“Do you want an easel?” She asked.
“What’s that?” I felt stupid for asking.
“Oh, it holds your canvas up, so it’s easier. You don’t have to have one; you can always paint on a table.”
“Do you have one?”
“You could say I do.” She laughed again.
“Okay, I’ll get one too.” I laughed with her.
She threw that into my arms and we headed for the register. Things weren’t cheap that’s for sure.
From the art store, we headed to Jimmy’s Diner. It’s made up like a sixty’s place. Green and teal booths, black-and-white checkered floors and the décor are all sixty’s. It’s cool. She’s right about the food. It’s priced right, and we got a lot. I couldn’t finish my turkey club sandwich, heck; I could barely fit it in my mouth.
After eating, we each paid for ourselves and split the tip. We headed home from there. We never saw the black hooded guy again, which I’m grateful for.
“I don’t mean to pry, but… what’s going on with you and Zach lately? I mean you two were getting pretty serious and now he’s just gone.” K asked as we left the city lights behind.
She’s right about Zach and I getting serious, that’s for sure. Every time we are together we’re holding hands or giving quick pecks on the lips. We didn’t want to get caught by the teachers kissing. That’s a big no, no. Every time Zach and I looked at one another, we would smile and my heart beat with sheer joy knowing he’s mine.
After the talk Zach had with Rashel she never bothered me again, well except the occasional death looks when Zach wasn’t looking her way. But I could deal with that. During the past two weeks, she seemed to keep her distance from me, but would occasionally push into me in the halls. I didn’t bother saying anything to her. I was too depressed to really care.
Zach and I were a serious couple. He disappeared because of me because I couldn’t open my mouth and tell him it was okay and that I wanted him no matter what. I was such a coward and let him leave me with his face showing his broken heart.
My heart ached again. God, what have I done!? Zach, I need you!
My body began aching and I can feel the tears building in my eyes. I remembered he came over today, but damn Bree for sending him away! I should-
“It’s okay; you don’t have to say anything. I understand.” K’s voice broke through my thoughts.
“Well, I don’t really know what’s going on. I want to talk to someone about it, but I’m sure people will think I have lost it, honestly I think I’m losing it sometimes.” I didn’t look at her as I tried to hide my tears.
“It’s okay you know. You need someone to talk to. I don't think you’re crazy no matter what it is. I’m here to listen if you need me,” she spoke softly and reassuringly. I feel I can trust her, I hope I can anyway. She’s very perceptive, which is what I need. Besides, she used the same words I did earlier to try to get her to talk.
It all came pouring out. I couldn’t stop the flow if I wanted to. “Well…” I began. “Zach has been acting really weird lately, and it started freaking me out. It was scary. The reason I guess he hasn’t been in school is that I saw him do something he didn’t mean for me to see.”
“What was it?” K asked. Her voice slightly stressed.
I continued telling her about the growl and the way he acted like he’s going to attack something at any second. I even told her about the way he seems to move too fast, and I thought I told her too much because her knuckles turned white as she clutched the steering wheel. But for some stupid reason, I kept talking. I couldn’t seem to shut up until I finished with everything.
Uh! I have such a big mouth once I set it free.
I felt like a fool thinking someone would believe me. Now she knew everything and I can’t take it back.
“That’s everything and I bet you think I’m nuts now,” I said ashamed.
She didn’t say a word, not yet. She looked at the road, but I didn’t feel like she was paying attention to driving. She was off somewhere else thinking. Maybe trying to think of a nice way to say that I should be in a nut house.
After a few moments, she finally spoke. “I always knew there was something strange about him.” She kept her voice low. “I could never put my finger on it. When he was absent those three months from school when he returned I could tell there was something off. Something different about him, but I never could figure it out. I’m not one-hundred percent sure, but I have a suspicion. Everything you said is true, I know that, so don’t worry. This is strictly between you and me, and I’m not telling anyone. I’ll figure this out for sure.” She’s calculating. Even while talking she’s thinking.
