Searching For Who I Am: Book 1 (The Searching Trilogy)

by Paige Orr

  "Now, why don't we get you cleaned up then I think you should actually get some rest. Today has been a hard and taxing day for you and the rest would do you a world of good."

  "Okay, I'm so sorry for worrying you both. I should probably let you know that I've got mental health issues and I can be hard to handle at times."

  Tae places his hand on my head as Lucien walks toward me. He takes my hand in his and says to me,

  "Don't you worry your pretty little head. You have me, Tae and his brothers to help you through all this. You're not alone anymore." While he's speaking to me I watch Tae in my peripheral as he dampens a few washcloths and begins to clean up the blood on the floor.

  At his words I break down in tears again. I've only ever had Gem to help me through things and now I'll have five more people. It's all just so overwhelming. How has this become my life, I never thought that I would ever have this much support. I feel arms wrap around me and begin crying harder, letting go of all the pain. I can do this, as long as I have these guys helping me I can be strong.

  Once Lucien let's me go, Tae slowly approaches me with some fresh washcloths and carefully begins to wipe my arms and legs down. I can't believe I was so stupid. I haven't hurt myself in months and now all of that progress is down the drain. It's such an addicting thing to do and it's so hard to stop but I have to, for myself more than anyone else. It's not healthy behavior and I'm better than my inner demons.

  "Thank you Tae, you didn't have to do that." I give him a small smile as he finishes and holds his hand out towards me.

  "No need to thank me, kitten. Now let's get you back into your bed." I place my hand in his and he slowly lifts me to my feet. Gradually we walk back into the bedroom and I lie down. Tae lifts the covers, tucking them around me. He strokes my head and turns to leave but I stop him, grabbing the back of his shirt. He immediately turns back around and crouches down so we're eye level.

  "What's the matter kitten? Don't tell me you're afraid of the dark." I scoff at his words before letting out a giggle.

  "No, I'm not scared of the dark. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate what you've done for me tonight and I'll never forget it." With that said he gives me a tender smile then stands back up and they both leave my room turning off the light. I lay there for a while staring into space then close my eyes.

  Please don't let me dream tonight.

  Demetrius

  We're all gathered in the living room anxiously awaiting word from Tae. We still have no idea what had him rushing out the door in such a panic, and we're beginning to worry. Him leaving the way he did is highly unusual, he never does anything without speaking to at least one of us first. This is extremely out of character for him, he never leaves us out of the loop. Just as I'm about to get up and start pacing, Sam's phone rings. I watch as he checks the screen and quickly answers the call.

  "Tae! What the hell man! It’s been hours! We've all been worried sick! Why did you race out of here like that?" he's silent for a few moments and I watch as his face drains of color. Shit. It must be bad if it's got Sam looking like that. He nods his head a few times while making sounds of agreement, before hanging up but the look on his face gives me pause. I give him a minute then begin questioning him.

  "What's wrong man? Is it something big? Does he need us to kick some ass?" I try to lighten the situation and he gives me a weak smile before answering my questions.

  "The call he received was from Lucien. Lilith has gone through her awakening and it was quite unusual. Her full awakening was over very quickly, and her body was put through a lot of duress. When he arrived she had just had a seizure and passed out, but shortly after she woke up and he met her before he and Lucien went downstairs to let her rest. While they were sitting there, Tae smelt a lot of blood so they rushed upstairs to find that she had cut herself deliberately. He said he has more to tell us but it needs to be in person, so we're to get ready and head over to the house straight away. He also said we should pack to stay for a while."

  We all look at Sam in shock, fucking hell that's a lot of shit to happen in such a short span of time! Why would she want to hurt herself? I understand that finding out the truth would be a lot to take in but her reaction seems a little extreme to me. I suppose we don’t know what it's like to be stuck in her mind, she’s put up with a lot of fucking shit and this can’t be easy to deal with. I look to each of my brothers as a plan of action takes place in my head.

