Searching For Who I Am: Book 1 (The Searching Trilogy)

by Paige Orr

  "Are they always so uptight with each other or is it just me?" He looks at me timidly and I can see the wheels turning, trying to think of the best way to answer me.

  "No, they aren't usually like this. It's most likely because of all the recent changes. We're all just a little stressed out. Anyway, why don't we get back to it, I’ll start explaining a bit about what type of demon we each are and what we can do?" I beam at his question, excited to finally start learning more about these guys. I must look crazy as I start impersonating one of those little nodding dogs. He gives me a full on belly laugh and I look at him stunned. I can tell that it isn't very often he really let go like that but he really should. He’s even more handsome when he really lets go.

  "I'll begin easy for you and start with myself as I only have a few powers compared to the others. As a Nekomata, I have the ability to create very strong illusions that can fool the strongest of minds. I’m able to use necromancy which means I can control the dead. I can also shift into any form I choose, but I usually only go between my human form and demon form. I’m able to manifest any item as long as I've touched it before. I can teleport between places I've visited as long as I can hold a clear picture of it in my mind. As I said earlier I can go between multiple forms, but I have three ‘main forms’, if you want to call them that, they're the one you see before you, and my true form, which is a cross between a cat and a dog. In my true form I have a powerful roar that can bring anyone who can hear it to their knees. Then like the others I have a demon form, which I'll show you if you’d like?"

  I look at him gobsmacked, if this is him starting easy I can't even imagine what the rest of them can do. I give him my agreement and watch as he gets to his feet and closes his eyes. I watch as slowly his hair darkens to the color of the night sky and grows before stopping at his shoulders. He turns slightly to show me two white tails coming from behind and then he opens his eyes. I'm floored as his eye color finally makes sense, paired with his now vertical slitted pupils they're a dead ringer for cat eyes. He’s beautiful in this form, even though I can’t help but compare him to a manga character.

  He lets go of whatever power is holding him in that form and I’m fascinated when he returns to 'normal'. He takes his seat and resumes his lesson. "Okay so you've heard of an incubus but you'll most likely have only heard a couple of their powers. Incubi can do a few things. Firstly they feed off of sexual energy, by either engaging in sexual activity or being around others during sexual activity." He checks to make sure I'm still following him then continues.

  "They can also put people into a thrall with their pheromones and with their kiss they can either control someone or they can kill them by taking their essence. They also heal crazy fast. Not to mention their dream walking abilities. I was told you've seen Lucien's simplest demon form but while in that form they can also manifest wings, claws, fangs and what you would traditionally think of when someone says a devil's tail."

  There's just so much to take in. I feel like my brain is going to explode and we're only half way through. He takes a moment to get a drink from the minibar and offers me one. I graciously accept asking him for a scotch then he returns to his spot and continues.

  "Where were we? That's right, next I'll tell you about wolf shifters. Most stories describe them as part man and part wolf. This is only slightly true as they also have a demon form, which I'm sure Tae will show you if you ask him. Their senses are extremely heightened and they have amazing reflexes thanks to how fast they're. When they're injured depending on the severity of the injury, they can heal anywhere from mere minutes to a couple of hours. It also helps that they're resistant to most man-made weapons and a few demon-made ones too. They're extremely flexible and have incredible stamina. Which makes them able to withstand fighting much longer than most other species."

  Sam rubs his eyes and lets out a weary sigh. I can see that having to explain all of this is really starting to take a toll on him. From the minute he introduced himself, I could tell he isn't much of a people person and having to sit and have a long conversation is killing him. I lean over and give his knee a gentle squeeze and give him an encouraging smile. Seeing my reaction, he seems to brace himself and leans forward.

  "Alright, lastly we have the nine tailed fox. A Kitsune is usually born with only one tail and as they get older and more powerful they grow more. Having nine tails means you’re extremely powerful and there are no records of any Kitsune having more than nine tails. In this, Gale is a bit of an enigma as he's still young by demon standards yet he has all nine tails." He guffaws lightheartedly at the expression on my face and I join him with a giggle of my own. I watch as some of the tension eases from his shoulders. "Alright love, we haven't got much more to cover then maybe we can have the others give you a little show and tell." He winks at me and I'm in so much shock that I must look like a deer caught in headlights.

