Searching For Who I Am: Book 1 (The Searching Trilogy)

by Paige Orr

  I grab the bag, resting my forehead against, letting out a deep breath. “Fucking shit, I never wanted to make her cry! I certainly didn't mean to undermine her. I was just trying to protect our mate, it's so easy to forget that she's also a royal and that we should be running all of our decisions past her for her approval. How can I keep her safe when I've got to let her be a part of all of the danger? You want the truth, I'm fucking shitting myself brother. What if she does get hurt on our watch? It would be my fucking fault! On top of that I can't get through to Klaus or Frederick, as of now they're MIA. Those two are the fucking strongest demons I've trained in my long life, they're trolls for fuck sake! Whoever has been watching our girl could have fucked them up.”

  With that said, I go back to wailing on the bag as I watch Sam's shocked expression from the corner of my eye. “Shit D, I don’t fucking know. What I do know is we have to try harder, if anything happens to her it'll be on all of us, not just you. I'm going to scan through the database, see if it caught anyone lurking around the house who shouldn't be here. I'm not holding out much hope though, you know I would have been alerted if there was any unauthorized activity. Which means that whoever is responsible knows how to bypass my system. There aren't many people out there with the ability to do that, so that narrows our list of suspects down. I’ll put a list together for us to work through and let's just hope we find who it is before it's too late."

  After he leaves, I plop myself down onto the bed, laying back and throwing my arm over my face. Sam’s right, I have to tell her I'm sorry. She should never have to feel like we don't care enough about what she has to say. I don't want her to feel like she can't come to me when she's scared. My job is to help her not hinder her. Making a plan to have a day with her in the garden and try to make her a nice breakfast tomorrow, I get up to go speak with the security team, those fuckers better have some answers for me, I’ve given them long enough!

  When I reach the command centre where we have monitors setup for surveillance, I ask the guys to gather round. “Alright shitheads, anyone want to explain to me, how an unknown male, who could be a danger to our Princess got so fucking close to her home? Also, have any of you heard from K and F, they haven't returned and they aren't answering my calls?”

  The guys look between each other and seem to pick a designated speaker, who tells me what's happened. “I'm sorry D, this is on us. We weren't taking the job seriously and didn't pay attention to the monitors. I know we should have been taking it more seriously with her being our Princess, but that’s one of the reasons we thought she would be safe, especially with you guys being her mates. We can assure you though, that we're definitely taking this shit seriously now and we've begun to implement extra security measures. Unfortunately, none of us have heard from K and F either. I wish we could tell you more than that. As you know they wouldn’t have made the same mistake as us, so we have no idea what the fuck could have happened."

  Shit! Everything feels like its fucking falling apart and I've got no idea how to fix it!

  Lilith

  I wake the next morning, with a splitting headache from all the crying that I did last night. I'm so glad that I decided to let Sam in, he was my rock as he cuddled with me and let me cry till I fell asleep. I feel a lot more refreshed now, and thankfully I actually feel like I can face the day. Getting out of my bed, I head to my bathroom to do my typical morning routine and just as I expected my face has blown up like a pufferfish, why the fuck does crying always fuck up your face? Next, I head to the closet and decide to have a casual day. I've got some joggers from my old clothes, so I throw them on with a plain white tee and some fluffy socks, scraping my hair back into a messy bun (like seriously how do other girls make this shit look good, when I end up looking like Miss Thrunchbull from Matilda?). Shaking my head at my reflection, I shrug my shoulders. Who cares if after last night I decide to look scruffy? It's not like I can go anywhere without feeling unsafe anyway.

  I take a deep breath, leaving the sanctuary of my room I head towards the kitchen, hoping that the guys won’t be too awkward with me. I'm stunned when I walk in to find Demetrius standing at the cooker, making what I think is supposed to be pancakes. I lean against the doorframe as I watch him fucking and cunting, throwing burnt pancakes into the bin. Finally having some mercy I walk towards him.

