Good Morning Heartache

by Audrey Dacey

  His eyes narrowed on her. “You're not sick of me yet?”

  Alexis bit her bottom lip to get the tingling feeling out before saying, “Not yet, but I’m hoping to grow weary of you before you go back to New York.”

  He leaned in close. His hot breath on her lips sending a reminder of the orgasms that had pulsed through her body the night before. “How are you going to do it?”

  More than anything she wanted to grabbed his head and put his mouth on hers or unbuckle her seatbelt and straddle him, but she didn't. Alexis bit her lip again and then slowly freed it from her teeth. “I'm pretty creative.”

  Ryan reached down and just as she expected to feel the warmth of his hand on her thigh, she heard the click of his seatbelt being unfastened. He pulled his face away from hers and opened the car door. “I guess I'll see you tomorrow then.”

  “Put ice on your face. Check the freezer for veggies,” she called after him. “Oh and bring me more food for Sam!”

  As Ryan walked toward the front door, Alexis's eyes took a moment to fully appreciate his hard butt in a pair of well-fitting jeans.

  After Alexis got home and cleaned up dog “vomit,” which amounted to nothing more than a slobbery, well-chewed rawhide, she went downstairs to her writing room. She examined all the “once upon a times” wallpapering the one side of the room, and within a half hour she had removed every page, piece of tape, and tack from the wall.

  Alexis sat down at her computer, her notebook in hand, and began typing. She made some revisions as she went and added a scene near the end, but overall she was shocked with how little she thought it needed.

  Alexis pulled a box of tacks out of her desk drawer and tore the pages of her draft out of the spiral notebook. She took a few moments and pinned the pages to the empty wall. Then she scanned her bookshelf for one of the anthologies that printed her other story. After ripping the pages out of that book, she put them on the wall as well. From now on she was going to focus on what she had written, not what she couldn't write.

  When she was done, she attached the final file to an email with a quick letter to Dr. Lehrer. Alexis knew that she wouldn't get it until Tuesday at the earliest, but she just wanted it to be out there. The worst that could happen was nothing.

  Chapter 12

  When Ryan appeared at her doorway the next afternoon, Alexis was a little surprised with herself. She wasn't sure how he had done it, but this man was going to get the rare opportunity to step into her home. Asking him to come over had, at the time, been the courteous thing to do. Alexis figured he would be all alone in a strange house for a holiday, which hadn't seemed right to her. Plus, she needed dog food. But this seemed wrong. There was something intimate about letting someone see who she really was, and alarm bells screamed in her head.

  She hesitated to let him cross the threshold, and held the red door more shut than open, covering with her body any space that would otherwise reveal the inside.

  Ryan’s lip was split down the middle, and his jaw had a purplish hue that was masked well by his dark beard. She had to admit that he looked a little manlier, which she hadn’t realized was possible, and found it a little sexy.

  “You know, it wasn't easy for me to find this place. It's not like you gave me directions. Or even an address. The polite thing to do would be to let me in.” He didn’t smile, but his eyes didn’t criticize her either. He just stood there casually as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “I had to talk to people in town. You know that’s not my forte.”

  Alexis ran her eyes over his body and face. Despite the bruise and cut, he looked good. Really good. He was putting on that charm he claimed he didn't have. Soon her defenses were lowered enough, and she slowly opened the door and stepped out of the way, allowing him to pass her and walk into the hallway. As he stepped in, his body brushed against her arm. A tingle of craving crawled through her body, but he didn't seem to notice and was examining the room in front of him.

  “You're very sneaky,” Ryan said, his lips pursed in concentration when he finished speaking.

  As she closed the door, Alexis shook away the prickle that was beginning to creep to more intimate places. “Huh?” she questioned. She didn't think that she was a sneaky person. In fact, she thought that she was fairly straightforward.

  “Your house. It's a Reynolds. Did you have it built?”

  “Yeah.”

