Until Now (Not Yet #2)

by Laura Ward

  I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and Finn ran up to Amy, holding out his pumpkin bucket. “Trick or treat, please!”

  Amy laughed and held out a large purple bowl filled with miniature candies. Finn contemplated his choices carefully before selecting one.

  “Are you ready to get that bucket filled with candy and fun stuff?” Amy placed the bowl inside her front door, and her mom waved good-bye from the kitchen.

  Finn held on to Amy’s hand and nodded.

  “Thank you again for coming along with us.” Amy and I walked side by side as Finn ran up to the house next door.

  “I am excited to go. I have not been trick-or-treating in a long time.” Amy pushed her pink glasses higher up on her face. She was a positive, joyful person. She told me almost every day how much she loved her job and how lucky she felt to have it. I, on the other hand, felt the children who learned from her were the lucky ones.

  Ten houses later the pumpkin bucket was getting heavier, and Finn was walking slower. He was up later than normal, and if I pushed him too hard, he would get grumpy. “Finn, let’s cross the street and head back. Once we get back to Amy’s house, we’ll be finished for the night.”

  “Okay,” Finn nodded. As we crossed the street, a group of college students moved past us, the girls dressed in very revealing costumes, the guys wearing jeans and T-shirts. They were a friendly group, yelling out “Happy Halloween” and complimenting Finn on his outfit.

  “Grace?” I had recognized Dean’s voice before I saw him. My heart raced, and my stomach twisted. “Hey, Just Finn! Wait, you aren’t Finn. Is that Superman?” Dean turned and walked back to the sidewalk where we stopped.

  “Yes, I am Superman!” Finn used a deep voice, and we all laughed when he puffed out his chest and placed his hands on his hips.

  “Dean? Dean Goldsmith?” Amy moved from beside me and approached Dean.

  “Amy! What are you doing here?” Dean and Amy hugged.

  How in the world did those two know each other?

  Amy twisted around and pointed to her house. “My Dad got a teaching job here. After Clemson, I moved here. I work at childcare on campus.” She smiled down at Finn. “I help Finn.”

  “No way,” Dean looked at Amy then at Finn and then at me. The look of remorse in his eyes made my chest tighten. “That’s great news, Amy.”

  “Are you trick-or-treating?” Finn looked Dean up and down with his eyebrows pinched together. “What’s your costume?”

  Dean crouched down by Finn. “No, little dude. I’m heading to a party with some friends. I’m just dressed like me.”

  He didn’t need a costume. Dean was so handsome he took my breath away. His long-sleeved T-shirt was tight, and the definition of the muscles on his chest and arms were clearly evident.

  “Grace, can I talk to you for a minute?” Dean placed his hand on my arm, but I pulled it away. It was clear he regretted befriending Finn and me. I didn’t want him to try and say something to make me feel better about it. What I wanted was to forget the whole thing.

  I shuffled backward, finding Finn’s hand and slipping my own around it. “No, you can’t. I’m going to finish trick-or-treating with Amy and my son. Have fun at your party.” I turned and walked to the next house, pulling Finn along with me. He ran to the front door while Amy moved next to me. Looking over my shoulder, Dean stood still, hands clenched into fists and body slumped. He watched us with a pained expression on his face.

  My stomach hurt, but I took a deep breath and looked back at Finn. Finn. He was my priority. No matter how nice Dean had been, or how he had made me feel, even for a minute, he was not the guy for me. I had one goal, one focus. I needed to graduate so that I could continue to take care of my child. A Dean-sized distraction was not what I needed.

  As we walked to the next house, I chanced a look back in his direction, but he was gone. My heart sank just a bit further.

  “He used to be an asshole,” Amy looked off in the same direction, toward the party Dean was attending with his friends.

  “How do you know him, Amy?” I glanced down at her, a little shocked by her comment. My eyes wandered over to Finn, who was still on the porch choosing his treats.

  Amy looked over at Finn and smiled as she continued. “Dean went to my high school. I did not have classes with him. I was in special classes.”

  My mouth dropped open. No way. Amy and Dean went to school together? I wanted to pepper her with questions. I wanted to know what he was like, who he hung out with, and who he dated. But I kept my questions to myself.

