Mind Game

by Iris Johansen

  Deeper.

  She was gasping.

  Sensuality.

  Darkness.

  Flame.

  Caleb!

  She desperately held on to him as wave after wave of pleasure rocked through her. She kept her eyes closed because opening them might mean it was over.

  Darkness.

  The feel of his body against her.

  The sound of his heart beneath her ear.

  But he was leaving her.…

  Then she felt herself being shifted to lie on the leather couch and the fur throw being draped over her body. “I don’t want that throw.” She opened her eyes and saw him sitting on the couch beside her. “Poor substitute, Caleb.”

  “I’m glad you think so. I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.” He was smiling down at her. “But I thought it was wise to give you a break. You’re still very tentative about me. And I don’t know if I can obey your rules next time.” He bent down and kissed her breast. “But I did pretty well, didn’t I?”

  “You could say that.” Even now she could feel her breasts tighten and start to tingle as he touched them. “I think. I was a little dizzy and not noticing much. But it felt as if you were being honest with me. That was what was important.”

  He sighed. “Then I have to admit I wasn’t entirely honest.” His dark eyes were dancing with mischief. “No heavy stuff. No hallucinations or changing perceptions. I just cleared the way so that you’d feel everything more intensely.”

  “Caleb.”

  His smile faded. “Opportunity was knocking. I wanted to make sure you enjoyed it. Because there wasn’t any way I was going to let you walk away from me afterward.”

  She stared at him with exasperation and trepidation. “Listen to you. That’s exactly why I’ve been so wary of you since that first day I met you. I’ll walk away if I please, Caleb. But I don’t want to do it. That’s what I was trying to tell you.”

  He was silent. “And I listened, but I know there will come a time when you’ll want to walk away. You can’t really trust me, can you? Why should you be different from anyone else?” He smiled mockingly. “So I’ll take what I can get and make certain you enjoy the giving.”

  She wanted to reach out with tenderness and pull him close. But he wouldn’t accept that from her because he didn’t believe it had anything to do with him.

  “You’re thinking too much.” He lifted the fur throw off her and tossed it aside. “That’s always bad for me. We probably have six hours before Quinn shows up in Edinburgh. Suppose I try to eliminate the thought process until he walks through that door?” His lips slid down from her breasts to her belly … and then lower, rubbing back and forth against her softness. “Let’s start here.…”

  * * *

  “When Quinn just called, he said he’d be another thirty minutes.” Caleb was still naked as he lay on the couch, watching her dress. “We could do a lot in thirty minutes. Trust me.”

  “Oh, I trust you.” She glanced at him and then looked away as she felt the stirring. “In that category, you’re absolutely reliable. But I’m not going to have Joe walk in on an orgy.”

  “We didn’t have an orgy. Next time, I’ll show you orgy.”

  “I don’t believe many people could tell the difference.” She tried to keep herself from thinking about the last few hours. Erotic. Imaginative. Completely sexual. Caleb. “But evidently you’re an expert, so I won’t give you an argument.”

  “And you didn’t,” he said softly. “Not once. It was … extraordinary. Thirty minutes…”

  “No,” she said firmly. “Joe.”

  He grimaced. “Okay. I should stop pushing it. It’s a lost cause where you’re concerned. Quinn was like a father to you while you were growing up. You have all those family feelings for him.”

  “Yes, I do.” She glanced at him. “You once said that one of the reasons you liked to be around Eve and Joe and me was that you liked to watch us together.”

  He nodded. “The family dynamic is a curious and wonderful thing.” His tone was purely objective. “I always found it fascinating.”

  Because he’s never had it himself, she thought. “It’s more than that.” She finished buttoning her blouse. “Eve and Joe’s wedding is going to be scheduled for next week. You’ll be there, won’t you?”

  “I doubt it. I have business to take care of in Dubai. I’ll be leaving right after I deliver you into Quinn’s hands.”

  She stiffened. “Dubai? You didn’t mention it.”