  "There's no need to look at me like that love. I can be just as playful as the others. Now moving on, a bit like me, Gale can transform into almost any form including his human form, demon form and a fox form. Transformation and shifting are slightly different though. With me, I change the genetic makeup of my body and shape it into something else entirely, hence the name shapeshift. Transformation on the other hand is more like what you would call a glamour. He basically changes his outer shell but the rest is the same. Kitsune have their own weapons which are their foxfire, which they can impeccably control and they have power over lightning. They're exceedingly adept at illusion magick, which can come in very handy. They're also able to become invisible. Their personalities are teasing and mischievous, Gale was born a trickster. Lastly, they have the handy ability of being able to fly even though they have no wings. So I guess that about wraps up the information sharing part of your lesson, which leaves questions and then a visual demonstration. Do you have anything you would like to ask?"

  I look at him in wonder and shake my head. I'm in information overload and I don't think I can take any more. I'm fascinated with the thought of seeing everyone else in their demon forms though. "I think it would be best to leave it there today, should I go get the others then?"

  He gets to his feet and fixes his shirt. "That's quite alright love, I'll go fetch them. You just sit and relax for a few moments." As he walks out the door I quickly down the rest of my drink.

  I think I'm going to need it.

  Lilith

  A few moments later Sam walks back in with the others hot on his heels. He takes his seat beside me and explains what he wants the guys to do. They all look between each other in trepidation. Tae looks at me and asks. "Are you sure this is a good idea? The last time you saw one of us in our demon form you passed out!" I laugh at him as I explain. "I should be alright. Sam has already shown me his demon form and I was perfectly fine."

  They look at me in astonishment and awe before Tae steps forward. Giving me one last concerned look, he closes his eyes. His skin begins to darken to a grey color and his hair darkens. Then I look to his fingers as claws begin to sprout from the tips. Finally his eyes open and I gasp as his eyes are now a luminous yellow, just like a wolf. He smiles and I notice that his canines have elongated and he seems to have an extra set of fangs. "Wow! That is so cool! Does it hurt when your claws grow?" He chuckles and seems to think about his answer before replying.

  "No, it doesn't hurt. I'm more surprised that you aren't freaking out seeing us like this." I grin at this. It's strange to have anyone worry about how I'm taking things. I’ve never really had anyone that cares about my feelings. I know Justin sure as hell didn’t! "I'm not going to freak out, I've got to get used to all of this after all and I think this is probably the easiest way to do that." He lets go of his power and steps back with the others.

  Next Demetrius steps forward and knowing that I've already seen an incubus he gets straight to it. Unlike the others he keeps his eyes open so I can see them changing. Just like Lucien, the whites of his eyes darken to black and I'm intrigued as his i
rises begin to change from emerald green to burnt orange spreading out to fire red. It'll never get old looking into his eyes and getting lost in the beautiful colors. Next his skin darkens and I notice that it's becoming a deeper red than Lucien's was.

  That's where the comparison ends, as he opens his mouth and shows his fangs. Over his shoulders I notice two leathery bat like wings grow from his shoulders and a tail begins to flick backwards and forwards. I stand up and walk towards him. Once I'm in front of him his tail wraps around my waist and with eyes enamored to it, I reach down and stroke my finger along its length. A shiver wracks his body and he lets out a small moan, looking at me with hooded eyes. Astonished by his reaction, I pull my hand back and look up at him. Seeing the heat and desire in his eyes, I take a step back, completely flustered. Clearing my throat I turn to Gale. "I guess that just leaves you?"