  He led himself down the hallway, stopped for a moment to look up the staircase, and then continued to the kitchen and living room. “That's what I thought. There are a few things that are different from his typical designs, but I could definitely tell it was him.” Ryan looked like a little boy who arrived at the playground for the first time. He studied the house very carefully and was mindful in his approach. “Are you on a hill too?” he asked.

  “Yup.”

  Alexis was confused. She thought that when she let a man into her house he would be interested in making it his own. Sit on the couch, put his feet on her coffee table, and make her prepare snacks while he watched sports. But Ryan looked at her house like it was a museum, and not because of the stuff she had inside.

  Ryan had a habit of doing exactly the opposite of what she expected. She reasoned that it should make her more comfortable since she normally didn't want the expected, but it didn't. It set her on edge, and she had no idea what she was to him or what was coming next.

  “I worked with Reynolds on a project once. He's pretty good.” His gaze moved from the high ceilings to her face and then he leaned in close to her ear. “If you build again, let me know. I'll design you something beautiful.”

  His hot breath warmed Alexis to her toes, and she found it difficult to get her bearings in her own home. This guy was dangerous. She couldn’t think rationally when he was close enough to notice that the hair on her arms was rising to meet his skin. Alexis backed away and, for the first time ever, found Riley useful. She pointed to the couch. “That's my sister, Riley.”

  Ryan turned his gaze to Riley, who was lying on the sofa watching TV and listening to an iPod. She didn't turn when her name was called, twice, so Alexis walked over to her and yanked on the ear bud cord, popping the small device out of its nest.

  “What?” she whined.

  “This is Ryan.” Alexis pointed to the man who was smiling at them but failing to look comfortable.

  Riley scoffed and impatiently asked, “And?”

  “We're going to have some hot dogs. You want one?” Alexis was using her sickly-sweet voice in an attempt to control her temper while Ryan was around, but she could already feel her jaw clenching.

  “I'm going out with Jimmy.” Riley grabbed for her ear bud and began to bring it back up to her ear.

  “He could have a hot dog too.”

  A sick look crossed Riley's face. “Yeah right. I'm lucky he'll still come get me after the other day. He won't set foot in this house again.”

  Alexis prevented herself from breaking into a happy dance, but it wasn’t easy because this was some of the best news she’d heard since Riley left school. She'd hate to have to replace any more of her furniture. She felt kind of lucky, though. At least Jimmy and Riley ruined her furniture with their bare asses before a weekend with great furniture sales. That morning, after she began plotting a novel, she went out and bought a new living room set. It couldn't get there soon enough.

  Alexis hadn’t used this space since the incident, and when she saw Ryan crossing the room to attempt, at best, awkward conversation with Riley, Alexis grabbed him by the sleeve of his Ralph Lauren red polo and shook her head. She pulled him close, rose on her tiptoes, and pressed her mouth against his ear.

  “Don't bother,” she whispered, though she didn't have to because Riley was once again fully plugged in. “We'll go out to the deck.” Alexis lowered herself and turned his body in the direction of the sliding glass doors, “You start the grill. I'll get the meat.”

  He nodded and raised his eyes to meet hers. There was something calming in the bl
ue; it made her want to swim in them, letting him take all the stress away. She remembered how good he was at making her stress melt away. She regretted it in the morning, but she couldn't help but want to feel his hands all over her again. To be filled by him.

  Alexis broke his gaze and wanted to scream. What the hell? She needed to end this. The thought of letting him take care of her stress stressed her out. She should kick him out of her house and forget all about him. But she didn’t.

  After grabbing the hot dogs, buns, and utensils from the kitchen, Alexis joined Ryan on the deck. She could see the fumes of the fire coming out the front of the gigantic stainless steel gas grill that she never used. Ryan was staring out at her pond.

  “I see now why you don't go to the beach house,” he said without looking at her.

  Alexis set the stuff she was holding on the picnic table and stood next to him. “Why's that?”

