The Wedding Date

by Sean Ashcroft

He’d waited it out. Ethan had come along all warm smiles and funny stories, broad and tall and so kind and caring. Everything Caleb had ever wanted, except for remotely interested in men. In hindsight, this past week felt like a cruel joke from an uncaring universe.

  There was no point in dwelling on it, though. He had a wedding to cancel and a sister to console, plus an unspoken breakup to get over. It was better this way, quick and final so that neither of them would dwell.

  Caleb would get over it. He always did.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  As he sat down on the plane, Ethan was glad he’d taken a dose of sleeping pills an hour or so ago. He was much calmer this time, even though he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d done something to upset Caleb.

  He knew that Caleb had been under a lot of stress, and had given up his extra day to help his sister pick up the pieces after she’d called off her wedding, but Caleb had been… cold. Distant. The affection they’d shared before the day of the non-wedding had disappeared, and Ethan missed it.

  The deal had been that it was only while they were on vacation. Ethan knew that, and he was stupid if he’d ever expected more. Caleb had done so much for him.

  That didn’t stop him wanting more, though. Ideally, to go home and snuggle up next to Caleb and never have to leave his side. But he would have taken a little closure.

  “You okay?” Caleb asked. Ethan shifted in his seat, the sleeping pills making his eyes heavy and his mind a little slower than usual.

  “Uh… yeah. Better than last time.”

  “Good.”

  Good.

  That was it. That was all Caleb had to say to him.

  A lump formed in Ethan’s throat. He felt small and pathetic, but he needed more than that. He could get over Caleb, accept that their time together had run its course and try to go back to being his friend—and only his friend—but he needed something. Something to make him feel as though he wasn’t being discarded like an old rag.

  “Umm.” Ethan licked his lips, trying to figure out what to say. “Listen, I know we’re supposed to go back to normal now, but… could I have one last kiss? Maybe?”

  Caleb was silent for a few long seconds. The fear that he wouldn’t even want to give Ethan this, that maybe Ethan had pushed him too far and now he resented him, settled like a fist-sized block of ice in Ethan’s stomach.

  At least he wasn’t nervous about flying again. He had way bigger things to worry about. Dying in a plane crash would almost have been a better option than knowing that he’d somehow hurt Caleb and didn’t know how to fix it.

  “Of course,” Caleb said eventually. Ethan breathed a sigh of relief, leaning in and closing his eyes, trying to keep his tiny, needy gasp as their lips connected to himself. He knew Caleb would notice it, but hopefully he wouldn’t feel compelled to comment.

  Ethan wasn’t sure he could take an interrogation about his feelings right now. He’d said them out loud, and it felt as though that was what had made Caleb change. Caleb didn’t want Ethan to be in love with him.

  That made a painful kind of sense. Ethan had been stupid to imagine that Caleb’s tastes would stretch as far as him. They were better off as friends.

  Ethan wished he could make himself believe that. The last few days with Caleb had been the most comfortable of his life. He’d never felt so much like he belonged with another person.

  The kiss ended too soon, Caleb breaking away and settling into his seat before Ethan could recover. His heart hurt at the loss, a genuine pain making his chest tight, making it hard to breathe. He forced himself to suck air into his lungs, hold it, and let it out slowly.

  Tears pricked at his eyes. He was losing Caleb, right now, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He wasn’t sure there was anything to do about it.

  “Are you mad at me?” he asked, scrambling for a solution. He could feel sleep winning out, his sudden surge of anxiety no match for the really good sleeping pills Caleb had given him.

  “I’m not mad at you,” Caleb said. After a moment’s pause, he took Ethan’s hand. “I’ve never been mad at you. You’ll know if I am.”

  Ethan clung to Caleb’s hand as his eyes fell closed. His mind wasn’t quite ready to sleep yet, but his eyelids were.

  “I love you,” Ethan said. Maybe this time Caleb would believe him. Maybe he’d gone cold because he really did think it was an act.

  Caleb made a soft, uncomfortable noise and squeezed Ethan’s hand. Ethan thought at first that he wasn’t going to get any more of a response than that, but just as the plane started to roll down the runway, he heard Caleb take a breath to speak.

