Good Morning Heartache

by Audrey Dacey

  He gave her a genuine smile. “I wasn’t planning on sleeping with you.”

  “What? Why not?”

  “Couple reasons. First, I don’t like kissing pukey mouths, and second, I don’t like kissing girls.”

  Hot embarrassment rushed over Alexis’s skin. “You’re gay?”

  “You’re also a terrible conversationalist.”

  Ryan immediately came to the forefront of her mind, and she pushed him as far back as she could. “I’m a little of practice.”

  “You didn’t look like you needed a fling. Just a distraction, so I stepped in before you did anything you would regret. There was no one in there for me anyway.”

  “Thank you, Phillip.”

  He closed the car door, waved, and walked to the sidewalk. Alexis closed her eyes, and the car pulled onto the street.

  Before she knew it, she was standing in her driveway barefoot, handing the cabbie several bills. She pulled her keys out of her purse and unlocked the front door. The house was dark, quiet, and lonely; and it sent a chill through Alexis’s body.

  She set the alarm to the house and set her purse, keys, and shoes on the counter in the kitchen before getting a glass of lukewarm water—she couldn’t stand any more cold beverages. She took small sips as she stumbled to her bedroom.

  When she finally lay on her bed, which was the saving grace she’d been waiting for, she listened to all of her body’s protests. From the aching in the arches of her feet because of heels that were too high to the pounding in her head from the numerous alcoholic beverages. Like her mind, her body was in complete rebellion. She took in the complaints, knowing there was very little she could—or would—do and that tomorrow would be worse.

  §

  Alexis woke the next morning. Her head was pounding inside her skull, hard and steady. She moaned aloud to make sure that the world knew that she didn’t feel like living today, and it should just leave her alone.

  Alexis’s plan to get a little R&R had failed her. The only comfort she got was the kind that gave you hell in the morning, especially when you drink eight of them over a two hour period. Right now, Alexis hated that she had put herself in that situation.

  All she had wanted was to go out, forget that she was responsible for anyone or anything, and forget about a particular blue-eyed architect that was causing a dull ache in her chest. While she was able to forget for a few hours, she was regretting it now. With every pulse in her head, she was reminded of what she did and why she did it. Ryan filled her thoughts again.

  Alexis found it scary that she was so able and so willing to lose herself in Ryan. With a single touch or the brush of his lips, she turned into the horny teenager who thought she was in love. But she wasn’t in love. Love didn’t exist. At least not that kind of love.

  Alexis pulled the top of her sheets over her face in an attempt to block out the light that was streaming in from her floor to ceiling windows. Apparently in her drunken state, she didn’t have the forethought to close her curtains. Opening her eyes only as far as necessary, she confirmed that she was naked. Great. Her window was facing the backyard, but God forbid Riley or—worse—Jimmy were on the deck or in the pond. Normally she wouldn’t care, but her head was pounding, her stomach was turning, and her chest was tense, and even if someone gave her a list of what was normal, she wouldn’t be able to make sense of it.

  Rubbing her temples, she decided that she couldn’t stand the pounding any longer and craved the chalky, grape-flavored relief of a Tylenol on her tongue. Why had she been so careless? She never drank in excess. She knew it would only lead to bad things. She felt lucky she was only hung over and that there wasn’t some naked stranger lying next to her, though that had been her original intention, and instead she had been picked up by a gay guy. Really, she didn’t want the strange from a stranger. As much as she tried to deny it, she wanted it from Ryan.

  She tugged on the edges of the sheet, hoping the sides would come loose, but they were tucked in too tightly. That’s what she got for insisting on hospital corners and extra-large sheets. Her closet was closest, so she quickly pushed the covers off her naked body and booked it into the walk-in. She grabbed a pullover sundress meant more for over a swimsuit than day-to-day wear. It was short, but at least it covered all of the important parts. Then she headed into the bathroom.

