Until Now (Not Yet #2)

by Laura Ward

  I couldn’t let it go, and that irritated me further. This was stupid. I could get any girl I wanted on campus. Why did Red’s rejection piss me off?

  As soon as the professor ended class, I grabbed my backpack and charged out the door. I headed straight for the diner. I didn’t know her schedule, but I knew I wouldn’t calm down until she told me why she disliked me without even knowing me.

  Maria’s was empty. A few customers sat with cups of coffee, but I supposed ten fifteen in the morning on a Wednesday wasn’t prime time for meals.

  “Excuse me?” I asked a petite woman with gray hair and tiny wire glasses, who sat on a stool at the hostess stand. “Can you tell me what time the waitress with red hair will be working?”

  The woman’s mouth flattened into a line. She narrowed her eyes and studied me. “What’s her name?”

  Shit. Wasn’t that the question of the week? “I’m not sure.” I held my breath hoping I sounded relaxed when inside I was geared up like a champ.

  “If you don’t know her name, I’m not telling you anything about her.”

  The woman looked back at her newspaper, and I groaned. “Seriously?”

  She snapped her head up and pointed a pencil at my face. “I’ll tell you what’s serious, boy—that girl. She’s as serious as they come. She’s also the best person I know, so I’m warning you right now to back off. If she doesn’t want anything to do with you, then stay the heck away. You are not what that girl needs right now.”

  A knot formed in my stomach at her words. I wasn’t what she needed right now? What did that mean? Who didn’t need to relax and have a little fun? I stared at the woman for a beat and then headed back out the door.

  I left with more questions than answers. I was less pissed but decidedly more determined. I was going to figure out Red and find out exactly what it was that she did need.

  Chapter Four

  Grace

  CRAP. I WAS late. I couldn’t afford to be late. I ran faster, holding on to my bag of food from Sylvie. I was gasping for air as I ran into the doors of IU’s Early Education Center.

  “Hi, Grace!” One of my favorite faces, a smiling round one with bright pink glasses bounded up to me.

  “Hey, Amy! How was Finn today?” Amy hooked a thumb over her shoulder, and I looked where she was pointing to see Finn sitting cross-legged on the multicolored rug stacking blocks.

  “He was great. He always is.” Amy grinned again. “How are you today?”

  “Hanging in there. I have a bunch of homework tonight, so it’ll be a late one.” The longest part of my day was yet to come. Dinner, bath, stories, bedtime, cleanup, and then I could start my homework. Balancing Finn, a job, and classes left no time for anything else.

  “Need any help? I can come over to play with Finn while you work.” Amy’s normally happy face was concerned. She had been the teacher’s aide in Finn’s preschool and daycare class last year and this year. She was one of the most caring, gentle, and responsible people I had ever met.

  “You know, I might take you up on that. I have a huge paper due in a few weeks. The only problem is, I don’t have a car to pick you up.” I could feel my face burn. I didn’t pity my situation, but saying the words out loud made the realization that much more intense. I couldn’t afford a car payment or insurance. Finn and I walked or took the bus.

  “My parents and I live super close to campus. Mom can drop me off.” Amy walked over to Finn’s cubby and gathered his lunch bag and tote. Her father was a visiting professor at IU, so she told me her parents had rented a house in a neighborhood close to the university. “Remember,” she handed the bags to me, “I got a daycare certificate for the work-study I did at Clemson.” Amy pointed to a framed document on the wall, her smile beaming.

  She should feel proud. Amy had been born with Down syndrome. It was rare for any person with intellectual disabilities to leave home and live on a college campus. Amy had done just that for two years. Once she completed her schooling, she was able to assist in early childhood classrooms.

  “How did you learn about the work-study at Clemson University?” I asked, watching Finn play on the rug.

  Amy shifted closer to me. “I never told you about that?”

  I shook my head. Her smile turned proud as she pulled out a chair and sat at the craft table. “My senior year of high school I was an aide for the new, young teacher at my school. Miss Harris—I call her Emma now—was good to me. She talked to me and my parents about a program at Clemson for people just like me.”