“What’s your suspicion?” I have to know.
K shook her head. “I’ll get back to you on that. I have to make sure myself.” She turned and smiled at me, her eyes shining with knowledge. “Don’t worry. It’ll be okay. Promise.”
I slumped down in the seat. Why do people have to keep secrets from me? It’s very frustrating.
She kept quiet the rest of the way to my house. I can tell she’s still thinking, and it’s driving me insane not knowing, but I gave up. She will tell me eventually, I hope.
When we got to my house, she came inside and helped me take all the art supplies and other bags to my room. Her mouth officially hit the floor when we got in my room and I opened my closet.
“Wow. I could fit my whole room in here,” she said amazed standing in the middle of my walk-in closet.
I must admit, it is huge. Overly huge, but I have a lot of clothes that fill almost every rack.
I laughed.
“I’m serious. This is huge!” She’s still awed with her mouth gaping open. “This is every girl's dream.”
“Yeah, I have a shopping problem.” I laughed. “What size are you?”
“Eight, nine, why?” She looks confused.
“Well, I’ve been meaning to get rid of some of these.” I said pointing to two racks full of shirts and pants. “I don’t wear them much anymore; they’re your size and you’re welcome to them if you want,” I smiled.
She almost freaked out, but instead, I heard a faint, “Seriously?”
“All yours,” I said shrugging.
“I can’t take things from you. That’s wrong. I wouldn’t feel right, not without paying for them.” She looked at me desperately.
I knew she didn’t have money, and I wouldn’t have made her pay anyway even though it’s about three-hundred dollars in clothes. So instead I made a deal with her. “Well I’m not going to make you pay,” I made it sound like a dirty word, “and since you won’t be happy unless you do, how about this… you give me art lessons and I’ll give you the clothes as payment?”
“Really?” She sounds dumbfounded.
“Really,” I said smiling.
“O… M… G! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are the greatest friend I’ve ever had! Well, the only friend I ever had, but still, you have no idea how much this means to me!” She hugged me around the waist and practically jumped up and down with joy making me jump with her.
I laughed again. “Not a problem. Here let me help you get them to your car.”
I started to grab armfuls of clothes and she grabbed some too. We carried the items to her car and put them in the back seat.
Shortly after, I asked her to stay for dinner and she did. Mom, dad, finally home for dinner, Bree, K and I sat at the table talking and enjoying ourselves. Today I have really gotten closer to Katrina. I thought I would never find another friend like the one I had back in Arizona, but I think I have. I don’t feel so alone now. I knew I could trust K with the things I tell her and I hope she would be able to trust me the same way one day.
Bree seemed to approve, but her eyes shifted from me to K in a way that didn’t make sense, its worry, but I brushed it off. Bree has been acting so weird lately and I don’t know why. There’s nothing I could do. I would talk to her, but she would probably bite my head off -
literally. So, when she acts weird, I ignore her.
Before Katrina left, we made plans for tomorrow. I was going to her house to have my first art session. She wanted to start right away. I think she enjoys having a friend to be with. She really didn’t have any at school that I noticed; people kind of looked over her head like she wasn’t there, but I was excited. I can’t really remember the last time I was at a friend’s house. So, it should be fun.
Shortly after she left, I headed to my room and got ready for bed. I’m beat. Before I fell asleep, I heard a howl outside again. I figure it must be an animal that lives in the area. I hear it every night and I’ve gotten used to it now. Oddly, I find it comforting.
Painting
I woke up early this morning, well early for a Sunday that is.
Katrina was excited when she called. I told her I was on my way in a few minutes, I had to eat first. She told me to hurry, and I had to laugh.
I grabbed the art supplies I got yesterday and put them in the back of dad’s Mercedes. He’s home today and mom’s Jeep is at the shop. So, I’m stuck with it. I love this car, I want one, but it stands out in a crowd. I prefer to blend in.
