MA06 Little Myth Marker

by Robert Asprin

  To say the least, I found his attitude surprising. “Sure, Geek. I never thought you...”

  “If I had known it would lead to this, I never would have invited you to my game in the first place, much less...”

  I was suddenly very alert.

  “Wait a minute, Geek! What are you talking about?”

  “You’re outclassed!” the Deveel explained, glancing around fearfully. “You don’t stand a chance against the Kid. I just want you to understand, if you lose all your money tonight, that I didn’t mean to set you up. I don’t want you or your crew looking for me with blood in your respective eyes.”

  Now, as you know, I knew that I was outclassed. What intrigued me was that the Geek knew it, too.

  “Geek, I think we’d better...”

  A loud burst of applause and cheers interrupted me. By the time I got through craning my neck to see what was going on, the Geek had disappeared into the crowd. With that discussion closed, I turned my attention again to the subject at hand.

  “Who’s that?” I said, nodding toward the figure that had just entered the club.

  Aahz slid a comforting arm around my shoulders. “That’s him. That’s the Sen-Sen Ante Kid.”

  “THAT’S the Kid???!!”

  The man in the door was enormous; he was huge... that is to say, he was Massha’s size. For some reason, I had been expecting someone closer to my own age. This character, though, was something else.

  He was totally hairless, no beard, no eyebrows, and completely bald. His skin was light blue in color, and that combined with his fat and wrinkles gave the overall impression of a half-deflated blue bowling ball. His eyes were extremely dark, however, and glittered slightly as they fixed on me.

  “That’s the Kid?” I repeated.

  Aahz shrugged. “He’s had the title for a long time.”

  The man-mountain had two bags with him which looked very similar to the ones Aahz had carried for us. He handed them casually to one of the onlookers.

  “Cash me in!” he ordered in a booming voice. “I hear there’s a game here tonight.”

  For some reason, this brought a loud round of laughter and applause from the audience. I didn’t think it was all that funny, but I smiled politely. The Kid’s eyes noted my lack of enthusiasm and glittered with increased ferocity.

  “You must be the Great Skeeve.”

  His voice was a dangerous purr, but it still reverberated off the walls. He moved toward me with a surprisingly light tread, holding out his hand in welcome.

  The crowd seemed to hold its breath.

  “...And you must be the one they call the Sen-Sen Ante Kid,” I responded, abandoning my hand into his grip.

  Again I was surprised... this time by the gentleness of his handshake.

  “I just hope your magic isn’t as good as your reputation.”

  “That’s funny, I was just hoping your luck is as bad as your jokes.”

  I didn’t mean to be offensive. The words just kind of slipped out before I could stop them.

  The Kid’s face froze.

  I wished someone else would say something to change the subject, but the room echoed with deathly quiet.

  Suddenly, my opponent threw his head back and laughed heartily. “I like that!” he declared. “You know, no one else has ever had the nerve to tell me my jokes stink. I’m starting to see where you had the guts to accept my little challenge.”

  The room came to life, everybody talking or laughing at the same time. I felt like I had just passed some kind of initiation ritual. A wave of relief broke over me... but it was tinged with something else. I found myself liking the Kid. Young or not, he was definitely not the boogey-man I had been expecting.

  “Thanks, Kid,” I said quietly, taking advantage of the cover noise. “I must admit, I appreciate someone else who can laugh at themselves. I have to do it so often myself.”

  “Ain’t that the truth,” he murmured back, glancing around to be sure no one else was listening in. “If you let it, all this stuff can go to your head. Say, would you like a drink or something before we get started?”

  “That confident I’m not,” I laughed. “I want to have a clear head when we square off.”

  “Suit yourself,” he shrugged.

  Before I could say anything else, he turned to the crowd and raised his voice again. “Can you keep it down?” he roared. “We’re ready to play cards up here!”

  Like magic, the noise stopped and all eyes turned to the two of us again.

