A Fortunate Woman

by Jennifer Lyndon

“Thank you for your consideration, my queen,” I said in an icy tone. Trying to irritate her, by referring to her so formally. “I prefer to see to my people myself.”

  “Deus!” she snapped, jerking the hand that had been gripping my shoulder away, as if frustrated. “Already you’re trying to infuriate me,” she said, turning her back to me.

  “It warms my heart to see how well you get on with Lore,” M’Tek observed once Lore’s attention was directed to Lia. M’Tek gave me a warm hug.

  “Your queen is always so charming, and gracious toward me. How could I help but get on well with her?” I replied, offering a wry smile to my cousin.

  M’Tek started laughing at Lore’s expense, earning a sharp glance from Lore. Lia abruptly claimed our child from Lore’s arms and came over to stand beside me.

  “What awful thing did she do to you this time, Pet?” Lia asked, glancing back and forth between M’Tek and me. “And why are you laughing?”

  “It’s nothing so awful, Lia,” I said, not wanting to worry her. “I need to head back into the village to secure accommodation for our guards,” I replied. “Lore has expressed difficulties in housing our Vilken horde.”

  “Our Vilken horde? You’re not serious!” Lia snapped, her gaze shifting to Lore.

  “Afraid I am,” I replied, laughing, though I actually found the situation far from humorous.

  “No. I’ll handle this. I don’t want Lore thinking she can run you around,” Lia replied. “Besides, you’re tired, Pet. You go and get settled in, maybe have a nice soak in a hot bath. I won’t be long. Here, take Astrid.”

  Lia shifted Astrid into my arms and walked down the stairs to Kashun. I listened as she explained in Vilken that we preferred to house our guards away from the palace. Kashun relaxed visibly upon hearing this news. Apparently, he’d not been eager to share a roof with the Changeling Queen. Lia mounted Khol rather than Fiora, to ride back to the village with them.

  Lore came to stand on the other side of me as I watched Lia and our guards riding out the front gate. She reached out to comb her fingers through Astrid’s hair and I turned to M’Tek.

  “Which rooms are ours?” I asked M’Tek.

  “You need never ask that question, Pet. This is your home. You have your own apartment,” Lore replied. “In fact it’s precisely as you left it,” she explained. “No one has been in your rooms since you were last in residence,” Lore added sweetly, implying I’d been away for an extended period of time, rather than banished by the Queen. “You quit the palace in such haste you left a vault filled with jewels and coin, as well as some personal items. You’ll find everything untouched,” she added, obviously making an effort with me. “I’d like to go through your office too, if you don’t mind. I’m afraid our accounts are a mess without your, conscientious, attention to detail.”

  Lore wanted something from me, I could tell. I took a deep breath as we walked up the stairs and back into the home I was evicted from more than three years earlier. Lore placed a hand on my lower back, claiming me with one piercing glance at M’Tek, as we headed back to my former apartment. M’Tek kissed Astrid on the forehead, squeezed my shoulder, and moved off, likely toward the drawing room and a glass of torppa, I guessed.

  Lore was overly solicitous of me, after M’Tek left us, sweeping some of the travel dust from my tunic with her hand, and smiling freely. She opened the door to my apartment and ushered me inside. Set out upon the table was a welcoming spread of petou, toast, nuts, and dates. A bottle of white berrywine was being chilled in ice brought down from the mountain, and a magnum of torppa waited to be sabered.

  As I glanced around the sitting room, I realized it truly did look exactly as I’d left it. Someone had been in to dust, and lay out the food and beverages, in expectation of our arrival, but other than that, the room was completely untouched. An Old Noge book of poetry that I’d been reading was even resting on the side table, open face down, waiting for me to resume my place within its covers.

  Astrid began squirming the moment we entered the sitting room. I placed her on her feet and then left them both while I checked the remaining rooms. I stepped into my former bedchamber, noting the drapes were drawn back. The windows were open to allow entry to the breeze sweeping in from across Sweet Lake. I let my gaze trip over the many personal items I’d left behind. I saw an onyx comb with emeralds and diamonds encrusting the handle, a couple of my own red hairs still caught in the teeth. The comb had belonged to my mother. My gaze settled on a golden horse figurine that my father had given my mother before he died. Until that moment I’d never allowed myself to feel the loss of those artifacts of the nearly half century long, mortal, life I’d lived. I’d simply blotted them from my mind when Lore evicted me.