I went back in the house and grabbed some breakfast. On my way out the door, everyone told me to have a great time, even Bree surprisingly.
I headed toward Katrina’s house. It’s right in the town of Dansville on a side street. She said it isn’t hard to find.
When I got to the first red light in town, I made a left then down two blocks and made a right. That’s when I saw her house. It’s small but pretty. The sidewalk and around the house is landscaped with shrubs and low growing bushes. The flower beds are empty due to the coming snow, but still beautiful. The house is white with dark green shutters on each window, and inside the bay window, by the door, hung a large potted ivy.
I parked in the short driveway and beeped my horn letting her know I’m here. She came bounding out of the house with a bright smile on her face. She saw the car and glared at the black glossy paint for a moment then shook her head still smiling.
I got out and said, “Hey!”
“Hey to you too. Nice car,” she said looking the car over.
“Thanks, but it’s my dad’s. I’m still waiting to get a car of my own.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“That’s cool. You know what type yet?” She asked, honestly curious.
“Not a clue, but definitely something less conspicuous.” I smiled looking at the car.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” she laughed. “Okay let’s get your stuff inside.”
We carried my stuff through the house. The inside is much like the outside, really nice. We passed the living room which didn’t really match; blue furniture, green carpeting, and striped brown wallpaper… strange combination.
We headed up the stairs and I noticed pictures of her family. Her mom, dad, her and a little boy in one picture and as we went up the steps, the pictures changed. Another picture had her mom and dad, another with her and the little boy who I assumed to be her brother, then her and her mom in the last picture. We got to her room down the hall and stopped at a closed door. I looked across the hall and saw a room with an opened door. The twin bed and the décor inside is Power Rangers. It must be her brother’s room.
“I didn’t know you have a brother,” I said surprised.
“I… did,” she said slowly.
“Did?” I regretted saying that as soon as it was out of my mouth.
“Yeah… did.” She stopped talking as we walked into her room. She continued. “He was with my dad in the car six years ago. There was a drunk driver speeding around them in the next lane. Dad didn’t see him in time and couldn’t stop when he was cut off… The drunk driver moved over too fast hitting the front of their car causing it to spin and flip over. Thomas was thrown… out of the car and into the road where he died. Dad… survived for three days and died due to his injuries.” Katrina’s choking up. She isn’t looking at anything as the tears streamed down her face.
“Oh… God, Katrina I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” I went over to hug her and she held on tight around my back. I could feel my shirt getting a little wet from her tears, but I didn’t care.
After a moment, she picked her head up and let go. “There’s nothing I can do about it now. No point in crying. By all rights, it should have been me that day, not Thomas. I didn’t want to go, and because I didn’t want to babysit him, I told Thomas to go with dad. He didn’t want to go either, but I made him and now he’s dead and it’s my fault!” She started talking to fast as if she’s reliving it, and burst into tears again.
“K, look at me.” She looked up with tears spilling down her face and dripping to the floor. “It is not your fault. You didn’t know that was going to happen, and you had no control over it. There’s nothing you could have done. Even if you did go, Thomas would have been in the car anyway and you would all be dead. So, either way, it would have happened, only you wouldn’t be here. Your mom would be alone with no one.”
“But, I made him go. Don’t you see? If I hadn’t made him go, he would still be here! It’s my fault he’s dead!” She was getting on the verge of hysteria. “It’s my fault!”
“NO, it’s not!” I had to yell at her. She was losing it. “If it’s anyone’s fault it’s the drunk drivers! Not yours. You didn’t know. So how can it be your fault?”
“I love him so much. I miss him every day!” She sobbed. “He was only seven. Oh God Thomas I’m so sorry!”
“It will be okay. Your brother wouldn’t want you to live with this guilt. He would want you to be happy and not dwell on things that weren’t your fault in the first place.” Her crying calmed down a little. She started to breathe normally again.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ve never talked to anyone about this and I wasn’t expecting it to come on so strong. I keep it walled up and I avoid thinking about it. I always try to stay strong, especially for mom.” She sniffled a bit, but I could tell the storm is over, for the most part.
