Need You Now

by Ali Parker

  Kayla hugged me from the side and I wrapped one arm around her too, just hanging onto them as I weathered the storm wreaking havoc inside me. I hadn’t even been inside yet, but I already knew the sign above the entrance was correct.

  This was my dream farm, and they were just giving it to me. It was so easy to picture my dad running out into those paddocks with my mom hanging on the fence, smiling as she watched him go.

  I wondered what they would say if they could send me a message right now, wondered if they were watching, and if they’d be proud of me for not putting up more of a fight about this.

  We stood there for the longest time, but neither of the amazing women who’d welcomed me like family since day one moved. They stroked my hair, whispering soothing things while I let go of a lifetime of being afraid that everything I had was about to get yanked right out from underneath me—again.

  Lastly, I thought about Colton and about how he’d also always dreamed of having a plot of land with horses on it. I had a fleeting thought about what our future together here might have looked like.

  For a second, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet on the wooden flooring. I saw him jogging up those steps, kissing me when I welcomed him home with a baby on my hip.

  A lifetime both past and future played out in front of my eyes, and eventually, that made my tears dry up. My parents would never see this place, but I knew they were here with me. Colton would never live here, and neither would his children.

  All those scenarios were just what-ifs, nothing but dreams that would never come true. But one of my dreams had already come true today at a time when I least expected it to, and for that? I was truly grateful.

  “Come on,” I said finally, stepping out of their embrace and wiping my face with my palms as I dragged in deep breath after deep breath. “That’s quite enough of that. How would you like to show me around?”

  Chapter 34

  COLTON

  Two little boys argued over a bubblegum milkshake at the table in the corner. One of them had ordered lime and one bubblegum. Now it seemed both wanted the blue one.

  A waitress skirted around a crowd of teenagers horsing around at the door, shooting them a dirty look when one almost knocked a soda off her tray. She parked menus on a different booth before continuing on to deliver the cold drink.

  There was a young couple in the booth next to mine, sitting with their heads bent together and goofy smiles on their faces. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but judging by the giggles and the way both of their cheeks were flushed, I’d say they were only a few minutes away from heading on to a more private location.

  Signs of life were all around me, but it was like I wasn’t a part of it anymore. I felt like an outsider looking in, not just because I didn’t know any of these people but because it was like they’d been let in on a secret I didn’t know.

  I didn’t even know what the secret could be—only that those of us who didn’t know it were incapable of living a happy, fulfilled life. All those years ago when I’d found out my ex was cheating on me, I’d been absolutely shattered.

  Back then, I’d had my career to focus on, though. I threw everything I had into it, and in return, I’d done well for myself thus far. Yet here I was, sitting in a diner surrounded by all these different people, and I was fucked. Personally and professionally, totally and utterly fucked.

  All these different people, and the only person I probably had anything in common with was the kid who’d ordered the lime milkshake and now wanted the bubblegum. I’d gotten the metaphorical lime. I thought I was getting what I wanted, only to realize when I got it that it was the last fucking thing on the face of the planet that I ever wanted.

  Thought I wanted to save my career? Nope. Not like this.

  Thought I would be okay after letting go of the girl of my dreams to save my career? Yeah. Think again.

  Thought I would make the money necessary to keep my mother in the nursing home if I let go of the girl to save my career? Also nope. Not like this.

  My mother told me in no uncertain terms that even if I published the article and got the money from it, that she would personally instruct her nurse to withdraw it all and donate it to the clinic. Not that I was planning on going through with it anyway, but hearing my mother say that she’d rather sit on the street than live off the money I made from “exploiting that man’s name and family” definitely sealed the deal for me.

  I had one last Hail Mary attempt up my sleeve to care for her and to apologize to Haven at the same time, but I needed Ross to okay it. While I was still harboring a small amount of hope that Haven forgiving me meant she would give me a second chance, I was all but convinced that would never happen.

  The best I could hope for out of this was to make enough money to pay for my mother and to let Haven know that I really hadn’t used her—and how sorry I was. By publishing what I wanted to, I was pretty sure my career as an investigative journalist would go up in a cloud of dust or vapor.

  People admitting what I was hopefully about to didn’t often come out unscathed on the other side. Even if Ross gave me the green light, I could lose credibility with our bosses and our readers. I was hoping it wouldn’t come to that, but I just couldn’t be sure.

  Whatever happened, I deserved it. I took full responsibility for the situation I was in—with my heart and career both broken. Possibly beyond repair.

  I’d hurt the only family of the one person who had been an inspiration to me my entire life. The person to whom I had dedicated my career and in whose memory I did all the good I did had been torn to shreds—by me.

  There was no coming back from that, and that was without factoring in the fact that I’d realized Haven meant a hell of a lot more to me than I’d thought. I guess it’s true that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

  When I’d left the nursing home after speaking to my mother, I’d felt like I’d had everything that made me myself ripped out and replaced by an empty void. When I finally started feeling again, I felt so damn much that I carved myself open with my keyboard and bled my fucking heart out on those pages I wrote.

