Need You Now

by Ali Parker

  I was secretly trying to come up with ways to repay her or at least show her how thankful I was, but I hadn’t thought of anything yet. There was an idea I was playing with involving opening up a secondary part of the clinic specifically for pro bono cases and naming it after her, but I didn’t know if that would be good enough.

  “Haven?” Kayla’s voice interrupted my thoughts. I half jumped, then remembered that she was waiting for me to make us coffee. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. There was something I wanted to talk to you about actually.” I explained my idea about the pro bono clinic, and the look in her eyes told me I was definitely on the right track.

  “She’s not expecting you to do anything in return. You know that, right?”

  “I wasn’t expecting her to do this either,” I replied. “Doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done.”

  She lit up, smiling brightly while waiting for our drinks to brew. “Could I help you out with that? We can present it to her when I come back for Thanksgiving.”

  “Sounds great.” I gave her a high-five when she lifted her hand, and we spent the next hour or so discussing how to go about opening a pro bono desk at the clinic.

  I knew my Dad would approve of this plan, even if it meant sharing the honor of the clinic with Layla.

  When we’d finished our coffee and our breakfast, Kayla took a deep breath and glanced at my phone lying on the counter between us.

  “Am I allowed to ask about him yet?” she said hesitantly. “Or are you going to start crying again?”

  I couldn’t even deny that whenever Colton came up or I even thought his name, the waterworks would start. His betrayal hurt a lot more than I’d expected it to. In fact, it kind of felt like being ripped apart from the inside out.

  Thinking about him was nothing short of torture, yet the second I was alone without a thousand things requiring my attention, my mind went straight to him. Despite how badly he’d hurt me and how pissed off I was at him for it, I still wondered if he was okay and if he’d managed to scrape together the money for his mother.

  I still craved his touch and longed to be wrapped up in his arms. Just because he was an asshole of the first order didn’t mean I didn’t miss the crap out of him some days. There were nights I dreamed about waking up next to him, about opening my eyes and seeing his gorgeous hazel eyes peering back at me. Other nights, I dreamed about him in different ways. Ways that made my body sing until I woke up alone and unsatisfied.

  I missed talking to him, missed texting with him, missed going for walks, and missed all the laughter and the banter. But even just thinking about how much I missed him made me feel like an idiot.

  “I might still cry if I think about him too much,” I confessed. “I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do.”

  “I’m sorry I brought him up. I just wanted to know how you were. You never talk about him anymore, but you still get lost in thought so often, and when you do, you have this look on your face that can only ever mean you’re thinking about him.”

  My phone chimed, and our eyes rounded when they connected before both our gazes fell to the device. Sure enough, as if he’d overheard us talking about him for the first time in almost a week, Colton’s name popped up on my screen.

  I’d hovered with my thumb above his contact information at least ten times, but I’d never been able to bring myself to delete him. If nothing else, having his name in my phone would always be a reminder of how dumb my heart and hormones could make me.

  Now, though, I wished I’d not only deleted him but blocked him too.

  Colton: Hi, Haven. Hope you’re doing okay. The article is being published tomorrow. I just wanted to give you a heads-up. I miss you.

  “He misses me?” I practically shrieked, and Kayla made a dive for my phone before I could chuck it at the damn wall.

  “Let’s not take it out on the phone, shall we? Always remember that someone else might make you want to throw it, but you’re the one who’s going to have to pay for a new one when all is said and done.”

  I deflated but I still felt like I wanted to punch something. “I can’t believe he went through with it. We’d better get to the clinic. By this time tomorrow, we might not have any clients to go back for.”

  Kayla squeezed my shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Haven. Let’s see what this article says and how it affects the clinic, and we’ll take it from there, okay?”

  No, it wasn’t okay, but fighting with Kayla about it wouldn’t help anyone. It would only make me feel worse than I already did. “Yeah. Okay. At least he gave us a heads-up. Now if we don’t have any clients ever again, we’ll know why.”

  My voice was dripping with sarcasm, but it was only to hide the worry. And the guilt. And the longing. Oh, God.

  Why couldn’t I just have gone out and bought a damn vibrator instead of giving into that attraction between us? I could’ve just taken the batteries out and voila, no more problems.

  It really was too bad Colton hadn’t come with fucking batteries. My problems with him were only just beginning, and we weren’t even in a relationship anymore.

  Chapter 36

  COLTON

  A warm, wet tongue woke me up the morning the article was supposed to be published. It was stuck down my ear canal and belonged to Tiger, which immediately killed any pleasant fantasies I might’ve tried to have about being woken up by warm, wet tongues.

  Not that I had any fucking libido to speak of these days.

  With a heavy sigh, I rolled over on my side and grinned at my second-best friend. “Good morning, boy. Today is the day. Are you excited?”

  He gave a little yap that convinced me the dog really did understand me—fuck what the haters said—but then he farted and jumped off the bed. I plugged my nose and ran out of the room after him.

  Although he still farted a lot, he really was a different dog now that we’d bonded. He’d been with me for long enough now that he knew I was good to him and wouldn’t abandon him. Trotting to the kitchen ahead of me, he stopped in front of the fridge and looked up at it before looking up at me with hope in his eyes.