  "Yeah, they were saving the best for last!" He says with a wink. Stepping forward he holds his hands out to his sides. His hair lengthens to below his shoulder blades and turns the color of untouched snow. His eyes lighten to an icy blue with a dark shadowy outline and both his irises are now vertical. Next the most amazing thing happens as nine pearly white tails appear behind him that give off an almost golden light. It's one of the most beautiful things I've seen in my life and I can't help but stand there staring in wonder.

  Gale looks at me bemused and preens with pride. I snicker and turn to the others as Gale let's go of his power. "That was wonderful, but now which one of you'll be teaching me how to control my magick so that I'm able to do that just as easily?"

  They look amongst each other and they begin to bicker over who gets the job when Lucien strolls in. "I can deal with your magick lessons, the guys have a lot to do to secure your safety. Once word gets out that Asmo has a daughter who is a half breed and that she's taking his place, you'll become a target. We don't want to see you get hurt and already I can sense a lot of magick within you. It's of great importance that you learn without any distraction, and believe me I know these knuckleheads will be exactly that. As your friend I want what is best for you sweetheart, as long as you'll be alright with me as your teacher."

  I walk towards Lucien and grab his hand looking at him thankfully when I hear a growl from behind me. Turning I find Tae back in his demon form. Astonished, I take a step back in fear. Dazed and afraid to move a muscle I stare at Tae. Demetrius grabs him pinning his arms to his sides as he tries to lunge for Lucien. "Dude, you need to calm the fuck down, you’re frightening Lilith!"

  Tae takes a deep breath then let's it out. He turns his head and nods to Demetrius as he reverts back to himself. Once Demetrius let's him go he changes direction and stalks towards me. Noticing me taking a step back, his face falls. "Kitten I'm so sorry. Please, let me explain. I promise I didn't mean to scare you. There's a reason for my reaction."

  I shake my head in disbelief. How can he explain his irrational behaviour? Nothing is making sense. Noticing my indecision, Lucien gathers the others and takes them into the kitchen. When we're alone Tae perches on the arm of the couch and visibly deflates. "Kitten sit down, this is going to be hard to explain. I need you to remember that we didn't want to rush into this with you, and we wanted to let you settle with all the new information you’ve had thrown at you the last few days."

  I look at him baffled. What does everything that's happened have to do with him acting like a maniac? He sighs and scratches the back of his head. "Very well, to tell you I'll have to explain a bit of demon history. Starting with centuries ago when there were almost equal numbers of both female and male demons. Each female when they reached the age where they came into their power, would mark males that complemented their powers. Most females would mark between one and three males depending on how strong they were. Over the years, female demons became rare and matings became almost non-existent and were mostly forgotten. So you can probably imagine my disbelief when me and the rest of my team awoke the other night to the pain of receiving our mating marks. We were even more surprised when we realized we all have the same mate as a quad mating is unheard of."

  He checks to see I'm still listening and looks aggrieved when he notices my face is white as a sheet. I have a feeling deep in my stomach that I know where this is going but I need to hear him say it. "You know who your mate is as it's built into the magick of the mark, you can feel them when you get close. When I arrived the other night I realized that you're our mate. We all decided it would probably be best to hold off on telling you until you were ready. But I guess I've blown that now. When you touched Lucien my mating instincts went into overdrive and my wolf took over wanting to stake his claim. I really am sorry kitten, please forgive me."

  Shit. I really don't think I can handle any more surprises. Four mates! How is any girl supposed to be able to handle four men? Won't they become jealous of each other? Is it even possible to share your life with four other people? I begin hyperventilating and know that I'm in shock, but no matter what I do I can't seem to calm myself down. I see Tae crouching in front of me. His lips are moving but I can't seem to make out a word that he's saying. I feel the darkness closing in and know that I'm about to faint. Oh boy, not this again.

  Then everything goes black.

  Samuel

  We all sit around the kitchen table and wait with trepidation for what Lilith is going to say. I'm glad it's not me in there telling her. I may be good at computers and information but I'm shit at trying to deal with emotions. I just hope that she doesn't completely freak out and want nothing to do with us. She may not realize it yet but we all need her and I think she needs us too, even if she doesn't want to admit it to herself. Just as I'm beginning to relax and think that Tae is explaining things well enough, I hear him shouting and begin to worry. The next thing I know he comes racing into the kitchen with an unconscious Lilith in his arms. We all jump from our seats and rush to surround them. Gale frantically starts throwing questions at Tae.