  I found myself wishing I had accepted the drink.

  THE TABLE WAS waiting for us. There were only two chairs with chips stacked neatly in front of them.

  I had a sudden moment of panic when I realized I didn’t know which chair was facing south, but Aahz came to my rescue. Darting out of the crowd, he pulled out one chair and held it for me to sit in. To the crowd it looked like a polite gesture, but my friends knew I had come dangerously close to changing the rules I had labored so hard to memorize.

  “Cards!” the Kid ordered, holding out one hand as he eased into the chair facing me.

  A new deck materialized in his hand. He examined it like a glass of fine wine, holding it up to the light to be sure the wrapping was intact and even sniffing the seal to be sure the factory glue was the same.

  Satisfied, he offered the deck to me. I smiled and spread my hands to show I was satisfied. I mean, heck! If he hadn’t found anything wrong, it was a cinch that I wouldn’t be able to detect any foul play.

  The gesture seemed to impress him though, and he gave me a small bow before opening the deck. Once the cards were out of the box, his pudgy fingers seemed to take on a life of their own. Moving swiftly, they removed the jokers and cast them aside, then began peeling cards off the deck two at a time, one from the top and one from the bottom.

  Watching the process, I began to realize why his handshake had been so gentle. Large as they were, his fingers were graceful, delicate, and sensitive as they went about their task. These were not the hands of a rough laborer, or even a fighter. They existed to do one thing: to handle a deck of cards.

  By now the deck had been rough mixed. The Kid scooped up the pile, squared it, then gave it several quick shuffles. His moves were so precise he didn’t even have to re-square the deck when he was done ... just set it on the center of the table.

  “Cut for deal?” he asked.

  I repeated my earlier gesture. “Be my guest.”

  Even this seemed to impress the Kid ... and the crowd. A low murmur rippled around the room as the pluses and minuses of my move were discussed. The truth of the matter was that after watching the Kid handle the deck, I was embarrassed to show my own lack of skill.

  He reached for the deck, and the cards sprang to life again. With a hypnotic rhythm he began cutting the deck and riffing the cards together, all the while staring at me with unblinking eyes. I knew I was being psyched out, but was powerless to fight the effect.

  “For the ante, shall we say one thousand?”

  “Let’s say five thousand,” I returned.

  The rhythm faltered. The Kid realized he had slipped and moved swiftly to cover it. Setting the cards aside for a moment, he reached for his chips.

  “Five thousand it is,” he said, tossing a handful into the center of the table. “And ... my trademark.”

  A small white breath mint followed the chips into the pot.

  I was counting out my own chips when something occurred to me.

  “How much is that worth?” I said, pointing at the mint.

  That surprised my opponent.

  “What? The mint? One copper a roll. But you don’t have to ... ”

  Before he had finished speaking I added a small coin to my chips, pushed them into the center of the table, grabbed his mint, and popped it into my mouth.

 
This time the audience actually gasped before lapsing into silence. For several heartbeats there was no sound in the room except the mint crunching between my teeth. I almost regretted my bold move. The mint was incredibly strong.

  Finally the Kid grinned.

  “I see. You eat my luck, eh? Good. Very good. You’ll find, though, that it takes more than that to disturb my game.”

  His tone was jovial, but his eyes darkened even more than they had been and his shuffling took on a sharper, more vengeful tone. I knew I had scored a hit.

  I stole a glance at Aahz, who winked at me broadly.

  “Cut!”

  The deck was in front of me. Moving with forced nonchalance, I cut the deck roughly in half, then leaned back in my chair. While I tried to appear casual, inside I was crossing my fingers and toes and everything else crossable. I had devised my strategy on my own and hadn’t discussed it with anyone ... not even Aahz. Now we got to see how it worked.

  One card ... two cards ... three cards came gliding across the table to me, face down. They slid to a stop neatly aligned, another tribute to the Kid’s skill, and lay there like land mines.

