Crushed

by Amity Hope

  “I didn’t mean it Cleo,” he shut off his vehicle. As far as he was concerned, they were not going anywhere for a while. “I’ve never slept with Mia.”

  It was true. Not for lack of trying on her part. And they had come close more times than he cared to admit. From what he had heard Mia had slept her way through plenty of guys. Though most didn’t seem to have a problem with that, he did.

  At least, that’s what he told himself but there was more to it than that.

  Cleo didn’t say anything but after a while, she looked his way. His heart was—for the millionth time in regard to this girl—shattered by the look of pain in her eyes. She looked exactly the same as the day he caught her from falling down the stairs. This was the first time since then that she’s cried like that. Her face was blotchy, streaked with tears and she looked at him like she didn’t believe him.

  “It’s true. I swear. I’m sorry. I was being an ass. You just…you have me so out of my head. I can’t even think straight! I thought that’s what you wanted to hear!” His voice wanted to rise again. He had to fight to ratchet it down.

  She shook her head and put her hands over her face.

  “Cleo?” he leaned over to tug at her wrists. At first they didn’t budge. He just wanted to see her face while he was talking to her. When he pulled again, she toppled into him. And stayed there. Her arms slipped around him. For a second he was too shocked to do anything. But only for a second. Then he held on to her as tightly as she was holding on to him.

  It seemed that Cleo’s lips spilled nothing but lies. And every now and then her body language showed a truth she couldn’t hide.

  “I’ve never been with anyone but you. I’ve never wanted to be with anyone but you,” he told her. “It’s the truth. I promise. Okay?”

  She just nodded. He wasn’t sure if she was still crying. Her breathing was calmer. He didn’t know what to say so he just didn’t say anything for a while.

  Neither did she. They just sat there. He really didn’t mind the silence because he would gladly hold her all night.

  “Emma told me not to give up on you,” he finally said. “You don’t want to be with me right now. You’ve made that clear. I get it. I don’t understand it, but I get it. But do you think…maybe…is there a chance that someday…” he couldn’t even make himself finish. He was so damn tired of being kicked while he was down.

  “Yes,” she said in a voice so quiet he wasn’t sure that he didn’t imagine it.

  “When?” his voice cracked when he said the word. He didn’t care.

  She didn’t answer right away. Instead, she tightened her already tight hold on him. “I wish I knew,” she finally managed to say.

  Chapter 13

  She kept asking herself what she was thinking, leaving with Reece like she did. She kept telling herself it was to get some closure. Or that she was afraid he’d sit there all night and Paul would find him in the driveway. She told herself that she left with him, just to get him away from her house. But the truth was a lot simpler than that.

  She wanted to be with him.

  It was probably a mistake—it was definitely a mistake—but she could just add it to the growing heap.

  She had always known what Mia was like. She had assumed they’d slept together. Even though she refused to let her mind go there. But when he blurted it out like that she felt like her heart, her soul had shattered into a million little pieces. Thinking of him being with Mia that way was horrible. Hearing him say it was unbearable.

  Over the summer she’d worked hard at not thinking about him.

  But now that she saw him constantly, each day became more difficult than the one before it.

  “I miss you so much,” he said quietly. “I miss hearing you laugh. I miss holding you like this. I miss talking to you. I miss the way you actually listen and how you actually care about what I have to say. You always try to understand me. I miss seeing you smile. You don’t smile enough, anymore.” He rested his cheek on the top of her head. “I miss how you used to trust me. You used to tell me everything. Or at least, I thought you did. I miss you so much, Cleo. I miss you so much it hurts. All the damn time.”

  She felt selfish, letting Reece pour his heart out like that, handing it right over to her. While she did nothing but accept it. Giving nothing in return.

  She was wrapped tightly in his arms. As if he felt it was his job to hold her together. She was quiet, wanting to tell him everything but she couldn’t. So silence fell again. She held onto him, hoping that would be enough for now. She was just listening to his heartbeat when his phone rang.

  It broke whatever crazy spell being with him had put her under.

  When it rang, he didn’t answer. He didn’t even look to see who it was. He just left it sitting in his cup holder. So she moved back over into her own seat. She picked it up and handed it to him so he could answer. He turned it off without even checking it. But Cleo had already seen on the lit up display that it was Mia.

  “You probably should’ve gotten that,” she said.

  He just shook his head.

  Now that she had detached herself from Reece, she started coming to her senses. “You should probably take me home.”

  He clenched and unclenched his jaw, probably trying to come up with an argument. He didn’t move to start his truck, though, so she let her eyes drift out over the lake. The reflection of the moon radiated outward in silver ripples.

  She wondered if Reece had brought them there out of habit, on a whim, or without any conscious thought. It was here that she and Reece had shared their first kiss.

  Their first real kiss, not the countless ones on her cheek or her forehead or the first few light ones he placed on her lips. But their first real kiss was here, at the lake. And if she wanted to get technical about it, she had finally kissed him. She had gotten tired of waiting for him to think she was ready. So she had just gone ahead and shown him that she was.