  Lore cleared her throat behind me and I turned to face her. She was holding Astrid’s hand, and wearing a guarded expression. Astrid pulled away from her and toddled over to the table where the golden horse stood, reaching for it with determination. I watched my daughter struggle for only a moment before I went over to pick up the horse and hand it to her. Satisfied, Astrid collapsed down on her rump and began making the little horse gallop on the floor around her.

  “No one has touched your possessions,” Lore assured me, drawing my attention back to her. “The cleaning staff have kept your rooms dusted, awaiting your return, but beyond that the apartment has remained closed.

  “Why?” I asked the obvious question. “Why did you leave it this way? We both know you feel no love for me now.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Pet,” Lore replied. “I was angry when I sent you away. I admit, I went too far,” she added. “I realized it within a few days, but it was too late to reconsider. I had reason to be angry with you, though. You betrayed me, both of you.”

  “And you hate me for it, Lore,” I added for her. “You said as much to me. You wanted to execute me for treason. I’d be dead now if not for M’Tek.”

  “Don’t be absurd. I could never hate you, Pet. I was only angry, and hurt,” she said in a sad voice. “You’re a part of me, as are Astrid and Lia, Ania, and M’Tek. You’re my family. You belong to me.”

  “You can hardly say a civil word to me most of the time. You had to force yourself to smile when you greeted me,” I argued.

  “You misunderstood. I was anxious over those armed Vilkerlings you brought onto the grounds of my home,” she replied. “And I’m not claiming you don’t manage to irritate me beyond all reason on occasion. In fact, you have a talent for making me look ridiculous,” she said sharply. “I love you, though. I’ll always love you, Pet,” she added in a softer tone.

  “You believe I seduced your daughter and stole her away,” I argued.

  “Of course I don’t,” Lore countered firmly, shaking her head. “I’m not blind. My daughter set her heart on having you. She adores you. Underneath my sense of outrage, I always knew that’s how it happened. Why do you think I was so angry with her? You actually tried to warn me about what was developing between the two of you, on more than one occasion. And you were reluctant to keep her when I brought her to you here,” Lore observed. “You cautioned me that your feelings for her were not maternal. I hear what you say, my friend, even when I don’t want to.

  “And you were correct when you said that what happened after I sent you away was my fault. I let my anger blind me to my child’s suffering. I tried to punish and control her. I only managed to put her in harms way,” Lore said, her voice wavering slightly. “My actions are unforgivable. You saved her, though. You’re the only person who could have at that point. I’m not certain what would have happened to Lia if you hadn’t loved her enough to accept what that monster did and make the best of it,” she added.

  “Lore, please don’t give me credit for Lia’s strength,” I said.

  “I don’t,” Lore said. “I realize my daughter is a strong woman in her own right. I’m only pointing out that you have made an enormous difference for her. You should know one thing, though. Had Lia remained with
us, as likely she would have, since M’Tek called off the joining ceremony before we discovered she’d run, Astrid would not have been born. I would have put and end to that pregnancy, with or without Lia’s consent,” Lore admitted. “I owe you a tremendous debt. One I’ll never be able to repay.”

  “What do you want, Lore?” I asked. “Why are you saying all of this to me?”

  “After Lia’s revelation the morning Astrid was born, I’ve done a great deal of thinking, and striven to view my own actions clearly,” Lore replied, her expression one of pain, as if the words she was speaking actually hurt to produce. “It’s been agony, seeing myself the way my daughter sees me. She’s right, though. I was cruel, vengeful, and selfish. I used my power to dominate and punish her when I should have shown her compassion and love.”

  “I agree,” I said sharply.

  “Will you ever be able to forgive me?”

  “I’ll try,” I replied, unwilling to promise her anything beyond that.

  “I’m grateful,” Lore whispered.

  “It’s not my forgiveness you should seek, Lore,” I pointed out firmly. “You should be entreating Lia’s goodwill, not mine. My wounds are nothing to hers.”

