by Dianne Drake
Was she expecting kisses like they’d shared in Reno?
Which meant... He swallowed hard. “Well, Lucas, it looks like it’s just the two of us today. You up for being my receptionist in the office?”
Of course, Lucas didn’t respond. But Matt did notice that the boy was staring more intently at him than he usually did. Eyes open a little wider than normal. Expression a little more animated. Which was oddly discomforting. He loved this kid. It hadn’t taken much, but he totally, hopelessly loved this kid, and what he was about to do... “Apparently,” he said, as he strapped him to the infant seat in the truck, “one of us looks like he’s going to have a good day.” And the other one was already dreading the rest of it.
CHAPTER SIX
“MR. AND MRS. RIGSBY. They’re outside. They’d like to have a look at Lucas.”
Matt glanced up from his desk at Lucas’s social worker, Mary Jane Snider, as trepidation knotted his stomach. Sure, this is what he’d asked for, but now that it was so close he wasn’t as set on adoption as he’d been initially. But Lucas needed more than he could offer. And he owed it to Janice to see that Lucas got the very best. God knew, he’d failed his sister in doing that for her. And being a child, trying to raise a child, wasn’t an excuse. To some maybe. But not to him. His sister had been his responsibility from the time he’d been five and she three, and that was the one responsibility in life he’d failed. He wasn’t going to fail Lucas, though. “Good,” he said half-heartedly. “Show them in.”
He stood, went to the Dutch door play area connected to his office, and reached over for Lucas, who stood there with his arms up, smiling, waiting to be picked up. “Don’t be afraid of all the people,” he told the boy. “They want to be your friends.” Try as he might, he could raise no enthusiasm in his voice.
“Remember me?” Mary Jane said, stepping forward to take Lucas from Matt.
Lucas’s response was to draw harder into Matt’s shoulder and bury his face. “He’s not good with strangers yet,” Matt explained. “It takes him a while to warm up to them.”
“Any chance he’ll warm up by the time I bring the Rigsbys in?” she asked, stepping back.
“Probably not.”
“We could schedule for another time. Maybe by next week...”
Matt shook his head. “This is who he is. If they’re interested in him, they’ll have to accept it.”
Mary Jane nodded, left the office, then returned a minute later with the Rigsbys—Mr. Rigsby with his hands stuffed into the pockets of a pinstriped suit, something no one out here wore, and Mrs. Rigsby with her arms folded across her chest. Neither looked unfriendly, though. Just indifferent. And older than he’d thought they would be. He doubted Mr. Rigsby would be able to teach Lucas how to climb a rock when the time came, due to his age. And Mrs. Rigsby—she seemed too nervous. Or out of place. Could someone like that nurture Lucas the way he’d need to be nurtured?
“This is Lucas,” he said, making no attempt to get Lucas to look at them. “He’s shy,” he explained.
“Does he walk?” Mr. Rigsby asked.
“Yes, he does. But he doesn’t talk, yet.”
“Is he slow?” Mrs. Rigsby asked. “Is that why he doesn’t talk?”
“He doesn’t talk because he has nothing to say. And, no, he’s not slow. More like he’s just taking life at his own pace.”
“Does his pace include toilet training?” Mr. Rigsby enquired.
“Not yet, but we’re working on it.”
“Any peculiar habits?” Mr. Rigsby continued.
“What do you mean by peculiar? He’s two. Most of his habits could be described as peculiar.”
“Just oddities,” the man said. “Things you wouldn’t normally expect to see a toddler doing.”
Matt had no idea what other toddlers this age did, but nothing Lucas did seemed odd or peculiar to him. Actually, he suspected that hiding under that shy exterior was a bright little boy. The signs were there. Just not ready to bloom yet. “He has a pet skink he likes to play with in the rock garden,” Matt said.
“A skink?” Mrs. Rigsby asked, shuddering.
“Lizard. Brown body, blue tail.”
“The child has a skink?” Mr. Rigsby said.