  "Right everyone, you heard our commands so time to pull up your big boy panties and get this show on the road. Gale, I need you to pack an outfit for Tae and lay out one for each of us, also pack a bag up for each of us. Sam, I need you to compile all the information you can get on half breeds and any recorded awakenings. I'll get the car ready and pack up any equipment we need inside. You have half an hour to do what needs to be done then we need to leave. Everybody got that?"

  After they both nod their heads, I turn on my heel and march into the garage. We keep most of our security and surveillance equipment stocked in here and there's a door that leads to the armoury for easier access. All of our cars are parked in here, my matte royal blue Mercedes G550, Gale’s Lamborghini Aventador S in traditional Lambo yellow, and Sam's metallic midnight silver Tesla Model S (there's also the empty bay for Tae’s burnt orange McLaren P1 that he took off in earlier)..

  I open the trunk to my Mercedes giving me access to the cargo area so I can start filling it with new CCTV, and alarms for all the doors and windows. I even call a friend to bring over reinforced window panes to me once I give him the exact number we’ll need. I then go to the armoury and grab a duffle bag and fill it with a few glocks, an AK-47, a crossbow, a katana, a dagger and kodachi. I'm going to have to start training the Princess almost straight away so I should go prepared. Then I walk back to the garage and put the bag in with the rest of the things I'm bringing. Checking my watch I notice that twenty minutes have passed so I go to check on the others.

  When I get to Gale's room he has four duffles filled with clothes and three outfits placed beside them. Noticing me in his doorway, he rushes over grabbing black cargo pants and a muscle tee for me and dark grey dress trousers with a navy blue button down shirt assumably for Sam, and thrusts them into my arms. He then goes back to rushing around his room in a flurry so I leave him to it and head over to Sam's room and find him glued to his computer screen. Walking over to him I hand his clothes over. "Hey man, did you find anything useful?" He looks up at me with a contemplative expression.

  "There's actually quite a lot of information if you know the right places to look. I'm just hoping that what I've found will be enough to answer all of Lilith's questions. The only thing I'm still not sure about is why her awakening happened so quickly. No matter where I look they all say that usually it can take a few months and the fastest recorded awakening was three weeks. I'll keep searching on the way over to the house but I don't think I'll find much more than what I already have." I nod at him, perching on the end of his bed.

  "There's not much you can do if it isn't there to find, brother. You did good coming up with what you have in such a short amount of time. I'm sure that everything you’ve found will be useful to Tae and Lilith so no more worrying, okay?" I watch as he takes a deep breath. Sometimes I worry about how anxious Sam can get. He’s always wound so tight with anxiety.

  "Alright I got it, no more worrying. Is there anything else you need me to do or should I just start getting ready now? Has Gale almost finished packing for all of us or do you think he needs a hand?" I stand up preparing to head to my room and change but answer Sam before I go.

  "He was almost done when I checked in on him a few minutes ago, so just concentrate on packing up what you'll need to take with you. I'm going to go get changed but if you need me for anything just give me a shout." He acknowledges me with a tilt of his head and turns back to his laptop to begin shutting it down.

  I walk out of Sam's room and head into Tae's to check if there's anyth
ing laying around that he may need. Noticing all his files for his business on a table by the door, I place them into a briefcase and bring it with me to throw in with the rest of the things in my car. Finally finished I head into my own room to get changed. This is my sanctuary where I can indulge in all the things that make me happy. Knowing I won't see it for a while I pick up my guitar case and place it on the bed. I can't go anywhere without my baby for long. I quickly change and grab the bags heading back down to the garage. As I'm placing everything into the cargo area, Gale and Sam join me and I load the things they brought in with the rest of our stuff. Grabbing my keys from the hook I stand at the driver’s side door.

  "Alright fuckers, time to go! We're taking my car so hop in and we can get this shit started!"

  Something tells me we have a long road ahead of us.

