Toxic

by A. C. Bextor

  “Okay.”

  “You love me?”

  “I love you.”

  “Good.”

  “Talk to you soon.”

  This is what I’m afraid of. I don’t want to pull away from her unintentionally and cause her any grief more than I already have. My past is damaged, she shouldn’t be spending her days worrying about when she needs to intervene and pull me through it.

  Chapter Ten

  “For instance, I never complained that my birthday was overlooked; people were even surprised, with a touch of admiration, by my discretion on this subject. But the reason for my disinterestedness was even more discreet: I longed to be forgotten in order to be able to complain to myself. Once my solitude was thoroughly proved, I could surrender to the charms of a virile self-pity.”

  -Albert Camus

  After talking to Mace and finding my way through town, I’ve ended up at Doc’s old house. I spent my twenty first birthday here.

  Often times when Hem and I were too young to go into Peril he would let us crash there. It was a small house void of neighbors on either side. That was the first place that Doc let Hem and I drink ourselves sick, and we never got that drunk again. Doc was teaching us a lesson in gluttony. We failed miserably as I’m sure he knew we would.

  It was a Friday night and Doc and some of the other members were headed out on a ride to Iowa and wouldn’t be back for a few days. Doc never liked to leave his house vacant for more than a day or so. Occasionally, he would ask Hem and I to stay there citing it would give us time with our women without the chaos and competition of the other senior brothers. That was appreciated.

  Three years had passed since Hem’s virtuous treasure was lost. He was still seeing Melody off and on. After she took his said virginity, she continued to pursue him relentlessly. I think she was attracted to his innocence at the time.

  She was a nice girl and he thought a lot of her, as well. Being only sixteen when they met, he was too young to realize she had already worked her way through a lot of men and the relationship wouldn’t last with his inexperience. To him, she was a teacher and someone he could learn from in a few aspects including sex, friendships, and relationships. To her, he was an average learner and was destined to move on to the next grade without her.