  He gave a half shrug. “It doesn’t involve you any longer. You’ll be safe and back with Eve and Joe.”

  “It doesn’t involve me? Everything that happened in Dubai involved me. Why are you going back?”

  “I promised Haroun that if he went along with arranging to fake his death that I’d not only put down Santara and Teresa but I’d also get rid of the money people in the government who had financed them. It made it far more palatable to him to know that he wasn’t going to have long-term enemies ready to stab him in the back.”

  “So you’re going to go back and let those bastards take their shot at getting rid of you because you might be a future danger? Do you even know their names?”

  “Two of them. Palik will have the other name by the time I get back to Dubai.” He smiled. “You shouldn’t be concerned. I’m a hunter. This will be simple enough. Not like Haroun.”

  “How do you know?” She could see she wasn’t going to be able to talk him out of it. She tried another path. “Will you at least postpone it? Maybe Jock could go with you. And I’d like you to go to the wedding. Eve and Joe will expect you.”

  “No, they won’t. This is your family. I don’t belong with them. I’m always the outsider, and that’s fine with me. It’s better that I go now.”

  Strikeout. And she was going to be terrified all the time he was gone.

  “Then will you try to wrap that damn Dubai business up soon and get back here for it?”

  “I won’t promise you, Jane,” he said quietly. “I’m going to finish the job for Haroun.” He rose to his feet with one fluid motion and moved toward the bathroom. He stopped and looked back at her. “Do you want promises from me?”

  She wanted him to be safe. But they were still too tentative and uncertain with each other for her to ask him to do anything against his will. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to do that. She didn’t know what those promises would mean or what she’d have to give in return. “No, I don’t want you to give me promises.”

  He smiled and nodded. “I didn’t think so. So I’ll go keep my promise to Haroun. And then afterward I’ll take you to my place in the Highlands and show you all my dark secrets and we’ll discuss orgies.” He closed the door.

  She was filled with bewilderment and fear as she stared at that door.

  No promises.

  Outsider.

  Secrets.

  All the elements that had defined their relationship in the past. In spite of that erotic experience that had changed her concept of what sex could be, she couldn’t tell whether or not she had made inroads in establishing a permanent foothold on this perilously rocky relationship with Caleb.

  Or if she wanted to do it.

  These last hours had given her a taste of that erotic skill and sexual dominance that Caleb possessed and used so well. It had shaken her to the core.

  She was backtracking, she realized. Going back to the fear and wariness that she’d sworn she’d never feel again. She would not do that. She’d decided she wanted him in her life and she would meet all those damn challenges he’d thrown at her.

  She just didn’t know how the hell she was going to do it.

  EPILOGUE

  LOCH GAELKAR

  SUNRISE

  Eve gazed out over the lake as the pink and gold streaked the sky and turned the mist hovering over the water to stormy amethyst.

  The sight filled her with wonder along with a deep thankfulness and contentment.

  “Beautiful,�
� Joe said across the tent from where she was standing by the open entrance. But his eyes weren’t on the lake. He sat up in the bedroll and held out his arms. “Can’t sleep? As I recall, this wedding isn’t supposed to be until sunset. Having second thoughts?”

  She smiled as she went back and fell to her knees beside him. “I wouldn’t dare. After all, I’m responsible for this shindig. Not that you would know it. Cara, Jane, and Lisa have completely taken over all of the arrangements. I’ve only been allowed to take care of Michael.” She chuckled. “And what about you? I’m the one who proposed to you and then promptly sent you out to hunt and gather for the ceremony.” She went into his arms and cuddled close. “If anyone should be having second thoughts, then it should be you. You’ve not had an easy life since you knocked on my door all those years ago.”

  “True. It’s amazing that I put up with you,” he said gruffly. “It just goes to show what an incredibly forbearing man I am that I was able to do it.”

  “Yes, it does,” she said softly. “And I thank God every day for it.”

