Emily Post's Great Get-Togethers

by Anna Post

Timetables

  Seating plan

  * * *

  “Places, Please”

  Be prepared to answer the question “Where should I sit?” before your party starts; otherwise, just when you’re preparing to serve dinner, you’ll have to stop and come up with a seating plan on the spot. Of course, place cards answer the problem completely, but even if you don’t use them, have a plan in mind—preferably on paper. As a handy reference for you, draw a diagram of your table, placing guests’ names where you’d like them to sit.

  The goal of a good seating plan is to honor any special guests and pair up other guests so the conversation will flow. Here are a few tricks to make that happen:

  Usually, the host and hostess sit at each end of the table.

  Seat any honored guests at the host or hostess’s right: the man on her right and the woman on his right. If you have other honored guests, they sit at the host and hostess’s left.

  Don’t worry about “boy-girl-boy-girl.” If you have an uneven number of men and women, simply space them as evenly as possible.

  If you have more than one table, the host sits at one and the hostess at the other.

  In general, split up married couples and close friends—they tend just to chat with each other, and the point is to visit with people you might not see all the time. Seat any newcomer near the host and hostess, and place someone with similar interests on his or her other side. Of course, you don’t want to make people miserable—it’s fine to seat couples together who are newly dating, engaged, or married.

  Consider interests and temperament. Pair people who have similar interests. Pair shy types with outgoing types. If two of your guests are on the polar opposite end of any spectrum, try to seat them at opposite ends of the table. You want conversation, not a heated argument.

  Consider special needs. Seat a lefty on a corner so that he’s not throwing his left elbow at his dinner partner. A person who’s hard of hearing may be more comfortable with her best ear to the conversation or seated next to someone who speaks clearly.

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  Timeless Advice from Emily

  The endeavor of a hostess when seating her table is to put those together who are likely to be interesting to each other. Professor Bugge might bore you to tears, but Mrs. Entomoid would probably delight in him; just as Mr. Stocksan Bonds and Mrs. Rich would probably have interests in common. Those who are placed between congenial neighbors remember your dinner as delightful—even if both food and service were mediocre; but place people out of their groups and seat them next to their pet aversions and wild horses could not drag them to your house again!

  —Emily Post, Etiquette, 1922

  * * *

  Place Cards

  Place cards solve the whole problem of guests shuffling awkwardly to the table. Place cards should reflect the style of your table. For a formal dinner, place cards are written on folded white or cream card stock. For a less formal affair, use colored papers and inks to complement your color scheme, decorate with shells or leaves, and prop against mini vases of flowers or wrapped chocolates—whatever you have on hand.

  For a formal dinner, use titles and first and last names: Mr. Smith, Ms. Wang, Judge Stevens. Use first names only if two people have the same last name: Mr. Tucker Smith, Mr. Adam Smith. Among friends, use first names and add a last initial if needed: Caroline P. and Caroline B.

  The Dinner Party Game Plan

  Just as you need a timetable to do your shopping, cleaning, and cooking, it’s important to create a game plan for your actual party so that the evening’s events flow smoothly. If you end up serving dinner two hours after your guests arrive, there’s a good chance they’ll be (1) starving, or (2) too full of hors d’oeuvres and (3) too full of cocktails. Begin by dividing the evening into three acts: gathering and cocktails, dinner, and after dinner. The following sections approximate times for each part of the evening and each course of the meal:

  Gathering, cocktails, and hors d’oeuvres: Plan on forty-five minutes to one hour from the time guests arrive. During this time you’ll greet guests, take coats, make introductions, serve drinks and hors d’oeuvres, finish any dinner preparations, and prepare food for service. (It’s probably the busiest hour of the party.)

  Dinner: Depending on the number of courses, dinner itself lasts about forty-five minutes to an hour or an hour and a half, including clearing and serving. The following is a guide for the approximate timing of each course. (Clear the table only when everyone is finished with each course.)

  First course (soup or appetizer): 10 to 15 minutes

  Main course: 20 to 30 minutes

  Salad/cheese course: 10 to 15 minutes

  Dessert: 10 to 15 minutes

  If you’ve done a particularly good job with your guest list and seating plan, lively conversation may extend these times. Just take it as a compliment to your hosting skills!

  After dinner: This is the time to serve coffee, tea, and after-dinner drinks such as cordials, Port, brandy, or single malt Scotch, perhaps accompanied by special chocolates or walnuts for cracking. It’s the cozy time to continue conversation and begin to wrap up the evening and lasts anywhere from a half hour to late into the evening.

  So, to recap, if you invite guests to arrive at 7:00 P.M., plan on:

  Serving dinner between 7:45 and 8:00

  Dinner lasting until 8:45 or 9:15, depending on the courses

  Guests departing between 9:45 and 11:00 (or later!)