“It’s okay. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m here whenever you want to talk, or if you need to vent, I’m here for you.”
“Thank you. I’ve never had a friend like you. You honestly care. I’ve never had that before. All the friends I used to have never talked to me after the accident. I hope you don’t think I’m nuts now, once you see my room that is.” She laughed a little trying to lighten the mood. “It’s nothing like yours,” she smiled timidly.
I looked around the room we’re standing in the middle of. It’s small, and she wasn’t kidding when she said she could fit it in my closet. She has a daybed in one corner and a dresser right next to it. The other wall has a desk and next to that is an easel with a blank canvas on it. Her desk is covered with paintbrushes and so many different color paint tubes that I have no idea what half the colors are. She has bins on the floor, one on top of the other, stacked about five feet tall full of more art supplies. I looked around more and more. It’s a small room, but there’s a lot of artwork to look at on the walls.
One art piece grabbed my attention. It’s a perfectly detailed landscape of the woods. Its fall and the leaves are on the ground. There is a large tree with two figures, one stood on each side of the tree, and it’s hard to tell from how small they are, but one appeared to be a man and the other a woman. They really don’t look too friendly.
There are also portraits of different people lining her walls. They’re so detailed they almost look like they could jump off the canvas. They range from teenagers to older adults. They’re all different, but beautiful. It’s unreal.
She has a painting of a stunning wolf. Brown, black, and grey are swirled together in an amazing pattern, and it has one white patch over its heart and a masked black face like a raccoon. It’s an absolute striking painting, so incredibly detailed.
I stood dumbfounded for a few moments. She’s an amazing artist. She said she isn’t a professional, but this art looks professional, possibly
even better than a professional. Katrina started to laugh at my expression.
“Wow. This… these are amazing. Where did you learn to paint like this?” I walked over to the wolf and touched it. I had to make sure it’s an actual painting. I can feel the bumps of the unsmoothed, dried paint.
“Oh… I’m self-taught and thanks. I did the wolf last night after I got home. I was up all night working on it. I get obsessive,” she chuckled.
“I guess so! It’s… stunning. Where did you see a wolf like this? It’s very unique.”
“I didn’t actually see it. I paint from the heart. I just close my eyes and paint what I happen to see. It’s the same with all the pictures I paint. The images just come to me.” She sounds nervous, maybe afraid of my reaction?
“That’s awesome. I hope I can at least paint a blob. I don’t have a very good imagination.” I laughed, and I heard Katrina sigh with relief behind me. So, she was afraid of my reaction.
“Ha, ha, ha. I will get you to do more than paint a blob. You paid for my services, now it’s my job to teach you to paint.” Katrina laughed carefree now.
“Yeah, good luck with that.” I laughed with her. “I don’t even know the proper way to hold a paintbrush,” I laughed jokingly. At least I hope there isn’t a special way to hold a paintbrush.
“Well, we better get to work!” She laughed again throwing an apron at me. “Put that on. You’re gonna need it.”
***
To Katrina’s hysterical laughter and to my utter humiliation, there’s no special way to hold a paintbrush. She told me to close my eyes and whatever image that came to mind; I should draw out in pencil first. I closed my eyes and the first thing that came to me is a blurry image of a person. I could see the head and shoulders, and as I focused in, the image became clearer. The deep dark eyes, the tanned skin, a smile to die for. It’s the one person who is always on my mind. It didn’t matter if I’m thinking about him or not. His name and face are always flashing in my mind, many times a day, even more than I’m willing to admit. It seems like months since I saw him last, but it’s only been a few weeks. I miss him so much. I miss his voice, his smile, his eyes, his wonderful smell and most of all, his strong and caring embrace. Zach.
Burden to Bare Page 9