  I ignored them, waiting for the next card.

  It came, coasting to a stop face up next to its brethren. It was the seven of diamonds and the Kid dealt himself ...

  The ten of diamonds. A ten!

  The rules came back to me like a song I didn’t want to remember. A ten face up meant my seven was dead ... valueless.

  “So much for eating my luck, eh?” the Kid chuckled, taking a quick glance at his hole cards. “My ten will go ... five thousand.”

  “ ... And up five.”

  The gasp from the crowd was louder this time ... possibly because my coaches had joined in. I heard Aahz clear his throat noisily, but wouldn’t look in his direction. The Kid was staring at me in undisguised surprise. Apparently he had either expected me to fold or call ... possibly because that would have been the sane thing to do.

  “You’re awfully proud of that dead card,” he said thoughtfully. “All right. I’ll call. Pot’s right.”

  Two more cards floated onto the table face up. I got a ten! The ten of clubs, to be specific. That canceled his ten and made my seven live again.

  The Kid got the unicorn of hearts. Wild card! Now I had ten seven high against his pair of tens showing. Terrific.

  “I won’t try to kid you,” my opponent smiled. “A pair of tens is worth ... twenty thousand.”

  “ ... And up twenty.”

  The Kid’s smile faded. His eyes flicked quickly to my cards, then he nodded. “Call.”

  No comment. No witty banter. I had him thinking.

  The next cards were en route. The three of hearts slid into my lineup. A dead card. Opposing it, the Kid got ...

  The ten of hearts!

  I was now looking at three tens against my ten-seven high! For a moment my resolve wavered, but I shored it up again. I was in too far to change now.

  The Kid was eyeing me thoughtfully. “I don’t suppose you’d go thirty on that?” he said.

  “I’ll not only go it, I’ll raise you thirty.”

  There were muffled exclamations of disbelief in the room ... and some not so muffled. I recognized the voices of some of the latter.

  The Kid just shook his head and pushed the appropriate number of chips into the pot without a word. The crowd lapsed into silence and craned their necks to see the next cards.

  The dragon of spades to me, and the ogre of hearts to the Kid.

  No apparent help for either hand ... except that now the Kid had three hearts face up.

  We both studied each other’s cards for a few moments.

  “I’ll admit I can’t figure out what you’re betting, Skeeve,” my opponent sighed. “But this hand’s worth fifty.”

  “ ... And up fifty.”

  Instead of responding, the Kid leaned back in his chair and stared at me.

  “Check me on this,” he said. “Either I’ve missed it completely, or you haven’t looked at your hole cards yet.”

  “That’s right.”

  The crowd started muttering again. At least some of them had missed that point.

  “So you’re betting blind?”

  “Right.”

  “ ... And raising into me to boot.”

  I nodded.

  “I don’t get it. How do you expect to win?”

  I regarded him for a moment before I answered. To say the least, I had the room’s undivided attention.

  “Kid, you’re the best there is at dragon poker. You’ve spent years honing your skills to be the best, and nothing that happens here tonight is going to change that. Me, I’m lucky ... if you can call it that. I got lucky one night, and that somehow earned me the chance to play this game with you tonight. That’s why I’m betting the way I am.”

  The Kid shook his head. “Maybe I’m slow, but I still don’t get it.”

  “In the long run, your skill would beat my luck. It always does. I figure the only chance I’ve got is to juice the betting on this one hand ... go for broke. All the skill in the dimensions can’t change the outcome of one hand. That’s luck ... which puts us on an equal footing.”

  My opponent digested this for a few moments, then threw back his head and gave a bark of laughter.

  “I love it!” he crowed. “A half million pot riding on one hand. Skeeve, I like your style. Win or lose, it’s been a pleasure matching wits with you.”

  “Thank you, Kid. I feel the same way.”

  “In the meantime, there’s this hand to play. I hate to keep all these people hanging in suspense when we already know how the betting’s going to go.”

