mean I want to hear about…that. I can’t—,” she cut herself off with a sob. She wrapped her arms around herself, as if that would help her keep from falling apart.