  We walked on, and Amy continued. “Remember I told you about Emma?”

  I nodded. Emma Harris made such a huge impact on Amy’s life during her senior year of high school. “Because of her, you went to Clemson. Because of Clemson, you get to work with Finn.”

  Amy grinned. “She’s the best. You know I was her teacher’s aide, but Dean was a student in her class senior year, along with his best friends Landon, Jon, and Ricky. She had a rough start. Dean ruled the school. Dated all the girls. Homecoming king, prom king, quarterback. And he was mean. Real mean. To me and to other kids. He gave Miss Harris a hard time.”

  I felt lightheaded. Jon was right. Dean was a dick. I needed to hear this. I wouldn’t let Finn near him again.

  “But you know what?” Amy took Finn’s hand as we walked up the pathway to her house. “He changed, Grace. Landon fell in love with Miss Harris. They could not be together until graduation, but senior year he learned to be a good man. Dean did too. They both stuck up for kids like me. They were kinder. Landon even took me to the prom.” Amy’s face broke into a wide smile, and a lump formed in my throat.

  “Amy, that’s so special. I’d like to meet this Landon. Finn, choose some treats and let me check them out to make sure they’re safe.” Finn took a few minutes making his selections, and I inspected them carefully. Then he sat on the porch of Amy’s house and devoured three miniature candies and a full-sized candy bar. “We’re leaving in two minutes, buddy. You can polish off the rest of these tomorrow.” Finn grinned, chocolate smeared all over his face.

  “Landon is great, but he got that way because he met Miss Harris. She made him want to grow up and do the right thing. Dean got better watching them. He is not a bad guy anymore, Grace. Don’t listen to what other people say. Trust me. I know.”

  I hugged Amy and whispered my thanks. Trusting what Amy said was easy. She had no ulterior motives. Amy only liked to make the people around her feel good. Knowing that Dean had changed in high school was one thing, but it didn’t mean his world and my world had any reason to meet.

  After saying our good-byes to Amy and her mom, we set off back to campus. Five minutes into our walk home, Finn slumped against me. “I’m so tired, Mama.” I lifted him and his bucket of candy into my arms and walked toward our home. He fell sound asleep.

  As I approached my apartment building, I spotted Dean sitting on the bench by the door. Crap. He was going to make me talk to him. I steeled myself to push him away, and then I remembered Amy’s words. He wasn’t a bad guy. And some part of me had missed his company.

  He jogged my way as soon as he saw me. “Let me have him, Red,” Dean scooped Finn from me before I could protest.

  My arms ached, and I stretched them out in front of me. “Thank you. He’s heavier than he looks.” Dean only nodded, his face somber. We walked the rest of the way, and I held the door to my building open for Dean. We rode the elevator in silence, and when I unlocked the door to my apartment, he followed me inside.

  “Should I lay him on his bed?” Dean whispered.

  “No,” I said as I rubbed Finn’s arm. “I need to take him to the bathroom and brush his teeth. He ate a lot of candy.” Finn woke up and smiled at Dean, face still covered in chocolate.

  “I can see that. Hey, little dude.”

  Finn yawned. “I’m sleepy, Dean.”

  I helped Finn in the bathroom and then got him tucked in his bed. Shutting the door to
his room, I walked into the living room. Dean sat on my couch, his elbows resting on his knees.

  “I hope you don’t mind that I came here, Red. I’d like to talk to you.” Dean’s voice was rough, and for some reason the lump was back in my throat. What was wrong with me around this guy?

  I sat next to him on the couch. “It’s okay. Why did you leave your party so early?”

  He turned to face me. “I never went. I’ve tried, but I can’t get you out of my head.”

  “Dean, you don’t need to worry about me. Finn and I are fine. We’ve always been fine.” My anger rushed to the surface, and I felt hot all over.

  Dean placed his large hand on my knee. “I’m not thinking about Finn. I mean, he’s great, of course, and I do think of him.” Dean ran his other hand through his hair and blew out a breath. “I’m thinking about you. I’m serious. All day long I wonder what you’re doing or what you’re thinking about.” Dean stood up and walked to the window, looking out into the dark sky. “My best friend was raised by a single mom. He wants me to stay away from you. He thinks you’ll be another game to me.” He didn’t face me. He continued staring out the window.