  It goes without saying that the evening can certainly be extended if your guests are having a great time. How many times have we looked at the clock to see that it was after 11:00 and the party was still lively? If you really have to call it a night, however, it’s up to you, as the host, to gently guide the party to its end. (See Chapter 2, Producer, Director, and Star, page 15.)

  spring dinner party for 8, in 3 or 4 courses

  FIRST COURSE

  Louise’s Spring Pea Soup (opposite)

  and/or

  SECOND COURSE (OPTIONAL)

  Composed Salad

  (a plated—as opposed to tossed—salad, such as sliced tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil)

  MAIN COURSE

  Grilled Wild Salmon Garnished with Lemon and Parsley

  Cold Asparagus with Champagne Vinaigrette

  (page 12)

  Garlic Mashed Potatoes

  (page 84)

  DESSERT

  A Trio of Sorbets and Little Cookies

  A Bowl of Strawberries or Cherries

  (to eat out of hand while lingering)

  (For a fall dinner party menu, see page 80.)

  * * *

  After-Dinner Cigars

  To some, this is one of the world’s great pleasures; to others, it’s repulsive. Only the host should suggest an after-dinner cigar, as he or she sets the house rules regarding smoking in general. Most at-home cigar smoking is an outdoor activity—a screened porch or chairs in the backyard—which makes it friendlier for nonsmokers to join in as well. Cigar smokers should take care to sit downwind of nonsmokers and dispose of butts in a proper ashtray and not simply toss them on the ground.

  * * *

  Louise’s Spring Pea Soup

  This is our dear friend Louise Roomet’s version of an Elizabeth David classic. While it’s simply delicious as a chilled soup, it’s just as wonderful served hot. The vibrant green makes it the perfect soup for Christmas dinner. This soup is easily adaptable for vegetarians. Serves 4 to 6

  1 medium-size head iceberg lettuce

  1-pound bag frozen peas (baby peas are sweetest) or 1¾ pounds fresh peas in the pod

  2 tablespoons butter

  3½ cups water

  2 teaspoons salt

  1 to 2 lumps (teaspoons) of sugar (optional)

  Optional garnishes: Mint sprigs, pea shoots, edible flowers, black sesame seeds

  Remove the tough outer leaves of the lettuce. Wash and cut the lettuce into quarters, then into fine strips, ¼ to ½ inch wide. Shell t
he peas if using fresh.

  Melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the lettuce strips and the peas. Cover and cook gently for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally, as the lettuce begins to cook down. Add the salt and sugar to taste.

  Add the water. If using fresh peas, cook further until the peas are tender. No further cooking is needed if using frozen peas.

  Using a blender, puree the soup (in batches, if necessary).

  Refrigerate, or return to the pan to heat to serving temperature.

  Serve in bowls and garnish with mint sprigs, pea shoots, or edible flowers, or sprinkle with black sesame seeds.

  Serving it Up

  There are two basic ways to serve at a dinner party—the seated meal and the buffet—and each has variations. Pick the one that best fits your needs and style. Each style is adaptable, and we like to mix it up. Generally, we plate the first course—soup or appetizer—and have it on the table when guests come in to dinner. When everyone is finished with the first course, we remove the plates and invite guests to serve themselves the main course from the buffet. Then we clear the main course, plate the dessert, and serve guests individually at the table.

  Serving at the Table

  When guests are seated at the table, there are three ways to serve the meal:

  Served. This is the most formal style. Servers bring the food on platters and serve each guest each course individually. This is hard to do alone—you’ll need to hire help or enlist a partner or a good friend. Each platter or dish is presented to the guest’s left, starting with the guest of honor on the host’s right, continuing counterclockwise around the table, ending with the host.

  Plated. The food is arranged on plates in the kitchen and then served to each guest. This works for a small number of guests and is the most attractive way to present your dinner. Think logistics, though. One person can’t handle more than three trips carrying two plates before the first plates start to cool off. Ask your partner or a guest to help bring the plates to the table. Women are usually served before men. Remember to serve on the left (LL—leave left).

  Family style. This is the least formal style. The hostess passes platters at the table and each guest serves herself, or the hostess prepares each plate from platters on the table and then the plates are passed around the table. You’ll then need to put the serving dishes on a warming tray on a sideboard or in the kitchen.

  Serving Buffet Style

  Semi buffet or seated dinner with buffet service. Food and plates are set out on a buffet table. Guests serve themselves and then proceed to the table or groupings of smaller tables. Drinks, salad, and dessert courses are usually brought to guests at the table. This style adapts itself to large groups and outdoor parties nicely. We also love it because guests can choose their own portions and pass up foods they can’t eat or don’t care for without having to say, “No, thank you.”

  Buffet with casual seating. This is the classic buffet. Everything necessary for the meal—plates, napkins, silverware, food, condiments, and beverages—are all set out on a buffet table or tables. Guests help themselves and then sit where they please: living and dining rooms, family room, or patio. It’s perfect for a crowd—just be sure to have plenty of seating and tables where guests can place glasses or cups and saucers. (See Chapter 6, Setting the Stage, page 59, for more on buffets.)

  When to Start?

  Guests wait for the host or hostess to lift his or her fork and take the first bite (a holdover from the very old days when guests needed assurance that they weren’t going to be poisoned) or to say, “Please begin.” At a big party, the guest of honor’s soup might be stone-cold by the time everyone is served—so don’t keep your guests waiting! For any more than six guests, invite them to begin eating as soon as three or four have been served, especially if it’s a hot dish. Once everyone is served, you can interrupt for a moment to offer a toast or blessing or otherwise welcome guests to your table.