  “There's no reason for you to go anywhere. I haven't seen the rest of the house, but if I had this deck and this yard, I don't think I'd be able to find a reason to leave either.”

  Alexis glared at him. She wasn't sure if she should be insulted, but eventually she just said, “Thanks,” and softened her eyes.

  For several moments, they stood side-by-side, looking over the rail of the deck, pulling the thick air into their lungs, and watching a chipmunk bounce through the neatly trimmed grass in her backyard.

  Turning away to put the hot dogs on the heated grill, Alexis felt herself becoming increasingly ill at ease as she realized that she was more comfortable with the silence she shared on the deck with Ryan than the silence of being alone. Fear washed through her, but she didn’t know if it was the fear of enjoying his company that much or losing him in a few days. She told herself that it didn’t matter either way. That he was temporary. He was going back to New York in a week, and things could go back to normal. She gulped the fear back down to her stomach with great force, and it sat there making her feel a little queasy.

  “You should go easier on her.”

  Alexis was immediately pulled out of her spiraling thoughts. “What?”

  “Your sister. You should go easier on her. It's hard for her too, you know.” Ryan had turned to look at her.

  Alexis felt the anger rising in her chest. He had no idea what it was like to be responsible for a teenage girl. What right did he have to tell her how to deal with her sister?

  “Let’s not talk about this,” she warned, knowing that it wouldn't end well if he continued this conversation.

  Ryan turned his head and looked at her for the first time since she stepped onto the deck. “She lost her parents too. A lot changed for her.”

  “You think I don't know that? That is not her issue. Her issue is that she is a spoiled brat.” Alexis turned the hot dogs purposefully with a pair of tongs.

  “I'd guess there is more to it,” he replied, moving closer.

  The heat of the day, the grill, and her anger were becoming overwhelming, and she threatened, “If you don't back off, I might add to your injuries.” She forcefully turned the hot dogs again to give him a moment to move away from her—and to show him that she was serious.

  Instead of moving backward, he took a step closer. Alexis threw the tongs on the side of the grill and turned around with a fist in the air, but before she could do anything with it, Ryan’s tight grip wrapped around her wrist. With his other hand, he laced his fingers through her fingers on her free hand, and then he drew her against his body. He kissed her hard. There was no passion, no softness, just the firm press of his lips against hers, a warning of his own. She felt him grimace in pain, but he wouldn’t give up.

  Alexis tried to pull away, but he held her tightly. When she stopped resisting him, her body remembered his, and she felt a wet warmth stretch through her. After a few moments, she gave into him completely, softening the kiss. She flicked her tongue into his mouth carefully, and he followed her lead. Ryan remained firm but put more passion into it, more need. He wrapped her arms around his neck and then lightly rested his palms on her hips.

  Their mouths opened and closed. Their tongues twisted around one another.

  The clang of a ring on the glass door startled them both. Alexis jumped back and whipped around to find her sister standing at the closed door with a disgusted look on her face. Riley gave a quick, irritated wave, and then moved toward the foyer.

  Riley never said goodbye. She just wanted to interrupt them.

  It was good that she did, though, Alexis thought. It would have gone too far if she didn't. Sex-on-the-porch too far.

  They ate at a table on the deck, and Ryan would occasionally run his warm hand over her bare thigh, stopping just as his fingertips slipped beneath the hem of her shorts. Alexis didn't stop him. It felt good. Normal. Right. But she didn't want to go any further, so Alexis suggested that they go check out the newest fast-car-big-explosions movie at the theater.

  It wasn't her favorite type of movie, but at least it wasn't a freaking romantic comedy. She hated romantic comedies. Alexis was quicker to believe that a half city block could explode and no one would really notice except the protagonist, who was the intended target, and the antagonist, who was doing the destroying, than the sappy twist of fate crap found in a rom-com.

  Her hope was that her efforts to suspend disbelief would get her mind off of him, if only for a couple of hours. Plus, it was a good way to waste time with someone without actually spending time with them. She didn't trust herself in private when she was around Ryan.