  Lilith

  The Next Morning

  I awake the next day to the sound of raised voices downstairs and rub my eyes groggily. I wonder what all the commotion is about? Shouldn't only Lucien and Tae be down there? It sure as shit sounds like more than just their two voices. Gradually I ease myself off the bed and stand up. Curious to find out what the fuck is going on, I head downstairs. Once I reach the living room I stand frozen in the doorway. Spread over the couches around the room is Lucien, Tae and three more amazingly fucking handsome men (like seriously where the fuck are they all coming from?). I wonder when they all got here? I didn’t even hear anything while I slept (which is weird because I’m normally a very light sleeper). Finally noticing my presence, they all look at me in wonder, why the fuck are these gorgeous specimens looking at me like the sun shines out my arse? Awkwardly, I shuffle from foot to foot, not used to having so much attention on me. Never mind having the undivided attention of so many attractive men.

  "Um, hello. Who are you guys?" Snapping back to reality, the three unknown males hop to their feet and rush towards me to introduce themselves. First to reach me is an outgoing man who reminds me of a little puppy bouncing on the balls of his feet, and for some strange reason I want to reach out and pat his head. He has amazing piercing blue eyes and cheekbones so sharp that they could cut you. I stare transfixed as he proceeds to grab my hand shaking it up and down in his excitement while I just stand there in shock.

  "Hey there pretty lady, I'm Gale and I'm so pleased to meet you. you're even more beautiful than Tae told us. Boy, I bet you would look good in anything even a fucking bin bag. I've got so many design ideas that would be perfect for you. You have to model for me, okay?" He beams at me. I can tell straight away that we will become fast friends and I let out a little giggle. This boy is a little ball of sunshine, I bet he could put a smile on my face no matter what. Next in line is the broadest man I've ever seen in my life. Thank fuck the front doors are so wide otherwise he would’ve never fit through them. He's quite intimidating but I've got a feeling that he's really a kind person underneath all that. I look into his emerald eyes and automatically feel safe. This guy could protect me no matter what and that alone gives me the warm fuzzies.

  "My name is Demetrius but you can call me D, Princess. Ignore Gale he can be a lot to handle but he means well. I'll be conducting your self defense training and maintaining the security around the house. As you can probably tell." He gives my hand a strong shake and then stands back for the last man to introduce himself. I see a blush covering his cheeks and he refuses to make eye contact with me. Already I can feel my protective instincts wanting me to wrap him up in cotton wool. He’s just so cute and he seems so fragile. I can tell he’s a lover not a fighter.

  "U-Um, I'm Samuel. But everyone calls me Sam. I'll be explaining as much about your heritage and demons as I can. Anything you're struggling to understand, just let me know and I'll do my best to find the answers for you." He becomes more animated as his introduction goes on and finally he meets my eyes. When he does I find myself staring into big gorgeous eyes the color of honey, and I instantly get lost in them. I’ve never seen eyes so unique before and they draw me to him. He quickly averts his gaze and steps behind the others as Tae comes forward.

  "These are the rest of my brothers, together we're the Knights of Lust. We oversee the policing of supernaturals in the city. I'm sorry if we woke you. We were just in the middle of discussing everything that happened last night. Do you think you're ready to talk about your heritage with Sam since you’re awake?"

  I stop and think for a moment before nodding my head. There's no point putting it off any longer, this is my life now and I've got to get used to it. It’s not like ignoring it all will make it go away! "Alright, where do we start? Because I’m pretty clueless apart from what you and Lucien have told me."

  "Well first why don't you go and take a seat. You had a very taxing night and we don't want to overdo it with you. Then Sam will sit with you and answer some questions, there's a lot to cover and it can't all be done in one night. Me, Lucien and the rest of my team are going to start setting up the extra security equipment that D brought with him. Is that alright kitten?"