  Just when she was about to pop the coveted pills into her mouth, Alexis was struck by the buzzing sound of her cell phone. She had never noticed just how loud and annoying the vibrate feature was.

  Screw it. Whoever it was could leave a message. She threw the tablets into her mouth, quickly chewed them, cupped her hand under the running cold water, and lifted the fluid that filled her palm into her dry, sticky mouth. She slogged over to her bed and crawled back in. Today was going to be one of those days when she didn’t get out of bed.

  Her lids fell heavily, but just as she closed her eyes, her phone buzzed again.

  “No!” she shouted at the phone. But it was insistent. She reached behind her and fumbled to find the offending device on her nightstand. The bastard was getting turned off. Not off vibrate. Real off. The no-rings, straight-to-voicemail off.

  The phone buzzed between her fingers, and she looked at the display. 212.

  Alexis shot up and answered the phone, hesitantly. This could be the call she wanted, but it could also ostensibly be some telemarketer with nothing better to do on a Wednesday morning.

  She answered the phone to a familiar voice. “I got your story, Alexis.” Then a pause.

  Dr. Lehrer always did this. She left you in a lurch without a clue as to what was coming next. With her, it could be anything.

  “It was amazing. I want you to submit it.”

  Alexis’s jaw fell. “You’re kidding” was all that could stumble out of her mouth.

  “You know me better than that. Do you have anything else? I want to see it all.”

  “I have a novel outline and one other story that’s not quite done.” Alexis couldn’t believe this was happening. Again. She thought for sure that her luck had run out seven plus years ago. That it was just a fluke. But she trusted Dr. Lehrer. The woman knew what she was talking about, and Alexis had built a relationship with her that went beyond professor-student. Even more than mentor-mentee. It was almost a friendship, but Dr. Lehrer made it clear that under no circumstances was it okay for Alexis to call her Eleanor. That was fine with her as long as it got her story published.

  Alexis could no longer feel the pounding in her head. Instead it had moved to her chest, and she was finding it difficult to keep her breath steady.

  “Can you come to New York next week, say Monday?”

  “Absolutely.” She’d do just about anything asked of her for another opportunity.

  “Bring whatever stuff you have. I’m going to invite Regina Carson. Be here at 10.”

  “Anything you say, boss.”

  “And Alexis?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Don’t stop writing. You need to write every day.” With that she said goodbye and hung up the phone.

  Alexis stood on her bed and then jumped a few times. This was beyond amazing. She had to share it with someone. She climbed down and ran to Riley’s room. The door was still closed, so she knocked.

  No answer.

  “Riley?” she yelled through the door.

  No answer.

  Alexis tried the door handle, and it gave easily to her pressure. She peeked into the dark room, but it was empty. Very empty. And neat.

  Alexis moved down the stairs and called Riley’s name, but there was still no answer.

  She wasn’t sure what time it was, but she was pretty sure that it was still early, and the fact that Riley was out of bed was strange. Where the hell was she? And if she wasn’t around, who was Alexis supposed to tell her news to?

  Tiptoeing across the cold tile in the kitchen, Alexis jumped onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar. There she found a torn sheet of notebook paper with her
name at the top.

  Alexis,

  I left. I can’t stand this crap anymore. Jimmy loves me and will take care of me. You have no reason to worry, not that you would. Don’t call. I won’t answer. When I’m eighteen, I am coming back for my trust.

  By the way, you’re a stupid bitch.

  Screw you,

  Riley

  Alexis rubbed her eyes and read the note again. It was in a barely legible chicken scratch, so she hoped that she read it wrong the first time. But she hadn’t. She had no idea what to do next, so she just sat there, waiting for something to come to her.

  Never in a million years did Alexis think her sister had the guts to do something like this. She was mean, rude, and messy, but those things didn’t require initiative. This did. She had hoped Riley would be around this morning, so she could talk to her about this love thing. Explain to Riley that she wasn’t just allowed to sign over the trust fund. That her access to it was as limited as Riley’s was. She had to wait until she was eighteen even if Alexis wanted to kick her out of the house, which she didn’t.