  I had looked up her program at Clemson, curious why IU didn’t have one like it. Clemson’s curriculum was incredible. During the two-year course, life skills and job training were taught to individuals with developmental disabilities.

  “Are you still close with Emma?”

  Amy nodded. “We get together whenever we are back home in Indy. She lives in California now with her boyfriend, Landon.”

  Finn looked up, and I waved. “Yay!” he called out after noticing me and jumped up, running over to where we were talking. Finn wrapped his small body around my legs. “I missed you when you were gone.” He kissed my kneecaps, and I laughed away the happy tears that always formed when I saw Finn at the end of the day.

  “I missed you too.” I set my bags down and wrapped my arms around him.

  “Squeezy hug!” he shouted, and we held on tightly to one another.

  “Are you hungry for dinner?” I whispered into his ear as I knelt on the floor.

  “My belly says, ‘Feed me, now. I so hungry!’” Finn used a deep voice to give his best four-year-old monster impression.

  I stood up and adjusted my backpack on my shoulders. Amy hung Finn’s tote sideways across his body and slipped his lunch bag inside. I was then able to hold the food bag with one arm and Finn’s hand with my other.

  “Bye, Amy!” I called as we walked out the classroom door.

  “Bye, Miss Amy!” Finn echoed, and Amy smiled and waved good-bye to both of us.

  As we crossed the street, Finn pointed to the sky. “Can Batman fly?”

  I grinned. Superheroes were the latest obsession in our home. I can honestly say I was glad to see Thomas the Train go. “Nope, just Superman.”

  Finn nodded and then let go of my hand, leaping in front of me. He extended his arms in front of him, legs spread apart and ready for flight. “When I grow up, I want to be a superhero.” He took off running ahead of me, singing “Duntada, daaaa!”

  Two girls sitting on a bench laughed as Finn ran by. A young child hanging out near the student dormitories on campus wasn’t quite normal, but most of my peers were kind to Finn and understanding to me. We lived in a building designated as family housing, which really meant it was apartment style but at the cost of a typical dorm for single-parent families and married couples. I couldn’t have made it through college any other way.

  Finn opened the door to our building and held it for me. I stopped and crouched down to kiss his forehead. “Thanks, Super-Finn.” He didn’t need to wait until he grew up. He was already my hero. He didn’t know it, but he saved me.

  “You got it, Super-Mommy.”

  Chapter Five

  Dean

  MOMMY? DID THAT little guy call her super-mommy?

  Holy hell.

  My decision to show up today at the same time she had ended her shift the other day was impulsive. Following her so I could see what exactly her malfunction was, was decidedly stupid. What I never expected was for her to go into the campus daycare. Leaving with a kid, I figured she was babysitting. Then they walked to a campus apartment, and he called her “mommy.” How the hell was she able to be a parent as a college student? Was she married? Was someone helping her? And why the fuck did I care?

  This was why she turned me down. She had a damn kid. Shit. Her situation sucked, but it wasn’t my problem. I had no time this year, of all years, to worry about Red and her kid. Nope. I had my priorities straight—football with a few vices thrown in for good me
asure. I texted Jon.

  Me: Meet at Patrick’s for a beer?

  Jon: Already there. Get your ass over here.

  Me: On my way. Order me two.

  I needed a few beers pretty damn bad right now. The old lady was right. Red had serious shit to deal with. My most serious problem was making sure I didn’t have a hangover for my morning workout.

  My life was real fucking good. Damn near perfection. I had no room for complications or distractions.

  Football first.

  ***

  TWO BEERS BECAME four, and I had a nice buzz going while I mentally rehearsed plays for this Saturday’s game. Jon and I sat at the bar, watching ESPN and eating peanuts. Patrick’s was the toughest bar on campus to get into. The bouncers were legit, and everyone knew that if you posted at Patrick’s with a fake ID, not only were you getting denied, you were also getting humiliated.