  Doc was getting ready to leave and he was explaining the rules as if we didn’t already know them. He had his bag in his hand and was about to head out the door, but not before stopping to lecture my young buddy, Hem.

  ~~~~~

  “You boys can hang here this weekend, but same rules apply as they always do, fellas. If you drink, you don’t drive. If you fuck, you wrap it up, and you clean your mess. No parties, you hearin’ me over there, Poet? Nod yes if you’re getting all this.”

  Hem looks at him in surprise as if he’s ass hurt that he just got singled out. Out of the two of us it’s always been Hem that Doc has been forced to mentor most. He feels a connection with Hem and always wants to be reassured he’s heading in the right direction. Hem can be a bit of a hot head when it comes to the brothers, other than that he’s fairly even keeled.

  “Got it, Jesus. Unsure why you think it’s always me you gotta watch. You ain’t my mother and c’mon man, stop calling me a Poet. I’ll never get laid again if you keep that shit up.”

  Doc moves into him and although Hem is nineteen and is much younger, stronger, and has more of an ego than Doc, Hem always bends under his watchful glare. The underlying fear is always there considering Doc’s position as our Club President and paternal father figure. You don’t fuck with that when Doc is in a good mood, let alone when the man is nervous about going on a ride.

  Hem, you’re such an idiot.

  “No, I ain’t your mother, but I know her, think dearly of her, and I won’t let you do anything completely fuckin’ stupid like getting your ass in trouble either, so you need to wrap your shit up if you fuck, and use that head of yours for thinking if you decide to throw a few back and do not drive. Now, Poet, before I go, tell me you get that and make an old man feel better.”

  “I get that.” Hem mumbles through his grown ass pout.

  Doc has completely dismissed his demand to stop calling him ‘Poet’. It had gotten so bad before Hem patched in that he finally broke down, accepted what Doc thought of him and asked him to find a different nickname that wasn’t so damn obvious and close to the heart. That was how my buddy, Patrick, was coined with the road name, Hem.

  Ernest Hemingway was a writer and poet, of sorts, and Hem was a lot like him. At times, the similarities of the two extended as far as their way of thinking – and drinking.

  Doc turns to me and does nothing more than send me a nod ‘goodbye’ as he walks out the door. Hem hisses in disgust after watching Doc neglect to lecture me in the same manner as him.

  Not thirty minutes after we hear Doc pull away, the girls arrive. It’s nice to have female company without every other brother showing up and smelling around for what you’ve already claimed as yours for the night.

  I’ve been seeing Ginger O’Malley on a regular basis now for about a month, maybe a little more. Couldn’t say for sure and couldn’t say I gave a flyin’ fuck either. No matter, that’s a long time for me to be with the same woman. I’m not sure how much I like her personally or if it’s how much I like the way she’s able to bring my cock to attention using just her voice. She oozes sex and I like that a fuck of a lot.

  Before she, and her best friend for Hem make it in the house I need to be sure Hem doesn’t act like an idiot asshole in front of the girls. He’s with Melody and I respect that, but they aren’t married and I guarantee she’s not only ridin’ his cock. Club whores don’t know the meaning of a monogamous relationship.

  “Don’t be an asshole, Hem. You can talk to her and get to know her. I’m not asking you to fuck her, either. Just play nice. She’s Ginger’s best friend and she’s only in town for the weekend.”

  “Whatever. I think Melody is about done with me anyway. She won’t return my calls and I haven’t seen her around all week. I’m bettin’ she’s at Peril without me tonight.”

  Hem’s first broken heart is going to fuck with him. Whether wenches believe this shit or not, a man’s first fuck stays with him just as long as a woman’s does. Every now and again I still think back to old what’s her face and her precious Mercedes, and even though I still cuss myself that I didn’t demand more money for my services, I still remember her.

  “Sorry man, let the ship sail and drop your anchor into another port.”

  “Quaint, you asshole. That’s real fuckin’ rich.”

  Ginger and Carol, or Carrie, or Car ... fuck, I don’t know her name, and to be honest I don’t care, make it inside with their hands full of grocery bags. They are both over twenty one and appear to have purchased a small liquor store on their way over.

  Ginger prowls to me after setting the things down on the kitchenette and gives me an open-mouthed wanting kiss that makes my dick twitch under my leathers. Her eyes are dark brown and they carry a passive look of innocence.

  After she finishes sucking my tongue, I hear Hem curse under his breath from her display as she coos in my ear. “Miss me?”

  “Nope.”

  She grabs my semi erect cock in her hand and gives me a lustful, yet hopeful, reply. “Yes you did.”

  She’s not going to control me by begging me or going out on some kind of fishing expedition. “You’re here now. Doesn’t matter, does it? Make me a drink, one for Hem as well.”

  It doesn’t take long for Hem to loosen up and realize that Caroline, that’s her name, wants a piece of him. Thank fuck she’s got a nice ass. He’s infatuated with ass and doesn’t hesitate to hold hers in his hands as she presses her body into him and nuzzles his neck as he stands near me by the couch.

  Before I forget, I need to rib my buddy because he seems to have forgotten about what tomorrow is. “Tomorrow’s my birthday, Hem. What do you got planned for your oldest friend?”

&nb
sp; He’s annoyed that I’m interrupting his toy time with the new girl, but I want to check his state of mind after he’s already consumed a few drinks. Last thing I want to happen is that my little friend knocks a bitch up because he wasn’t coherent enough to sheath himself.

  “Fuck if I know, I didn’t even know it was tomorrow.”

  Way to cut me off. Fuckin’ liar.

  ~~~~~

  Sometime later, sometime after great sex later, Ginger and I are in Doc’s spare room wasting time waiting for Hem and Caroline to get their asses dressed in the front room. Having to listen to Hem and her go at it about killed my hard-on, lucky for me though, I prevailed and got mine.

  “I want a drink.”

  Wonderful, sexy, hot Ginger has left the building and Whiney Willamena has come to replace her. I hate this time after sex when a woman thinks she can control the man because she’s done him some favor by layin’ still for a few minutes. It’s always been bullshit.

  “Go, then. Get up and get your ass a drink. I’ll take a beer if you’re making yourself useful.”