  “I assure you, I’m aware of that, old friend. Now that we have that out of the way, did you know, there truly is no process to strip you of your Primeship? M’Tek was correct when she pointed out that the title is bestowed for life,” Lore observed.

  “You’re the Noge Queen. Change the law,” I demanded. Lore shook her head.

  “It’s not that simple,” she said gently. “You see, Pet, I don’t actually want to release you.”

  “Please, Lore,” I said quietly. “Don’t do this to me.”

  “I’ve forgiven you for the way in which you pursued my daughter, and you’re trying to forgive me. As I see it, you and I are reconciled. You no longer have reason to neglect your duties as Prime of Nogeland,” Lore pronounced. “You may return to Saranedam Palace as soon as you like. This is your home, after all.”

  “Lore, don’t,” I said more forcefully. “I have a new life now. I built…”

  “Yes. I know. You’ve built your own palace,” she interrupted sharply. “And it’s truly a marvel, I’ll admit, but you can’t possibly enjoy living in the middle of that forsaken region, even in such a beautiful palace,” she observed. “Your guards are Vilkerlings. That alone must make you feel unsafe.”

  “Lauderdam is our home,” I replied. “And even if I consented to return to Saranedam, Lia wouldn’t allow it.”

  “So, you would consent,” Lore observed, smiling. “Then it’s settled. Nothing is changed between us. We had a conflict, a terrible one I’ll admit, but you’re still my dearest friend, and the Prime of Nogeland,” Lore said with finality. Having said what she needed to say, Lore turned from my bedchamber and walked back out into the sitting room. “Pet,” she called back to me. “Are you coming?”

  Stunned by the strange turn of circumstance, I walked over to my daughter who was still engrossed with the golden horse figurine. I knelt down and picked her up, and then walked from my former bedchamber back out into the sitting room. I stood in the passageway to the sitting room, uncertain how to proceed. I needed to let Lore know I couldn’t do what she wanted. I couldn’t be who I once was to her.

  “Come and sit with me, old friend,” Lore said gently, patting the cushion beside her. “We have business to discuss.”

  I walked over to the sofa and sat down, releasing Astrid to crawl over to Lore. Lore balanced Astrid on her lap, smiling as my daughter attempted to show off by curling her tongue. Astrid had not quite mastered the skill, but she was making progress, managing a sort of curved tongue that made her look extremely silly, and prompting Lore’s delighted laughter. Astrid’s small hand still gripped my father’s golden horse, and Lore gently took the horse away, turning it over to examine it.

  “This is a beautiful ornament. It reminds me of Sabea,” Lore observed. “Did you have it commissioned?”

  “No. My father gave it to my mother before I was born,” I replied. “It’s the only possession I have that he actually touched.”

  “And you allowed Astrid to chew on it?” Lore asked, before placing the little horse on the table out of Astrid’s reach.

  “Lia’s not going to be happy about the Primeship,” I observed.

  “Why?” Lore asked, pretending ignorance when I knew without question that she understood. “My daughter should be thrilled that we’re on such good terms again.”

  I didn’t respond, but watched as Astrid gripped Lore’s necklace. After admonishing me for allowing Astrid to play with a golden horse figurine, Lore unclasped her heavy sapphire necklace and relinquished it to my daughter. Immediately the large stones went into Astrid’s mouth as I watched. There was no risk of her choking on the necklace, because it was far too bulky, so I simply watched as Astrid chewed on the deep blue gemstones. Lore’s attention shifted from Astrid to me.

  “Are you here to deal with Lia’s monster?” she asked in a mild voice.

  “No,” I replied.

  “I assumed that was your purpose in coming,” she observed. “It couldn’t have been easy to convince Lia to come.”

  “I need to be at Lareem Palace when the time comes. The terrain will be an advantage there,” I said. “Saranedam has no cliffs.”

  “Can you be certain he will be at Lareem this coming season?” Lore asked.

  “Yes,” I replied. “Because I’ll depend on you to get him there. You’ll have to offer him something, an estate, or another title. There must be a ceremonial reason for his visit which shows him to be in good favor with our family.”