  We went there to drink at least once a week because I enjoyed being able to hang out with an older crowd. I didn’t have to deal with the fangirling or, hell, even fanboying that the younger students often did when they got to see their school’s quarterback up close and personal.

  “Can I buy you a beer?”

  I looked to my left at the question. A guy in his early thirties I’d guess, with slicked hair and a three-piece suit, stood at the bar. He took a long sip of his martini and eyed me up and down.

  “Nah, I’m good. Thanks.” I nodded and turned back to the television. He was probably an alumni member who wanted to talk football.

  A small white business card was placed in front of me. I looked down and saw “Andrew Johnson, Sports Agent” in black block lettering. I snapped my head up. I didn’t recognize his name, but I knew what his title meant. He had my attention.

  “I can’t actually be here right now, Dean, but I wanted to be the first to meet you.” He extended his hand, and I shook it. “Andrew,” he introduced himself, and I motioned to the seat next to me.

  He pulled out a stool and sat down. “You’ll have to pretend we never had this conversation. I’m supposed to go through your school at agent player week. But Dean.” Andrew took another drink of his martini. “I’m hearing a lot of buzz about you.”

  “What buzz is that?” I took a long pull from my beer. My stomach felt like it was freefalling.

  Andrew sat back in his chair. “You still graduating early?”

  I nodded. “I’ve taken a few classes here and at home each summer. I’ve been hoping that I’d make it into the draft, and I know that means I can’t take classes in the spring. The one thing my mom asked was that I get my diploma before I try to go pro. She worries.” I grinned, and Andrew smirked in return.

  “She shouldn’t. You finish this season healthy and with a good record, and you’re getting drafted. Early, I’d bet. Dallas and Chicago have started asking questions. They both need quarterbacks pretty damn bad.”

  Two professional football teams had asked about me? And Andrew was standing here talking to me? It was only October. This was real.

  Andrew stood up. He threw a pile of cash on the bar, enough to cover his martini and several more beers for Jon and me. “I’ll call you as soon as the eligibility list comes out. Meanwhile, I’ll be at each game. Give me a shot to work with you, Dean. I’m already lining up endorsement deals. I can help you become a very, very rich man.” He shook my hand as he spoke.

  I could only nod.

  Andrew left, and Jon ended his conversation with a brunette standing next to him, who had more than an ample amount of rack. “Who was that?” Jon signaled the bartender for another round.

  “An agent.”

  “No shit?” Jon passed me a beer, and I finished the one in my hand.

  “Yup. Said Dallas and Chicago need quarterbacks. They’ve been asking about me.” Jon’s eyes got round, and then he grinned.

  “Fuckin’ awesome, Dean. Congrats, man.” We clinked beers. “Now don’t do anything to fuck this up. I mean it. Head in the game.” Jon’s words were about the same as Coach K’s.

  “Football’s the only thing to think about,” I agreed.

  I stared down at my bottle. Thoughts of agents and deals and professional football ran through my head. And then I thought about Red and her kid. Here I was drinking a beer after hearing that every dream I had ever had could come true, and I was thinking about her. That little old lady was right. I wasn’t what Red needed, and she sure as hell wasn’t what I needed right now.

  ***

  THE PERSISTENT VIBRATION of the phone next to my ear woke me the next morning.

  “Hello?” My voice was groggy, and my throat was dry. I felt like crap again this morning.

  “Dean?”

  “Morning, Ma.” I should have known. Only my mom would call at seven in the morning.

  “Why aren’t you up? Don’t you have a morning workout? You sound terrible. Tell me you weren’t drinking last night. It’s a school night for goodness’ sake.” Mom rambled on, and I sat up, stretching and yawning.

  “Settle down, Ma. I’m fine. Afternoon workouts today.” I swung my legs out of bed and grabbed a bottle of water I’d left on my nightstand. “I met an agent last night who’s interested in working with me.”