  I stood up and moved behind him. The heat from his body warmed mine, even without touching. His smell was fresh and clean with only a hint of cologne. “Am I?” My voice was whisper soft, and he turned around; one step closer and our bodies would touch. I willed him to take that step. “A game to you? Is that what this is? You said it’s not pity or worry, so what is it?”

  He took that step, his hand reaching to cup my jaw. My body tingled, charged with the nearness of him. “Attraction, Red. Not a game. Not pity. I don’t feel bad for you. You’re one of the toughest people I know. I want to know more. I want to be near you.”

  I whimpered.

  As soon as the noise escaped from my lips, I closed my eyes. Shut up, Grace. So much time had passed since I’d allowed a man to get close enough to truly want me. I nearly forgot the power behind that sentiment.

  My knees weakened, and I trembled. His hand remained on my face, and when he felt me tremble, heard my whimper, registered that my eyes were closed—he reacted.

  I didn’t see his lips come closer to mine, but I knew it was happening. Every other sense was magnified. I heard the sound of his breathing increase in speed. The smell of his cologne became intoxicating, and I felt the warmth of his chest as it pressed against me when he pulled me closer. Then his lips found mine, and he held them there, almost as if he was asking permission. My eyes fluttered open and I shifted, fisting his shirt in my hands, holding him to me.

  I opened my mouth, and our tongues met, sliding together, exploring and tasting. I released his shirt and brought my hands up and around his neck. A moan erupted, and it took a few seconds before I realized it came from me. Dean groaned in answer, running his hands down my sides and along my back.

  Neither of us would break the kiss. We moved, Dean pulling on my lower lip, biting gently. I ran my tongue along the edge of his lips, teasing and coaxing them back open. Then our mouths were fused together. The kiss became desperate. We communicated words we had never spoken to the other through that kiss. This was real. This was different. I knew enough from what I was feeling to be scared, but I was still not willing to stop. I held myself back from climbing his body, the ache inside me growing like a wildfire.

  “Grace.” Dean pulled back, resting his forehead against mine as he gasped for air. “You feel that, right? It’s not just me?”

  I laughed softly, kissing the corner of his mouth. “I feel it.”

  He placed his hands on my hips, shifting me so he could look into my eyes. His blue eyes sparkled, and something inside me melted. “Let me get to know you. Let me in.”

  He already was in he just didn’t know it. “Yes. I want to know you too.”

  Dean smiled, and it was like the sun broke through from the night sky. “Okay. Tomorrow can I come by after Finn goes to bed? I figure you need to be around me more before you’re comfortable with me hanging with Finn. Maybe we could start by studying together?”

  He sounded so unlike the Dean I imagined him to be. His voice and his demeanor were gentle. He was taking it slow, which I desperately needed, and he was allowing me to make the decisions that were right for my family.

  I nodded, suddenly shy, which was silly considering I’d just kissed him with more passion than I knew existed inside of me.

  His lips tilted up, and he kissed my lips softly. “Lock up behind me, Red.”

  And he was gone. Out the door and into the night but slowly making his way into my heart.

  Chapter Nine

  Dean

  I HELD OFF until eight thirty before I knocked on the door. I’d waited all day for this. My body was keyed up, the anticipation of seeing her coursing through me. I had guessed—correctly, it seemed—that she wouldn’t want Finn to see me over at her place right away. She would need to trust me before she let Finn spend more time with me.

  I intended for exactly that to happen. I couldn’t explain what was happening to me. I had never felt an attraction like this. In a strange way I was proud of her. I barely knew her, but I knew enough. She was doing it all. Grace was a mom, a student, she worked a job, and made a home for her family. She was so quiet and small and yet her strength was overpowering.

  Some guys would say being interested in a girl with a kid didn’t make much sense. For me, it wasn’t an issue. Maybe because Grace and Finn were real. Grace wasn’t fake like so many of the girls I “dated.” Grace and Finn were honest and funny, and I found myself wanting to be near them—both of them.