  I reach out and give his arm a squeeze, shooting him a grateful smile. I do what he said and take a seat on the couch. I try not to take up too much space because I can see Sam is really nervous. "Yes of course, do anything you guys need to! Alright then, Sam where do we begin because I've got a lot of things I would like to ask." He walks over and sits beside me on the opposite side of the couch pulling a laptop onto his lap.

  "Okay, so Tae mentioned that you experienced your awakening last night. Usually an awakening takes a lot longer than what you experienced. Which may explain why it was so painful for you. Before we came over I started doing some research on half breeds and their awakening experiences." Noticing my grimace he smiles at me sheepishly.

  "I apologise, I've been told I'm not the most tactful when I'm giving people information. If I'm going too fast or I'm being too off-handed about how I’m putting things, just let me know." I incline my head to let him know I understand and wait for him to continue.

  "Half breeds aren't very common and usually other demons don't like to talk about them. So I couldn't find much, but what I did find didn't tie in with what you went through. With everything I've read, I came to the conclusion that everything correlates back to your bloodline. As you're the first royal half breed your circumstances are unprecedented. Don't worry though I'm sure we will be able to figure everything out together."

  I chuckle at him and reach out to pat his hands forgetting about his nerves. Flushing he turns his face and clears his throat and noticing that I’ve embarrassed him, I pull my hand back and try to reassure him. "Sorry, I should know better than to touch someone without their permission. I know I don’t like strangers touching me. I just feel so comfortable with you that I didn’t think. Please let me know if I do something that makes you feel uncomfortable!"

  He turns back to me looking shocked. "No! No, you didn't make me uncomfortable. I was embarrassed because I enjoyed your touch." He finishes quietly and I look at him in shock. It's my turn to blush as his words slowly sink in. This boy is absolutely freaking adorable.

  "Oh! I see, well I don't really know what I should say to that. Not that it doesn’t make me happy. I’m just a little embarrassed now too. No one has said that to me before. So maybe we can talk about something else. We could start with what type of demons you all are. I know Lucien is an incubus and Tae is a wolf shifter so what about the rest of you?" I start to fidget as I await his answer hoping that my blabbing hasn’t put him off sitting with me.

  "We can start off small then. Like Tae said we don't want to overwhelm you with too much information so I'll start there, and then explain our different abilities are after you've had something to eat. It can be a lot to take in. We will start with the easiest as you have already met another of his kind. Demetrius is an incubus same as Lucien. Then you have Gale, who is actually one of the youngest of his kind and is quite rare, he's a Kyubi no Kitsune which translated means nine tailed fox. Then lastly we have m
e, I'm a Nekomata which is a type of cat shifter. I'm aware that we aren't quite sure what you are so I'll do some tests with you in a few days to try and narrow it down. Now let's get something warm into your stomach. You must be famished after using up so much energy during your awakening."

  With that, Sam stands up and offers me his hand. I take it with a blush and we both walk into the kitchen to find Lucien cooking up a storm. Laid out on the table are plates of bacon, eggs, pancakes and hash browns. I can feel my mouth watering at all of the smells and rush to take a place at the table. Lucien chuckles at me and I feel like a bit of a fool. I can’t help that I'm so starving.

  "This all looks amazing Lucien, you really didn't have to do all of this! Do you need us to call the others down so we can start eating?" I ask as I look at the food ravenously. He chuckles at me and goes back to cooking.

  "That's alright sweetheart, you just get stuck in. The others are due back in a few moments." With his encouragement I begin to serve myself a large helping. Once I have a bit of everything, I pick up some bacon and pop it into my mouth. When it hits my taste buds I can't help but moan. I could get used to having someone look after me like this.

  Lilith

  Once I’ve finished, the others walk in looking tense. They sit down and start eating in silence and feeling the strain in the air. I make eye contact with Sam and motion for him to follow me. We both head back into the living room and retake our former seats. Turning to Sam I give him a quizzical look, trying to figure out where all the tension came from. It was seriously like walking through a wall of testosterone to get out of there.