  “No, boy. It’s too early for a treat.” He really turned on the puppy-dog eyes then. I sighed and shook my head at myself but surrendered. “Fine, but only because it’s a special day and you’ve really stuck by my side recently.”

  The past few days since Ross had promised to run my article had been a complete fucking whirlwind. I’d emailed the draft to him while we’d been at lunch, and by the time he got back to the office, there had been a lot of calls for him to field about it.

  It turned out the company execs had really enjoyed my take on this story, calling it a fresh approach and cutting edge in an entirely different way. I hoped they knew I’d never be able to replicate it since there was nothing else I felt that way about, but the good news was that I’d gotten all the money I needed and more.

  They believed the article would attract a different readership base—for this edition anyway—and had given me a bonus for it. Instead of going out on the town with Ross and spending a decent chunk of it on shit, I thought I’d put it to really good use.

  After giving Tiger his snack and his breakfast, I made myself something to eat and actually felt somewhat human again. I even shaved before I got dressed—in actual clothes today.

  No more sweatpants and underwear for me. A couple of weeks of that had been more than enough. It’d been fun not giving a damn, and I’d really needed it, but now that it was over, I was fucking relieved to be taking positive steps again.

  The first step was being taken today. Actually, the first two steps were being taken today.

  I’d texted Haven about the article, but I hadn’t heard back from her yet. I hadn’t expected to, though. While I’d even woken up in the middle of the night to check my phone, a part of me knew it was a fool’s errand.

  If she ever contacted me again, it wouldn’t be before the story was published. She had no idea how drastically it’d changed si
nce the last version she’d seen of it. I’d thought about sending her the final draft a few times, but in the end, I doubted she’d open anything from me anyway.

  Besides, it wouldn’t count as a big romantic gesture if it was nothing but an email. Not that I’d written it solely as a grand gesture, but that was definitely part of it. It was also an exposé, an honest look at myself, and an apology not only to Haven but also to any other readers out there who’d been troubled by what I’d written in the past.

  Strangely enough, the introspection and the process of writing about something that had ended up being so deeply personal to me had been liberating. In no time at all, the blinders had fallen off my eyes and there were possible stories everywhere I looked.

  Even my contacts had started sending worthwhile tips again. It was uncanny, but it was all going to have to wait just a little while longer.

  Dressed in a dove-gray suit, light blue shirt, and even a belt again, I combed my fingers through my hair and decided that was good enough. Tiger trotted ahead of me to the front door, waited for me to attach his leash, and jumped onto my backseat when I opened the door for him.

  On the way to the nursing home, he rode with his head out the window and tongue licking at the air. When we got there, he jumped out and ran off to explore but didn’t go too far. He sniffed the grass and the trees, marked a few, and came back as I strode toward the front doors.

  As always, I was buzzed in by the nurse on duty, who greeted me with a wide smile. She nodded toward the administration wing. “They’re waiting for you, Mr. Stark. It might not be my place to say it, but thank you for what you’re doing. Your devotion is really admirable.”

  “She’s my mother. There’s nothing to thank me for. It’s what I should have done all along.” I smiled and opened my arms for a hug. “I should be thanking you. You’ve all taken such excellent care of her. We’ll miss you.”

  “You’ll still see us.” She gave me a swift but motherly hug, then pulled away and patted both my shoulders. “Our outpatient-care service is quite comprehensive. We’ll all still see you.”

  I nodded. “We look forward to having you.”

  The nurse looked like she was about to burst into tears before she spotted Tiger. Promptly dropping to her haunches, she enveloped him in hugs too and waved me away.

  “Go on. I’ll keep this young man company. I doubt he’ll want to sit in a stuffy office doing paperwork. He’ll be far happier outside with me, and our residents will be so happy to see him.”

  Tiger didn’t give me a second glance before following after her and her promises of lots of cuddles and attention. I chuckled under my breath as I headed for Becky’s office. Getting Tiger to leave again after all that attention might just prove to be challenging, but he’d be back.

  Becky grinned when she saw me, waving me in and greeting me warmly. “Mr. Stark, it’s so good to see you. When we suggested you come in for that talk, this certainly wasn’t where we thought it was going but we’re elated for your mother.”

  “I’m elated for myself. It will be good to have her home with me.” It hadn’t been an easy decision to make, but ultimately, I knew it was the right one.

  Becky nodded. “It will definitely be good for her as well. I asked you to come see me before you left so we could go over the final arrangements for the outpatient-home-care program.”

  I took a seat and pulled my pen out of my pocket. “I’m ready to sign whatever I need to so I can take her home with me today.”

  Her answering smile was so blinding it would’ve put the sun to shame. “I hope my children are as eager to take care of me when the time comes.”

  She pushed the first pile of forms across her desk toward me. “I know you’re both looking forward to making your escape, so I’ll make this as fast as I can, but there are certain things we need to discuss.”

  “I understand.” She wasn’t wrong, though. I really was looking forward to going home with my mom. “What do we need to talk about?”