  My family was fucking awesome. Seeing this little family stirred something in me that I didn’t know I wanted. A sense of protectiveness overwhelmed me. I needed to make sure nothing ever hurt her or Finn. Especially me. I would never hurt them.

  Grace opened the door with a smile. “Hey.” She let me in and then locked up behind me. Her hair hung free, falling down her back in waves. I’d never seen it down before, and I had the uncontrollable urge to wrap my hands in it and bring her close to me. She wore IU sweatpants and a long-sleeved white shirt. Brown-framed glasses sat on her nose. Holy. Fuck. I had never, in all of my twenty-one years, thought glasses looked sexy on a girl. But on Grace? My entire body thrummed from the sight of her, and I blew out a breath to try to calm myself down.

  “How was your day?” I followed her to the couch and sat down next to where she had her laptop open and several books laid out. Running my palms along my jeans, I wiped away my sweat. Was I… nervous?

  Grace’s eyes softened at my question. She sat next to me, her fingers knotted together. “Good, thanks. The usual. Classes, work, picked up Finn. We ate, and he played for a while before bed.” She turned to face me. “How was your day?”

  It hit me that as much time as I spent with the opposite sex, I wasn’t sure I’d ever checked on someone like this. I never wanted to know how their day had gone. Everything was different with Grace. “It was good.” My words rumbled out of my chest, and I brought my thumb to her lip, running it across the bottom. Her lips opened, and she kissed my thumb.

  My body jolted. She hadn’t even used her tongue, and I was hard as a rock. “Grace,” I pleaded. I couldn’t study. Not yet. I had to taste her. I had to feel that connection again.

  Grace slipped her glasses off her face and moved closer to me.

  “You look sexy as hell in those glasses, Red.” I moved even closer to her until I felt her breath wash over my face.

  She wrinkled her nose and leaned back. “No way.”

  “Yes, way. But it’s good you took them off.” I cupped both hands around her face and lowered my head until our lips met. We started the kiss with tender movements, but when the fire raced through my blood, I was lost. I groaned, and she opened her mouth to me. Our tongues slid together, each meeting the other with matching ferocity. Our hands moved everywhere in an attempt to feel everything all at once. Hers moved from my arms to my h
air, tangling in the strands, pulling me to her. Mine traveled from her face down to her hips, along her rib cage, her back, and then finally moving into those long strands of red hair, just like I had imagined.

  “Mmmm,” Grace moaned against my lips, and when I pulled back to look at her, my dick swelled at the sight of her swollen red lips. I pictured her lips on me, and I wanted to beat my chest and grunt.

  We were both breathless, but I couldn’t take my hands off her. I couldn’t stop watching her, dark pink cheeks, the way her eyes were hooded. Her fingertips traced her lips, almost as if she wanted to feel them because they were plump from our rough kisses.

  “I guess we better study, huh?” I chuckled, and Grace took a deep breath, putting her glasses back on her face.

  “Sorry. I got carried away.” Grace’s voice was hesitant, and she looked down at her hands again.

  I scooped her up onto my lap. “One thing I need you to do for me, Red.” She waited, head cocked to the side. “Never feel embarrassed around me. Especially about wanting to touch me or kiss me.” I shifted her back a little so that she would feel how much I wanted her.

  Bingo.

  Her eyes widened, and then her face flushed red. She closed her eyes and licked her lips. “Oh.” She swallowed, and I considered moving her again so that she would be straddling me and could feel me even better. But that was too much for tonight. Grace needed me to behave and move slowly.

  “You got me, Red?” I kissed her softly on the lips.

  Grace opened her eyes and nodded. “Time to study, right?”

  I moved her next to me, placing an arm around her shoulder. “What’s your major?” I couldn’t believe how little I knew about her. I wanted to know everything. Every little detail that made up her whole.

  “Business. Yours?” She moved a book onto her lap and handed me a bottle of water.

  I took a long drink before answering. “Marketing. I’m graduating this December, a semester early.”

  Grace opened her textbook and smiled. “Whoa. And here I pegged you for a dumb jock when we first met. Look at you, graduating early. How were you able to manage that along with playing football for a team like IU?”