  “You’ll need to tell me who he is, if you want me to lure him there,” she replied.

  “I can’t do that, but somehow, I’ll convince Lia to tell you,” I said. “She’s already told you the worst of it.”

  “Do you think Lia’s monster knows that Astrid was born of that act?” Lore asked.

  “I don’t know. He might. I need your help to head off that potential disaster,” I said quietly.

  “How am I supposed to manage that, Pet, when I don’t know for certain who he is?” she asked skeptically.

  “Tell anyone who’ll listen that Astrid was conceived in the same way you and M’Tek had Ania and Lia. Explain that Lia inherited your powers,” I advised. “Astrid’s Fae eyes should convince most people it’s true.”

  “But M’Tek will know I’m lying,” Lore said, shaking her head. “She’s the one who’ll put it together first, and Deus help us if she does,” Lore added in a whisper. “The weight of keeping this from her is wearing me down a little more everyday, Pet. You have no idea the strength of will it takes concealing what I know. M’Tek’s aware I’m hiding something significant. She presses into my mind seeking it when I’m least expecting her. You’ve already lied about the timeframe of Astrid’s conception. Another lie might give M’Tek reason to dig around in my head more forcefully, and discover what I know. She’ll never forgive either us for not telling her, and she won’t wait for your permission to kill him. Even both of us together won’t be able to contain her, I’m afraid.”

  “I assured Lia no one would speculate about Astrid’s birth,” I explained. “If you want to help me, you’ll find a way to mollify M’Tek.”

  “I’ll do everything I can, Pet, but you should know, you might be asking more of me than I’m actually capable of doing,” Lore said. “M’Tek’s not blind, or stupid. She knows Astrid was born full term, even if she hasn’t connected all of the circumstances yet. She suspects Lord Gere, though she believes it was consensual, that Lia was unfaithful to you,” Lore said, focusing intently on me. “Is she correct? Did Lord Gere rape my daughter?”

  “Lore, please,” I replied.

  “He was the only person we ever allowed to be alone with Lia. They rode together on the morning they were supposed to join,” Lore observed. “Lia disappeared not long after that ride, and M’Tek told me Lor
d Gere behaved strangely when she called off the joining, as if he were anxious about something.”

  “Deus!” I snapped. “You can’t allow M’Tek to ask Lia about that,” I replied.

  “She won’t. I told her that since you have accepted the child as yours, it’s of no consequence how Lia became pregnant, and that by pressing the issue, she may cause Lia to pull away from us again,” Lore said.

  “You’re right,” I replied. “She would. We both would.”

  “Then will you please confirm what I know?” Lore asked. “I’ve believed for months now that it was he. In fact, that monster would be dead already, if I hadn’t promised to wait for you to act. I’ve shown you respect, Pet. Do the same for me.”

  “I won’t betray Lia’s confidence,” I said.

  “But you won’t tell me I’m wrong either,” Lore said, her gaze sharpening. “I’ll take that as confirmation. Thank you.”

  “Lore, please, don’t make this even more difficult for me,” I whispered.

  Lore’s eyes became fierce for only a moment, but then she smiled, her expression betraying more affection than she’d shown me in years. “You forget how well I know you, Pet,” she whispered. “You’re talented at covering your emotions, but this one’s too much for you. Your face and neck have reddened, and there’s a faintly bitter scent to your skin,” Lore said. “You’re seething,” she observed with a feral smile. “I’ve never seen you like this. You really are a Tannuk,” she added, her tone one of admiration. “Tell me, how will you kill him?” she asked, her gaze piercing.

  “Please, let’s not discuss this anymore,” I replied.

  “How will you make him suffer?”

  “I won’t,” I said firmly. I didn’t want those memories of Lia to be the last in his hideous mind. “His death will be unexpected and meaningless to him.”

  “But that’s too easy. Let’s torture him together. It will be fitting. We could pour a corrosive substance, such as acritane sap, over him and let him live so he will recover, only to be covered in the sap again, and again, and again. We’ll dip his fingers one at a time into hydrofluoric acid, leaving only a nub where the finger was. Or have parts of him removed and then prepared in a meal, after starving him for weeks. Slowly, we can take his life, piece by piece.”