  “As you know, the deposit on your mother’s room in the higher-care ward has been put toward an annual advance on our shuttle service.” I nodded. “Any activities she wishes to attend or meals she would like to have with her friends here are included, but you will need to book the service in advance. However, on Wednesday mornings, the driver will be there to collect her at nine a.m. sharp and she will spend the day here unless otherwise arranged. She will be driven back to your house around three p.m.”

  “Got it.” The advance I’d gotten on my article had gone to pay for the shuttle service. It definitely seemed worthwhile to me. I’d always worried about my mom being lonely if she was at home all day, but the shuttle service meant she could come see her friends whenever she wanted.

  There would also be a nurse with her around the clock, which was more hands-on than the care she would’ve been getting even in the higher bracket here. “It’s a great option.”

  She dipped her head in agreement. “We thought so too. Unfortunately, there aren’t so many people who make use of it.”

  “Their loss.” I shrugged. “Was that it?”

  “We also need to talk about your mother’s care at your home,” she said as she pushed the second stack of papers over. “There will be a nurse on the premises twenty-four seven. You’ve indicated there will be space for the staff member to sleep. Is that correct?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I have a separate bed in my mother’s room, as well as a fully equipped guest room.”

  “Excellent.” She walked me through a few more of the finer details before standing up and shaking my hand. “Remember that our outpatients are also eligible for emergency care at any time if the need exists. If they have to move back in here, we guarantee space for them but we can’t guarantee the same room.”

  “I’ve initialed and signed everywhere. We understand the terms, and we’re more than happy with them.” I gave her what used to be my winning smile. I just hoped it still was before she stopped me from leaving with my mom for being rude or something.

  To a certain extent, I felt like I was speaking to a probation officer. Everything had to go smoothly today, or they might change their minds about sending her home with me.

  “Good luck, Mr. Stark. Please let us know if there’s anything else we can do for you or if you think of any further questions.”

  “I do have one.” It wasn’t one I’d been planning on asking, but it’d been nagging at the back of my mind. “If your home-care program includes all of this and costs about the same even if the actual care is so much more hands-on, why don’t more people do it?”

  She smiled but there was a tinge of sadness to it. “If you’re looking for a story here, there isn’t one. Caring for a patient with a disease like this at home is a tremendous challenge. Even with the help of a nurse, it’s a lot to handle.”

  “Is that your way of warning me?” I asked. I hadn’t been actively looking for a story, but the curiosity had definitely been there—especially as it related to hidden costs.

  Becky chuckled, but again, the sound seemed more sad than humorous. “It’s not a warning, but it is the truth. If you find yourself overwhelmed, some of the other outpatients’ families have a support group you could join.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” I had zero intention of joining, but I also had no idea what the future held. “Thank you for all your help. I’m sure we’ll be seeing you on days we come to the doctor or for activities.”

  She smiled kindly. “I’m sure you will. Feel free to pop in anytime you’re here. Tell your mother goodbye for me, will you?”

  “Of course.” I nodded one last time before leaving her office like my ass was on fire.

  Once Mom and I were out of there, I was sure I would calm down, but for now, I just wanted her in my car. I never should’ve brought her here so early on in her disease to begin with.

  Her diagnosis had come as a massive shock and we’d both scrambled to do what we could to make provisions for the future. Mom h
ad been the one who’d found this place. She insisted it was the right thing to do, even when she hadn’t had any idea of the costs involved.

  They only sent their rates to the person who would be paying the bills. It didn’t take her long to figure out it wasn’t cheap, though.

  Neither was the in-home care, but Mom and I had agreed to it being something we both wanted. While her disease was progressing, it wasn’t progressing quite as fast as we’d thought it would. She could have years at home with me before, or if, she would have to come back here.

  Her nurses had agreed that it would work. The higher-care ward they’d wanted to move her to would’ve provided more supervision and more nurses in attendance at all times. This way, Mom had a private nurse with her every minute of the day.

  When I strode outside, a porter and nurse had all of Mom’s things at my car and they were talking with Tiger lying on Mom’s feet. Ha. Looks like I won’t have any trouble getting him home after all.

  Mom hugged me when I got to them while the porter helped load her bags into the car. “Are you sure about this, honey? I don’t mind it here. I could stay.”

  “I’ve already arranged for a nurse at home. It’s too late to back out now.”

  She laughed. “I was trying to give you a way to back out easily. I’m not backing out. No way.”

  “That’s the spirit.” I kissed the top of her head and walked around the car with her. “Tiger and I are looking forward to having you there. We’re going to have a blast.”

  “Your article is coming out today, right?” she asked before she got in, surprising me that she remembered about the story at all.

  I nodded. “Why?”

  She gave me a knowing smile before ducking inside. “I just won’t be planning on seeing a lot of you once Haven reads it.”

  I shut her door but I could still hear her cackling. It made me laugh too, but I straightened out my face before saying goodbye to the staff.

  Once everything was loaded in and we left the home in our rearview mirror, I felt a thousand years younger. With my mother at home with me and Tiger, things were definitely looking up again.