  “They’re still out there. You want me to go and interrupt them?”

  “Fuck you, woman. You have no problem with me doin’ it.”

  She’s pissing me off so I get up, grab my jeans, slide them on, and light a smoke. She doesn’t like cigarettes. I know this, but I continue to smoke it in this tiny room to send a message.

  I’m not your pool boy, bitch.

  She huffs and coughs her way through the door and starts yelling at her friend to get dressed.

  Yes, please. Get dressed and get the fuck out.

  I’m putting my cigarette out now that she’s gone, when I hear a tap on the window next to the bed. What the fuck?

  I’m cautious being that Doc has enemies and it's twelve thirty in the morning. I can’t see a face in the window, so whoever is there is either short or is attempting to plan a sneak attack. I’m guessing it’s the former because no one plans a sneak attack by knocking first, at least not anyone Doc would know.

  Walking to the window, I unlock it first. Then open it up to look down to the ground where I find a freezing Mace Cash. Instantly my blood boils and I’m livid.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doin’ here?”

  She freezes at my angry tone, figuratively, looking up at me with frozen snot on her face from the wind and snow. It’s February in Ohio, which means its fuckin’ cold.

  “I, ummm, well…”

  “Out with it.” I’m too pissed off at this point to realize she needs to get the fuck inside the house to warm up.

  She’s only nine years old and I’m treating her like some damn seventeen year old club groupie.

  Shit, I’m an ass.

  “Get your ass to the front door, do not knock and do not come inside yet. I’ll be there in three minutes. Fuck, Mace!”

  I slam the window, but not before I hear her cohort, Sadey, coming at her from behind, soaked in snow and ice. Apparently nine year olds insist on making snow angels in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, and on the coldest damn night of the year.

  Double fuck!

  “Mace, I’m going to beat your ass.” That’s all I can mumble as I slam the bedroom door and head out to the living room to be sure everyone is dressed before I bring the girls into the house to thaw so I can interrogate just what the fuck they were thinking.

  Sure as hell, when I come in the living room no one is decent. I need to catch a break soon before I explode into tiny bits of livid and color the walls with red. I turn down the radio, which by the way is set to AC/DC “You Shook Me All Night Long”… this is Hem’s self-declared sex song.

  “Get up. Get your clothes on, ‘cause your sister and her little friend are here.”

  Hem gets up immediately, and apparently without thinking because, under that cover, he is stark naked. I smile at his embarrassment as his girl scrambles to get her clothes.

  Ginger is in the kitchen and is wearing a nasty scowl. “Your sister, Hem, really? Is this a date or a daycare? Isn’t the little prissy like what, six? How the hell did she get here? Did Barney drive her?”

  “Shut your fuckin’ mouth, witch.” Her attitude towards Mace and Sadey being here has just sealed our relationship and it’s now considered closed and padlocked.

  “Well, c’mon Shame. What the hell are they doing here?”

  “No idea, but you’re not sticking around to find out. Get your shit and go. Take your friend Carmine with you.”

  I’ve pissed her said friend off with my skill of remembering names. “It’s Caroline! CAR-O-LINE.”

  “Don’t care, woman. Get your shit together.”

  Ginger literally stomps her foot on Doc’s kitchen floor so hard the items on the small table shake. “You can’t be serious right now. We just got here.”

  I throw a wad of cash at her for the groceries she brought, but she takes it the wrong way and thinks I’m payin’ her for sex. She goes fuckin’ insane, and all I can do is watch because hell if that shit isn’t funny.

  She starts throwing shit at me. Boxes, glasses, matches … whatever she can get her hands on. It’s not until she sees that I’m laughing - that’s when she makes her biggest mistake of the evening.

  She’s only half dressed in my tee shirt, and I’m unsure if she has anything on underneath it. She walks to the door and a now dressed Hem tries to grab her to stop her, but she knees him in the chest as he attempts to stand up from the now soiled in sex couch. She swings open the door and sure enough there stand my two girls.