Matt nodded.
“Well, that skink won’t be coming with us if we decide to take Lucas in,” Mrs. Rigsby said. “We don’t have pets in the house, and the people who work for us—”
“People?” Matt interrupted.
“Well, right now we have a cook and a housekeeper. With Lucas coming in, of course we’d hire a tutor and a nanny.”
Another time, another place, this might have sounded like a good idea. But he knew that was how Ellie had been raised, and saw the conflicts in her because of it. Certainly, the Rigsbys would be different from Ellie’s mother but, still, the similarities—this wasn’t what Lucas needed. None of it. What he needed was what neither Matt nor Ellie had had—people who would love raising him.
“I’m sorry,” Matt asked. “But I’d hoped to place him with a family who was going to be personally involved with him.”
“Which is exactly what we intend to do, Doctor,” Mr. Rigsby said, his patience obviously brittle now.
“With hired help?”
“Because we only want the boy to have the best,” Mrs. Rigsby said.
But what they offered wasn’t the best. Maybe they couldn’t see it, but he could, thanks to Ellie. “So do I,” Matt said, taking Lucas back to his play area. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
He went inside, shut the door, and sat down on the rug with Lucas to help him stack green and purple and red wooden blocks. This wasn’t what he’d expected. In his mind, the adopting couple would have been eager and excited, full of wonderful plans for Lucas, anxious to bond as a family. Maybe even gushing over him a little bit. Maybe he was simply being too picky, but that was an ideal Matt had always had for himself when he’d been young. A real family, with eager, excited parents who were full of wonderful plans for him and Janice. Parents who were anxious to bond as a family.
He’d never had it, which was why he wanted it for Lucas. But Lucas would get it. He would see to that, no matter how many people he had to turn down to get to the right ones.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing? I could call them back...” Mary Jane said, leaning over the Dutch door.
“Yes. For a change, I really am sure.”
* * *
It was well into the night when Matt finally dragged himself through the front door. Betty Nelson had come to get Lucas when he’d called her. He might have asked Ellie, but he hadn’t had time to take Lucas home, and he certainly hadn’t wanted Ellie making that drive until he was sure of her condition. So, after he’d called Ellie and told her he had an emergency, he’d called Betty, and she’d been there with open arms for Lucas in the blink of an eye.
He was blessed to have her as Lucas’s babysitter. And Lucas did respond well to her. But, then, back in the day, when she’d been his teacher, she’d always been there for him, too, and she’d become one of the few examples in his life who’d shown him that there were good people in the world. Something he hadn’t really experienced very much.
“Bad one?” Ellie asked, waiting for him just inside the door with a glass of fruit drink she’d made.
“Sorry I’m so late,” he said, taking the glass she offered him, then heading for the big easy chair in front of the fireplace in the living room. “Not bad as much as it was tedious. One of the resort guests stepped over the safety fence to take a better picture and fell down a cliff. Not a huge one, thank God, but he busted his head open, and I had to help go down and get him.
“The local rangers weren’t available to help, so it took me almost an hour to get the equipment I needed, then get to him, and another hour to stabilize him enough to get him back up. The f
irst half of it wasn’t so bad because he was unconscious, but when he started to come to, he wasn’t very coherent, but he was very combative. With some help from the resort staff, we finally got him stabilized enough, and secured enough, to get him into an air rescue chopper.”
Without thinking, Matt rubbed his jaw, then worked it back and forth. “I flew in with him to make sure he didn’t get worse, which he didn’t. But he’s going to need surgery. The good news is he should be OK. The bad news is I feel like I’ve been put through hell.”
“He hit you?” Ellie asked, bending to look at his jaw. She cupped his head in her hand and turned it gently. “You’re already bruising.”
“I’ve had worse,” he said, leaning his head back in the chair, closing his eyes, drawing in a deep breath and wincing.
“Where else are you hurt, Matt?” she asked. “And do you want me to go get Lucas?”