  The plan failed. The armrest that normally separated the two chairs was pushed back into an upright position, leaving the space between them open. Alexis couldn't be sure, but she thought Ryan was closer to her side than he had to be, and halfway through the movie, he rested his hand on her thigh again, stroking it gently with his coarse thumb.

  Alexis felt an ache rise from that spot. She noticed that her breath quickened, and she suddenly felt trapped.

  This was it. The last few days had been leading up to the moment where he could gently caress her thigh in a movie theater, knowing it didn’t have to lead anywhere. It was what she had dreaded. It was becoming a relationship.

  §

  Jimmy Black made himself at home in front of Alexis’s television and turned on some mindless cartoon. Riley sat with him but didn’t watch. Secretly she thought the cartoon was pretty stupid, but she couldn’t tell him that. It didn’t matter anyway. He was willing to come inside with her after Alexis texted to say she was going to a movie. She watched him out of the corner of her eye and found comfort in his fingers laced through hers and nuzzled herself in his arm.

  They sat like this through two episodes without talking to one another. Riley knew it meant that they were truly in love. Love wasn’t constantly talking or having to do things together. It was being able to relax with one another and not having to say anything. Riley was surprised when, in the middle of a commercial break, he turned to her, and her heart started racing with excitement.

  “I forgot to tell you, but the guys want to move the band.”

  Riley sat up. “What? Where are you going?” She hoped it would be closer to Alexis’s because she was sick of the back and forth between, though somewhere about halfway between his current apartment and Alexis’s house would be sublime.

  “Boston,” he said, returning his gaze to the television.

  It wasn’t closer. “What? Why?” She wasn’t going to pretend she didn’t care. She loved him. He couldn’t just leave her.

  “If we’re going to make it big, we gotta go to the city.” The annoying music for the cartoon came back on, and any of his attention that she’d had was gone.

  When the commercials came back on she asked in a soft tone, “What about us? We’re supposed to get married after I turn eighteen.”

  “Don’t worry about that, babe,” he rasped into her ear. “A love like ours can’t be broken. I’ll come see you when I can. I’d take you with me, but…” he hesitated.
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  “But what?” Riley’s eyes widened. She’d do anything to keep them together.

  “I don’t have the cash to get a place big enough for the two of us.” He shook his head sadly. “It really sucks.”

  Riley sat up. “I have money. I can pay for myself,” she said with eagerness.

  “Really, babe?” A smile crossed his face. He looked happy to hear it.

  “Absolutely.”

  “What about your sister?” he asked. “You said she’s a real bitch.”

  “She can’t do anything. It’s my money. I’ll take care of it,” she promised.

  Jimmy leaned to her and quickly and lightly pressed his mouth against hers. “I knew I could count on you. This is why we’re perfect for each other.” He looked down at his watch and stood up. “I should probably go. Your sister could be home any minute, and I don’t want to deal with that.”

  Jimmy walked around the couch and out of the room, leaving Riley sitting there warm and glowing.

  §

  Ryan had no idea what he was doing. Since the night at the beach house he couldn't get Alexis out of his head. Every time he was near her, he had the compulsion to touch her. It wasn't anything that he really thought about. It was like his body knew that she was nearby, and before he knew it or was able to think about it logically, they were kissing again or he was running his hand up her shorts.

  He didn't mind touching her. He liked the feel of her silky skin against his. He wanted to bed her again and run his mouth along her curves. And he had the hard-on to prove it. At the same time, he didn't want to scare her away. She was pretty explicit about what she did and did not want. Ryan knew that Alexis didn't want a boyfriend, and despite that, he was treating her like his girlfriend.

  The thing that bothered him was that he wouldn’t care if she changed her mind. When he woke up alone at the house at the Cape, he was disappointed to find that she was gone. On one hand, he wanted another round. On the other, it would have been nice to wake up in the morning and look at a beautiful woman—especially this one.