  “Hey big guy, you look like you could use a hand there... Let's call it an olive branch, or just trying to avoid salmonella. You do know you have the heat up way too high to be cooking pancakes properly? I bet if I cut one of the many ones you cremated open they would still be half raw in the middle. Why don’t you move over, and let someone who knows what they're doing take over?”

  Thankfully he steps away from the cooker and I turn the heat down to low. While I wait for the pan to cool enough to cook on, I turn to the lumpy batter sitting on the side giving it a proper whisk and adding ingredients until it's the perfect consistency. Turning back to the cooker I begin to make the pancakes. Lost in my own world it takes me a moment to notice the undivided attention I’m getting from Demetrius, giving me the sudden urge to throw some pancake mix at him. Instead of stopping myself from being childish I do exactly that, the goofball deserves it after last night.

  The shock on his face is priceless and before I know it I'm doubled over with laughter. He looks like I've just committed the worst crime imaginable and it's fucking hilarious. Who knew the big guy could look so freaking innocent? I sure as hell didn't that’s for sure! Gone is his scary face and in its place is a little boy who has been told he can’t have any ice cream. How could I not forgive him when he’s so freaking lovable.

  Finally snapping out of it, he lunges for me, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. Alright cave man, time for you to simmer the fuck down. That’s what I'm thinking but I just can't bring myself to be mad, after last night we needed something to break the ice between us and I've got to say pancake mix to the face did just that. I'm still laughing on his shoulders as the others come into the room, with Lucien running towards the cooker to save the forgotten pancake. Here was me supposed to be showing the big guy how it’s done. Instead I'm currently over his shoulder slapping the ever loving fuck out of his buns of steel.

  “Guys, help me please! This cave man won’t let me the fuck down. Thank you Lucien for saving breakfast. God knows this one already burnt enough. Then when I try to show him how it's done, I end up over his shoulder, all over a small mishap with some pancake mix and his face.” I'm in stitches again when I hear Demetrius sigh in indignation, but thankfully this time I'm not alone as the others join in. Finally the big lug places me back on my feet and holds me steady as all the blood rushes from my head, back to where it belongs. Once I can see straight I find Gale grinning at me. “I see you and D kissed and made up then, thank god for that. The tension was high last night and I would like my head to remain on my shoulders, instead of on the floor after sparring with that maniac again!”

  Demetrius shoves him playfully and I can see the tension draining from his shoulders. I didn't realize that us falling out was taking just as big of a toll on him as it was on me. He walks towards me grabbing my hand and pulling me to the living room, then onto his lap as he sits on the couch.

  “I’m sorry I'm such a fucking ass. I swear I only wanted to protect you. I understand why you were so pissed at me. I shouldn't have acted like you couldn't handle what we were talking about. It was a fucking dick move and it won’t happen again. I promise Princess, I'll try to be better.”

  Stroking his head, I let his apology sink in. I know that must have been hard for him. He doesn't seem like the type to apologise very often. “It's alright big guy, just make sure that next time you include me in any talks about my life, okay? I get this must be just as big of an adjustment for you guys as it is for me. So I'll try to be a bit more understanding in future as well. Truce?”

  He beams at me, and I've got to say that his smile is absolutely beautiful to see. I can tell that he doe
sn't reward many people with his full smile, so that makes me appreciate it even more. I cup his strong jaw in my hands, leaning forward, I plant a soft kiss on his lips. Before I can fully pull away, he grabs the back of my head deepening the kiss, teasing me with his tongue. The feel of his soft full lips on mine sends my heart into overdrive, and I let out a small whimper.

  I feel the smile on his lips as he softens the kiss to barely a touch. I never would have expected my big scary guy to be the most gentle with me but it's strangely fitting, I kind of guessed he’d be a big teddy bear. When he pulls away I get lost in his emerald eyes. I've only just noticed, the black ring that circles his irises, and it's absolutely beautiful to see his eyes up close. He strokes his hand gently down my cheek, running his thumb across my lips, causing me to suck in a breath. He’s so inadvertantly sensuous that its a fucking joke!