  "What happened man? Is she alright? Is there anything I can do to help? What di-" I cut him off with a stern look because Tae is looking like a frightened animal and I can tell his wolf is fighting for control. I speak to Tae more calmly. "Hey brother, let's get Lilith upstairs and then you can explain what happened alright?" He looks at me thankfully, and makes his way over to the stairs to go to Lilith’s room. Once we get there Tae gently places her onto the bed, and I watch as all the energy leaves him and he ends up on the floor with his head in his hands. Voice muffled he begins to explain.

  "I was explaining about mates to her and when I told her she was our mate, she started to panic. I tried to calm her down but no matter what I said to her she wouldn't listen. Then she just passed out. I've royally screwed this all up and I don't know how to fix it. I knew it was too early to tell her but my wolf wanted to claim her. What are we going to do?" He finally raises his head and he has tears glistening in his eyes.

  He's usually so perfectly in control and seeing him like this breaks me. I'm not good at this shit. Thankfully Demetrius walks toward him then crouches down resting his hand on Tae's shoulder. "It's going to be alright, we will figure this out together. We're a team after all, we need to give her time to come to terms with all this. Remember in the space of two days her whole life has changed, she needs to process. Now let's go downstairs, she needs to rest and you need to let your wolf out. We can all see that he's on a tight leash and we can't afford for you to completely lose control."

  Helping Tae to his feet, Demetrius ushers us all from the room. We're all heading for the stairs when Gale stops us. "Shouldn't one of us stay with her? What if she needs something or panics waking up alone?" I look to Tae to see what he thinks and see him pondering Gale’s questions. He turns to him with a sigh.

  "You’re right but so was D, I need to run. So D why don't you finish installing the alarms and set up some of our guys to guard the house. Sam I want you to research matings with four males and powers that half breeds may exhibit. Lucien, follow up with the bank to
get Lilith's accounts sorted and I want you to check all her assets are in order. Gale, stay with our girl. You're probably going to be the easiest person for her to talk to. I'll check in on everyone when I get back from my run. Everyone understands what they're supposed to do?" At our agreement Tae bolts down the stairs and a few moments later we hear the back door slam. Collectively we let out a breath, look at each other warily then split up to go about our tasks.

  I jog to the living room where I left my laptop. Collecting it I head towards the study. I work better when I'm in a quiet place and being in the living room with the others popping in and out constantly definitely isn't quiet. This is something I need to devote all of my attention to and I find it peaceful being surrounded by books, it should help to boost my productivity.

  Once I'm in the study I sit behind the desk and place my laptop down. Whilst it boots up I look around and notice a picture of Lilith. I pick it up to take a closer look, I’m smiling at how happy she looks when I notice something in the corner of the picture. There's a tiny bit of the photo that has been cut and I notice, there's something behind it. Flipping the frame around I remove the back and sitting there is an envelope addressed 'To My Knights'. I clutch the letter In my hands and debate whether I should open it now or wait for Tae to return and open it with the others. Being impatient I turn the envelope over and pop the wax seal. Sliding the letter out I carefully unfold it and begin to read.

  To My Loyal Friends,

  I know that you all must be confused about why I kept my daughter hidden and why I left her in such terrible circumstances. What you must understand is that I did so for her own safety. You see, many years ago an oracle came to visit me and my brothers to tell us of a prophecy that will come to pass.

  She told us how one of us would have a daughter who would be neither human nor demon and she would be carried by a human woman. She would be a being of a higher order and she would have untold powers of both the celestial and hellish planes. Not only that but she will be the one to unite us all and bring equality to all demon kind. As you may be able to guess my brothers didn't take too kindly to this, they are so used to the way things are and hate change.