  “Really? That seems early. I know your dad will want to meet him. Don’t sign anything until then.” Mom spoke faster. I pictured her pacing our kitchen, coffee cup in hand, just home from her morning walk.

  “Sure thing. I’ll have him meet both of you. Just thought you’d like to know.” I slipped on my athletic pants and walked into the kitchen to start the coffeemaker. “Is Daisy okay? Jon mentioned something…” I hoped I wasn’t causing Daisy problems by asking Ma, but I had to know. If something needed to be handled, I would come home and deal with it.

  Mom sighed. “She’s okay. Some queen bees have been bullying her. She’ll be fine. I’m on it. Delilah and Damian too.”

  My stomach dropped. I used to be quite the shithead at school. Maybe even a bully. The thought that someone could treat anyone in my family badly made my blood boil. “You let me know if you need me, yeah?”

  “I will, son.” I could hear the smile in her voice. She loved that her children all razzed one another but would never let anyone else hurt a hair on their head. “One last thing. Guess who came by last night?”

  Shit. It could only be one person. “Uh, Steph?” I didn’t like the girl, but right now I feared for her. My mom was intense.

  “Yes,” she huffed. “Can you imagine? She cheated on you all through high school, and then she has the audacity to show up at our home as soon as the rumors start about your career.”

  I bit my tongue to hold back my laughter. Only my mom would assume Steph cheated on her boy. There was no cheating when there was no commitment made.

  “Don’t you worry. I handled her. I told her you had no time for a relationship, and even if you did, it wouldn’t be with a money-grubber like her.”

  Whoa. Go mama bear. “How’d she take that news?”

  “Oh, she was pissed, but she left. I think she realizes she’ll never be a daughter-in-law of mine.” Mom laughed into the phone.

  I shuddered. Daughter-in-law? Maybe in twenty years I’d be ready for that. “Thanks for taking care of me, Ma. I love you.”

  “Be good, son. I love you too.”

  I poured a mug of coffee and then jumped in the shower. I always knew how lucky I was to have the family I was born into. A little reminder now and then was still pretty great.

  ***

  EVEN A MILD hangover couldn’t get Red off my mind. I was the one with the malfunction. I didn’t want to bother her at work, but I remembered we had class at the same time. I got to Ballantine Hall early, hoping to catch Red and avoid Leslie.

  I didn’t see either. Now a full-fledged creeper, I waited on the steps after class, looking for Red. She rushed through the door, looked at her watch, and jogged down the steps. I went after her.

  “Hey, Red,” I called out to her, and she stopped,
looking behind her.

  Her eyes widened when she saw me. “Hi?” Her confusion made me smile.

  “I’m Dean.” I held out my hand, and she waited a beat before shaking it.

  “I know who you are. Everyone knows who you are.” Her scowl was seriously cute. The idea that my popularity made her upset, though, was weird.

  “I just said hi, Red. How have I already pissed you off? It’s…” I looked at my watch. “Only ten o’clock in the damn morning.” I ran my hand through my hair. Her eyes followed the motion, and I fucking liked that she was looking at me without irritation for once.

  She laughed as she blew out a breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not pissed, I’m just not sure why you keep trying to talk to me. I saw you making out with that girl the other morning. In fact, I’ve seen you with lots of girls, so I know you aren’t lonely. The fact that I’ve told you no must be the only reason you keep trying with me.”

  My eyebrows pinched together, and I took a step backward, holding my arms out to the side. “Hey, now. First off, I was only asking for your name.” She raised one eyebrow, and I held up my hand to stop her. “Okay, and I asked you out for a drink and to a party. But that was before.”

  Her face fell, and she reared back.

  I. Was. A. Fucking. Asshole.

  “Before what?” Her voice was flat. She pressed her lips together, her eyes narrowing as she watched me.

  Fuck. “I… didn’t mean it like that.” A group of football players slapped me on the back, shouting out greetings as they headed toward the building. American Studies was popular with the jocks. I turned back to her, but she was walking away at a fast clip.