  Reece had kissed a few girls by that point in his life. As for her, her first kiss was with Ethan. Looking back, she was not quite clear if Ethan kissed her because he found her thirteen year-old, knobby-kneed, flat-chested, tomboy self all that alluring or if it was to wage a silent war against his sister. As she grew older and supposedly wiser, she had begun to believe it was the latter.

  Which it did. Fortunately Emma’s ire was directed solely at her brother.

  And then there was Tate Daniels. Cleo didn’t have a whole lot to say about him other than he asked her out, Emma insisted she go. They dated for a short while. A few months at the most. Then he decided she wasn’t worth all of the constant family drama she was pulled into. Things like her mom showing up at the grocery store in her pajamas. Or falling asleep in the waiting room at the clinic. Or Cleo having to cancel a date because she needed to take care of Luci.

  She shook her head. She needed to stop reliving the past.

  “Reece?” she pressed. “It’s probably best for both of us if you bring me home.”

  “You’re right,” he finally said. “I’m sorry. I’m just…obviously having a really hard time letting you go.” His voice sounded different, strained. An ache bubbled up inside of her. “I don’t know how to.”

  “You need to,” she insisted though it went against everything she wanted to say.

  He was quiet for a while, still making no effort to leave. Finally he spoke again. “Did you mean what you said? That maybe someday things would work out?”

  “I shouldn’t have said that. I was feeling…” she searched for a word. The best she could come up with was, “Nostalgic.”

  “Emma said—”

  “Emma was drinking,” she reminded him. “You know how she gets.”

  He started his vehicle. “I’m so tired of arguing with you,” he said, his voice resigned.

  He drove her home in silence and as always, the sight of her house made her stomach clench.

  Most of the other houses on the block had lights glowing in their windows, behind their
closed curtains. She hadn’t left any lights on. Her house looked so dreary as Reece pulled into the driveway.

  Dark. Empty. Lonely.

  Full of awful memories.

  She let a sigh slip and instantly regretted it.

  “I could stay. Maybe you would get some sleep. I could sleep on top of the covers. Totally innocent,” Reece offered as he pulled into the driveway.

  He had absolutely no idea how hard it was for Cleo to turn him down. The offer of being close to Reece and getting some sleep was more tempting for her than he could imagine. She couldn’t accept, though. She knew if Reece said he’d keep things innocent, he would. It was herself she didn’t trust.

  “Thanks,” she told him as she manufactured a smile. “But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Reece didn’t respond. He let out a sigh as he gripped the steering wheel. He was staring at her house. She wondered if he was thinking the same things that she had just been. Knowing that she could be in Reece’s company and she had just turned him down made her house look even drearier.

  “Okay,” he finally said. She was sure he had to have known she’d turn him down. He sounded disappointed but not surprised. He reached for his door handle.

  “What are you doing?” she demanded. She worried, illogically, that he was going to invite himself in for a sleepover regardless of what she just said.

  “It’s dark out. I’m walking you to the door,” he explained. He gave her a look that clearly said she should not even have to ask.

  “You don’t need to do that,” she sighed as she reached for her own door handle.

  His simple response was to roll his eyes at her as he let himself out.

  She followed, keeping a careful distance between them as they walked the few dozen steps up the sidewalk. She had an irrational fear that if he touched her again, he’d burn right through her defenses. He darted looks at her but she pretended not to notice as she dug in her pocket for her key.

  She’d left in such a hurry that she’d forgotten to leave the yard light on. Reece’s headlights sliced through the night, illuminating the lock for her.

  He shuffled his feet and she knew before he spoke that he was going to try again. “I don’t like the thought of you being here all by yourself.”

  She forced a laugh. “Reece, how is this any different than any other night?” Paul was almost never home on the weekends.

  “It just is,” he insisted. “I mean, I know it’s not like Luci would be any protection. It’s just the thought of you being alone. I don’t like it,” he said as he ran a hand through his hair.

  She didn’t like it either.

  There was no way she could admit that.

  “I could sleep on the couch,” he offered.

  She shook her head. “I’ll be fine,” she assured him as she slid her key into the lock. The lock clicked but she didn’t immediately open the door.

  “You can’t make me stop worrying about you,” he told her. “You may be able to say we can’t be together. And you may be able to decide to be with someone else. But you can’t make me stop worrying. I’ll always worry. And I’m always going to care about what happens to you. You were too much a part of my life for too long. Maybe you can turn it off overnight. I can’t. I don’t care how much space you try to shove between us. You’re never going to be able to push me away completely. I’m not going to let you. You’re always going to be a part of me.”

  She wondered if he realized how badly she was shaking. There was no way he could know how much her heart was breaking right then. She said the only thing she could. The only thing she dared to say. “You said you would stop pushing.”

  He shrugged unapologetically. “That was before you cried in my arms at the thought of me with someone else. That changes things. Whether you like it or not, it does.”

  She didn’t have anything to say to that.

  It didn’t matter because he wasn’t done.

  “You can tell me a hundred times that you’re over me. And you know what? Yesterday, I would’ve believed you.” He let out a harsh sounding laugh. “Yesterday I did believe you. But not anymore. And I don’t get it. I don’t understand what’s going on. But I know this isn’t you.”