Matt shook his head. “I talked to Betty a few minutes ago, and she said he’s already asleep for the night. She doesn’t have a problem letting him stay there and, to be honest, with the way I’m feeling I really don’t think I’d be very good for him to be around tonight.” He tried to resituate in the chair and winced again.
“Shirt off, Matt,” Ellie said.
“Sorry, not in the mood for that,” he said, attempting as much of a grin as his sore jaw would allow.
“No joking around here. Take your shirt off. I want to see what’s going on.”
It was nice having someone care for him for a change. Usually it was the other way around. In fact, in his entire life he couldn’t remember a time when someone else had ever offered to take care of him in any way. And while this was only Ellie getting ready to plunge into nurse mode, he was touched. “Not sure I can lean forward enough to do that, and I don’t want to stand up. I’ll be fine, but I appreciate the concern.”
“And in the morning? When you have to function again? What happens then?”
“I do it without trying to groan too loudly.”
“Shirt off, cowboy,” she said, her voice unusually soft as she leaned over to unbutton it.
Truth was, Matt didn’t want to see the damage because he feared he might have a couple of cracked ribs. So he shut his eyes as she exposed his chest, then held his breath as she ran her fingers lightly over it, fighting back the urges that had overtaken him so quickly with her before.
She’d laughed that night when she’d seen what she had caused, and so fast, then had shifted her attention to far better areas while he’d lain there, helpless to do anything but enjoy. And watch her. Loving everything he’d seen. And it wasn’t like he was a starving man sexually. There had been times overseas... But her touch—it had aroused him so quickly he’d almost been embarrassed by his lack of stamina.
Yes, he remembered it well. Had thought about it too many times since Reno, because no other woman had ever caused that kind of response in him. Like the shiver that was running up and down his back right now. And the memories of her beautiful body atop his, underneath his. But he was fighting all that. Or, at least, trying to. So why not simply let it happen again? What would happen if he did?
For starters, he wouldn’t be able to walk away from it this time. Because now Ellie came with commitments. And even though her touch caused thoughts of the two of them together, he had no right to think that. Still, in Reno, that touch had also compelled him to see her a second night when he’d vowed not to—the night when she must have gotten pregnant as his condom had...slipped. He’d told her, of course, but she hadn’t been worried because it hadn’t been her fertile time of the month.
Yet her touch had caused a big consequence from something that was meant to be transient, simply because he’d been unable to resist her. Was that what would happen again if he gave in to what he was feeling? Another big consequence? “Damn, that hurts,” he choked, as she probed a little harder.
“Well, without a way to get you X-rayed, I can’t say for sure, but I’m not feeling anything that would indicate your ribs are broken. In fact, the bruising is a little lower than your rib cage, so the concern would be more about internal bleeding.”
Even though Ellie wasn’t feeling anything seriously wrong, Matt was, and it had nothing to do with his present physical condition and everything to do with the what ifs and why nots running through his mind. “Comforting thought,” he muttered, finally looking down at himself. “He kicked me.”
“Apparently. And more than once. How’d you let that happen?” she asked, while probing his rock-hard abdomen to see if she could detect any internal bleeding.
“He wasn’t conscious. Then he was, and he was disoriented.”
“Well, I’m not feeling anything distended so I don’t think you’ve got a bleed going on. Where’s your medical bag?”
“On the chair by the door. But you don’t need to—” Too late. She was already off to get it, and he sensed a complete physical coming up. “I’m really OK,” he shouted after her.
“You’re really not,” she said, coming back over to him, his stethoscope already out of the bag. “So we either do this upstairs in your bed, if you’re up to climbing the stairs, or in the casita, since it’s on this level. Your choice.”
“What if my choice is to sit here, drink the rest of the fruit juice, then take a nap?”
“You can, but I’m still going to examine you, and if I have to do it while you’re in the chair...” She pointed to her lower back, then smiled. “Don’t give another thought to the idea that it could cause me back pain.”
