Human Frailty, a Detective Mike Bridger novel
Page 20
Chapter Nineteen
She opened her eyes into the bright lights still enveloping her. She had been sleeping, she had no idea whether it was night or day, but her body had told her she needed to sleep after struggling for what seemed like an eternity against her bonds. The crazy speech was still coming through the speaker from somewhere in the dark. It had not changed; she knew the dialogue off by heart.
What a way to learn your lines, she thought. If only it was that easy.
She was thirsty, the roof of her mouth covered in a layer of fur. The hunger had long since dissipated into just a hollow feeling, there was tightness in her stomach that could just as much have been from fear.
She had dreamed fitfully while she slept, her mind processing what might be about to begin. Unable to comprehend the reality, it had made all sorts of assumptions and portrayed them to Marion in the form of the worst nightmares she had ever experienced.
She made another feeble attempt to free herself. The bonds held firm, but the movement was making her sway and rock, causing her stomach to churn uncontrollably. She did not want to be sick; she just wanted this whole thing to be finished. There were no more tears to be shed, nothing left in her but dark primal fear. She started to crave the darkness beyond the light, wanting to hide away so as not to be seen, a place to curl up out of the limelight.
Her brain took a few seconds to register that the sound had stopped; the light around her had changed slightly. She felt her arm move of its own accord, up, down sideways, then the other arm followed. He legs moved in a mechanical fashion, like a marching wooden soldier. She found herself moving from side to side, unable to control her own body. The hunger had made her weak and the bonds that held her were tight.
She could hear a slight squeak from above her as the ropes strained against the movement. Her body, manipulated like a puppet, was moving around the circle of light, dancing like a demented witch at an ancient pagan ritual.
As she circled, she caught sight of herself in a bank of mirrors that in a row behind her. The image shocked her. Staring back from the reflective glass was a pale face with crudely applied red lipstick. Dark eyeliner caked around her eyes. The flowing white dress she was wearing made her look like a morbid incarnation of a zombie bride.
The squeak continued her dance went on until she was back in the place she started, staring from the light into the darkness. The movement stopped, it was as if the puppeteer had tired or was he just drawing breath, readying himself for what was to come.
She wondered if she was just to dancing for him, some sexual deviancy of the shadow. It might actually be preferable to the scenarios that had played out in her head. She thought of him, where he was, getting his rocks off, somewhere over in the darkness.
She could hear that tune whistled quietly from out in the darkness. She had heard the same tune before he took her. A tune she could still not quite place. A voice came out of the darkness; it had the same tinny far away sound as the speech that had been playing repeatedly.
"Good morning mother, it's good to see you up and about. I trust you slept well. Do not worry, everything is organized, you do not have to lift a finger. I will be doing everything for you.
Might I say to start with, you look beautiful. It is such a shame how your life turned out, you were such a beautiful woman. Pity you had to make the choices you made, but that is how you ended up where you are. You have to accept that.
You see, the human psyche is such a complex thing; it makes people do the most improbable things. Love, hate, fear, anger, happiness, sadness, all these emotions contained within us, fighting for their turn. You cannot have one without the others. There are so many ways that they intertwine. To, love something conversely means fearing its loss. To, fear something can make you angry. Anger can morph into hate. To hate something intensely must mean that you know how to love. To, love something can make you happy or sad, and to know what it is to be sad means you have been happy at one point. It just goes on and on, and we are not equipped to control any of it. Some people can suppress these emotions, I guess, but some cannot, it is a learned thing. It starts at birth and probably does not stop, the learning that is. Families passing it down the generations like a hereditary disease.
That might just sound like waffle to you, but I have had a lot of time to think about these things since we saw each other last.
I know you remember when that was; it must be the last thing you remember. I wonder what it has been like for you, wherever you are, your last memory playing over and over.
You did not equip me to control my emotions mother; I have had to learn that for myself. All I learned from you is that you can display your emotions in all sorts of ways. It was very hard to interpret for a young mind. Lessons learned from watching. Monkey see, monkey do.
You made your choices for you, not for me, you did not care about me at all.
Well I am going to give you the chance to put that right today.
However, we cannot start just yet. Today is the anniversary of the worst decision you ever made. Today all those years ago, you were married to him.... That is where the story starts, that is where it all began, so that is the time we will begin to put it right."