  “You’re my best friend,” he said after a pause.

  That was it, wasn’t it? Ethan was Caleb’s best friend. It was an honor to be thought of that way, and Ethan wouldn’t have traded it for anything. But it was clearly as far as their relationship went, and there was no point in trying to push Caleb into something he didn’t want.

  Hopefully, he’d be able to play it off later as an effect of the painkillers and an overtired brain. Then Ethan just had to make it to the weekend, and he could sit around and cry and eat his own weight in ice cream and get over it, like Caleb had gotten over so many men who didn’t love him.

  They could go back to being friends. It was that, or lose Caleb entirely. Ethan wasn’t going to let that happen.

  His stomach jolted as he felt the plane take off, but he was well on his way to sleep by then. Everything would be better when they got home. This would all be over, and he could forget about it.

  He had to forget about it.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Every time Caleb thought about Ethan, he felt sick. He knew it was guilt, but he couldn’t do anything about it—he couldn’t apologize to Ethan for falling in love with him, and he couldn’t take the last week back, either.

  All he could really do about it was eat his weight in junk food and mope, which wasn’t productive and wasn’t doing anything to mend the huge hole in his life that Ethan had already left. How could he go through weeks or months of this? Two days had just about killed him.

  Olivia had texted him to ask if he’d, in her words, manned up and asked Ethan out yet, and he’d ignored her so far. She’d gone home with their parents instead, who’d been thrilled to learn about the baby and enthusiastically supported her.

  Neither of them had really expected that. Caleb was starting to suspect that both of them flying the nest had been the kick their parents had needed to see that they only got one shot at raising their kids.

  His mom had still been singing Ethan’s praises as they’d parted at the airport. That was perhaps the worst part of it. Ethan had been the best person he’d ever brought to meet them.

  Although, that was a lie. The worst part was not being able to text Ethan, ask him if he wanted to come over, and sit with him while they watched a movie they’d both seen a hundred times before—they were about due for a Ghostbusters rewatch—and just existed in the presence of someone he loved. Someone who understood him, who made his life better.

  He’d lost that because he couldn’t control his own feelings.

  If Olivia couldn’t get her love life to work out, what hope did he have? Maybe there was no point in looking for love. Maybe it was time to accept that he just wasn’t meant to be happy.

  That would be freeing, at least. No more awful boyfriends. No more heartbreak. He could get a cat. Hell, he could get ten cats. It wasn’t as though anyone would care, now that he had no boyfriend, no best friend, and no future prospects.

  Caleb was brooding so deeply that he didn’t even hear the door opening until it swung closed again. He looked up to see Ethan coming inside, his hands full of bags.

  Caleb blinked at him, not sure what to say. He’d almost forgotten that Ethan had his own key.

  “I have beer and takeout,” he said, and headed into the kitchen without another word, like he owned the place.

  It wasn’t as though Caleb minded, but he was c
onfused. Ethan was mad at him. Neither of them had spoken to the other since they’d gotten home.

  “Umm.” Caleb followed him into the kitchen. “I’m not complaining, but why?”

  Ethan shrugged. “Haven’t seen you in two days. Needed to be sure you were eating.”

  “So you brought me beer?” Caleb raised an eyebrow.

  “And takeout.” Ethan nodded to the bags he’d left on the kitchen counter. “Besides, beer has a lot of calories. It’s a passable food substitute.”

  Caleb snorted and pulled out one of the stools under the counter. He paused for a moment, and then pulled out the other one. If they were going to eat, they needed to take this opportunity to talk. There was a whole lot of baggage hanging over their friendship right now.

  Ethan finished putting the beer in the fridge and came to sit down beside Caleb. He started sorting the takeout containers—apparently they were having Indian tonight, which Caleb could get behind—without saying anything.

  Things were strained between them. Ethan was trying to pretend otherwise, but Caleb didn’t see the point. All he wanted was for them to go back to normal. He’d been stupid to hope for anything else.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, though he wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for. Everything, he supposed. He was sorry for who he was as a person and what that meant about his feelings for Ethan.