Matt chuckled at Ellie’s attempt to blackmail him. It was cute. “OK, you win. You can play doctor.”
“How about I simply be a nurse?”
He sighed, then pushed himself to the edge of the chair, realizing he hurt more now that he had only a little while ago. Ellie extended a hand to help him up, and he was grateful for it, both physically and emotionally. “I’ve been on the battlefield for almost two years in total, and nothing that’s ever happened there comes close to what happened here,” he said as he stood. “I think I’m getting soft.”
Ellie laughed as she put a steadying arm around his waist. “Just felt your abs. Trust me, you’re not getting soft. At least, not since Reno. Now, how about we just skip the stairs and go to the casita?”
“Sounds like a plan,” he said, trying not to put any weight on her. She was, after all, pregnant. But tough. He liked that. Hadn’t seen it before in the women he’d known, but this was one tough lady.
As they walked down the hall, Matt wondered what it would be like to have Ellie there all the time. It couldn’t happen, of course. Neither of their lives would allow it. But the dream was nice. Cozy little family. Coming home to Ellie of an evening, and the two of them talking, or the four of them picnicking up on the flats. Lazy Sunday mornings, sleeping late—until the kids woke them up with their own plans for the day. Family meals. Yes, a nice dream, but Ellie would soon be going one way and he’d be going another. So what was the point of thinking about something that would never happen? “You want my trousers off?” he asked as they entered the casita.
“Wouldn’t hurt. And I know you’re not modest.” She patted her belly. “Proof’s right here.”
He chuckled. “Would it be too much to ask you to undress me?”
“I did that once. Look where it got us. So take off your own trousers, get yourself situated, and I’ll be back in a minute to take off your boots and socks.”
“Where are you going?” he asked, as he undid the button on his jeans.
“To fix an ice pack for your jaw.”
Matt watched her walk away, enjoying the view. Pregnant, not pregnant, any way he looked at her Ellie was a beautiful woman. Stunning. And the baby bump she was still trying to conceal under baggy clothes made her even more beautiful. Glowing as only an expectant woman could. He hoped that somehow, as her belly swelled even more, he
’d be able to see that because he wanted to watch the changes.
Or would those changes serve to remind him later on that this couldn’t be his life? That melancholy thought swept over him so quickly it felt worse than the kicks he’d taken to the gut.
“Just hold this to your jaw, and it would help if you got your jeans all the way off. One button isn’t quite enough.”
“Boots and socks, too?” he asked, trying to force a grin, even though the heavy thoughts of the inevitable weren’t letting go.
“Might be a nice picture for one of my social media accounts,” she teased, as Matt, with Ellie’s help, stripped down then stretched out on the bed.
“Well, whatever you do, just be gentle,” he said, closing his eyes, and not because he didn’t want to see her. It was because he was trying to block out thoughts and images popping into his head that didn’t have a place there. Thoughts and images of a different life for him. One he’d never had. One he wasn’t even sure he understood. And one that scared him worse than being under fire on the battlefield did.
* * *
Matt did have a beautiful body. It hadn’t been the reason for her initial attraction in Reno, though. That would have been his smile—so warm, curving into a sensuousness Ellie couldn’t take her eyes off. She’d missed that afterward. Missed waking up next to him like she had those two mornings, with that smile. Missed going to bed with him like those two evenings, with that sensual smile. Now, when he did smile, it was full of worry and she understood why, but was there a way, other than seducing him, to entice his other smile back?
Along with his smile, everything else about Matt, as a man, was perfect. She’d admired it all in Reno. Boldly, openly for him to hear, just to please him. Then he’d moved—so smooth, so self-assured. And his hands—so strong and gentle. And his patience—maybe that was what had surprised Ellie the most about him. He’d been so bold going to his room, then, suddenly, when second thoughts and shyness had overtaken her, he’d waited, hadn’t rushed her, hadn’t ridiculed her. For that, she had almost fallen in love with him.