  He swept the rest of his chips into the pot. “I’ll call your raise and raise you back ... thirty-five. That’s the whole stake.”

  “Agreed,” I said, pushing my chips out.

  “Now let’s see what we got,” he winked, reaching for the deck.

  The two of diamonds to me ... the eight of clubs to the Kid ... then one more card each face down.

  The crowd pressed forward as my opponent peered at his last card.

  “Skeeve,” he said almost regretfully. “You had an interesting strategy there, but my hand’s good ... real good.”

  He flipped two of his down cards over.

  “Full Dragon ... four Ogres and a pair of tens.”

  “Nice hand.” I acknowledged.

  “Yeah. Right. Now let’s see what you’ve got.”

  With as much poise as I could muster, I turned over my hole cards.

  MASSHA LOOKED UP from her book and bon-bons as we trooped through the door.

  “That was quick,” she said. “How did it go?”

  “Hi, Massha. Where’s Markie?”

  “Upstairs in her room. After the second time she tried to sneak out, I sent her to bed and took up sentry duty here by the door. What happened at the game?”

  “Well, I still say you were wrong,” Aahz growled. “Of all the dumb stunts you’ve pulled ... ”

  “C’mon, partner. What’s done is done. Okay? You’re just mad because I didn’t check with you first.”

  “That’s the least of ... ”

  “WILL SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?”

  “What? Oh. Sorry, Massha. I won. Aahz here is upset because ... ”

  I was suddenly swept up in a gargantuan hug and kiss as my apprentice expressed her delight at the news.

  “I’ll say he won. In one hand he won,” Tananda grinned. “Never seen anything like it.”

  “Three unicorns and the six of clubs in the hole,” Aahz raged. “Three wild cards, which, when used with the once-a-night suit shift rule on the seven of diamonds, yields ... ”

  “A straight-bloody-flush!” Chumley sang. “Which took the Kid’s Full Dragon and
the largest pot that’s ever been seen at the Bazaar.”

  “I knew you could do it, Daddy!” Markie shrieked, emerging from her hiding spot on the stairs.

  So much for sending her to bed early.

  “I wish you could have seen the Kid’s face, Massha,” the troll continued merrily. “I’ll bet he wishes now that he carries antacids instead of breath mints.”

  “You should have seen the crowd. They’re going to be talking about this one for years!”

  Massha finally let me down and held up a hand.

  “Hold it! Wait a minute! I get the feeling I’ve missed a lap here somewhere. Hot Stuff here won. Right? As in walked away with all the marbles?”

  The brother and sister team nodded vigorously. I just tried to get my breath back.

  “So how come Green and Scaly is breathing smoke? I should think he’d be leading the cheering.”

  “BECAUSE HE GAVE THE MONEY AWAY! THAT’S WHY!!!”

  “Yes. That would explain it.” Massha nodded thoughtfully.

  “C’mon, Aahz! I didn’t give it away.”

  As I’ve discovered before, it’s a lot easier to find your breath when you’re under attack.

  “Whoa! Wait!” my apprentice said, stepping between us. “Before you two get started again, talk to Massha. Remember, I’m the one who wasn’t there.”

  “Well, the Kid and I got to talking after the game. He’s really a nice guy, and I found out that he had pretty much been betting everything he had ... ”

  “That’s what he claimed,” Aahz snorted. “I think he was making a play for our sympathies.”

  “ ... and I got to thinking. I had worked hard to be sure that both the Kid’s and my reputations would be intact, no matter how the game came out. What I really wanted to do was to retire from the dragon poker circuit and let him take on all the hotshot challengers ... ”

  “That much I’ll agree with.”

  “Aahz! Just let him tell it. Okay?”

  “ ... But he couldn’t keep playing if he was broke, which would leave me as the logical target for the up-and-comings, so I let him keep the quarter of a million he had lost ... ”