  “I’m not,” Ethan said, pushing one of the open containers toward Caleb. “Can I hold your hand?”

  Caleb offered his hand without a second thought, confused. “What are you scared of?”

  “Well, I asked you for one last kiss on the plane. I was hoping maybe… maybe I could have another one? And then I’ll go right back to being your friend, and we can totally forget about everything that happened in Hawaii.”

  “Ethan, I can’t.” Caleb sighed, but didn’t let go of Ethan’s hand.

  “Why?” Ethan asked. “Because I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few days. Thinking about how we were together, and everything that happened, and I don’t get it, because I’m positive you were having fun.”

  “I was,” Caleb said quietly.

  “Then… I mean, I get it, I know I’m not your type. I’m offering to forget. I guess I’m asking too much now, huh? I was asking too much to begin with.” Ethan let his hand slip out of Caleb’s.

  The loss hit Caleb square in the chest, as hard as if he’d been hit by a truck.

  He’d been so stupid. He’d told himself that there was no way Ethan could possibly be interested in him, that good things didn’t happen to him. So much so that he’d completely missed it when a good thing had happened to him.

  “You are my type,” Caleb blurted out. “I mean, you’re not a jerk and I know you think that’s my type, but I’ve wanted you since we met and I’ve been telling myself for years that you’re off limits and I’m not sure how to process that you’re suddenly not.”

  “I am?” Ethan asked softly.

  “You are.” Caleb grabbed Ethan’s hand. Now it was his turn to be scared. “Ethan, I…” Caleb trailed off. There was no going back once he said this. No pretending. He was about to hold his heart out to Ethan and trust that Ethan wouldn’t stomp all over it.

  “I love you,” he said in a rush. “I’ve loved you for so long that I can’t bear the thought of losing you and if that means that we’re only ever friends, I’ve made my peace with that. You mean everything to me.”

  Ethan’s whole face softened, the worried wrinkle between his eyebrows smoothing out. “I meant it when I said I loved you. That wasn’t for Olivia’s sake.”

  “I know. Or I sort of knew,” Caleb corrected. “But I couldn’t let myself believe it, because I’ve been hurt so often and it would have killed me if I’d said something and you rejected me.”

  “I’m not rejecting you,” Ethan said. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see you.”

  Caleb breathed a sigh of relief. “Don’t be sorry. I’ve enjoyed every minute I’ve spent with you so far.”

  Ethan blushed darkly. “I enjoyed last week a little more than the rest of the time I’ve spent with you. Only a little, though.”

  “I wasn’t going to say that, but me too.” Caleb smiled softly, reaching out to take Ethan’s hand again. “Not the sex so much. I mean, the sex was great, but it wasn’t everything. I enjoyed the kissing, mostly.”

  A slow, warm smile spread over Ethan’s face as he leaned toward Caleb. Caleb’s heart leapt in anticipation, and he closed his eyes just in time for their lips to connect.

  Ethan smelled of citrus aftershave and tasted of stale coffee, but felt like coming home. Laughter bubbled up in Caleb’s chest, his joy too huge to contain. They weren’t in Hawaii anymore, and he still got to kiss Ethan. This was so much better than he’d expected.

  When they broke off, Caleb couldn’t stop grinning. “I love you,” he whispered. He knew he’d already said it, but now that he was allowed to, it would take a while to get it out of his system.

  “Good, ‘cause I wanna be your boyfriend. For real, full-time.”

  “I should warn you that I’m a total pain in the ass,” Caleb said.

  “I know.” Ethan smiled wryly. “But you’ve been a total pain in the ass for years and I’m still hanging out with you. And I’m not perfect, either.”

  “I think you’re perfect,” Caleb responded without having to think about it. Ethan was perfect, as far as he was concerned.

  Ethan raised an eyebrow. “Are you just angling for another kiss? Because the food’s gonna go cold.”

  “Don’t make me choose between you and food,” Caleb joked. “I will literally always be angling for a kiss. I like being kissed. Especially by you.”