  Though it would be hard to convince her, Alexis had planned on trying to get her to go back to school for her last year. Tell her that it only gets better after high school. As much as she and Riley didn’t get along, Alexis wanted the best for her.

  She was too late.

  Alexis looked down at the phone in her hand, scrolled through the contacts, and pushed Riley’s entry. It was worth a shot.

  The phone rang twice, and then Alexis was directed to her voicemail that said something about Alexis being a worthless whore. It might have hurt her feelings, if it wasn’t what she was already thinking about herself. That gem was at the beginning of the message, and she didn’t pay attention to the rest. Disinterested in hearing the conclusion, she hung up the phone.

  She considered calling the police. By now, she knew the sheriff’s department well enough, and the fact that Jimmy was an adult might help get them moving, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She knew that Riley would never forgive her for getting Jimmy arrested, and Riley was more than likely to take off again once the squad car dropped her off and was out of sight. There wasn’t much of anything she could do except wait.

  Waiting didn’t sit well with Alexis. She had to at least try to find her sister, who could be all the way to Ohio at this point. Alexis jumped out of the chair and walked over to the counter to grab her purse and key ring, but she stopped halfway there. Her keys weren’t hanging in their usual place.

  Alexis took a deep breath to keep from jumping to any conclusions. She went out last night; maybe the keys were in her purse. She closed the distance between her and her purse. It was a fool’s errand, and she knew it. She had taken a cab to the bar and back home. She wouldn’t risk her car or other people in a drunken accident.

  Rubbing her pounding temples with her fingers, Alexis closed her eyes and thought hard, not daring to check the garage.

  The safe. She had vowed to put her keys into the safe while her sister was in the house. Breaking into a full sprint, she ran down the hallway, up the stairs, into the closet, and to the safe. She took a deep breath and typed the passcode into the key pad. She closed her eyes, not wanting to face the truth. Slowly, she lifted her eyelids to find a safe full of papers, but no keys.

  She swallowed the knot that had built in her throat, and it slowly made its way to her stomach where it sat like a rock. After carefully closing the safe door, Alexis slowly made her descent to the last piece of proof before she could let herself accept what was becoming clear.

  When she stood staring into the garage containing only the Volvo, she finally believed that her sister and her $200,000 car were gone. Alexis stood silently looking into the garage, wanting to scream, but not being able to find her voice.

  She closed the door and lumbered back to the kitchen. She sat back in the chair where she found the note and read it over again. She had no idea that Riley hated her that much. She knew they weren’t friends, at least not yet. Alexis had always hoped in a couple of years, when Riley was done being a teenager, they would be close. But there was only hatred in the letter. There was no room for anything else.

  Alexis wiped away the tears coursing down her face with the palms of her hands and picked up her phone. She hit a familiar number, let the message on the machine run, and at the beep said, “Ryan, if you’re there, I need you.”

  §

  Ryan pulled into the brick driveway five minutes after Alexis’s words came over the answering machine. When he heard her voice over the speaker, he picked up almost immediately. He could have recognized the distress and concern without listening to her words. But he did listen. She needed him. She didn’t say why, but it didn’t matter. Before he realized what he was doing, he was in his Lincoln driving to her house.

  Avoiding her was not working. Every day, every thought he had about her, he liked her a little more. He thought that he could just push her out of his mind, but then she just kept showing up. When she walked in the house the day before, he was angry. Not because she was there, interrupting his work, but because all the other guys were there. He saw her flushed cheeks and short shorts and couldn’t help but take her into one of the bedrooms and hold her naked in his arms. Her skin tasted like salt, and he wanted to lick her all over. He wanted to make love to her, but he didn’t get that far. He didn’t blame her for taking off that day, but he didn’t expect to hear from her again.