  “Hey, you’re being a little more than I can handle today.” He got up on one elbow and looked down at her, his brown eyes, which were so like Michael’s, glittering with moisture. “I have an idea you’re going to tear me apart.”

  “Nonsense. You’re too tough.” Her hand reached up to stroke his cheek. There was the faintest stubble and it was like a caress on her palm. “You can take it. I just wanted to tell you something before we go through that wedding ceremony today. You know I love you. That goes without saying.”

  “Well, a little ‘saying’ doesn’t hurt.”

  “It’s just that it’s always there. It never goes away. Every time I look at you, I think about how much I love you, Joe Quinn.” She put her fingers over his lips as he started to speak. “Let me finish. When I first thought about doing this, I believed it was all about Michael and conforming to society and making life as easy for him as possible. All very good, solid reasons. But after I came here and had time to think, I realized that it was also about us. It was about remembering the past and celebrating the present and looking forward to a wonderful new future. In a way, it was Cira who taught me that, Joe.”

  He kissed her fingers and moved them from his lips. “Now that’s remembering the past in a big way if you’re hobnobbing with Cira,” he said unevenly.

  She smiled. “I wouldn’t presume. That’s Jane’s territory. I’ve just been thinking a lot about her and her son Marcus and her Antonio. And about all her struggles and triumphs and tragedies. Her story is all about life and how we all have to face it and make the best of it.” She met his eyes. “And how, occasionally, someone comes into your life who makes it so special that we have to acknowledge and celebrate the beauty of it.” She lifted her head and gently kissed him. “That’s what we’re going to do today, Joe.” She kissed him again. “Life will never be easy for us. That’s not the kind of people we are. But when it gets rough, we’ll be able to look back and remember the people we love who are here and one perfect day of celebration.”

  “Are you done?” He was holding her close, his lips buried in her hair. “Because I’m not as tough as you think I am.” She could feel the dampness on her cheek. “Am I allowed to say how much I love you and how glad I am that you came into my life and let me join this celebration?”

  “Of course.” She held him tight, feeling his heart beat against her. A golden moment.

  Life. Love. Celebration.

  “Because you’re the one who makes it perfect, Joe.…”

  SUNSET

  Caleb wasn’t here.

  Jane’s gaze was roaming quickly over the guests strolling about the hillside before it was time for the ceremony. So many people from Eve’s past and present. Catherine Ling having a glass of wine with Venable, Eve’s old friend from the CIA who had first recruited her. Kendra Michaels talking to Beth Avery, Eve’s half sister, at the magnificent buffet table Lisa had spent hours preparing. Jock sitting beside Cara on the bank of the lake, smiling as he watched her tune her violin.

  But no Seth Caleb.

  What had she expected? He’d said that he might not make it. And she’d told him she didn’t want him to promise her anything. She was not disappointed.

  It just felt that way for this one solitary moment.

  “It’s going to be a beautiful wedding,” Margaret Douglas said as she came to stand beside Jane. “But why wouldn’t it be in a setting like this?” She suddenly chuckled. “Is it true that MacDuff arranged to have one of his men signal the start of the festivities by playing the bagpipes?”

  “With some encouragement from Lisa,” Jane said drily. “She said, ‘What’s the good of being in Scotland if you can’t be authentic?’ But she refrained from ordering them played during the entire ceremony. However, it was only because she had other plans.” She looked around the hillside. “Where’s Juno? I saw her earlier.”

  “I left her over there where Michael’s playing. She didn’t want to leave him.” She gazed at the white retriever, lying quietly beside the small boy, watching his every move. “She thinks he might be magic.”

  “Don’t we all?”

  “But she’s almost sure of it.” Margaret smiled. “And why not? There’s so much magic in this world that we don’t even notice. It’s nice to have confirmation that every now and then it shines brightly enough to light our way.” She met Jane’s eyes. “We were all glad it was bright enough to bring you back safely to us.”

  “That wasn’t magic. It was people who cared and went the extra mile for me.”