  The Passing Lane

  If you’re the one to start passing something, the convention is to offer once to the left and then pass to the right, serving yourself in between. It’s more convenient for right-handed people, but honestly, what’s more important is that dishes move in only one direction so they don’t cause a traffic jam. Here’s what’s passed at the table:

  Salt and pepper, usually together

  Bread, if not already on bread plates

  Butter, if not already on bread plates

  Sauces and condiments, each in a dish with a saucer and a serving utensil

  Main-course dishes or salad are passed the same way, except that the person on the left holds the platter so the person on his right can serve herself.

  * * *

  Chargers

  You see them everywhere in magazines, home entertaining catalogs, and bridal registries, those large, gorgeous plates that give drama to a table setting. The charger, also known as a service plate, is basically an underplate for the plate holding the first course. Do you actually need chargers? In a word, no, but they can add a touch of elegance, festivity, and formality to your table. When using a charger, the first course is either served to guests at the table or it’s already on the service plate when guests come to the table. Remove the first course and the charger, and then serve the main course on its own plate. The charger does not appear again.

  * * *

  Would Anyone Like a Little More?

  It’s always a good idea to have enough food for second helpings. Seconds are usually offered for the main course, the salad (if it follows the main), and the dessert. (Offering seconds on a first course could throw a monkey wrench into the timing of your main course.) Keep an eye on your guests and begin offering seconds when about three-quarters of them have finished the first course. You can bring a platter or dish to the table and serve each guest individually, or pass the dish around the table and let each guest help himself. If it’s a buffet, invite guests to help themselves to more food.

  Keep an eye on wine and water glasses, too. Replenish as needed, either by passing carafes, pitchers, and bottles or by pouring for your guests.

  Clearing the Table

  Make clearing between each course as efficient as possible, because after you clear, you also need to prep and serve the next course. Ahead of time, ask your partner or a close friend to assist if you haven’t hired servers (you don’t want all your guests jumping up to help). Take a tip from professional waitstaff: Never enter or leave the kitchen empty-handed. Here are some of the finer points of clearing the table:

  Wait until everyone has finished the course before clearing.

  Remove two plates at a time, but don’t stack them.

  Remove from the guest’s right side (remember RR—remove right.)

  Remove both the plate and the used and unused utensils for that course, as well as any condiments for the course.

  Clear the deck before dessert is served. Remove all salts, peppers, bread plates and knives, bread baskets, condiments, and predessert utensils that weren’t used.

  At the end of the meal, clear the dessert plates and blow out the candles. Finish the rest of the table-clearing duties after your guests leave.

  In the kitchen, have a place to scrape and stack plates and a container of soapy water for utensils. Save the true washing up for after your guests leave.

  * * *

  Finger Bowls: Retro Chic

  Finger bowls—little glass bowls filled with cool or lukewarm water—are meant for cleaning your fingers. You rarely see them anymore except at formal dinners, but they are practical—especially if your main course involves messy finger food, such as artichokes, ribs, or lobster. They’re brought in on a dessert plate after the main course has been cleared and just before dessert is served. One hand at a time, diners dip and swish their fingers gently in the water, carefully shake off the excess, and dry them with their napkins. It takes just a second or two. When finished, the diner lifts the finger bowl (and the doily if there was one) and mo
ves it to the upper left of the place setting. Dessert is then served on the dessert plate. For an extra touch try using rose- or orange-scented water, or add a slice of lemon, a sprig of mint, or a floating flower. If you’re eating ribs outside, instead of using finger bowls you can distribute warm, wet rolled-up cotton napkins with a pair of tongs, à la airplane service.

  * * *

  When It’s Business

  There’s a good chance that you (and your partner) may be invited to a purely social evening with a boss, colleague, or client. While most business entertaining takes place in restaurants, an at-home dinner party can be the perfect vehicle for doing a little social networking.

  Since this is a social occasion, all the usual rituals of host and guest apply. There’s only one thing you should do differently: Limit yourself to one drink. You’re not being a party pooper; you’re being smart. Even though business may never be discussed—and at a purely social evening it shouldn’t be—you’ll want to present yourself at your best. After all, these are people you either do business with or want to do business with, and as such it’s still a professional occasion.

  Chapter Eleven

  A Breath of Fresh Air

  Down in the sunny South, entertaining alfresco is a way of life. In the chilly North, it’s a short-lived but much-loved season between Memorial Day and Labor Day. Our summer schedule in Vermont is crammed with invitations to barbecues (Lizzie’s favorite), lawn parties, clambakes, and picnics. But that doesn’t mean we huddle indoors the other three seasons. Fall is great for tailgating parties and a game of touch football, and picnics during brisk leaf-peeping hikes. Winter skating parties, bonfires to celebrate the solstice, or an afternoon of snowshoeing followed by a hearty chili dinner keep spirits up on long, dark winter days. Spring in Vermont means maple “sugar on snow” parties (fresh hot syrup poured over snow with a side of pickle, definitely an acquired taste) and dinner parties featuring the first peas and asparagus from local gardens.