  “Thank you Princess, for accepting my apology. When Sam came to me last night and told me that you cried yourself to sleep, it fucking gutted me. I never want to be the reason that you're in pain. I don't think you understand yet how much you truly mean to us all. When I look at you I see such a strong woman who has survived through so much bullshit, but last night you were so scared. Me freaking out really didn't help the situation. I realize now that even though your safety means everything to me, keeping you in the dark isn't going to keep you safe. More likely it'll put you in more danger and that's the last thing I want. So maybe we can have a house date today? I was going to take you for a quiet picnic but after last night it's understandable that you would want a day in. Better yet, there's a lovely garden out back that I don't know if you've had the chance to see yet. So we could have our picnic there, and that means we're still close to the rest of the guys and the house so you can feel safe. That’s what’s most important to me princess.”

  I grin at him nodding my head. Really what are these guys trying to do to my heart? Even though he knows I want to feel safe, he found a way for us still to have our date. They really are the sweetest ever to me.

  Lilith

  A couple of hours later, Demetrius gathers everything that we need to have our picnic and brings me out to the back garden, and I’m absolutely stunned by what I see in front of me. I really should have come to check this out sooner. There's a path that winds around all of the different plots, then back to the door. From where I'm standing I see a beautiful demoness statue water fountain, with her wings spread wide in the centre surrounded by pink rose bushes (I know that seems really unconventional but it’s still fucking beautiful). There are four other flower plots around the rose bushes with two on each side that have benches sitting on the plots. In those plots (from the flowers I actually know) are hydrangeas, oriental poppies, dahlias and amaryllis. Behind the flower part of the garden, there's a pond covered with giant water lilies. Which is surrounded by lovely areas to sit to enjoy the fragrances and the glorious weather.

  The garden really is a great choice for our first date. I'm so glad that he brought me out here. He takes my hand in his, leading me past all of the flower plots towards a seating area, that is still quite close to the flowers so that we can enjoy them. Once we get there I notice an orange grove in the distance, this place is truly remarkable.

  I take a seat as he pulls out a jug of sangria, tiny sandwiches with the crusts cut off, some strawberries and nutella, soft cheese and crackers and chicken wraps. I look at the spread with a goofy grin on my face. He put so much thought into this and it warms my heart. I love this softer side to him. It makes me feel all melty inside, which is fucking dangerous for my lady garden.

  Pouring us both a drink he sits in front of me. He looks so worried that I'm not going to like it, and I can't help the little giggle I let out. He looks at me confused and I've got to put him out of his misery. “This all looks amazing big guy, I think this is exactly what I needed to take my mind off of everything. Thank you for being so thoughtful, I can't wait to get stuck in.”

  The relief on his face is immediate and I give his hand a soft squeeze, really how could he be so freaking cute. We start with some cheese on crackers as he asks me what my life has been like. I don't want to ruin the date by talking about the bad shit so I decide to tell him about my best friend, which is one of the only good parts of my life.

  “I’ve been through quite a lot, but none of that is really important anymore. What I will tell you is that I've got the most amazing best friend a girl could ask for. Gem is really special to me, growing up, our mothers knew each other and because of that we were always super close. She was there through all the bad times and she helped me get through it all. She’s been my rock for as long as I can remember. In school, we were always together getting up to all sorts of mischief. The teachers fucking hated us, but all that did was bring us closer together. Knowing that I’ve got someone who will always have my back, no matter what is amazing. I have so many stories that I could tell you, about all of the silly shit we got up to but we’d be here for a year just to get through it all. So, why don't you tell me how you and the guys ended up together?” He chuckles at me before taking a moment to think about where to start.