  Regardless of what was on there, it would never be seen if Ross didn’t agree to what I was about to lay out for him. He walked into the diner at that moment, sticking out like a sore thumb in his crisp, three-piece suit.

  No one else in here looked even remotely as put together as he did. I sure as hell didn’t. I hadn’t shaved in almost a week, was wearing the same sweatpants I’d put on after I’d showered last night and had spent the whole night writing in, and had bags the size of a state under my eyes.

  I lifted my hand in a wave, and Ross frowned when he noticed me. He strolled up to me without a single person stepping into his path, lowering himself into his seat as he pulled his sunglasses off. It was hard to believe that just a few months ago I’d looked just as suave and like I had it all together.

  That definitely wasn’t true anymore. I was pretty sure I had stale whiskey on my breath and at least one old potato chip somewhere on my person.

  Ross lifted his brows, flicking a hand toward me as worry clouded his eyes. “Seriously, bro? What the fuck happened to you?”

  “Life.” I mimed playing a drum roll. “Ain’t it a bitch?”

  “I’m assuming you’ve broken up with the vet tech.” He sighed and raked both hands through his hair. “Jesus, Colt. I thought you promised we weren’t going to go through this again.”

  “We’re not,” I said firmly. “I’m not okay, but I will be. I didn’t call you for that.”

  He dragged his eyes down the length of my upper body before bringing them back to mine. “When was the last time you showered?”

  “Last night.”

  “Okay, then when was the last time you did any laundry?” He pulled his nose up. “Pretty sure I can smell you from all the way over here.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, cocking an eyebrow at him. “I know I look like shit. Is it all out of
your system now, or do you need to take a few more digs before you hear me out?”

  “I’m just worried about you, man. If you saw me looking the way you do right now, you’d feel the exact same way.”

  “True, but I’m done with the article. I’ll shave tonight if you promise to run it.”

  His blue eyes flew wide open. “What article? The one about the clinic?”

  “Yep.” I held my finger up to show him I needed a minute when he rubbed his palms together and leaned forward. “You know I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for me, right?”

  “Right.” He frowned. “What the fuck does that have to do with your article? When can I see it? I have to say, man, I didn’t think you were going to get it out.”

  “You’ve been a good friend to me but a better boss.” I ignored his frown when I didn’t respond to him, sticking to what I’d planned to say instead. “You’ve always had my back and you’ve always let me do my own thing.”

  “Yeah, because you’ve never let me down.” He propped his elbows on the table and I saw his body moving as he bounced his knees under the table. “Is this your way of resigning or something? You don’t have to, bro. I told you I’ve got you covered with the big bosses. They agreed to this break. I’m sure everyone will be ecstatic about this article finally being ready. One of your exposés is worth the wait.”

  “That’s just the thing,” I said. “It’s not the kind of exposé you’re used to from me. It might not be the kind they want you to run either.”

  “What are you talking about?” He exhaled deeply, looking at me like he wasn’t sure if I was drunk or not. “They’ll run any exposé you write.”

  “This one may not be what we thought it was going to be, but it is the truth.” So was the fact that it might not be what they wanted from me, but Ross would see for himself soon enough what I meant. “If you don’t want to run it, I thought you should know I’m taking it somewhere else. Even if it is just published as a letter and I never get a cent for it, I still need it to be out there.”

  “You’re really scaring me here, bud. I’m not going to lie, but it really kind of sounds like you’re saying goodbye. Now that you’ve gotten an article written, you can come back anytime.”

  “Thanks, but it might be a while before I’m ready to come back full time.” I gave him the best reassuring smile I could muster. “I’m not saying goodbye. I really do want to come back, but I need you to take a look at this article first. After that, I might need some time to reassess my priorities.”

  “You’ve figured it out then?” he asked, his tone serious and sincere.

  “Figured what out?” I had a good idea, but I needed to hear it from him.

  “That your gung-ho cowboy-style bait article might not have been the best way to go about fishing for a new story? Especially not when it’s about someone who did something nice for our very own community?”

  I swallowed heavily. “Yeah, I figured it out. You have any idea how I got there?”

  “Nope, but now that you’ve figured that out, I’m hoping you can figure out how not to go back there next. The paper wants cutting edge, but they want news. We don’t need you digging into every person in this town and calling them out.”

  “I thought you agreed there could be a story there.”

  He shrugged. “Yeah, but only because you’d never been wrong. I’ve also seen what chasing this story has done to you, so whatever you’ve come up with, if it’s that important to you, I’ll publish it.”

  The biggest grin I’d had since this shit show started broke out across my face. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in weeks. Now, what’re you having for lunch? It’s on me.”

  He rolled his eyes, but the tension melted away from his features, and he opened his menu with his signature smirk. “Of course, it is, asshole. Lunch is on you for the rest our lives after everything you’ve put me through.”

  Chapter 35

  HAVEN

  Kayla jogged up to me with a heartrate monitor strapped to her arm and her shoes and legs splattered with mud. She grinned, waving as she slowed down.