  Ethan’s whole face changed as he leaned in again, his eyes soft and his lips slack. Caleb laughed into the kiss again, not sure he’d ever get used to this being part of his reality, but thrilled that it finally was.

  Maybe he was going to get his happily ever after, after all.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Now that he was getting a second chance, Ethan was determined to take things slow with Caleb. Well, slower, anyway. He’d been sticking to kisses and cuddles since they’d talked, and hadn’t even hinted that he wanted to have sex again.

  He did want it, though. More than he’d expected to. He remembered the way Caleb had sounded, the way he’d felt under him, how deeply, intensely satisfied and happy he’d been afterward.

  At the end of their first full week back at work, Ethan figured they both had a little tension to relieve. Besides, he wanted to try something out.

  After they’d both finished eating and Caleb was settled comfortably in his arms—which was his new favorite TV-watching position—Ethan kissed the back of his neck softly. Caleb made a soft, happy noise and wriggled back into him.

  “I don’t wanna push you or anything…” Ethan said.

  “I’m not a nervous virgin. I’ve been wondering how long it’d take you.” Caleb let his head roll back to rest on Ethan’s shoulder.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” Ethan asked, indignant.

  Caleb shrugged. “Didn’t want to push. I’m still a little afraid that if I breathe too hard on you I’ll lose you.”

  “You won’t,” Ethan assured him. “I’ve learned a lot about myself lately. One of those things is that my life would be miserable without you. I only lasted two days, remember?”

  “I remember.” Caleb murmured. “For the record, though, I am happy to be a total slut for you.”

  “Yeah?” Ethan smiled. “I don’t think you need to go that far.” He trailed his hand Caleb’s body, hitching his t-shirt up when he got to the hem and then splaying his hand over Caleb’s bare stomach.

  “What do you want, then? What do you like?”

  “You, for a start,” Ethan kissed Caleb’s neck again. “I like you a lot.”

  “What a coincidence. I like you a lot, too.” Caleb grinned. “I could go for that hand being a little lower.” />
  “Right about here?” Ethan asked, dipping one finger down to trace the waistband of Caleb’s jeans. He kissed Caleb’s earlobe and flicked the button of his fly open.

  “Little lower.” Caleb wriggled in Ethan’s lap, pressing down on his crotch.

  Ethan hummed as he lowered the zip of Caleb’s fly, reaching into his jeans and cupping him, squeezing firmly. Caleb gasped, rolling his hips harder this time.

  “Like that?” Ethan asked, a smile spreading over his face. It was still a thrill to be able to do this to Caleb.

  Caleb hummed happily, his hips rocking against Ethan’s hand in shallow thrusts. “That’s about right,” he murmured.

  “Hold that thought,” Ethan whispered in Caleb’s ear, leaning over to the coffee table drawer. He’d discovered Caleb’s stash of condoms and lube there by accident about six months ago, and he’d never forgotten about it since.

  That should probably have been his first clue that he wanted more than movie nights with Caleb. He spent a lot of time thinking about Caleb and sex in the same context, even before this.

  It had just taken a while to put two and two together. They were making up for lost time, now.

  “I like the sound of that,” Caleb said as Ethan grabbed what he needed. “Should I get on my hands and knees?”

  “Not yet.” Ethan nuzzled the back of Caleb’s ear. “All the sex we’ve had before now has been about me. I want this to be about you.”

  “For the record, I really enjoyed the sex that was about you. And you kept asking me what I liked.”

  Ethan hummed in agreement as he wriggled Caleb’s jeans down, pushing his underwear along with them. “But you did all the directing. Now you’re just gonna relax.”

  “Lie back and think of England?” Caleb laughed.

  “If that’s what gets you off, sure.” Ethan grinned. How many people ended up with a partner who’d joke with them in the middle of foreplay? He’d gotten so much luckier than he’d realized at first, and he didn’t intend to give Caleb up for anything.

  Ethan slicked his fingers and moved his hand under Caleb’s hips, circling his hole but not pushing in yet. He knew Caleb said he didn’t need the prep work, but Ethan had seen the way he writhed and moaned on his fingers. He might not need it, but he liked it.