  “Well we're rather old and back when we were younger, things were very different. Demons go through training for the first few centuries of their life. The first twenty-one years are spent learning about our history and the rest is spent learning how to control our powers. Once you get to that stage, we get grouped into different complimenting units, we never really worked well with our original groups and with our age difference it was kind of impossible to be grouped together until everyone was at the training stage. Believe it or not, we fucking hated each other when we were put together. Always getting into trouble for fighting with each other and causing hell for our instructor. It wasn't until we went on our first group assignment that we finally bonded. We were sent to deal with a horde of angels attacking and I got seriously hurt, if it wasn't for my brothers working together the way that they did I wouldn’t be here right now.”

  I sit there in stunned silence for a moment before I can reply to him. “With how well you all work together I’m shocked you didn’t get on right away. Although if I think about it it kind of makes sense you all have such different personalities that there were bound to be some clashes. I can just picture you and Tae, arguing over who would be the leader of the team."

  After that, we have our sandwiches and wraps while chatting about nonsensical things. When we get to the dessert Demetrius quickly pulls the strawberries out of my reach. Scooting his chair beside me, he dips a strawberry into the nutella. Bringing it up to my lips he wipes some of the chocolate across them, before leaning over to lick it off. I'm blushing like crazy when he holds the strawberry back up for me to take a bite. As I do, I feel the juices running down my chin and before I get the chance to wipe them away, he's leaning forward. Licking them up until he reaches my lips, giving me a sloppy kiss.

  As he leans back with a grin of male satisfaction, I can see a controlled heat in his gaze and there's an intimidating sized bulge growing in his pants. I feel hot all over as my imagination goes into overdrive. All I can think of, is licking chocolate off his impressive cock, eating has never been this sexy before!

  Samuel

  I’m sitting here checking my database on who can bypass my security features, when the doorbell rings, I hope it isn't trouble. Earlier, when I looked out the window to check on Lilith she was finally smiling again, I really don't want anything to ruin that. She deserves a fucking break from the bullshit! I’m the first to reach the door and when I open it, a woman is standing there, hip cocked with a hand raised to ring the bell again.

  “Um, hello how can I help you?” She doesn't seem to register what I’m saying as she stares at me in shock, finally snapping out of her stupor she answers me. “Hey I’m Gemma, Lilith’s best friend she texted me the other day with her new address. I think I may have got the wrong house though, so if you wouldn’t mind pointing me in the right direction. That would be
great.”

  I laugh at her confusion, I suppose she didn't expect to walk up to a mansion if Lilith’s past is anything to go by. “That’s quite alright dear, you're actually in the right place. Lilith is out back with Demetrius but if you want to come in and have a seat. I can go and get her for you. I’m sure she'll be glad to see you.”

  With that, she follows me into the house and I close the door behind her. Turning, I find Gemma frozen in place with Gale, Lucien and Tae in front of her looking awkward. Who would’ve thought that girls could freak these badasses out so much! “Alright guys, this is Lilith’s best friend Gemma, so make sure she feels welcome while I go fetch her and D from out back.”

  Before I've had the chance to get too far from them, I can hear Gemma behind me almost stuttering in disbelief. “What the fuck are you doing here, Mr.Lawyer? Isn’t it strange to be in your clients’ home? Also who the fuck are you two, and who is that guy and D, this is all confusing as hell!”

  I chuckle as I continue on my way to fetch D and Lilith. I can see why our girl gets on so well with Gemma, they're both little spitfires, I can just picture all the fucking trouble they would have got themselves into together. I get to the back door and when I open it, I find D basically eating the face off Lilith. Well I should have known I would find them like this, now that they've made up, I knew it wouldn’t take D long to make a move.

  Making my way over to them, I stand there waiting for one of them to notice me. To be fair I kind of hope they don't, because this is hot as fuck to watch. I can see how much our girl is enjoying herself and I have to adjust my cock, before it gets too uncomfortable. I get lost in the thought of her on her knees, being submissive just for me, with a pretty little collar around her perfect throat. Snapping out of those thoughts, I clear my throat. Unfortunately, I also don't want to keep our guest waiting. D growls as he sits back, readjusting himself before scowling at me and I just grin at him as I turn to a flustered Lilith.