  “What the fuck do you two nosey snots think you’re doing here? This is no place for children, go home.” Then she slams the door in Mace’s face.

  The quick glance I had just caught at Mace before Ginger shut her out again sends me through the fuckin’ roof in anger. Mace had small spots of frozen tears coming out of her eyes. Whatever reason she’s here she did not need that added to her docket of humiliation.

  I’m about to slap a bitch.

  Hem runs to the door to grab Mace and Sadey, pulling them in. To be fair, though, I notice this too late.

  Before I can get a second to calm down and recognize what I’m doing I rush Ginger, pulling her up by her shoulders and shake her, gaining her focus and attention. “You fuckin’ cunt. I said Get. Out. Now.”

  My body is trembling; Caroline is screaming and Ginger is crying. I walk quickly to the bedroom, gather Ginger’s clothes off the floor and throw them at her chest.

  She can dress herself on the way to the car.

  Through her tears she screams. “Fuck you, asshole!”

  Through my anger, I say coldly. “Never again, bitch.”

  I hear Hem clear his throat, about the same time I hear Sadey gasp. Fuck, I did not know they were standing there. Swear to God I wouldn’t have made this scene if I had known.

  Hem grabs Sadey’s back to his front, holding her shoulders to him before she falls apart. Sadey isn’t as hard as Mace. Mace has lived through some mild shit with Warren and Hem always at each other, but Sadey, no way … she’s soft and I’ve just fucked with her head. She can never un-see how I just treated a woman, regardless of the woman’s fault.

  Ginger turns and glares one more time at Mace and Sadey standing by Hem, and before she has a chance to utter another syllable Hem rectifies her intention. “Not one fuckin’ word. Out.”

  The girls turn to leave, slamming the door in their wake.

  Good motherfuckin’ bye, bitch.

  Sadey is now crying and Mace is staring at me like the monster she probably always suspected deep down that I’ve always been.

  Understanding I need to fix this, I walk to Mace and bend down to get eye level with her. Her face is a red mess. The wind, cold, tears, and fear have eaten up every inch of it.

  Rubbing her shoulders in attempts to soothe her feelings and warm her body I tell her. “Sweetheart, this wasn’t your fault. I’m not angry anymore.”

  She doesn’t say anything
. She doesn’t nod or move her body in the slightest. I move my hands to her neck, making her look directly at me, willing her to see I’m not upset at her, even though I am, but still, I’m not.

  Hem has taken Sadey in the kitchen to clean her up and warm her hands. She’s not wearing gloves.

  Brilliant call, Sadey girl.

  “Mace, look at me.” Soft.

  “No.” Hurt.

  “Mace Cash, I said look at me.” My tone is stronger, but she’s a stubborn shit so she’s not wavering.

  “I said no. I want to go home.” She starts to struggle from my hold and turn around so she can head out the door.

  I grab her with a bit more force than I normally would, but I need her attention. “You’re not leaving until you tell me why you’re here. I want an answer.”

  “No, you don’t. You want…”

  Fuck. She’s just nine, but she’s also not oblivious to my ‘special friends.’

  “Mace, don’t talk to me like that.”

  She puts her head down, pushing my hands off her body, and covers her face with her arms and hands. She’s embarrassed by having to give me her reason for being here. I filter her words through her tears and instantly I feel like more of an asshole than I did just a few minutes ago. I didn’t think this was even possible.

  “I…” Then a hiccup of exhaustion and fear. “I wanted” pause “I wanted to be the first person to tell you Happy Birthday.”

  I draw her cold body to mine, circling my warmth around her, feeling like the biggest idiot that ever lived. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” I murmur as I kiss the top of her head. “I should have known you had good reason, but damn it, you pissed me off walking here in the cold like this. How the fuck did you even get all the way out here without freezing to death?”

  Enter: Chaos in a pink feathered fuckin’ coat.

  Sadey comes bee bopping in the room and answers for Mace. “Uhhhh, hello? We sledded here, Shame. Scotch was our reindeer. Duh.”

  Oh, my God. I do not want to even ask more questions at this point, because these answers are wearing my shit down to the fuckin’ quick.