  “And you don’t think that’s magic? I do.” She glanced around her. “Speaking about the extra mile, I haven’t seen Caleb today.”

  “He said he might have another commitment.” She shrugged. “His loss. There are so many people here that Eve and Joe won’t miss him.”

  “No? But I understand that he makes his presence felt.” She looked out at the lake, which was beginning to glow and shimmer with the scarlet-and-gold reflection of the setting sun. “Sundown,” Margaret said softly. “It’s almost time. This is just the right hour for the wedding, isn’t it? All that golden mist that seems to be fading and then returning, swirling, and then hiding wonderful secrets.”

  Secrets, Jane thought, gazing into the mists.

  Cira?

  Bonnie?

  Trevor?

  Will we ever learn all your secrets?

  And do we want to know them?

  Why not live life to the fullest and have wonderful secrets of our own?

  Honor the past. Remember with love. Reach out for whatever is given to us every single moment.

  As Eve and Joe were doing on this day.

  The light was fading, only the glittering water and golden mist remained.

  The bagpipes sounded. Wild. Lonely. Stirring.

  And Joe and Eve were walking down the hill together, holding hands as they walked through life. They were both dressed simply, as Eve had decreed for the ceremony. Joe was in black pants and a long-sleeved white cotton shirt. Eve had chosen a rust-colored silk maxi dress that caused her red-brown hair to glow in contrast.

  Wonderful. Natural. Perfect.

  Jane could feel her throat tighten as she watched them approach the priest, who was waiting beside the lake.

  The piper had stopped his music, replaced by Cara playing the Rachmaninoff Eve loved. The strains of the violin floated over the hills in wild beauty that touched the heart.

  Jane could see the priest’s lips move, but she was only aware of Eve’s and Joe’s expressions, the love that went on forever, the serenity of certainty, the eagerness of looking at what lay ahead.

  And they were all being permitted to share it with them. She could see the knowledge of that privilege on the expressions of the people who were gathered here. How fortunate to be here in this incredible moment. How lucky she was to have had Eve and Joe in her life. When so many other people had never known anything but bitterness and pa
in.

  Caleb.

  He should be here, she thought. Not for Eve and Joe, but because, in this moment, these friends who had come to be with them were also like members of their family. The family Caleb had never had. Gathered from all corners of the earth, from all walks of life, they had still become a family because of how they felt about one another. She desperately wanted Caleb to know that was possible. That if he reached out, he wouldn’t have to be alone. She wanted to tell him, teach him.

  Eve and Joe were now turning to face them all, laughing as they raised their joined hands.

  Applause and cheers. There was a surge as everyone moved across the hill toward them.

  Jane was applauding, too, and started to rush—

  She stopped.

  She could feel something.…

  She turned toward the slope that led to the road.

  He had come only halfway down the slope and was standing there watching, alone.

  Caleb.

  She could barely make him out in the darkness that was falling so rapidly. He was almost a shadow figure, standing there with legs slightly parted and that easy, jaunty set to his shoulders. If she could see his face, it would probably have that mocking smile that was so familiar.

  None of it mattered. He had come.

  Yet he was so alone.

  And he had lessons to learn.

  She smiled and reached out her hand to him.

  ALSO BY IRIS JOHANSEN

  Night Watch (with Roy Johansen)

  Night and Day

  Hide Away

  Shadow Play

  The Naked Eye (with Roy Johansen)

  Your Next Breath

  Sight Unseen (with Roy Johansen)

  Live to See Tomorrow

  Silencing Eve

  Hunting Eve

  Taking Eve

  Sleep No More

  Close Your Eyes (with Roy Johansen)

  What Doesn’t Kill You

  Bonnie

  Quinn

  Eve

  Chasing the Night

  Shadow Zone (with Roy Johansen)

  Eight Days to Live

  Deadlock

  Dark Summer

  Quicksand

  Silent Thunder (with Roy Johansen)