  He thought he could give her up cold turkey, not care what happened to her because their lives weren’t going to overlap anymore, but then she called needing his help, and he couldn’t say no. Now he was sitting in front of her house. He was glad she called him. Maybe she had changed her mind. Maybe she could love him too. Or maybe one of her stalkers showed up.

  He pulled the key from the ignition and slid out of the leather seat. He looked around the heavily wooded area. The neighborhood was devoid of people, and the house stood unassuming and quiet.

  He honestly didn’t know what to expect. He rang the doorbell, and almost immediately Alexis swung the door open. Her slim body was covered only by a very short, very thin dress, tempting him to embrace her. It was various shades of yellow, and he could see the outline of her nipples through the cotton.

  Her face, however, was tired, long, and white. Ryan knew that she wasn’t attempting to seduce him with her getup. She needed something completely different from him.

  “You’re here,” she said quietly. “I figured I wouldn’t see you until after five.”

  He smiled. That would generally be true, but the tone of her voice would have haunted him throughout the day, distracting him from getting anything done. As it was, he wasn’t thinking much about work anyway.

  “I figured you needed me now.” Admittedly, there wasn’t much for him to do in the final stages of the project, and he normally would have moved onto a different project by now, but he couldn’t force himself to leave. He didn’t want to face his co-workers at Pontus.

  Alexis reached out a hand, and he met hers with his. She pulled him inside and shut the door behind them. Barefoot, she led him upstairs to her bedroom. She let go of his hand and sat down on a black chaise lounge next to a wall of windows, tucking her knees under her chin. Her hand motioned for him to join her.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “A boy.” She was terse and angry. “Riley ran off with the guy she ‘loves’. She’s pissed at me because I wouldn’t release her trust fund to her.”

  “Why didn’t you?” He had thought it was an innocent question, but the glare in her eyes told him otherwise.

  “I don’t have any control over when she gets her trust. I pay her school bills and give her an allowance out of it, but that money comes from an allowance that I receive on her behalf since she is a minor. She can’t have unlimited access to the money. It’s not how it works, not yet anyway.”

  He didn’t know what to say. This was a situation he never had to deal with u
ntil now. He was happy not to have any brothers or sisters to have to take care of, since he would’ve been the only one to do it.

  “I really screwed this up,” she said. “I should have done better. I should have done something, but I just threw her into boarding school and figured she’d be okay—better, even—without me. I should have warned her about boys and love. I should have dispelled that myth when I killed Santa and the Easter Bunny.”

  “You still have a chance. She’s got to show up at some point, right?” She leaned against him, the warmth of her body radiating through his layers.

  “I don’t know.”

  Ryan ran his fingers through her hair. It was silky against the roughness of his fingertips. Her chest swelled in and out against his body. A pinch in his heart was telling him something that he didn’t want to admit, but with her lying against him, taking comfort in his arms, Ryan couldn’t help but notice.

  He wasn’t sure how it happened, but that strange something that he felt whenever Alexis was around had turned into love. It wasn’t just that he could love her, it was that he did. It was a love that made him want to hold her, listen to her, help her, and make her feel better. He softly kissed her forehead.

  It was the one thing he never wanted. To love a woman who couldn’t love him back. It had ruined his father’s life, and it didn’t seem worth it to Ryan. Now, he didn’t have a choice. Maybe when he got back to Manhattan, and after a few weeks’ time, he’d forget about her. The thought of leaving made his chest tight, and he was suddenly wishing that he hadn’t torn up that letter.

  He leaned against the back of the chaise lounge, and she settled herself snugly into the space between his arm and side.

  Just a little longer, he thought. I’ll love her just a little while longer.

  Chapter 15

  The engine of the Porsche hummed a little louder as Riley punched the gas pedal into the floorboard. All the windows were open and her hair whipped around behind her. She couldn’t get the smile off of her face. This was too good.