  “Hey. You’re up early. I was hoping I’d find you out here.” She motioned at the stables. “I came to see if I could help you out with unpacking, but you seem to have it all under control.”

  “If you were hoping to find me out here, how did you come over to help me unpack?” I smiled, shaking my head at my friend. “You wanted to do some work with the horses instead of unpacking kitchen supplies and clothes, didn’t you?”

  She winked while shrugging her shoulders. “You got me. If you need help with that, I’m totally in. I’d just prefer to get myself covered in horse instead of dust.”

  “Covered in horse, huh?” I laughed.

  Kayla swatted my arm, her cheeks flushing an even deeper shade of red than they had been from her jog. “I didn’t mean it that way and you know it.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “It’s good to hear you laughing again, though.” She studied me with a careful look in her eye. “It’s been a tough couple of weeks for you.”

  “Very true, but I’m finally starting to feel better.” I lifted my arms to my sides, taking in a deep breath of the fresh country air. “Being out here has definitely helped more than I could ever possibly explain.”

  “You don’t have to explain it to me. I completely understand. Why do you think I wanted to come home to do my internship? There are other places that are great, but none are as good as home.”

  Glancing at the back door of my new home, another rush of guilt made the muscles in my stomach clench. “You’re right, but I still don’t feel like I deserve to call this place my home.”

  “If you didn’t deserve it, Mom would never have done it. She’s charitable and generous, but she’s not a spendthrift. Every move or donation she makes has been thought through very, very carefully.”

  “I didn’t mean to imply that she’s wasteful or excessive. I just really don’t know how to wrap my head around having been given a plot of land as a gift.”

  Kayla’s eyes sparkled in the early morning sun, letting me know that she hadn’t taken offense to what I’d said. “You probably don’t want to know what she got you for Christmas then.”

  My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. “What? Please don’t tell me that’s true.”

  She burst out laughing after trying to keep a straight face for a moment. “I’m just kidding. Don’t worry. Although you do know you’re spending Christmas and every other holiday with us from now on, right?”

  “I am?”

  She nodded. “You’re family now. Mom has sneakily adopted you as her eldest daughter and I couldn’t be more thrilled. There’s no paperwork, of course, since you’re legally an adult and all, but that’s all just technical.”

  I went over to hug my friend. “I really don’t know what I did to become an honorary member of a family like yours, but I wholeheartedly accept.”

  “That’s good. Mom’s probably already had a personalized decoration made for you, so it would’ve been awkward hanging that on the tree if you’d refused.”

  “Are you kidding again? It’s still summer. There’s still months before Christmas.”

  She shrugged but didn’t give me a direct answer. “Mom believes that it’s impossible to start planning too early for any of the major holidays.”

  “A woman after my own heart.”

  My parents had instilled a love for the holidays in me, but none had felt the same at all since we lost Dad. After I lost Mom, I didn’t even bother trying to celebrate. It just hurt too much.

  Kayla beamed at me. “That’s why you fit perfectly into our family. I can’t wait to have you with us. Mom will be thrilled to know I’ve finally spoken to you about it. She’s been hounding me to ask you for weeks.”

  “Really?” My eyebrows shot up. “Even while she was finalizing the plans to get the house and everything ready for me?”

  “Yep. She doesn’t waste a
ny time.” She grabbed my arm and started tugging me in the direction of the house. “I didn’t really come here to get covered in horse, you know? I came here because I know you have coffee and yogurt. I need those two things in my life right now.”

  “Your wish is my command.” I laughed again when she kept dragging me to the kitchen like she was afraid I might change my mind.

  The house on the inside, just like the outside, was absolutely perfect. It was a spacious but not large, double-story home. A curved and hard-carved staircase joined the top to the bottom and descended almost directly into the farm-style kitchen.

  There was a family-style table on the one side of the room and a fairly wide island on the other. Whether it’d been like that or if they’d had it installed because it’d been that way at my previous home, there were bars with hooks on them over the stove for my pots and pans. Plenty of counter and cupboard space meant that I could easily keep it tidy, and wide windows looked out over the stables.

  It was every kitchen I’d ever dreamed of rolled into one. As had happened every time so far that I’d walked in, goosebumps lifted the tiny hairs on my arms. The kitchen was just that amazing.

  To the left of the kitchen was a living area in the back of the house, also with a view of the stables, and a full guest room and bathroom. In the front and to the right of the kitchen were a dining room, another smaller living area, and a mud room.

  Upstairs was the master bedroom with its en-suite bathroom, two guest bedrooms, and one more bathroom. It was much too big of a place for me, but Layla had shrugged me off when I tried to tell her that.

  She’d just reminded me again that the place had already been transferred into my name. I brought up the option of renting it out and using the rental income to pay her back, but she refused in no uncertain terms.

  The backyard was fenced in with a pool, children’s jungle gym, and a patio with a barbecue built into it. It was the stuff fantasies were made of, and it was all mine.