  Her breath caught in her throat. She wondered if he noticed.

  She wasn’t sure if she heard crickets or frogs, or some other night creature chirping along with the sounds of an infrequent car driving by. The air was damp and cold. The scent of fallen leaves and autumn swirled around them. She was glad she’d grabbed a jacket as a shiver rippled through her.

  She made the mistake of glancing at Reece as she tucked the key back into her pocket. His eyes were pleading the way he wouldn’t allow his words to right then. “I’m going right home. If you change your mind or if you need anything…”

  With everything in her she held onto her resolve. She knew that if she gave in now, there was a good chance there would be no going back. And she couldn’t have that. No matter how badly every bit of her ached for it.

  She could tell he wanted to pull her into another hug. She kept her arms folded around her chest in a completely uninviting stance. If he pulled her into a hug, she was fairly certain she’d end up kissing him. And that would probably lead to inviting him in. Which would lead to asking him to stay. And that would likely lead to things not staying the least bit innocent. Because she didn’t want them to be.

  “I won’t call,” she said quietly. “So don’t be waiting. In fact, I think you should probably go back to the party. It’s where you belong. Not here with me.”

  She opened the door, intending to dart inside but Reece grabbed hold of her wrist. “If you have a night to yourself, why aren’t you with Ethan?” he asked.

  She shrugged. “He was busy. He had some frat party this weekend or something.” It was the truth but she realized her mistake immediately as Reece’s eyebrows shot up.

  “Isn’t that the kind of thing you would take your girlfriend to?” he asked. “Isn’t that the kind of thing you would want to go to?” he demanded.

  “It was too far to drive home,” she said.

  The words hung there. She was waiting for Reece to ask why she didn’t just stay with Ethan. Without Luci at home it wasn’t like Paul would care or notice. But he didn’t ask that question. He saved his words for something else.

  “Are you happy?”

  “Yes,” she said without hesitating. She knew if she waited too long, she might tell the truth.

  “You’re not. I can see it in your eyes.” He shook his head. “When did you turn into such a liar?”

  It wasn’t like she could tell him it was the night she came home to find Landon Hildenbrandt in her living room.

  Their gazes tangled for a moment before she retrieved her wrist from him, darted inside and closed the door behind her.

  ***

  “Oh my gosh. I can’t believe I ate all that,” Lauren groaned. She pushed her empty plate away, slumped back in her seat and put her hands on her stomach.

  “And I’m betting you’ll still get popcorn at the movie,” Emma said with a laugh.

  “Well, yeah, that’s still a few hours away,” Lauren pointed out.

  Luci was invited to spend another night with her new friends. Emma jumped right on that and insisted on an impromptu girls’ night. They’d met as soon as Cleo had gotten off of work. They’d just finished devouring cheeseburgers and fries and had some time before the movie started.

  Her stomach flipped over when she noticed Mia was walking over to their table. Really, of all of the people to have the misfortune of running into…

  “Mia,” Lauren grumbled, “don’t start.”

  “Start what?” she asked. Her eyes were all wide and overly innocent. “I was just coming over to say hello.”

  “Hello and goodbye,” Emma said. She matched Mia’s annoying expression with one of her own.

  “You don’t have to be so rude,” Mia shot at her.

  “You’re one to ta
lk,” Lauren shot back.

  Mia sighed and looked contrite. “I know. I actually wanted to talk to Cleo about that.”

  Cleo fought the urge to roll her eyes.

  Mia shrugged. “Maybe I was out of line the other day. I mean, he just gave you a ride. It wasn’t a big deal. I mean, he’s obviously moved on.”

  “Obviously,” Cleo said as she faked a smile.

  “I mean, it’s just like Reece to help the less fortunate.”

  “Right,” Cleo said with a little nod.

  “I mean, I’m sure he can’t help but feel sorry for you,” she said amiably. “The poor little pitiful orphan.”

  “Mia, go away,” Emma snapped.

  “I’m just saying Cleo and I both know how Reece is. How adorable he can be. How sweet. Especially when he does that thing where—”

  Lauren snorted, cutting her off. “You mean the thing where he cringes at the sound of your voice? Or the thing where he breathes a sigh of relief every time you walk away? Because yes, Mia, we are all aware of how he does that,” she calmly replied.

  “There you go, being rude again,” Mia admonished.

  “We all know the only reason you’re standing here, making a fool out of yourself,” Emma pointed out, “is because you’re so insecure. Your relationship with Reece is a joke. You know it. We know it. Reece definitely knows it.”

  Mia bristled. “After what happened between us last night, I would have to disagree.”

  Cleo knew she shouldn’t say it. She shouldn’t. She hadn’t intended to but the words flew from her mouth anyway.

  “Reece was with me last night.” The smug smirk she felt fighting to come to life suddenly died. She realized that while he had told her he was going straight home that was before she had worked so hard at pushing him away again. She had told him to go back to Melanie’s and maybe…maybe he had.

  But Mia’s smile faltered as fast as Cleo’s and she knew he hadn’t.

  Her words sliced through the air. “I don’t believe you.”